Tag: reality

Mary Did Know, Do You?

Sometimes I may think too deep
#2022 #Family #HistoricalThoughts #DidMaryKnow #DidMarysMotherKnow #RaisingGodsKids #ChildrenAreAnHeritageFromTheLord #Psalm127_3 #SpeakLife #ChooseTruth #TheyAreWatchingYou #MotherhoodIsAnHonor #FatherhoodIsAnHonor #Reward #Gift #Blessing #Love #ShePonderedInHerHeart

December 31, 2022

Mary Did Know, Do You?

I read a post today that said “Mary may have known, but her mother did not.”  

That hit me.  We sing the song “Mary Did You Know” which I love, but always mentally I remind myself that the Bible tells us “Mary pondered these things in her heart” regarding the Angel’s visit, the visits of the shepherds, magi, the Angel’s message for them to flee, even the time when they lost Jesus in the temple.  She was constantly pondering.  Considering, probably praying, “God, direct me.”  She knew what responsibility God had given her.  

But her mother?  Mary was favored by God.  Her mother must have brought her up in the wisdom and admonition of the Lord.  The whole post was about this – Mary did know, her mother did not.

Don’t we all know?  I mean, not that every one of us carries Jesus or looks as the Creator of the World in our arms and ponders it in our hearts… but each of us who are mothers have carried at least one little child – don’t they all belong to God?  

I remember looking at my firstborn: tiny, beautiful face and long eyelashes, strong little fingers with a tremendous grip, perfect tiny toes, I drank in every little detail of her sweet, fragile body.  We prayed over her because we knew she belonged to God.  Even her name was a promise from us; Christina Elizabeth means “Believer in Christ, Servant of God,” it was our promise that we would do our best with the few years God gave her to us.  

Each little one afterward I’ve felt the same utter joy and overwhelming responsibility.  They are God’s kids, not mine.  I get the honor of mothering them and we get to raise them; pointing them in the right direction.  Our prayer is that they take on the responsibility for their relationship themselves and continue to grow in grace and love.  

Mary did know what honor God had given her.  Mary’s mother knew only that she was raising a daughter of Israel, a girl who would become a woman.  I imagine that all mothers whispered in their hearts to their daughters before Christ’s birth, “live true, child, it may be you through whom the God of our Fathers chooses to bring the Saviour of the World.”  I imagine that Mary’s mother’s mother whispered the same thing to her.  They lived in the wonder of hope and faith.  They believed in the future reality and each prayed she would be the girl given the honor; each woman didn’t know if their daughter may be the one chosen by God, but they chose to raise their daughters to be wives and mothers to honor God.  

They heard or read as we still do, “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” ~Psalm 127:3  Children are a blessing, a reward, a gift God gives us to give back to Him. 

No, we do not know what plans God has for our children, but we can pray for their path and lead them to an understanding of God’s love.  We are all entrusted with raising our children for a time, but they all truly belong to God.  

Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of motherhood!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Be Grateful

Resetting my perception focusing on having an attitude of gratitude!

April 28, 2021

Be Grateful

When I hear those words, an old cartoon comes to mind where a woman tells an orphan, “and be grateful too!” after pulling her around by her scarf. The girl waits until the woman is gone and shouts, “I am grateful; grateful to get away!” Even though that is a bit silly, my mind uses that to remind me that in all things I can find something for which to be grateful.

Sometimes when I try to pep talk myself through what is weighing me down, I hear a whisper say gently, “be grateful, this is a gift.” But my mind yells back, “be grateful? What can be good from this?”

Modifying our perception is how we teach ourselves to always find something which deserves our thanks.

I tend to start with things that ground me. Mentally, it goes like this:

I am thankful for air to breathe,

clean water to drink,

healthy food to eat,

a sturdy roof over my head,

my family, friends, pets,

a job I love and a Christian boss,

a church my children love and that makes me feel at home,

salvation and the hope of eternity with Jesus forever…

Then the list goes on and with those, I realize the setback, problem, or whatever reason for previous sadness isn’t really that important.

I have to shift my perception back to true reality. I have to ground myself back to what is truly important. My happiness is not based on my circumstances, but on my hope in Jesus. God has gifted me an amazing life and I plan to enjoy every moment of it as best I can!

An attitude of gratitude… That is what I say and what I mean!

I’m so grateful for every breath I take! Jesus, thank you for life!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Worthy of Love

You are worthy of love!

