Tag: understand

Focus on What is Important

What is most important in your life?
What came to your mind? Your career? Your family? World peace? Your children? Leaving your positive mark on society? Your business?

Focus on What is Important

September 10, 2023

What is most important in your life?

What came to your mind?  Your career?  Your family?  World peace?  Your children?  Leaving your positive mark on society?  Your business?

How about Jesus?  For me, when I heard those words this morning (sitting in the Good News Church first service), my mind created a list like words from Jillian’s history and science lesson she has to look up:

Jesus

Family

Showing Jesus to others.

Whatever is the most important in your life directs everything else in your life. 

Don’t believe that?  Seriously.  Consider it objectively.  Whatever you consider most important shapes and directs your life to achieve each step in your life to honor that important thing. 

My mind reflected back to decisions I made as a young person: a lot of decisions as even a preteen are life-shaping. 

I chose to keep myself pure for my future husband. 

I chose to honor my parents and respect them even if I disagreed.

I chose to better myself so I could love my brothers and sisters better. 

Each of these I decided to do because I loved Jesus.  I saw it as my honor to be able to shine Jesus’ light reflected through my life.  I wanted my life to be lived in worship to Jesus.  I wanted people to see that I was different and ask why.  The “preteen/teen” choice that led to me having the most conversations with other teenagers was my choice to love Jesus by honoring His desire for my sexuality.  It was counter-popular-culture to stay sexually pure (yes, as my kids can’t understand, I am young enough that I was laughed at for being a virgin after 18).  I wore a birthstone ring my Daddy gave me on my ring finger and told others it was to remind me that I belonged to Jesus first; He wanted me to stay pure for my future husband.  So many people laughed.  A few asked deeper questions and I would get to share about Jesus and how He loved me first and my joy was to honor Him with all of my life. 

Later, in the business world, I was faced with repeated pressure to falsify information on forms to cut financial corners.  I held my ground and honored God.  When I was told I could choose to either “serve the company” or there wouldn’t be any more hours for me.  I actually told my boss that because I loved Jesus, I couldn’t lie.  The hours available to me dropped to where I would spend more time driving to the office than working; that would have made it a financial burden to work rather than an income.  I was unable to stay.  I often wonder if that choice did any forever good (did my decision or words help anyone see Jesus?); but would I change my decision?  No.  I choose to honor Jesus’ commandments because I love Him.  I get to honor Jesus because He first loved me. 

I pray my children discover that it is an honor and privilege to love Jesus.  We are loved by Him from the foundations of the world.  Even while we were yet sinners, He loved each of us so much that He died for our sins and rose to conquer sin and death!  Because of that, we have the honor of choosing to love Jesus and serve Him with our obedience. 

I looked at little Laud sleeping in my lap and smiled.  I choose to look at every part of loving my babies as a privilege and honor!  I wonder at how blessed I am that God would allow me to raise one of His children!  (Okay, 8 of His children so far) Still, each one is specially loved and was created piece by carefully knit piece by God as they were formed inside me.  God has gifted me the honor of being their mother; one at a time and altogether.  I am humbled, awed, and enthralled by the enormous blessing each child is.  I thank God for them when I think of them. 

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me!  Thank you, Jesus, that I get to love You!  Thank you that I get to love my children!  Keep reminding me of how I should always choose to love You first.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Father’s Day 2023

“It all starts with a bachelor…” starts the old cartoon that highlights Fatherhood in a Goofy sense but before the entertainment industry really made fun of Fathers…

Father’s Day 2023

A time-warp Story from June 18, 2023

Father’s Day.  Because of childhood memories, I’m always hearing the Disney Cartoon narrator from “Goofy Celebration of Fatherhood” when I read those words.  “It all starts with a bachelor…” starts the old cartoon that highlights Fatherhood in a Goofy sense but before the entertainment industry really made fun of Fathers.  

Our culture has tried to reduce fathers to a joke.  Sadly, that is the farthest thing from the truth yet popular movies, songs, and tv shows portray fathers as not worth respect.  The butt of jokes.  Maybe a breadwinner.  Unimportant.  

In truth, it’s movies like “Courageous” that get it right.  Fathers are vital.  The Bible tells us the father is the head of the home.  The primary moral compass of the family.  It’s summer camp at my gym.  I love to watch the excitement the kids get when they get picked up; “Daddy!  Watch what I can do!” or “Mommy! Look what I made!”  I hear a lot about mommies and daddies.  

We heard about spiritual fathers at church today too; those like Paul who calls Timothy his “son in the faith” and “beloved son” though he wasn’t his biological son.  My father lost his father as a young man just entering adulthood.  I never met my grandfather Theodore Pearson, but I know he was a strong, giving, loving man because of the legacy he left in his children whom I met.  Our daughter “Theadora” was named in honor of him.  My father also had a spiritual father; Mr. Bob Suber.  I loved him.  I first met him when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  His wife Betty taught me how to embroider and sew clothes.  I watched him talk with my Daddy as we spent many evenings at their house for supper and the adults would go into discussions.  I sat cross-legged in front of him with starry eyes listening to stories of his childhood in the nineteen-twenties and thirties where he and his buddies used to swipe fruit from orchards and try not to get caught or pick raw corn and dig potatoes from the edges of farmland and would roast them for lunch on fires they’d make and share food with traveling hobos.  He said his mama always cooked a big broth pot from whatever squirrel, rabbit, or game he or his younger brother got that day and would toss in root vegetables and greens and herbs.  He said her pots could be smelled for miles.  After her family ate, she fed a bowl of broth to any hobo that stopped and asked.   Mr. Bob died when I was about fourteen and I saw my Daddy cry.  He said that Bob Suber’s graceful acceptance of death reminded him of other men of faith that Mr. Bob had pointed out – and he wanted to be sure he had that peace and grace when his time came.  In December 2018, he showed that grace and peace at his own time when God called him home.

Fathers are so important.  

I am very grateful for my Father.  For the blessing I had of being his daughter.  

I’m also so thankful for the Father God chose for my children.  Louis is always striving to be the most godly father he can be.  

I pray for the men God will lead to my girls to be fathers of their children.  I pray that we raise up Lucas to be a godly man and father.  

Life is far simpler than we make it out to be.  Love is our center.  Family is our core.  God made it that way from the beginning.  I pray that we shoo away the distractions and focus on the truth; choosing to follow Jesus in all things and put our families first.  Fathers bold enough to be fathers have that power inside them; God put it there from the beginning.  Each man simply has to choose.  

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Encouragers: The Challenger of Norms

Encouragers: The Challenger of Norms

October 6, 2022

I’m praying for her family.  I’m praying for strength, wisdom, and peace in her heart.  This woman is the Challenger of Norms.  She has encouraged me over many years.  When my daughters ask if I have a best friend, this woman comes to mind.  She has allowed me to speak openly.  We can talk honestly with each other about our respective challenges, joys, disappointments, fears, mountain highs, and valley lows without judging each other. 

She was the friend who taught me it was safe to be vulnerable to another adult (other than my husband).  She taught me I can be real about the challenges I face with the life I chose.  Often we feel trapped in the life we chose, especially if our choice is considered “unconventional” or “unrealistic” in today’s world.  This is because the world tries to isolate us into tiny corners.  Public schooled here.  Homeschooled there.Medical challenges in your children here.Healthy children there.Stay-at-home-moms here.Working moms there.Struggling business owner families here.Lower class, middle class, upper middle class, lower middle class… Etc. Society tries to put us all into tiny boxes and keep us isolated there. 

This was not how God intended!  We are intended to work together!  Younger are to learn from elders, we are to speak truth and encouragement into the lives of others, we are to build each other up and edify.  You can’t do that if you feel trapped into silence because someone’s response to you saying you feel stressed, please pray for me ends up being “you shouldn’t have done xyz” instead of just saying “yes” or praying right there.  I always heard “your troubles are just because you have too many kids” – um… no.  Our financial troubles came from poor decisions (paying off credit cards instead of house), medical unknowns (my crazy hospital issue), or issues beyond our control (losing jobs due to forced government shutdown debacle, someone using a car without permission and wrecking two others, someone rear-ending and totaling a car that is too old for us to get a replacement, etc)

The Challenger of Norms taught me to embrace the life I chose and enjoy each stage of it unapologetically.  I have taken that to heart.  She has managed to keep joy and purpose even in the face of debilitating medical issues facing her precious children.  Once I mentioned how I felt bad speaking about how I was challenged when she faces so much.  She told me only she walks her journey just as only I walk mine.  That I’ve heard in my heart for over a decade.  I have to lean on others who are choosing joy in order to encourage me to choose joy in my challenges. 

