What kind of “deep thoughts” about life and love come from a bitten cookie?
February 28, 2019
Behind the Picture! Bitten Heart
It was Valentine’s Day.
I was at work (Playroom not coaching this evening). Christina and Kimberly had come with me because my workplace is about 12 minutes from my sister’s house versus my house being about 35 minutes distant and Christina wasa going over to babysit her cousins. (Kimberly is a year older than Livy, her closest cousin, and they LOVE to do anything together, so she jumped at the chance to spend time with her.)
Louis and I never really do anything special on Valentine’s Day as we are usually working it! Christina considers Valentine’s Day a married-adult-only holiday and the chocolate on sale the 15th as the holiday for her.
We celebrate our love daily. At least, I feel like we do. At this time, I was dealing with a pretty bad allergic reaction to the inhaler medication and trying to keep normalcy while managing that and figuring out a new method to help when the black mold in our house messed with my breathing. Louis was home (supposed to be resting his back) keeping everything in line there. He’s an amazing chef and always had an awesome lunch /dinner when I came home between jobs. There’d be a fresh hot dinner, usually just for him and me, when I got home from gym (between 8:30 and 9:30pm so the kids had already eaten).
When my sweet sister picked Christina and Kimberly up, she gave me a yummy, organic, cookie she and her youngest daughter had made. (It looked so beautiful I almost didn’t want to eat it!) She is a fitness instructor, nutritionist, and thoughtful, loving sister!
I was at that moment, a very hungry pregnant lady.
While watching the youngest in the playroom, I was studying and working on my journal for Christina (More about that in a later post), and I don’t like to eat around those who don’t have something to eat. So the heart sat there, calling me, until the boys brought in their own candy and the baby went home.
When I took a bite, instantly my mind thought of how when we give true love (our world uses a heart to symbolize love), it is without expecting anything back. We expect the recipient of our love to consume that love and we are thrilled if they enjoyed our offering. My sister and niece happily created a labor of love (the cookies) to selflessly, happily give away without expectation of anything in return.
Of course, in true loving relationships, both parties give love continually to each other. In the varying seasons of life, one may seem to be giving more than the other, but true love gives without considering reward. We expect our “hearts” to be “eaten” by those we give them to. If we truly love, we are happy, even excited, that our love accepted and enjoyed our labor of love.
Jesus gave his love (no greater love has a man than when he gives his life for another) to us knowing that many would not even accept his gift. They would live their lives, partake of all the gifts Jesus gave (air to breathe, beauty of creation, life itself, etc…), consuming His labors of love one by one, yet never returning anything. Some would come to enjoy relationship with Jesus, but He knew some wouldn’t and yet He still poured out His love.
All this ran through my mind at the sight of one bite taken from a cookie. (So, yes, I took a food picture.) A little deep, maybe, but that’s my writer’s brain.
I plan to continually shower those around me with as much love as I can give, and this picture will remind me to not think of getting anything back – to rejoice always when they accept and consume the love I give.
Behind the Picture: Thea and the Apple – Becky and her photography & funny snippets.
February 25, 2019
Behind the Picture! Thea and the Apple
Becky likes photography.
Becky has an interesting sense of humor. When she takes pictures on the play phone and sends it to me, I get this: (Thea is about an hour old)
Kimberly and Christina changed Thea, bundled her up, and as Kimberly is bringing her to me, I hear a singing voice: “We’re taking the baby to Isengard!” (I have no clue how I have the honor of being “Isengard,” but this was the look I got: )
In the first picture, Becky was trying to get good pictures of newborn Thea. Becky was making faces to get her attention, Lucas ran up with an apple in hand to “help,” and Becky ended up with a picture that had just the “wrong” angle – but it made a funny meme picture.
The girls are totally enjoying having a new baby sister – and Lucas loves being her “protector.” He told Louis he was “protecting Baby Thea from dog kisses, bad dinosaurs, and big sisters when they don’t listen.” (The last was likely because Jillian kept touching Thea’s head when we said not to touch her soft spot.)
