Month: July 2019

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Cranberry Sauce Sweet’n’Sour

July 10, 2019

Cranberry Sauce Sweet’n’Sour

We had a few leftover cans of cranberry sauce from around Thanksgiving.  (A few?  Like a dozen or so!)  We don’t like to waste stuff, you know, waste not want not, and since we’d given so much away our family didn’t need any more cranberry sauce for the next year, Louis decided to be creative.  (This is always the BEST when he decides to dream up something new!)

So, 1 cup soy sauce, 8 ounces of cranberry sauce, some garlic, ginger, assorted seasonings, ½ cup of pineapple juice, veggies, and some meat.

It was the best sweet and sour we’ve had!  This will likely be our go to dish in a pinch.  We might just finish up our overage of cranberry sauce before Thanksgiving.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

 

 

Targets

July 8, 2019

Targets

We have enough of a spot to set up our archery target (big fat canvas block thing) and our bb gun target (the windfresh bucket with three aluminum cans) and safely target shoot at those.

On perfect days when Mom and Dad are out, the question always comes, “may we set up the targets and shoot?”

20190704_140545.jpg

Anastasia rode Lucas’ bike between turns!

Christina prefers the bow and arrow – her “weapon from a more civilized age” as she mimics Obi-wan and Kimberly laughs.  Lucas is just learning to shoot with those.  We have a 10 pound bow and he can finally pull that one back.

20190704_140535.jpg

Jaquline and Jillian prefer using the bb rifle since our little Daisy is easier to load than the bows.  (and they are in front of the metal beam! no ricochets here!)

Kimberly likes both.  She’s a lot like me.  My favorite gift ever was my crossbow (which no, we can’t shoot here, but when we got it, I had space enough to use it).

Today, we’d backed the cars off of the carport and set up the targets.  Archery on the left and airgun on the right.  I was overseeing (and assisting with loading) the airgun shooters.  I’m not paranoid, but probably repeated “never point a gun at a person,” and “don’t load if someone is in your range of vision” a hundred times.  I like them to know how to shoot, but I want them to treat every weapon with respect.  Ocean, vehicle, weapon, hot stoves – anything with the possibility of causing injury – safety is the first priority.  Always err on the side of safety and you will eliminate possible accidents.

So for about an hour, I loaded the little Daisy and Jaquline, Jillian, Anastasia, Lucas, and Kimberly took turns taking three shots each at the three target cans.  A few “wow, you got all three!” and a few “oops, try again,” shouts.  They encouraged each other.

Sometimes you feel like you were aiming at something and the site is off.  You can’t hit it at all.  Sometimes everything falls down perfectly.  Life is unpredictable.  Sometimes your perception is off.  Sometimes something that looks perfect is lying.

Strange thoughts I have while the children are shooting?  I couldn’t get out of my mind how thoroughly I’d believed in the good while the truth was right online for me to see if I’d just searched the county records.  (I had to update my story)  I heard “Black Eyes Blue Tears” and cried.  I cried as the kids danced to “Fireflies” just a bit ago.  I pray for her ex-husband.  I pray that her babies remember her.

Briefly, thoughts like that interrupt my life now.  I am there, helping to load the bbs and saying, “yea!  You got them!” but I’m also crying inside because I was supposed to be there to protect her.  I watch Christina patiently help Lucas aim his bow.  I see her mouth move and I know she’s saying, “breathe out, release the string,” just like I did to her.  I teach them safety.  I teach them truth.  I teach them about life.  But I can’t protect everyone.  That reality hurts.

I pray daily for my children, nieces, nephews, the boys and girls in my gym classes, those I influence.  I pray they will find the true Protector in Jesus and follow His direction so their life will be anchored in love, truth, and joy.

I help Anastasia aim the rifle and she giggles when the bb hits the target box.  (The targets are supposed to be the cans, but the box counts too.)  I pray that God puts a hedge of protection around all of His precious children and keeps them safe from deceit.

Jillian and Anastasia are giggling while Jaquline grunts trying to pump the rifle because she’s too big for help.  It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was helping my baby sisters aim our old “red ryder” bb rifle down at the pond, popping off pinecone targets.  I can’t change the past.  I can help mold the future.

Hope.  Hope is what helps me through each day.

The girls are giggling again because Louis is pretending to close his eyes and act like he’s asleep.  It is easy to choose joy with these angels around.

Joy.  Yes, joy is my strength.  Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the strength to choose your joy!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

 

Fireworks and Family

July 6, 2019

Fireworks and Family

We have only missed one “Fireworks Over the Matanzas” in all of Christina’s 15 years.  We were at Wild Adventures park in Valdosta and Christina wasn’t even one year old.

Every year we go downtown.

Louis monitors the weather so we’ve avoided being soaked like we ended up a few of the earlier years.  Those were so fun though, cool, wet rain on the hot July day.  Children never mind the rain – normally they dance in it with newly made friends.

Today was no different; my little gymnasts put on a show in the grass and met a few new friends.  It sprinkled a little but that didn’t stop them!

FB_IMG_1562389183712.jpg

They played various games like “Duck Duck Goose” and “Red Light Green Light” – timeless favorites.

20190704_184155.jpg

Christina and Becky held down the spots on the edge of the wall – giggling about the turtles and fish passing below their feet.

FB_IMG_1562389197152.jpg

Grandma, Aunt Becca, and Anastasia showed up.  Anastasia has been with us to almost every Fireworks show since she was born.  Becca has come almost every time too.  This was my mom’s first.  Daddy didn’t like fireworks (lots of veterans don’t) so they never even stayed for the Disney Fireworks shows the few times we went when I was really little.

FB_IMG_1562389211461.jpg

Grandma joined the teenagers at the edge of the water.

We goofed off and chatted, playing, spending time together.  We made several bathroom runs – the last one just as the announcer said “20 minutes to go!”

20190704_1841305560584344464623652.jpg

Thea sat in her stroller and enjoyed the view.  She fell asleep about 6:30 and woke up after the fireworks show finished so she could spend some time in Grandma Tina’s arms!

The Fireworks Over the Matanzas show gets better every year.  I love our little town.  I enjoy family time of just sitting around, playing goofy games, watching the children enjoy themselves, dancing to music, and finally watch their faces erupt with amazement and rapture at the brilliant fiery explosions in the sky.

The next morning, Lucas asked, “is fireworks like Family Fun Fest?  Only one in the whole year?” When I answered “yes,” he said, “I can’t wait for next fireworks!”

 

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

 

Follow me!

Get my latest posts delivered to your email: