Encouragers: The Challenger of Norms
October 6, 2022
I’m praying for her family. I’m praying for strength, wisdom, and peace in her heart. This woman is the Challenger of Norms. She has encouraged me over many years. When my daughters ask if I have a best friend, this woman comes to mind. She has allowed me to speak openly. We can talk honestly with each other about our respective challenges, joys, disappointments, fears, mountain highs, and valley lows without judging each other.
She was the friend who taught me it was safe to be vulnerable to another adult (other than my husband). She taught me I can be real about the challenges I face with the life I chose. Often we feel trapped in the life we chose, especially if our choice is considered “unconventional” or “unrealistic” in today’s world. This is because the world tries to isolate us into tiny corners. Public schooled here. Homeschooled there.Medical challenges in your children here.Healthy children there.Stay-at-home-moms here.Working moms there.Struggling business owner families here.Lower class, middle class, upper middle class, lower middle class… Etc. Society tries to put us all into tiny boxes and keep us isolated there.
This was not how God intended! We are intended to work together! Younger are to learn from elders, we are to speak truth and encouragement into the lives of others, we are to build each other up and edify. You can’t do that if you feel trapped into silence because someone’s response to you saying you feel stressed, please pray for me ends up being “you shouldn’t have done xyz” instead of just saying “yes” or praying right there. I always heard “your troubles are just because you have too many kids” – um… no. Our financial troubles came from poor decisions (paying off credit cards instead of house), medical unknowns (my crazy hospital issue), or issues beyond our control (losing jobs due to forced government shutdown debacle, someone using a car without permission and wrecking two others, someone rear-ending and totaling a car that is too old for us to get a replacement, etc)
The Challenger of Norms taught me to embrace the life I chose and enjoy each stage of it unapologetically. I have taken that to heart. She has managed to keep joy and purpose even in the face of debilitating medical issues facing her precious children. Once I mentioned how I felt bad speaking about how I was challenged when she faces so much. She told me only she walks her journey just as only I walk mine. That I’ve heard in my heart for over a decade. I have to lean on others who are choosing joy in order to encourage me to choose joy in my challenges.
We can discuss homeschooling options and challenges without comparing our children one to another because both of us understand that each child has their own unique challenges and strengths. We can discuss our challenges and encourage each other in mothering without judging. We can share our challenges and strengths in our respective marriages and understand that neither of us are alone in our respective struggles. We can boast on our men and laugh at their craziness and somehow that actually makes me feel more thankful for the blessings we both have.
She taught me that dropping in unannounced was totally acceptable for friends. We could show up at each others’ homes and just jump into whatever was going on – from parties to cleaning to pool parties to bonfires to just chatting about everything while our toddlers to teens entertain each other and our babies fall asleep. My home is now always open and I don’t really care what it looks like (Louis and the girls generally keep it in “mostly acceptable” condition anyway). We have games and fun every Sunday as that is officially our “family day” that we try to keep open. I hope to build relationships with my children, their friends, and families of their friends so that friends and family feel comfortable just showing up at my house if they ever need it or want it.
What I really learned from my friend is to live life as I want to, as God leads me, and let everyone else think and say whatever they want without really caring. Oh, I listen, but when it’s something that directly challenges the lifestyle God has given me – my amazing husband, our wonderful children, our happy amazing life – I smile, nod politely, and let it in one ear and out the other. I am who I am.
Sometimes we just need someone to affirm we are human just like everyone else and someone who will tell us the truth while allowing us to speak our emotions openly. We know the truth. I am loved. I am chosen. I am blessed! Sometimes we need to speak our emotions out loud to get them in line with our truths – and that, it when we find out where true friends are. Those who listen, agree they are human just like we are, and speak encouragement into our lives.
I am so thankful that God allowed me to overcome my insane fear of talking to adults just in time to make an amazing friend who, together with her awesome family, has blessed me and my family in more ways than I can possibly ever list.
Be that friend to someone today. Listen. Be human. Speak truth in love.
Type at you later,
~Nancy Tart
