Baby on the Events

March 21, 2024

Baby on the Events

(Throwback story from December 21, 2023)

Jillian called, “Mom, I’m taking some pictures of Laud!” Lucas jumped along to help out. He loves taking pictures of his little brother.

Somewhere in their cute little thoughts, they decided our four-month-old should take a picture on each gymnastics event.

First there’s Jillian and Laud. He looks happy enough.

What does she have for me to play with today? Wow, that looks interesting

Then there’s the first event – Tumble Track! Jillian is very careful as he is only four months old and not yet ready for bouncing.

Big brother, what exactly is going on here, this doesn’t feel right…

Up comes the next thing… ooh, Vault! Laud has some spotting help to stand on the vault table – although that is definitely not a parent-and-tot piece of equipment.

Mom! Can you see me, mom! I’m taller than Jillian on this thing that isn’t squishy!

Unfortunately, or maybe for the pictures, fortunately, mom is busy with the computer work and although she hears her baby yelling with happiness, it doesn’t occur to her that his big sister and brother are up to something.

Floor! Sissy, I might need to tell you I can’t walk yet… um, why is this floor moving?

At least on floor there was a tumbling mat to stand on. Laud appears to begin wondering if his brother won’t save him from his sister’s silliness, maybe he should yell for mom.

Bars! Pull-up! Lucas, why aren’t you saving me?

Jillian lets him pull up on the quad bars. Once he’s up, he doesn’t seem too sure about it.

Pommel Horse! Lucas, this is really cool dude, what can you do on this sturdy thing?

Pommel Horse is probably his favorite since he can do it with only a little side spot. Lucas zoomed straight in on his face.

Parallel bars! Wait! More Bars? What happened to the horsy thing?

Beam? Um, wait, boys don’t do this… Lucas, why don’t boys compete beam? This event has Jillian smiling!

I hope you enjoyed this series of pictures and commentary!

Jillian provided the inspiration! Lucas did the photography! Laud was the subject.

How quickly they all grow! Smile and enjoy the show!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

God Knows You

This week in Sunday School, our children are focusing on “God Speaks.” One of the wonder truths in our curriculum is basically that God knows you! God knows every person, He knit them together (No one is an accident!), He knows everything about their hearts, minds, and souls (Every single hair is numbered!), and He loves each of us just as we are (All of God’s Creation is beautiful!). …and enter a favorite story that taught me about that truth…

November 7, 2022

God Knows You


This week in Sunday School, our children are focusing on “God Speaks.”  One of the wonder truths in our curriculum is basically that God knows you!  God knows every person, He knit them together (No one is an accident!), He knows everything about their hearts, minds, and souls (Every single hair is numbered!), and He loves each of us just as we are (All of God’s Creation is beautiful!).  

This love is perfect and unconditional.  

One of the stories that hit my heart as a child was that of a little Irish girl who prayed every day for blue eyes.  Her family had blue eyes and she wanted lovely blue eyes!  She considered her brown eyes dull and plain.  This story caught my 5-year-old heart because I had blue eyes and loved the way God made me, but I thought the most beautiful eyes in the world were those that looked like warm chocolate drops – honey brown.  Though I’d never prayed for different eyes, hair, or other features, I understood thinking that a feature of my body was plain and thinking someone else had the most beautiful.

Every night she would pray for blue eyes and when she looked in the mirror she would be sad because she still had brown eyes.  Her mother told her that God had a plan for her lovely brown eyes.  One day the girl grew up.  She decided to be a missionary and was sent to India.  

The people of India distrusted the white-skinned, blue-and-green eyed people who spoke of only one God who loved.  The unknowns often scare people.  The young woman’s missionary group wanted to enter a temple in India to find out if the horrible stories of little girls being sold to the temples was true.  But they were never allowed in; even when they tried to disguise themselves – always their bright blue or green eyes gave them away as strangers.  

But this young missionary had brown eyes!  She dyed her skin with coffee, dyed her hair to be dark brown, and dressed as the local people.  They let her into the temple!  Her brown eyes did the trick!  There she prayed “thank you, God, for making my beautiful brown eyes!” 

This young woman was Amy Carmichael, later known by the temple slave girls as “Amma” or Mother.  Her lifelong ministry, the rescue of thousands of young girls, would never have been possible had she had blue eyes!  God knew what plans he had for her.  

Just as God knew Amy and the plans He had for her, He knows the plans He has for you, for me.  

I am a planner; I always have a range of plans for the day, the week, the year, twenty years, etc, but I’ve learned that God knows me better than I know myself and though I may make and try to follow my plans, I always have to leave room for God to change them!  

Just a wonderful thought to think upon this week ~ God knows you.  God loves you!  What does it take from you?  You just have to choose to follow Him.  (My Daddy used to say, “and that’s the simple to confound the wise.”

Thank you for Reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Pumpkins

Pumpkin Memories

October 29, 2022

Pumpkins


We love pumpkins.  You cut off the bottom, scoop out everything inside and scrape all the yummy meat out (save it for roasted seeds and pumpkin pie!), decorate it with a silly face, and put a candle inside – now it’s an amazing nightlight that smells oh-so-good!

The first pumpkin I opened up with Grandma Jeanette; she was teaching me how to make her pumpkin pie.  My Daddy had told us long ago that the reason for the perfect pale color in most commercial pumpkin pies was due to the company using a hard squash instead of pumpkin.  Pumpkin cooks darker than winter squash.  Grandma Jeanette used everything.  I loved learning things from her because I can’t stand waste.  She came from the generation and grew up using everything!  Nothing was ever thrown away.  I loved that.  

Anyway, back to the pumpkin.  She opened it from the top with a big knife.  I was expecting puree like when you open a “pumpkin pack” tin can.  Nope.  Stringy spongy looking guts with spots of seeds reminded me of thick orange spiderwebs.  Grandma Jeanette took all that stuff and scraped with her big metal spoon until the wall was very thin.  Stringy stuff and tiny shavings that looked like slivers went into a big pot with a little bacon grease in the bottom.  She had a really cool method of basically pulling on the strings and all the seeds practically fell onto a pan on the counter.  She picked a few out.  (I have never been able to duplicate that easy seed removal and wondered later if she picked a specific type of pumpkin!) Seeds got tossed around in an oil and spice mixture and roasted in the oven.  The big chunks of hard pumpkin wall (not the actual skin, just the “wall” scrapings from inside) got chopped into smaller hunks and tossed in the pot with the strings and shavings.  Water added to the pot.  It was covered and cooked in a pressure cooker for however long we were sitting and chatting on the couch while the seeds roasted.  

When the lid came off, the strings and hunks had blended into a watery orange soup.  Grandma churned that around with her blender (it got handed down to me years later and had been manufactured in the 40s!) until it was smooth and now it looked like a darker cousin of the canned pumpkin I was so used to seeing.  

Now that was pumpkin pack!  

When Grandma Jeanette did it with me that year, she made all of it into pies for Thanksgiving and Christmas as family and friends always gathered at her house.  She froze the ones to save for Christmas.  I loved the heavenly smell!  She taught me some tricks about the pastry dough.  She sometimes short-cutted by buying premade dough, which she would prick with a fork, paint with butter and sprinkle with a bit of sugar on the edges to give it a “homemade” taste.  For my scratch recipe, she showed me how to layer and roll so it would be flakey.  Cold butter shaved into the mix.  Don’t overmix.  Don’t over roll.  NEVER freeze your scratch pastry.  Always bake the whole pie and then freeze – but it’s always best fresh.  It’s super fast and easy to make anyway, so I LOVE making pastry dough from scratch.

This is why I am transported into happy memories when I see a pumpkin.  I remember bumping around the kitchen with little Christina, Becky, and assorted cousins in and out of the house as we laughed and I listened to Grandma Jeanette’s stories.  

When I cut a pumpkin, I make pumpkin pack, but I don’t bake 12 to 16 pies the same day.  I use the canning pot and tools (all hand-me-downs from Grandma Jeannette, we still reuse some of her jars as well) to can the pumpkin pack for later pies.  1 pint makes one deep-dish pumpkin pie.  1 quart makes 2 deep dishes or 3 flat pies.  I love the whole process!  My plan each holiday season always includes a pumpkin and pumpkin pack and from-scratch pastry to make pumpkin pies.  I tell the stories of Grandma Jeanette and Christina, Becky, and the cousins bringing critters (lizards, toads, etc) into the kitchen and being told how cool they were before being shooed “back where they belong” to “take them home to their families,” yes, that’s why I say that about insects and critters my children capture.  I tell stories of our family because it feels so natural to do that while I’m canning.  Grandma Jeanette taught me to can.  She gave me our tiny library of books and pamphlets about canning, storing Florida produce, and food safety (old publications that came from St Johns County, University of Florida, and Ball, Inc with dates ranging from 1928 to 1965).  

Louis carves the pumpkin shell with the girls.  They love it!  If you open from the bottom, you can replace the candle easier and you can sprinkle cinnamon on the top (while the pumpkin is upside down and let it sit to sink in) and it will stick and make the house smell so good!

Pumpkins make me think of family.  Pumpkins make me smile because of the memories I have and the memories I hope I create for my family.  What food makes you think of happy memories?