I’m so blessed by their joy and love towards their new sister! Christina, who was worried about being “too much older” than the baby, can’t get enough time holding her! I am twelve years and eleven months older than my baby sister (she was also my parents’ seventh) – so I told Christina and Becky they both were older “big sisters” than I was. (15 yrs 4 mos & 13 yrs 4 mos, respectively) At this, Becky sends me a “wow” emoji though we are sitting at the same table! (She was supposed to be using the phone as a calculator.)
A birth story of our little angel (and a slideshow of proud siblings & family!)
February 22, 2019
The Story of Baby Thea
If you’ve been following my blog, you know I was growing my seventh little angel.
Today, I get to write the story of her arrival!
On February 19th, a beautiful Tuesday morning, my day started normally. During my 32 minute drive to work, the Baby started thinking there was not enough room and my body did the stretching contractions (Braxton-Hicks) that is very normal for me in the last month or two before birth. I didn’t think much of it, really. After my boss left for appointments, one of my office companions, Lily, a beautiful brown and white pittie belonging to my boss, started laying at my feet and wouldn’t let me go anywhere without her! This was a bit of a warning to me because Sheba (my Aussie mix) always does this to me when I’m in active labor. I left at one (normal time) to get to Christina and then my midwife appointment.
Christina had been babysitting, finished some errands at the college so she would be ready for the summer semester, caught the bus to 207 (the road I take into town), and was waiting for me. Along the way, my midwife texted to reschedule the appointment to Thursday and I laughed during my voice-text because I was very tired and that worked great for me. I added, “or when Baby is ready,” as a joke because my babies have all come on or after the due date. Everyone had been rooting for a February birth since the official “due date” was February 24th, and except for Lucas, my wee ones were between 9 and 13 days “overdue” so I usually ignored the due date and just gave a general month (in this case, I’d been saying March).
I got Christina, teased her about driving (she’s recently received her learner’s permit), and we headed home. Sheba was acting odd, I was starving; Louis had made lasagna Monday so I ate a huge plate and took a short nap.
When I got to gym with Becky (her class is on Tuesday, the others are all Wednesday), the contractions were still there, but, like I said, that is normal for me. It had been happening off and on already for about a week and a half, so I just went about work because they were easy to ignore. Some friends and I chatted about babies as I was leaving, and someone said, “you know about your body by now, right?” I laughed, “each is different, but I’m still thinking March.”
Wow, was I wrong.
As Becky texted Christina and Louis to tell them we were off & headed to pick up Christina at CAP, Becky said, “Mom, I can’t drive us home, but if the baby keeps contracting like that, maybe Christina can.”
We laughed. Part of the driving restrictions on a learner’s permit forbid night driving for the first few months; but we always teased Christina that she’d have to drive home in the dark if I was in labor.
Home, I was starved, but my belly felt full after four strawberries. I took a shower and crashed. I kept waking up every couple hours, but I’m a light sleeper so that’s also normal. Each time, though, I noticed contractions. I’d check my phone just to see what time it was. Midnight. 1:40. 2:30. 3:50. At almost 4, I realized I was sweating and I decided to wait for fifteen minutes (so the water softener cycle was finished) and take a shower. The next glance at my watch showed 4:19. I took a shower and the first contraction after the water hit was very strong. I felt movement inside me. “Wow, you sure you’re ready?” I asked. I was sure that was just a fluke and usually the warm water calms contractions down. When the next two made my legs feel like jelly, I got out of the shower and crawled back into bed. The phone said 4:35. I wasn’t about to wake anyone or call Misti for three oddly strong contractions.
I tried to sleep. I had about two hours before I had to get ready for work.
At somewhere before 6am, I tried getting ready for work. I had to stop and breathe through contractions that were easy to time and I felt the baby moving slowly down inside of me. I was about to wake Louis but ended up stretching through a contraction. We have a mind link, I think. Louis woke up as I was stretching. He goes into mega cleaning and question mode. This is his serious mode. He has been through it enough to know we were going to have a baby this morning – or at least today. He told me to call Misti, he woke the kids up to help clean (normally, we clean before bed, but they had been in a non-cleaning mood the previous night), and directed the house with efficiency. I was restless, so kept walking around in between. Christina and Becky didn’t want to get out of bed. I went into the barracks to find out why not.
“Mom! You can’t have the baby in here!” Christina shrieked, covering her head.
“So, get up please and help Daddy with cleaning. Y’all should have done that last night. Once you finish, you can go back to bed, but he’s really stressing about the house and people coming so please help.”
No answer. I could feel another contraction creeping up. “Okay, you have about 20 seconds before I get another contraction and…”
Christina bolted, “MOM! I’m up! I’ll help Dad! GET CONTRACTIONS OUT OF MY ROOM!”
Becky was up too. Kimberly was definitely awake. Mission accomplished. I went back to the kitchen table. My “leave” alarm reminded me to text or call my boss. 6am though, I figured I should just text – plus I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment.
Misti showed up (can’t remember if the house was clean, but based on the voices and giggling and a movie being on, I’d guess it was straightened). Mom was on the way, she told us she had to be at one of my brother’s promotions at 8am. The girls had turned on “The Two Towers” and as Louis walked by during the Uruk-hai production scene and he ordered, “Turn that off, you can see a real birth soon enough.” I can’t remember if the result was “Wild Kratts” or “Dumbo” but there was something far less messy on the tv a minute later. (I did hear one of the teenagers or preteens quip, “Mom will sound like an orc.” Louis and I laughed. We’re nerds.)
By 8:30, I was immune to the world. I heard Misti’s voice, smelled Louis (I was leaning on him), and faintly heard background voices. I was focused on this job.
8:42am and our little one came into the world, veiled. Misti took the bag off and the Baby screamed to test the limit of her lungs! (We didn’t know Baby was a “she” just yet!) Baby opened her eyes fully and stared up at me. Then she screamed to rattle the roof again. The dogs were barking. We discovered our Baby was Thea!
Welcome to our crazy world, Theadora Taliesyn Tart. You are loved and cherished!
Theadora (after her great-grandfather Melvin Theodore Pearson) means “gifted by God” and Taliesyn (feminine form of your grandfather’s favorite character from a Celtic legend) means, “one with the shining brow, one who sings wisdom.” And Daddy chose the nickname “Thea” because he likes it. (Your uncle texted that he’d call you “3T” – yes, Daddy searched for two “T” names we both liked!) I kept both names the same length, since that’s what we’ve done – all of the children’s names have the same number of letters in the first name and middle name. Theadora 8 letters, Taliesyn 8 letters – told you we are nerds.
Mom (Grandma Joanne in the pictures) came back with a shower of baby girl goodies! (And, yes, this is why she’s in such cute clothes once we managed to get them on her!)
Theadora, I pray you always feel the love of your family as you wiggle your way up to adulthood. I pray you feel the warmth and see the light of God’s love reflected in the faces of your sisters and brother, mother and father, aunts and uncles, grandparents and cousins. We have accepted the honor of being your guides to lead you to Jesus, to raise you in love, and to give you room to find, develop, and follow the passion of life God has rooted within you. You are a daughter of God, a precious gift to us, and chosen to bring light through your smile.
Becky said I can’t post a baby story without her pictures! So here is a little slideshow:
Lucas kept trying to “pet” and “kiss” Baby TheaChristina & Thea (oldest & youngest)Lucas said “you are my love, Baby Thea!”Grandma Joanne & TheaChristina and Becky are already vying for who gets the babyKimberly and TheaJillian and TheaTheadora Taliesyn TartThis is Christina’s favorite from Thea’s birthdayJaquline and TheaBecky and TheaDaddy and TheaAunt Becca and TheaThea and Mommy
Some of my odd deep thoughts on animals, their importance in children’s lives, and the responsibility and love they teach.