September 7, 2020

Worthy of Love

Did you know that even when you have blown everything, Jesus still loves you? The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Translate that into real life:

Even while we were still doing evil stuff that makes God sad, He held out the eternal salvation to us. This gift cost Him the blood of his only son, and He was okay with giving that to us as we were still doing things to make Him sad.

Often in our life we get told by our own mind, “you aren’t good enough.”

It goes something like this:

“See what mistake you just made, they won’t love you anymore because you did that.”

Then you get sad. You feel discouraged. You try to win their love. You know what is really sad? Most of the time, those inner voice thoughts are lying to you! The person you thought you “wronged” because you forgot something or didn’t remember to text this or called while they were at work or accidentally said that – um, they laughed it off or *SHOCK* didn’t even notice! They certainly don’t hate you for that slight.

Or like this:

“God can’t love you, you aren’t good enough – look what you just did!”

When we sin, God does feel sad. Like a parent whose child knows what they shouldn’t do but they do it anyway. Life choices have consequences. God doesn’t save us from all of the consequences of our choices just like a wise parent lets the child walk through the consequences they can handle. This is so we learn from our mistakes. But guess what. God still loves us! Just like we still love our children!

You know what the Bible says about inner thoughts that do not align with God’s Word? We are to think on good things (whatever is noble, just, of good report…) to retrain our mind to see things in God’s perspective. This is hard to practice sometimes.

I often judge myself too harshly. I can’t seem to find the right reset button. I end up digging myself further into sorrow by trying to reset. I need to learn to just abandon ship; jump off and give the whole ship and my rescue to God. Then the reset day would actually be better!

From simple such as “the day not going well” to life-changing such as “rejection letter from college.” All of those things in between – don’t allow failures to drag you down. Read and study – in history, most people fail before they rise. Those who give up on life never achieve what they want to achieve. You have to stand, look at the failure and let God move.

I try to fix it. How can I redo this so it isn’t a failure? That isn’t always the answer because sometimes that whatever-it-is just isn’t meant to work. God can redirect us and show us what we need to let go and what needs to move forward – and He’ll lead you toward the right path in order for you to apply yourself into something He wants you in!

I’ve learned it’s always best to let go and let God do it. But my mind always wants to fix everything. I can say “I know this” but it’s really hard to put the knowledge into practice sometimes. It gets harder when you feel there is no safe place for you. There is. God has given you places and people to be around that are working in His love – it may be a best friend or a family member or a co-worker.

Someone needs to tell you this: You are worthy of love! You are so worthy of love! The Creator of the Universe loves you! That is your building block. From that, all things grow and prosper. You are worthy.

Read this slowly with your name in the blank (and tell your mind to be quiet, no negative “buts” added on!): “__________ am loved by God. I am worthy of unconditional love just as I am.”

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

What is Praiseworthy?

April 26, 2020

What is Praiseworthy?

I heard a bit from a youtube radio (do you call them radio guys if they have a channel?) that matched quite nicely with the Bible reading I had today and the actual radio show I listened to on the way to work this morning.

He was discussing how a woman, identified as “Brooke,” a “mother of four,” put a beautiful online post on social media about how she loves her family and puts them first and serves them sacrificially (she said she makes sure lunches and packed, home is clean, and gets up to make her husband breakfast and sometimes goes to bed at 9 and sometimes goes to bed at midnight). I was smiling as I listened. I love my family that way.

But he went on about how some tv show (I don’t watch tv) mocked her post and belittled her husband as a lazy bum without even knowing either of them! They attacked her for being a slave. They said she was betraying all those who had fought for equality…

That made me sad.

Then that made me mad.

You see, I love my family. I serve them sacrificially. Yes, I know I have to take care of my health and body so I can serve them. In this phase our family is in, I happen to be working outside of the home. I serve them because I love them. I go to work because I want to help support them and I love them.

I want Louis to rest his back, let it fully heal so he doesn’t continue to live in constant pain. Since the guy rear-ended him, he’s been in constant pain, I can’t imagine that. He loves us and wants to serve us so he works at anything possible right now – he has always been the primary provider. This past year it was me; different seasons, one goal. One family.

When I do something out of love, I am doing it completely! I’m serving the best I can! Christina’s dish day but she’s busy with school? Yes, I’ll do “her day” so she can study or take her test – I love her and want the best for her. Becky feels lonely and frustrated and overwhelmed and doesn’t see any reason for keeping grades or college or a career? I suggest she go “hang out” with her special friend who will help encourage her and teach her about life and give excellent advice while playing some crazy video game. I love her. I want the best for her and sometimes advice has to come from someone other than Mom and Dad. Yes, I used to not go to bed until it was clean – now I’m up early, but some of my girls like to stay up late and Louis comes in very late sometimes, so the dynamic is the house is clean at 7 or 8 but they will reclean well afterward. We serve each other.