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Science Add-Ons To Curriculum

Science Add-Ons To Curriculum

October 22, 2022

One of the advantages to homeschooling is being able to pick curricula.  Most of us would agree that our children can recite movie lines – sometimes even if they’ve just seen the movie twice. 

We used BBC Nature with David Attenborough for science for as long as we had access to it.  It showed nature in its entire splendor.  Of course, as with Carl Sagan’s Cosmos Series, we had to reflect on their errors in timeline and regarding the theory of macro-evolution.  We would say things like, “look at how amazing God’s creation is!” and as they got older, invite them to ask and investigate the question, “why do these scientists believe in millions of years instead of thousands?”   

In depth studies of animal adaptations and human interference in our food (animal and plant husbandry) have led to the understanding that “kinds” of animals adapt by losing a recessive trait rather than by adding a completely new trait.  This led to my kids saying “oh yes, I believe evolution happens, do you understand the true meaning of the word evolution?” (Spoiler: it simply means change) But have you ever been able to add anything to a creature or plant?  We have bred plants, raised animals (Becky bred chickens to get specific traits or colors), watched and observed the genetic traits pass in Guinea Pigs, chickens, and parakeets.  

Imagine their surprise and excitement when we discovered a video series that discussed the same adaptation and genetic issues they had seen in life!

We discovered The Ark Encounter website along with Creation Museum and their affiliated YouTube channel called “Answers In Genesis!”  Wow!  They are not afraid to take on difficult subjects and ask and investigate so many fascinating things about our biology, animal adaptation, DNA structures, explanations of the how and why behind so many scientific theories.  It is a wealth of information. 

The first single episode we watched (it was almost an hour long) on dinosaurs in the Bible had my youngest five captivated the entire time.  Even Theadora, who interprets every video in terms of “Paw Patrol” at the moment, sat on the couch with her snuggly blanket the entire rainy Sunday afternoon as we watched the long dinosaur episode and three others!  The podcast episodes are more for those with longer attention spans.  The lectures and Ark Encounter and Ark Exploration videos are fascinating. 

Well-done science videos help my younglings to remember the subject matter better than simply reading it in a textbook.  Apologia science (our core science) textbooks are amazing because they are bright and have experiments that bring the science to life for the students.  Adding videos as supplements to our coursework aids in bringing the words off the page and into “real life;” we are a visual people.  We like to touch, taste, see, and feel the world around us.  If you can’t physically see the Grand Canyon with your own eyes, it certainly helps to be able to watch a video showing it.  The tools available to my children far exceed those I had access to 35 years ago.  I still default on books, but I am totally willing to include new tools to help them answer tough questions in any subject. 

Check out the Ark Encounter website or look up “Answers in Genesis” on YouTube.  You will be amazed at the wealth of scholastic information in their videos.  Second best to sitting in the actual lecture hall (actually, Louis thinks it’s better because we can pause it, pull out books, and do our own discussion and additional research as they talk). 

I’ll type later about our super history supplements (also free from YouTube!) we’ve discovered.

Thank you for reading and I hope this helps you explore some cool new teaching tools!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Encouragers: The Chaos Of Joy Mother

Encouragers: The Chaos Of Joy Mother

October 9, 2022

I’m sitting at the desk at gym, taking payments and checking liability waivers for our open gym one Friday at noon (every Friday noon to 1pm is Open Gym – basically, allow your kiddos to expend all their energy just before naptime!).  She pulls up into the handicapped parking space.  I smile. 

This woman is such an amazing encourager to me!  She has overcome more physical and medical challenges in her life than I could ever understand.  She has five little ones all five or younger and normally is accompanied by at least one nephew in the same general range.  She is such a blanket of calm mothering in a sea of chaos – and her smile!  Such joy!  She chooses joy!

I call her the “Chaos of Joy Mother” because you’d think her life with five littles zero to five years old would be chaos.  (I see some of her posts on Facebook and yes, it’s laughable, amazing, lovable chaos!) Add in farm animals, countless stunt-double-training apparatuses in their kid-ninja-warrior yard, kids turning the house into ninja training course, and homeschooling… I love her beautiful chaos!  She’s the type of calm mother I hope I am.  Minus the goat and stretching births out a bit, one of my girls pointed out that there were some family tales we turned into “The Funny Sisters” stories that are probably relatable. 

She encourages me by her love of life!  She is always doing something new or allowing her daughter to try something new.  They grow in love, life, and faith by expounding on the adventures life hands them.  This is such an encouragement to me.  I pray for them and thank God that I see her.  She probably doesn’t see herself as an encourager, but she totally is by the joy she shares!

Sometimes chaos is where you find your joy.  I know some of the craziest moments in my life are where I felt I couldn’t do anything else BUT find joy in Jesus and look up. 