February 16, 2019
Little Cuties
Becky is in love (again)! Every time there’s a new baby animal around our little farm, Becky falls in love with it.
This time, it’s our little Guinea Piglets. This one, named “Grizzly,” is a female who we get to keep (she gets to stay on our little farm)!
So Becky has been making cute little pictures, drawings, and plans for this cute little piglet. She is a mottled brown color all over with a sweet disposition. (I’m waiting for a video haha!)
All of our piglets and baby animals end up with sweet, loving, friendly dispositions because they are raised by loving caretakers! The girls make this a solid priority! No one can mistreat any of the animals in their care, not even by accident. Lucas wants to play with the babies as soon as they are born, but because he doesn’t know his own strength, he has to wait until they are old enough to not get squished! (Or has Christina, Mom, or Dad with him.)
Their little piglets are never nippers. They love to cuddle instead of bite. What usually causes piglets to be biters is that they have been scared as babies. If they think fingers are poking tools, they will bite them. If they know fingers as gentle places to snuggle and get petted, they snuggle instead. The girls make sure to teach their piglets that fingers are gentle!
Just like in our lives, our experiences shape who we are! Often, if we feel scared or hurt, we draw ourselves into isolation and distrust others. If we feel love and affection, we feel safe enough to be ourselves and trust others.
Where a snuggly, loving animal is, there is a loving caretaker.
In life, we are expected to shower those we are responsible for with affection and keep them safe. The same as when we are caretaking animals.
I think raising animals is a vital part of growing up; it teaches children responsibility. It also teaches them a basic understanding of how their influence on others reflects back. Goodness returns goodness. Gentleness breeds gentleness. Love reflects love. God gave us the animals to tend and love – just as some of us will eventually lead and influence people (parents, teachers, leaders, co-workers, etc.). Early life lessons from these cute, furry little creatures who are so dependent on their caretakers help to mold a caring tender heart from whom compassion grows.
(Okay, maybe that’s a little too deep of a thought from watching children tend animals, but it’s what I see.)
From my teenager’s claim of the “real holiday” to Becky’s video silliness… a fun post with links.
February 14, 2019
Valentines Silliness
It’s Valentine’s Day.
My girls are busy playing and giggling in the playroom (well, we could technically call it “studying videography,” “creating scripts,” and “video editing,” but that’s homeschool thoughts lol).
What would they be making a video about?
Becky comes out as I finish an amazing lunch (Louis made baby back ribs, corn on the cob, and French fries… and his food is so good! We did save the busy girls a few ribs… maybe) wearing a huge grin and holding the “play phone” (it has the best video editing software but is one of Louis’ old phones from his work).
They have spent an hour, maybe more, creating a 24 second video with dolls and candy hearts… and the “surprise ending” – which, if you know Becky’s sense of humor, it is not really a surprise. It is funny. See it here… (They are “Toy Acts” on YouTube).
“Mom, it took us like 30 minutes to figure out how to work the hearts!”
“Engineering,” Kimberly laughed.
At this, Louis and I laughed too… they are just as crazy as we are. “Not exactly,” I take a breath, “did you do paperwork as well?”
“Oh yeah,” Becky grins, “we did real school on this holiday.”
“This holiday is only for married people so kids should do school period,” voices Christina (the teenager… go figure).
“All schools, everywhere?” Jaquline sighs, “I did math and language but I thought I could take a break from history.”
So Louis decides we are going to learn about the American adoption of Valentine’s Day as a holiday… (typical home school decision)
Christina, who is going to babysit, hitches a ride with me to work (my gym is closer to her client than our house). We have Kimberly (she’s going to spend the night with a cousin) with us and the car conversation circles around the baby Guinea Pigs and how Valentine’s Day is seriously only for married couples. (Christina is still debating this to no one else, as no one else is arguing otherwise.)