Louis wakes at 3:30am to make doughnuts for breakfast because I had to leave at 6:30 that day. When I come in and make lunch at 10am (2 hours 4 days a week + long Friday right now), I ask everyone else if they want some too and I’ll cook for more than just me. Christina, Becky, Kimberly, or Jaquline sometimes decide to make dinner or supper and they cook for everyone. We all serve with love.

Do all things as if you are serving Jesus. That motto I paraphrased from a Bible verse sometime in my preteen years and it has become something I remind myself of all the time. When there’s anything that needs to be cleaned or fixed or folded or washed I remind myself of that – I’m working to serve Jesus. I serve always out of love for those I serve. When I make food or visit a friend or help someone by cleaning or tutoring or fixing their fence, I’m serving you because I love you.

In today’s society, I guess I was “betraying females” when I would start second breakfast for Louis at almost lunch time, make sure his white uniform shirts were washed and spotless, starched and ironed, and waiting for him. On cold mornings (that house didn’t have heat) I’d time the drying of towels so he could have a warm one and I’d take it to him. I’d even make sure his shoes were polished. I served because I loved him.

I also understood that his working was his service to us. Our family serves each other because we love each other.

Tables shifted, turned, flipped, and rotated over the years, but we’re still serving each other and loving each other. We both take turns doing different things to serve the other. I don’t see anything wrong with that!

The youtube radio guy said he remembered his mother serving his sisters, his father, and him out of love. She was always doing special things, teaching them, and spending time with them. He said what could be better than having four adoring souls who return your love and esteem you as the best human on the planet? Does the hand that rocks the cradle rule the world? (I think he was trying to be funny) He said he praises this Brooke and is sure that her husband and children feel extremely blessed to be the objects of her service and affection. So do I!

Some people are like us. Some people love to serve. Some women are happiest being good wives and mothers. Some women could care less about a job as anything more than a vehicle to bring sustenance to their family; they don’t want to be the CEO or Mega Manager. They want to raise their children. They want to serve their family. They want to serve others around them.

Want to know a secret? These serving women are usually extremely loyal to a job they have because they see their work as a service to Jesus as well – they believe that they are serving their boss and coworkers through their job. Yes, corny, I know, but (also yes!) that is how I feel. I have to view my job as something I am doing for Jesus otherwise I would be super depressed about being away from my family.

Anyway… long long blog. If you got this far, cool!

Why does our commercially driven world think it’s okay to mock and bully a woman who chooses to serve others in lieu of climbing a corporate ladder striving for power and wealth? Fourth and fifth words. Commercially driven. Everything is about power and wealth. The world can’t control people who are driven by love and service. The world can’t understand the pure joy and fulfillment we get when we watch someone we love accomplish something. When the world is falling down around their shoulders and they open their brown lunch bag to find a little smiley note or that their sandwich is cut into triangles like they prefer it, they see love. They know someone loves them. The world doesn’t understand this because there is no price tag.

He ended by telling “Brooke” to keep it up! I say to all the Brookes out there, keep serving, keep loving. Don’t let the world’s judgement stop you from doing what you know you should be doing. If that’s running the 2nd largest corporation on the planet or packing your kids’ lunches, if you are serving a congregation of 500 or you are cleaning cherrios and duplos off the floor, if you are taxiing people around to make ends meet or you are the “soccer bus” mom stopping at four houses on your way to practice; whatever way you serve, keep honoring those you love.

My Bible reading was all about service with love rather than service as a duty. Don’t serve for others’ approval, that leads to disappointment. But serving out of love leads to fulfillment. This I know. God created us different, men are told to love their wives and women to serve their husbands – in reality, don’t two people who love each other serve each other all the time? God knows that men and women are wired differently hence the different words being used. He is warning men not to stop showing love to their wives and women not to stop serving their husbands. A woman who feels loved will be more willing to serve and a man being served is more willing to love. Like different love languages; you have to discover yours and that of those you love. Because we are different our style of service will be different, but we still hear the other saying “I love you” with their service to us.

In what way do you serve? Check your heart. Serve out of love without concern for any accolades. This will be our witness; our love!

Thanks for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Memes to Voices

November 10, 2019

Memes to Voices

A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements.  She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.