While I’m driving to my first school on our afterschool pickup route, I happen to hear “Season, a Joy Bringer” and I smile at her anecdotes.  She is always focusing on how to share joy.  I feel the Chaos of Joy Mother is always sharing something she finds joyful with us – some see it as joy (like me) and some as craziness (are you kidding, you did/allowed what?!).   In our journey of life, I am super thankful for those who encourage me.  I pray I am an encouragement to others. 

I’m super thankful for the Chaos of Joy Mother because she and her little angels always make me smile with their love, wildness, and crazy adventures! 

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

“I Broke My Leg” – and other shenanigains

“I Broke My Leg” – and other shenanigains

September 30, 2022 (timewarp from August 30, 2022)

To say that our home is never dull is a severe understatement; something funny, outrageous, interesting, or unbelievable is happening all day every day and if it appears to be calm, someone will make something happen!

At our gym over the last week, one of the coaches injured her leg. Theadora saw her with her leg all wrapped and she was hobbling. Thea wasn’t wanting to help clean up the next day and threw herself dramatically on the couch with paper wrapped around her leg fastened with a hairtie and wailed, “I broke my leg like Coach Courtney!” (Coach Coutney’s leg wasn’t broken. Looking at Thea’s tongue, you’d think she’s playing dead.)

Then there’s the day we were racing around trying to get ready and Lucas was super happy about a hand-me-down shirt from the girls’ most recent purge. “Look, mom!” He proudly puffs out his chest, “I have a gymnastics meet shirt with a boy on it!” Jillian couldn’t donate that one! Lucas wore it to his Thursday night classes.

Then there are crazy hair days seconds before we leave for church (fortunately, Dad talked him out of wearing this creation to kid’s church). He made “hair” in kid’s church the week before and had saved it. (The beads are threaded on pipe cleaners – I believe they were studying Samson, maybe?)

Then there are those who randomly leave selfies on my phone for everyone’s future entertainment… (yes, they were warned – if it’s on my phone, I can use it!)

Honestly, the one of Thea and Kimberly I love! – It’s from March when they wandered around and Kimberly took lots of pictures.

In our house, we never do dull. There is always something – or someone – a bit crazy, wild, and fun where our hearts live.

Hope this post made you smile!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Thankfulness 2022

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things. #Thankful #Gratitude #PensacolaChristianCollege #EmbryRiddleAeronauticalUniversity #LifeJourney #Children #GoodNewsChurch #WGVGymnastics #Education #Thankfulness

Thankfulness 2022

September 27, 2022

Each year I try to reflect on what God has done in our lives this past year. 

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things.  I love to brag on what God has done!

I’ve been working for WGV Gymnastics (dream job I wanted my whole life but didn’t know it).  Louis is coming up on two years of working for Heritage Funeral Home.  I am super thankful for our Christian work environments and Christian bosses. 

Christina is happily pursuing her dream with passion, determination, and enthusiasm.  She is still at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University full time, working at WGV Gymnastics part-time, and babysitting, dogsitting, and housesitting on the side.  She is an amazing big sister!  Her little gymnasts love her!  She serves in the nursery at Good News Church at least three times a month and loves “her babies” – yes, they become hers for an hour or so.  I am so thankful for Christina!

Becky has thrown some shocking curveballs at us and is away at Pensacola Christian College.  Same state, yes, but an hour earlier in time than we are.  (Different time zone, as she’s under Alabama on the panhandle – Lucas and Thea point out on the big map on the wall at church every morning when we get their lemon tea “there’s Becky!”) I am so proud of her!  She’s exploring and learning and growing – such an amazing young lady I am so blessed to be her mom!  Thank you, Jesus, for Becky!

Kimberly can legally drive… (REALLY???  I can’t believe she’s 15!)  She’s learning so much in schoolwork academically, in gymnastics physically, and in life with maturity as she grows and takes on so much responsibility!  Kimberly’s plans are impressive.  Her determination is a trait so many people comment on to me – as a youngling, it was labeled stubbornness, but now that she knows how to focus, it’s determination.  Kimberly is a competitive gymnast at WGV Gymnastics, a gymnastics coach part-time at WGV Gymnastics, serves in kid’s ministry at Good News Church at least twice a month, and dogsits occasionally.  (She is working toward her claimed goals of saving for a computer for college this spring and a car next fall.)  I am so thankful for Kimberly!

