November 10, 2019
Memes to Voices
A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements. She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.
Instantly my heart dipped backward in time. In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.
Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD
Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.
Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.
Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.
Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.
Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing. I can’t wait to leave.
This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?
I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).
Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…
(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)
This year? I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect. It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.
BUT!
I stop it there. I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!
I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul? They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!
I combat those “expectation” teases with:
Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!
Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?
Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.
Reality: I am thankful! I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it! I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at. I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills. I have totally surrendered to Jesus. I trust God’s will in my life.
You know why? He knows me way better than I know myself. I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner. I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls! I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.
I’m human. My own voice is the worst danger to my mind. But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us. All things work together for good. Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.
Type at you later,
~Nancy Tart