Instantly my heart dipped backward in time.  In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.

Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD

Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.

Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.

Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.

Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.

Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing.  I can’t wait to leave.

This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?

I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).

Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…

(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)

This year?  I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect.  It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.

BUT!

I stop it there.  I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!

I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul?  They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!

I combat those “expectation” teases with:

Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!

Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?

Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.

Reality: I am thankful!  I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it!  I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at.  I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills.  I have totally surrendered to Jesus.  I trust God’s will in my life.

You know why?  He knows me way better than I know myself.  I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.  I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls!  I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.

I’m human.  My own voice is the worst danger to my mind.  But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us.  All things work together for good.  Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Reset Button

Ever wonder about the reset button?

August 8, 2018

Reset Button

When I was a kid my dad was always bringing home (what we would call dinosaurs now) computers and rebuilding them as school and play computers.  The 286 had a flat red square that Daddy always said, “Do NOT touch this button!”  (I had dreams of one of the little ones touching the button and the computer blowing up like a bomb.)

As I learned to program, though, I realized the reset button was to shut the computer down from self-destruction.  If it was caught in a loop (bad software) or someone attempted to overload the system with applications (operator error) the user (me) would try the famous Ctrl-Alt-Del a couple of times, but as a last ditch effort, we hit that red button.  Usually, the computer would load back up without a hitch and we’d avoid or fix whatever caused the glitch.

In life, God gives us a reset button every day.

He says His mercies are renewed each morning.  He forgives all trespasses and helps set us back on the right path.  Sometimes our “road to self-destruction” is simply doing the same thing over and over and getting frustrated because we get the same results (loop?) but God wrote us an escape clause.

I imagine computer code like this: If x person gets into y then; if y (number of times around) = >2; exit loop; end if.

It’s the “Exit loop” that gets us out of danger – and that’s because God wants us to do and be our best.

Instead of continue in our self-destructive loop, we should allow God to work on our problem (attitude, perception, etc.) and help us climb out.

Thank you, God, for resets!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

 

Looking for Positive

April 18, 2018

Looking for Positive

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive. I’d like to believe that I’m always thinking about how whatever I experience is working toward God’s glory and find a positive attitude, but that just isn’t reality. It is still a struggle for me to not drop myself into negative thoughts, worry, and the downward, hard-on-myself spiral that leads into depression.

For instance: I just got out of a three-day hospital stay for what I consider the silliest thing ever – an asthmatic allergic reaction to black mold.

History: I’d been sick since the day after our van was busted in (February 19, 2018) with what I originally thought was a cold. March 1, I went to the clinic, transferred to the ER, and diagnosed with pneumonia. Major allergic reaction (common for me is body-covered-in-chicken-pox-like-rash) to my antibiotic after 9 days led to another clinic visit because it appeared to be affecting my breathing too. They did a breathing treatment and gave me an inhaler. April 3, I went back to the clinic because I was not being able to breathe again. Breathing treatment, felt great, finished my responsibilities for that evening and woke up on the 4th almost unable to breathe. ER again. New diagnosis – no pneumonia, mild upper respiratory infection. New antibiotic, steroid, and same inhaler with orders to use it more.

On April 12, I’d finished the antibiotic, the steroid, and the inhaler. The next afternoon, I went to the clinic because I was struggling to breathe again and was, for the first time, coughing up colored (infected) mucus. They did two breathing treatments and reissued the inhaler.

On April 13, about midnight, I was unable to breathe again. I could feel there was space, but the air seemed to get “caught” just at the base of my neck. I felt my heart rate racing. My head kept trying to make me panic. My mind and lungs felt like I was at the bottom of a wave underwater with the air in sight but no way to get to the air. I kept praying for God to open up my lungs. Louis came home and instantly took me back to the ER. This time I almost fainted getting to the door; I almost passed out several times but kept forcing myself not to because I thought it was “mental” and I should be able to “handle it.”

The admitting doctor said I had “septic pneumonia” (this meant the pneumonia had gone “septic” and traveled in my body) and was reacting to the double breathing treatment & inhaler. (Side effects were listed as heart palpitations, etc.) He issued an IV antibiotic which caused a severe reaction (fever, my whole upper body went red, my larynx swelled, etc). That was scary! So I ended up in ICCU. That wasn’t accurate, but it was their first guess.