Jaquline is Christina’s twin.  Sometimes Christina’s gymnasts see Jaquline and give her hugs saying “hi! Coach!” which makes Jaquline smile proudly and Christina jealous.  “You’re stealing my hugs!” Christina has been known to say later.  Jaquline has grown in her relationship with Jesus so much in the last year.  She serves in the church nursery at least twice a month.  She occasionally volunteers at WGV – or works cleaning to “get Christina out faster.”  Jaquline continues to work toward her goal of team gymnast someday – she loves Beam and said she wished there was a Beam only competition.  Thank you, Jesus, for Jaquline!

Jillian is facing the challenges that come with entering double digits.  The want of being treated as an adult yet the want of continuing childish foolishness.  She’s maneuvering that with the cornerstone of knowing that Jesus can lead her through anything.  She loves her kid’s ministry leaders at Good News Church.  She loves her coaches at WGV Gymnastics (she’s a competitive gymnast).  She loves her friends and I see her making some lifelong friendships, if she can hold them.  She is leaping forward in academics!  I am so thankful for Jillian!

Lucas is an unstoppable force of limitless energy!  He is always running a one-man football game where he is the quarterback, receiver, kicker, lineman, and fullback all at the same time.  When he catches his own forward pass, I’ll have seen everything.  He begs me for a brother almost every day.  He is super thankful for his “gym brothers” and his “best friends.”  I am super thankful for these young boys and young men God has set around Lucas to help him enjoy being a little boy and slowly teach him how to be a young man.  Lucas gives 110% to everything he touches.  His passion and enthusiasm will help fuel his discovery stages as he grows.  He loves gymnastics.  He loves being strong.  He loves mud and football and big trucks and being like dad.  Thank you, Jesus, for Lucas!

Theadora is no longer the baby.  She is a “big girl” or a “young lady” all the time.  Though she loves snuggling (I’m so glad she hasn’t grown out of that yet), she is quick to say “I’ll do it myself!” and proceed to do just that.  Theadora has a bold confidence that comes from running the gym at the age of two.  She doesn’t care to keep up pretences, what you see is what you get – at times like that I think of her as “Becky junior.”  This confidence and determination will carry her far.  She “signs her name” as TTT and says, “see, I’m triple T,” they are left all over Coach Heather’s desk as “swips” for Coach Heather along with who-knows-what-it-should be doodles.  I am so thankful for Theadora!

I love the stage God has us in!  I’m so thankful to be here and alive and enjoying every minute of our time together and apart.  I love our family.  I’m so grateful to see our younglings grow and become young women (and eventually, a young man)!  Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of giving life and raising children!  I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude to you, Jesus, for my totally amazing family!

Thank you for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Girls’ Evening Out

February 15, 2021

Girls’ Evening Out

Kimberly has been going through the excitement and fun of gymnastics competitions this year! On Saturday, the 13th, we were super excited because one of her competitions that didn’t have restrictions on number of spectators was at a time we could all go! (YIPPEE!)

Christina was ecstatic because she had not seen any of her competitions and rarely sees her work out at gym as her busy life schedule of college, studying, working, CAP, and babysitting doesn’t often overlap with Kimberly’s practice schedule. Christina was determined to go! (When she is determined, nothing stops her – I love it!)

A night out with her sister-cousins watching gymnasts do their thing in a huge resort in Orlando at an event with “Magical” in the name? Anastasia (and Aunt Becca) were like oh yes, please! Christina picked Becky and Anastasia up to meet us at the house to carpool.

Van repair (Louis got that done in record time), escaped doggo corralled and change of now-muddy outfits, everyone except doggo-chasers fed, and plenty of water and the normal emergency bag (spare diapers, clothes for Thea, Lucas, Anastasia, Jillian, and one adult t-shirt for any of the older ones including Mom) packed and we are off!

Music is a magic mood changer and we went from some upset about doggo escape and chase to everyone dancing and singing along like the normal van dance party! (Thanks to Becky the amazing DJ!)

Two hours and a huge traffic jam later we are sitting in a row and a half (party of 8 now as one of Christina’s friends joined our party at the parking garage) at the section where Kimberly’s team was gathering. And this is how they spent the 45 minutes between “ahh, running late to get Kim to her stretch!” and start of the meet:

We watched the gymnasts behind us (Level 10s!) doing some awesome skills as the open area just behind my girls in the last picture became the 10s vault with the 10s floor just beyond (between Anastasia and Jillian’s heads in the last picture). They were fascinated by the “really big girls” in between watching WGV Gymnastics’ Xcel Silver (Kimberly’s) team. The teens watched the scores and discussed the supposed deductions among themselves. Thea mastered the art of yelling “you got this!” as her big sisters were doing to encourage her teammates (okay, Kimberly’s teammates, but Thea called them “my team” several times). Whenever Anastasia or Jillian (during discussions) said “Coach Kristi,” Thea would correct them with, “no, my Coach Kristi!”

