Watching & Analyzing
April 27, 2019
I’ve always been a watcher. I watch the world around me and (most of the time) analyze it. I look at a beautiful blue sky and my mind says “wow, how pretty,” and quickly follows with “it won’t rain for the next few hours.” (Yes, hours, we live in Florida – if you walk outside and don’t like the weather, go brush your teeth and check again.)
Honestly, I analyze too much.
I shouldn’t catch a glimpse of something and try to analyze it.
In relationships, that is nosy. See someone and instantly turn on your inner Sherlock Holmes… (Four different cat hairs on her skirt, four cats – her house must be smelly… unless she uses that whatever-name-it-is-I-saw-on-tv multi-cat litter. Is her purr-fume laced with tuna?)
That just isn’t nice.
In normal life, it can suck out the joy.
I catch this glance of my angel sleeping. Instant thought: “My Mom will love this.” Second thought: “She was two months old on Easter Sunday.” Third thought as I’m sending my mom the picture: “Daddy never saw her.” Followed quickly by a flood: Daddy didn’t get to hear about Christina flying, Lucas will not remember his Grandfather, they won’t get to learn how amazing Daddy’s brain was – like talking to an educated encyclopedia with an open mind. He was always listening, always talking, always making connections where we couldn’t see them; always the analyst.
Within two minutes (from the time I took the picture until Mom texted back), my mind had sent my mood from joyful to sorrowful. From excited about young life to regretting the passing of my Daddy. I had just rode an emotional roller coaster at work and nothing had changed on my face.
I forced myself to refocus.
Daddy always expected Christina to achieve her dreams – he once told me to “look out, she has your determination and a friendlier world; just you watch what she does!”
Lucas loves watching family videos and listening to stories of his “Santa Boompa” told by his big sisters.
I inherited Daddy’s knack for soaking up knowledge (probably why I can make myself learn any new job rather quickly) and if you want to start me talking… (yes, the girls call it lecturing) enter at your own risk because I’ll make strange connections, see beyond what is easily seen, and read into situations for what “could be.”
I remind myself that we can always shift our focus to the positive, and that’s what Daddy would have wanted. He didn’t want anyone sad when he left us. He always wanted the joy, smiles, and laughter that he tried to cultivate. So, now I’m back to joyful.
Then music runs through my head: “I Choose Joy!” (For King & Country – I love that song!)
Yes, I choose joy. Everyday. I pray you do too.
Type at you Later…
~Nancy Tart