“Seriously,” Christina says, “the real holiday is February 15th, when all the candy is half-off.”
Why does she cry? Even she doesn’t know, but the right song or movie certainly can start it.
February 6, 2019
Songs and Movies…
It has almost been two months since my Daddy passed.
I can’t find it to cry, normally. If I think about crying, I remember how happy he is in heaven. Then crying feels selfish – because I know he was in pain every day here.
But sometimes, I can’t explain it. And it’s always a song or a movie. And even that doesn’t always make sense.
I was coming home from work one early afternoon and on comes “Small Town Southern Man.” No, that wasn’t my Daddy, but the core of the song “…He bowed his head to Jesus… always loved one woman, was proud of what he had… he said his greatest contribution was the ones he left behind…” Yes, that was my Daddy.
I was bawling when the next one happened to be “Love Without End, Amen” – which yes, didn’t need any alteration and went all the way to heaven. I’m glad my car has cruise control and I’ve been driving 207 for over 20 years.
A song. A movie. (okay, this one was crazy) Never saw it with my Daddy, but he had given it to us. Annapolis. A story of a determined young person getting to his goal – my Daddy liked stories with real character. At the end of the film, Louis comments, “I know why your Dad liked that one.” And that was it. Not that anyone else saw, but I ended up tearing up over the simple thought that I can’t ever discuss this film with Daddy. It had so many side stories and threads woven this way and that – prime film material for our long-drawn-out discussions.
Whenever something makes me want to cry, I remember the silliest of song lyrics/movie lines and it’s really odd that those four lines remind me of Daddy because he didn’t like that movie. (I’m not a fan or having that one on continual repeat, either.) “He lives in you.” And, yes, my mind sings it.
I’m thankful for memories. I’m thankful for times when I hear my Daddy in my siblings and children – just things he often said or quirky humorous lines. I almost cried when I first saw my little brother in his new glasses with the hat and stubbly beard – because if the beard were a bit longer, that is how I remember my Daddy (from when I was a toddler) and my little brother is a spitting image (face) of my Daddy.
I feel sad that Daddy won’t see Teddy or Thea (our Baby, named after his/her great-grandfather Pearson) but I know I’ll keep “Living the Legacy” (another song… yes) and just like the girls don’t “remember” their Great-Grandmother Jeanette yet they know her love and life through us, my children will know their Grandfather Pearson’s legacy because it’s in us – and my extension, also in them.
Okay, seriously, just me bragging on my amazing man of God! 🙂 Yes, I think I am allowed to do that a little.
February 4, 2019
My Knight
“Mom, can you stay working and Daddy stay home like this, I like it!” Kimberly says.
I smile. That’s always the result of Louis being home during the day!
He’s an amazing chef – turns regular food into culinary masterpieces that the children like to eat!
He doesn’t get stuck in writing or multi-tasking like I do – he has a finish-the-job mentality so cleaning tasks actually get completed in minute detail.
He knows how to make everything entertaining or hilarious – this leads to lots of children working without realizing they are working!
He doesn’t second guess himself and when he feels like taking them somewhere fun, he just does it! (That freedom I haven’t figured out yet.)
Louis hurt his back so is supposed to be “resting” for six weeks. (He’s been doing stay-at-home-Dad who drives occasionally when he thinks his back is better…) I’ve been working at two outside jobs lately: I leave before 7:20am, basically dropping in after job one about 1:45pm to 2 or 3pm for lunch (which is always ready and amazing), grabbing the corresponding gymnastics student, and sprinting off for the next job. I come home to an immaculate house after 8:30pm (sometimes after 9:30pm if I picked Christina up from CAP or Cyber Patriot). I’m constantly impressed.