We got some neat pictures at the awards ceremony!

At the awards ceremony following the event, we almost ended up with a full row (6 chairs, but we were going to sit small ones double) but someone took the two on the end just before we actually sat down so we ended up on two rows again. We waited a little over an hour as Thea cleaned the chair with her babywipe, the girls did clapping games, thumb wars happened in the back row, and I edited a book.

We went out to eat at almost midnight. The kids all ordered something, we goofed off and discussed the event, the fun of Florida, the level 10s we saw (Jillian wants to be a 10!), and our conversation cycled through everything from burping like Uncle Buddy to gymnastics and everything in between. I’m sure we entertained everyone. Jaquline, Jillian, and Anastasia got giddy after midnight and when our waitress came back at 12:14, they shouted, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” Thea fell asleep just before food came out.

On the long drive home, Becky and I talked about lots of stuff (I love deep discussions) as Christina nodded in and out of sleep. The others crashed almost as soon as booties sat on seats after their bellies were full! They were all laying atop each other like knocked down dominoes in the back seat. Thea at least had a comfy babyseat (I guess shoulders and laps are a bit comfy).

With schedules and commitments, this may have been the only one we get to do together this year – but it was so perfect! Wonderful drive, amazing companionship, sister-cousin giggles, and supporting our Kimmy.

Two of them want to do the Magical Classic next year as spectators! (Jillian confidently said, “we’ll I’ll be in it!”)

Fill your days with joy as tomorrow it will be a happy memory!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 4

Dating Decision Part 4: Dissecting Real Life and True Love #DatingDecision #Decision #Dating #Focus #Choice #Purity #Liberating #Saving #Love #Understanding #Choices #Allow #Marry #Marriage

September 23, 2020

Dating Decisions Part 4

If you’ve kept with this series so far, you know I’m almost 18 in the story now. I’ve been studying myself, trying to shift my focus to Jesus and become the woman I know He wants me to be. I’ve been people watching everyone. I am still very shy around my peers. I am only comfortable talking about dreams and hopes and principles; not very good at small talk. I die after “I’m good, how are you?” But ask my opinion on something and you get more than you wanted. I am a good listener. I sort people into boxes depending on what they tell me: mental boxes labeled, “stay away,” “like to be friends,” “want to learn more from,” and “never in a million years.”

I hit 18.5, had gone out to Disney Springs with several friends from work twice (which my Daddy fully encouraged and wanted to know if we’d met any guys… no, we goofed off, went to a comedy show, watched the two oldest drink “Monkey Brains” from a monkey-head mug and get sillier by the second, sang along with a band, people watched, danced line dances at the country bar, and did cartwheels on the AMC stars waiting for my mom & the two other younger friend’s rides). After relaying this to my Daddy, he shook his head and said, “that sounds like ten year olds instead of adults!” I grinned, “but it sounds like friends hanging out in your stories.” Yes. I was crazy.

I was working at Disney and during the few lunch breaks I took, I joined the two other girls who claimed to be Christ-followers and we encouraged each other. It shocked me. Of all who asked me out there, every one of the “boys” (I refused to call them men per my Daddy’s earlier definition) expected a date to end with sex. No. No dating for me. At 18, getting a little bolder, I had started wearing a silver ring with my birthstone that my Daddy had given me a few years back for a birthday gift. I told anyone who asked me out that it was my virginity ring and a symbol of the vow I made to save myself for my future husband. That kept a few of the nicer “boys” from trying to ask me out. One named Guy said, “awesome, sister!” overhearing my spiel and encouraged with, “keep it up.” No, he didn’t ask me out; none of the few single “men” I met asked me out at this point.

The most important step in my dating decisions came when I left Kissimmee. I moved the last time with my parents (told my Daddy, “just one more time.”) and once in Saint Augustine I became an assistant in our youth group. I saw so much sadness and pain in the preteen girls I tried to mentor. This was the first time I agreed to help out with teaching youth. I prayed for each girl by name.

I discovered that the most important part of any girl’s life was to fall in love with Jesus first. Really. Truly. To give Him everything about you. Not to keep anything back – regarding life, love, boys, men, thoughts, heart. A girl’s first love had to be Jesus. A boy’s first love had to be Jesus. We went to a Rock the Universe concert and I listened to Nicole C Mullen tell us about how Jesus had to be our first and primary love. For all of our life; single and married, we had to constantly be “chasing” after Jesus. I realized that I was trying to keep control on my future and needed to surrender everything about my future to Jesus.

That was my final conscious dating decision: I decided I would always be a woman chasing after Jesus; that I would love Him foremost and that my future husband would love Jesus first as well. Jesus is my first love.