The final diagnosis was an asthmatic reaction to black mold. The pneumonia had been cleared in March, but a “small” infection was still “sitting” in my upper respiratory tract. The pulmonologist (lung specialist) said it was a reaction to something that had entered my “life” in or before December. New pet for Christmas? Nope. But when we turned off our Air Conditioning to save money in November, we discovered as we lost the A/C’s dehumidifying effect that we had black mold in the rental house. We’d saved for a few months to get a dehumidifier (in February, just after I got sick with the cold/pneumonia) and dried the house up. All the mold was cleaned and gone… except for our bed mattress. We’d attempted drying and cleaning it, and thought we’d done it, but it was a foam mattress and therefore didn’t completely dry.

I HAD BEEN SLEEPING ON THE ALLERGEN!

That made perfect sense. I’d always felt worse in the morning, it’d clear up some at work, if I laid down for a nap (trying to rest so I could get better) I felt worse.

Louis burned the mattress. (He was mad that something so stupid had almost “lost me” and I was like “just throw it away” but it was almost new and he didn’t want anyone to pick it up and use it.) He winked, “the Bible says you burn mold.” Boys… and I couldn’t argue with that.

As I was feeling better (actually, all through this sickness), I kept seeing dollar signs every time a CNA, nurse, or respiratory therapist came in the room to scan my bracelet with a new medicine. We have catastrophic insurance, but that means we have to find $15,000 before our insurance will pay anything. The clinic visits were $75 each, and we had only just started trying to pay from the first hospital visit (so far, $1200, but there may be another bill from March). We had to save for a dehumidifier… we don’t even have money saved to move to another home. (Although, we like our rental house, but Louis says we’ll drop it in a heartbeat if my breathing issue comes back.) So, it was hard to see positive while in the hospital.

I had to try to stay positive; I kept reminding myself that God says a cheerful heart does good like medicine. (Thus, outside of a gem of a Matlock show mentioned next to the Sunday paper crossword, I didn’t want to watch the TV.)

Becca, one of my sisters, brought a book I devoured. It was “In This House we will Giggle” by Courtney DeFoe. One of the volunteers on Sunday saw me doing the crossword and brought three word searches with blank white backs!

WRITING PAPER!!

One was filled with the outline for number five in “The Devonians” series (probably will be called “Convincing the Council,” but I haven’t decided yet). The other two became my journal pages with notes, quotes, Bible verses, and thoughts from or inspired by this awesome “Giggle” book. The whole idea of that book in a nutshell is this: Mom, release your worry, perfectionism, and expectations to God and learn how to choose to rejoice in everything so you can set a joyful example and cultivate godly virtues in your children. I loved reading about someone who was like me. I read that book from cover to cover four times before midnight.

On the way to pick up the girls from college the next day, I listened to one of my favorite Radio teachers, Chip Ingram. God must be making sure this message gets through because Chip’s message was about giving everything up to God, accepting that in whatever way God chooses to heal us, modern medicine (God taught us that), unexplained miracles (I’ve seen those too), or health and nutrition changes (that’s my lifestyle anyway), the glory is all still God’s.

God is more concerned with our attitude during our struggle than the outcome.

This reminds me of a character in “The Robe” (great movie): She’s a cripple who is telling the Roman “infiltrator” about her journey from bitterness to joy. He says, “but why didn’t Jesus just heal you?” She replies, “then I would be expected to be joyful, wouldn’t I?” BOOM.

God has shown us what the underlying cause for my continued illness. Thank you Jesus! I can avoid it.

God has shown me that my nutrition was fine. (The Dr said my body had enough nutrition it should have fought off the infections easily, even my iron levels were good.) Amen!

I met a nurse who has a 16-year-old homeschooled son and that greatly encouraged me in my family’s homeschool journey.

God has led us to wisdom and we’ve removed danger before it affected any of the children or Louis.

God will provide a way for us to financially cover this bill (even though it’s like a year’s rent – I can trust Him to provide us a means to pay it off). Just like we trust Him for day-to-day needs, He will cover this one too.

This is my brother’s birthday and he’s coming down this weekend – and I’m so much better than I’ve felt since January! Thank you, Jesus! My throat is clear so I can sing, my ears aren’t clogged, and my nose is open so I can smell!

I am a vendor at the Family Fun Fest in downtown Saint Augustine on the 28th of April and I’m going to be feeling awesome instead of tired and run down! I have such a positive air of expectation about this show (have since we signed up in November) and want the girls to have fun! Thank you, Jesus!

I refuse to allow the devil to draw me down into depression this time. I will find blessings in this mess (there are many!) and praise God through it even when I don’t feel like it. Let the challenge to find positivity begin!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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