Louis has been making my coffee-shakeology and makes sure I have water and eat (I will totally forget to eat); little things that make me feel so loved and cared for. I feel like I’m always receiving at this snapshot of time. I ended up with a cold I misunderstood as an asthma attack because of the way it attacked my breathing – so not only have I been fighting a cold, but I’m allergic to the emergency inhaler so I had almost six days of allergic reaction to let it “run its course” along with the cold (so far both of the colds I’ve caught since asthma have turned into upper respiratory infections) and my weakened immune system wanted a few days of nothing-but-sleep, but you know, life = bills and work! (And, yes, I’m so grateful for my jobs!)
I’m so grateful for simple things like running hot water and modern plumbing.
I’m super grateful for my loving, giving husband who’s always looking out for me.
I’m a few weeks or so from giving birth to our seventh little miracle.
Lying in the bed (because of some biological oddities to hit just as this baby started, the cold that normally would take me two or three days to fight is taking a stretched-out time; I’m on day seven) Louis says, “if the afterbirth is harder each time, maybe we should stop with this one.”
I smiled, but since I was lying toward the wall, he couldn’t see. “I’ve always treated each time as if it may be the last.”
“Really?” I guess this shocked him a little because I love being pregnant, I love the infant stage, I love the growing independence of the toddler stage, I love each and every step so far in this journey. Although I’m fully prepared for God to say, “this is the last one” sometime, I’m also fully prepared to continue going through this amazing cycle of mothering a miracle.
Yes.
I guess it’s complicated.
See, about the time I was pregnant with Kimberly, I grew a great deal in my understanding of how to allow God to have full control in my entire life. I thought I trusted Him with everything but realized that I was quietly hoping to have a multitude of children and not really okay with less – or even three. But I asked myself, “What if God’s perfect number for you is three?”
I began to realize that God’s perfection was not limited nor driven by my wants. (DUH!)
I decided early during that pregnancy (with Kimberly) that I would savor every second, every feeling, every hiccup, stretch, movement, and challenge that came along as if this were the last time I would carry life.
I already loved being pregnant. I shared that love with my mother and Louis’ Grandma Honey (she told me once she would have been pregnant her entire life if God had allowed her!).
At that time, I had a shift of my mental state. Instead of trying to always project perfection, I wanted to savor life with my family. If this meant not fully finishing with a cleaning chore before we went somewhere, then okay. If this meant taking a break to look at a cool flower while I’m supposed to be hanging clothes, okay. If this meant letting someone else watch the kids so Louis and I could go out, then that was okay. I realized I was trying to follow other peoples’ ideas of what my life should look like and had unconsciously adopted those ideas as “perfection” – and yes, perfection as it was in my brain was never truly achievable!
My stress level fell so much in those few months while I grew Kimberly in my belly and started a new “temp” job. I may have looked busier, but I felt so liberated!
Even though what followed (from 5-weeks after Kimberly’s birth) was what I honestly believe was the most grueling, difficult 18 months of Louis & my married life, I was able to find a well of thankfulness to pull from when I felt so far down. Without my new understanding of submitting totally to God’s plan, I would have probably allowed the horrid miscarriage to drag me into the jaws of depression. I realized even as I cried in the stupid bulk-grocery-store bathroom, by myself, hundreds of miles from home, while I “passed” the fragments of what was once a life I felt and loved, that God had even this time in His hands. He knew all the whys and I wasn’t to understand them; just to trust Him.
So, fast forward almost 12 years and here I am lying with this little miracle kicking up a nice sensitive bruise under my right side. Life in its cycle, totally unexpected, another prime example of God’s timing and perfect wisdom (Click here for that crazy amazing story!). I’m rubbing on my belly because it makes the Baby move around and react to my touch – and I LOVE that. I’m playing with this little one before he/she is born!
God has done so much, so many unexpected things that have lifted us up despite the weird, harsh, and unexpected challenges this past year. God has taught me to savor all life – all stages and parts, from babies and pregnancy to friendships and siblings. Take time for and savor everything. There are miracles everywhere. Yes, I’m okay if this is my last pregnancy and birth. I’d long ago given all control to God. I mean, if I trust Him with something so awesome as my salvation and eternal life, how can I not trust His wisdom in family size?