I learned that the term “missionary dating” was a huge thing for young girls. They seemed to think that by dating a non-Christian they were doing a good thing. I studied with them and we learned that the Bible clearly says being unequally yoked (aka a non-Christian and a Christian) does not work with God’s plan.

Basically there is one rule for Christians in marriage from Jesus and it is really simple: Ready?

Men: marry a woman who love Jesus.

Women: marry a man who loves Jesus.

There isn’t a “wrong one” if they love Jesus, there is only a “wrong first love.”

Jesus should be our first love. We should allow Him to hold our heart safe (the Bible calls it “protected by a hedge”) and wait on Him. If the person we are dating loves Jesus first, they will know how to love us. If we love Jesus, we will know how to love them.

We don’t obey Jesus out of fear, but out of love. As a Christian, we choose to avoid sin because we know sin breaks God’s heart and our passion is to serve Him with love. I wasn’t truly saving my purity for my future husband – I was obeying Jesus and His design because I loved Him. That should have been my first focus. Once I truly understood that my obedience with my body was because I loved Jesus it was liberating! I was understanding that God made sex in His perfect design and that within His rules, it was something to be looked forward to. (Honestly, at 18, I was still at the point where I thought “it” was super gross… dorky, I know.) It became less about rules and more about love.

“I am saving myself for my future husband because I love Jesus and He says it is the way.”

Once I wrote that in my journal, so much of the teenage garbage and pressures from everyone around me seemed to melt. It was perfectly okay to be a virgin adult. (Did I write that? Yep. I had so many from many age groups laugh at me and even my sisters teased me because I had what they called “virgin lips.”)

I was a few days from 19, still never been on a date, when I went to my Daddy’s family reunion in Georgia. Every one of my cousins and my siblings in their teen years had been on a date; most over 14 had already kissed. It was super laughter day for them. I loved that day. I loved now being able to witness to kids my age or younger about Jesus’ love just because they couldn’t believe I was wearing a ring on my wedding ring finger to remind me that my heart belonged first to Jesus.

It became a witness goal for me. Jesus used that tiny band for me to talk to so many young people during this season of my life. Most laughed. Almost all of them laughed. But I found myself praying for them and maybe my words helped a few.

We moved within Saint Augustine and started going to a new church. This was the first place I didn’t immediately jump into helping. I was almost 19 and still didn’t have a license. Instead I found myself trying to make friends. I wanted people with whom I could share life. I never wanted to leave the place called Saint Augustine. I had found a place my heart loved. I felt Jesus telling me this would be my home.

Fast forward 20 years:

I did leave dating and marriage and family up to Jesus. (Yes, stayed in Saint Augustine area.) I married a man who also loves Jesus first. We continually learn and love Jesus more and learn and love each other more – our relationship started with each of our first dates. In the world’s eyes, we were each other’s first loves. Really, Jesus was and is the first love for both of us. We loved Jesus with our bodies and futures. We each respected the other enough to wait until we were married. We didn’t “try it out” first. (BTW; Our chemistry is just fine!) We will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary in November. In November 2052, we will celebrate our 50th. We are in this for the long run. Our focus is on Jesus in our love and marriage as it should be in all things.

My constant prayer is that people realize that their sexuality is not divorced from their spirituality. God made us complete. Just like our physical hunger shouldn’t make us decide we need to eat unhealthy things, our sexual hunger shouldn’t make us decide to do unhealthy things. Our ability to control the natural hungers or desires within us is what proves we are free. One can only be 100% free by giving everything to Jesus.

My story is uniquely mine as yours is uniquely yours.

My story is the tale of a girl discovering her self through Jesus. It is the story of a woman continually choosing to follow Jesus every day and in each decision. Often, I fail. I fall out of focus and instead let the negative self-image that my mind sees try to convince me that I’m worthless. Jesus says we are loved. Bought with the price of His blood from the slave market of sin – all sins. He knows the innermost parts of our mind, heart, and soul and still loves us! Nothing is too bad that makes us unloved by Jesus. He reaches out His hand so we can choose to charge our life in big ways and small ways and continually choose to live our life to show people Jesus through our actions; they will know us by our love.

I choose to focus on Jesus. I choose to focus on my first love. Through Him, and only through Him, am I able to show the love for myself, my husband, my family, and others around me in a way that reflects Jesus.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 3

Dating Decisions Part 3: Discovering Real Life and True Love

September 20, 2020

Dating Decisions – Part 3

At this point in my story I am a few months into 16, realizing that my focus cannot be on someone else. Jesus is my answer, my hope, my truth, not some guy I will meet “eventually.” That brought more peace to my crazy teenage mind than any other decision I had made since choosing Jesus as my personal Savior.

