Tag: renew

Memes to Voices

November 10, 2019

Memes to Voices

A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements.  She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.

Instantly my heart dipped backward in time.  In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.

Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD

Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.

Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.

Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.

Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.

Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing.  I can’t wait to leave.

This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?

I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).

Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…

(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)

This year?  I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect.  It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.

BUT!

I stop it there.  I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!

I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul?  They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!

I combat those “expectation” teases with:

Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!

Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?

Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.

Reality: I am thankful!  I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it!  I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at.  I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills.  I have totally surrendered to Jesus.  I trust God’s will in my life.

You know why?  He knows me way better than I know myself.  I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.  I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls!  I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.

I’m human.  My own voice is the worst danger to my mind.  But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us.  All things work together for good.  Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Reset, Again

Resetting the brain of a PS2 inspires me… really?

November 10, 2018

Reset, Again

In the last blog (Proper Burial) I mentioned that Rebeccah likes to tinker with stuff.  She often fixes electronics when we think they are broken.

She had our playstation 2 unit scattered apart on the table (for the 5th time).  After hours and her final conclusion of “I have no clue what’s wrong with this thing!” she decided it was truly trash.

She always puts the garbage electronics back together like they were supposed to be – search me as to why (maybe because I once told her that sometimes resetting something was all it needed to come back to life) but she claims “a proper burial” for broken electronics is with the item totally back together.

So after Rebeccah put the Playstation 2 console back together for its “proper burial,” it now works.  (It was bought used and had a short since day one, sometimes the CD tray got stuck, and lately it would just choose to die.)  For days, that console has been working great.  She reset it back to “original” after cleaning every part in it and it has new life!

I’ve been considering that for some time.

Sometimes God wants us to close the doors on something old and leave it buried.  Sometimes he wants us to reset it.  Maybe what we’re resetting isn’t so much the item as it is our way of thinking.

The playstation console’s brain just needed all the dust cleaned out, everything disconnected and reconnected, and the source of power reset.  Yes, this was the 5th time!

Maybe we need to allow God to reset the way we think – clean all the garbage out of our brain and connect all the synapses to what we’re supposed to think about (remember, whatever is good, just, lovely, think on these things?) instead of dwelling on misfires like our failures… hmm.

Is that a lot to think about because I saw the inside of a playstation brain cleaned and now it works?  Maybe.  But I like to analyze things… maybe I analyze stuff too much.

I try to allow God to renew my mind daily.  (He says each new day is fresh in Him.)  Thinking about the things I see in life (like a silly piece of electronics) working according to God’s design helps me think that all things obey God.  (I know, silly, but if it helps me be encouraged, maybe it will help someone else!)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Garden Lesson

February 16, 2018

Garden Lesson

Cold, actually cool (we’re in Florida, “cold” means less than 50 degrees), breezes attacked us.  Winter means pruning roses, repotting figs, starting seeds in pots, and refreshing the soil in beds for spring sowing, all to prepare the garden for a new crop.

Newness.

Even though spring is several weeks away, we are preparing for it.  We break ground in the old soil, turn it, remove the weeds, add new fertilizer, repair containers, and get everything ready for new life.  Taking a deep breath, I wonder at how our lives revolve in seasons.  Being broken, removing old things, repairing ourselves, adding fresh knowledge to keep us alive; to be healthy we are continually renewing our minds and hearts.

Gardens teach us so much about patience, care, and investing in the future with uncertainty as our only guarantee.  I can perfectly prepare the soil, make a perfect bed, and give my seeds the best chance at life – sometimes they grow and flower beautifully, but sometimes life happens; a storm, flooding, foraging animals, tramping children, drought, pests.  Sometimes the crop fails, but I patiently restart for the next season.  This reminds me how I love my children; I do my best, pray, and trust in God to guide their hearts to Him.  It’s also the same way God loves us – patiently repairing us time and again and starting us anew each time.

Gardens teach us so much of life.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

 

Doing the Boogie

Fun in the surf

August 6, 2017

Doing the Boogie

Wild edge of tropical storm winds and the distant threat of rain do not deter my kids (or me) from the ocean!  So with a scrap of time before dusk, despite the rain (we’re going to get wet anyway) we were the one crazy group playing on the seashore.  There were three or four surfers and a couple in bathing caps with frog flippers who would walk way north of us, swim out, and less than ten minutes later be south of the pier!  I pointed them out several times as an example of the strength of the ocean.

We like to stand in the edge about ankle deep and let the ocean yank the sand around us, bury our feet and ankles, and giggle at how far we move.  The bigger girls get about knee-deep and toss themselves into the breaking surf.  It’s fun, sandy, and exhilarating.  Jaquline, Jillian, and Lucas divided their time between building wet sand forts, watching the rain wash the shells into the wave’s path, and “doing the boogie.”  According to Jillian, this is lying on a boogie board in the sand and waiting for the wave to pick you up and swirl you around for a few seconds while you scream.

We get to play until the first lightning bolt shows up or when it gets close to dusk.  Everyone watches for lightning.  Three other kids joined our group and they spread out like squealing smidgens jumping into the tumultuous white water.  We always talk about the ferocious power of the water on days like this.  One of the girls inevitably drones “see the power of water” in a deep dragon voice.  They create obstacles for it out of shells and sand.  They watch the waves rip entire mountains of sand like a hungry vacuum and suck it out to sea.  They are doing construction near where we play so even bits of rock are grabbed and siphoned out to sea.

Rebeccah says the ocean reminds her of God’s power.  It’s vast, almost everywhere.  Over 70% of the Earth’s surface is covered in water.  It can be calm and friendly and is the safe harbor for thousands of creatures.  It can be rough and destructive – nothing can stand in its way.  But after the destruction, the beach is always better.  Cleaner.  Smoother.  She says it reminds her of how when we surrender our mess to God, He demolishes it and restores something better than what was before.

I love that thought.  The ocean always astounds me.  I respect its power and love its beauty.

Lucas sees fun.  That is all.  He sees “doing the boogie.”  Of course, on wild windy days, he only “does the boogie” board with Mommy or big sister holding his back and the boogie board string.  Lucas has such trust and he doesn’t need to analyze everything to appreciate it.  Sometimes I wish I could step backward into that trust.  Turn my analytical mind off and just bask in the fun.  Sit on a boogie board and giggle when the waves try to move me.  Okay, maybe that just works for those who can’t order off the big kid menu yet.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

 

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