I determined to stand on the principles of virtue that I wanted to find in my future mate. If I had high expectations, it stood to reason that he should as well.

I had already told God (when I was 12) that I would keep myself a perfect gift for my husband. I did some silly girlish stuff that I kept hidden – like write letters to my future husband as I was journaling. Several, actually most, of these letters were destroyed by inquisitive dogs and siblings long before I was 19. I understood purity to be in the mind, body, and heart. Of all the people I interviewed, none told me they wished they had “tried it out first” but almost every person who had “tried sex out” before marriage told me that they wished they hadn’t. Most of them cited trust issues after marriage as their reason. A few told me it made them feel less worthy or made their partner less desirable. Several did not marry the person they “tried out” with. My Daddy told me that once a boy makes a conquest, he thinks of the girl as dirty, trash, something to be discarded. He said that was why he never wanted to use anyone. He told me “men don’t use women but boys use girls.” The silver screen brought that to life in “Spencer’s Mountain” where they get the cow bred and Dad says to son something like: you aren’t a bull and your woman won’t be a cow. That image stuck with me. Stories about my Daddy’s friends, relatives in our extended family, and from my curious interview subjects led me to the understanding that if someone doesn’t respect your decisions in regard to your personal limits, they don’t truly respect you at all.

That led me to the decision that should I be dating someone and they choose to ignore or press my limits, I would back up and leave. Don’t respect me = deal breaker.

I also decided that I would give them just as much respect as I expected. That was something I already did because I was raised that way, but I made that mental decision and wrote it down just to solidify it. If I couldn’t respect them, I wouldn’t waste their time. A wife is expected to respect her husband.

I started to think of myself as a wife-in-training. I had read a devotional book where the woman writer referred to her students as “women-in-training” and I loved that idea! I’m big on apprentice type learning. Show me, direct me, and I pick up rather quickly. I think that actually learning from someone with real world experience is the absolute best. (Another reason I LOVE the movie “War Room” – if you haven’t seen it, DO IT.) I picked out the qualities that I needed to work on (like patience and not nagging) and started trying them out on my siblings. Siblings had taught me that I was low on the patience thing. (Truthfully, children have taught me that I’m still, constantly, and will be forever working on the patience thing.) I am a big sister who likes to not allow her little siblings to get in a situation she knows how to prevent, but I had to sit back and let them learn after only one warning. My Daddy boomed a deep-belly laugh when he asked 17-year-old me why I let my little sisters go out in white shirts (in Florida afternoon, Kissimmee = 10 minute torrential rainfall at precisely 3pm) and I replied with “I warned them, but I’m trying to learn how not to nag, so I only said it once.”

My focus was now on myself. I understood that I needed to be a better person for my siblings, parents, and my future family. This was just the beginning.

I was still feeling tremendous pressure from peer groups to “date” like my siblings. My study had led me to the belief that dating was a long series of pre-marital interviews. I had been to job and volunteer worker interviews. I knew that the most direct way to find out if a person was a good match for the job or position was to ask direct questions. At 16, I could no longer blame my daddy and say “my Dad won’t let me date until I’m 16” therefore I began being super direct by asking, “do you love Jesus?” About half of those who asked me out laughed in a scoffing manner and (since I was primarily around church groups) respond with, “I go to church.” My reply to that “puffy religious response” was equally “puffy religious” – “no thanks. I can only court after I’m 18.”

At this point, mid-17, I still had an excellent relationship with my Daddy. I would tell him when someone asked me out. Once he told me my standards were too high, that I was expecting perfection. My reply was, “I’m looking for someone at least as much in love with Jesus as I am; the man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the family.” I was super-focused on getting into UMR or FIT at this point (two engineering colleges I was chasing) and my Daddy was big on education which is why I believe he didn’t press the matter really. I told him I wasn’t planning on dating until I was ready to marry. That became a repeated line whenever I was teased by family or my sister’s friends. One guy I didn’t like approached me about “hooking up for fun” and I asked him if he was ready to raise a child. His entire friend group left me alone.

I had devised an entire pre-programmed set of responses to boys and now men because I had yet to be asked out by anyone I actually would have dated. There had only been two young men whom I watched and admired the character of since I was 16 and neither asked me out. I actually had deep discussions about Biblical issues with both of them and discovered more about “Biblical courtship” from the latter when I was 17.

I delved deeper into the idea of Biblical courtship with a book I stumbled upon just before I turned 18. “I Kissed Dating GoodBye” by Joshua Harris – I didn’t agree with all of the book, but there were many bits that helped me to understand the whole courtship thing.

I may have bent your ears too long in this epistle. Oops!

Ready for the biggest decision of my dating steps? Covering that next time…

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

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