We can discuss homeschooling options and challenges without comparing our children one to another because both of us understand that each child has their own unique challenges and strengths.  We can discuss our challenges and encourage each other in mothering without judging.  We can share our challenges and strengths in our respective marriages and understand that neither of us are alone in our respective struggles.  We can boast on our men and laugh at their craziness and somehow that actually makes me feel more thankful for the blessings we both have. 

She taught me that dropping in unannounced was totally acceptable for friends.  We could show up at each others’ homes and just jump into whatever was going on – from parties to cleaning to pool parties to bonfires to just chatting about everything while our toddlers to teens entertain each other and our babies fall asleep.  My home is now always open and I don’t really care what it looks like (Louis and the girls generally keep it in “mostly acceptable” condition anyway).  We have games and fun every Sunday as that is officially our “family day” that we try to keep open.  I hope to build relationships with my children, their friends, and families of their friends so that friends and family feel comfortable just showing up at my house if they ever need it or want it.

What I really learned from my friend is to live life as I want to, as God leads me, and let everyone else think and say whatever they want without really caring.  Oh, I listen, but when it’s something that directly challenges the lifestyle God has given me – my amazing husband, our wonderful children, our happy amazing life – I smile, nod politely, and let it in one ear and out the other.  I am who I am. 

Sometimes we just need someone to affirm we are human just like everyone else and someone who will tell us the truth while allowing us to speak our emotions openly.  We know the truth.  I am loved.  I am chosen.  I am blessed!  Sometimes we need to speak our emotions out loud to get them in line with our truths – and that, it when we find out where true friends are.  Those who listen, agree they are human just like we are, and speak encouragement into our lives.

I am so thankful that God allowed me to overcome my insane fear of talking to adults just in time to make an amazing friend who, together with her awesome family, has blessed me and my family in more ways than I can possibly ever list. 

Be that friend to someone today.  Listen.  Be human.  Speak truth in love.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

November 18, 2020

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

Towards the end of the year, I always begin to reflect on the changes that have occurred in the year. Overall, they end up being positive – and those are my highlights. As it is close to Thanksgiving, I thought I’d brag a bit as I ponder on the changes I’ve seen in Becky this year.

Becky started 2020 discovering that she enjoyed the sport of gymnastics! I loved that because since I work at WGV Gymnastics, we get to drive together and she is the default DJ in our car because she picks up on the moods and knows how to use music to make everyone dance. I love spending extra time with my children!

She overcame a lot of obstacles that this unusual (if I hear the other word again – and you know which one – I will shriek!) year has thrown at her. Like our family has done, she pulled herself up, found either another way or something else, and managed to rise out with a smile!

Smile! Oh yes, one of Becky’s highlights of the year were her braces! She finally overcame a bad habit that kept her from getting braces (power of determination) and can now accurately be called “metal-mouth” until near the end of next year. She’s doing a great job of keeping them maintained and cleaned. She has been dreaming of braces and straight, beautiful teeth forever… but then, she still wants to major in orthodontics or some branch of dentistry.

Becky also managed to embark on two new ventures right as she turned fifteen:

First, she started a job. I never would have guessed that between “afternoon two shifts” and “morning three shifts” she would take “Preschool Program Coach” in the mornings. Becky is totally my night owl, so this did surprise me. She does this well.

Second – watch out world – she got her learner’s permit for driving.

And a phone. She pays for her own phone now.

I’m totally amazed and very proud of my little lady (okay, tall young lady who has been taller than me for a while) and her accomplishments this year. Becky has been working on herself. She is learning to understand herself and others around her. I see more empathy from her.

I pray for her daily as she begins to try her young adult wings in the world of “adulting” – as my teenagers call working, classes, activities, volunteering, and paying bills.

She dreams of building an aviary for her little feathered loves (parakeets now) that will allow her to add finches, lovebirds, and even more avian pets. I see that being accomplished soon because she is smashing through everything and accomplishing what she wants. Her determination is a very strong thing. Her ability to work through challenges and keep her word makes me proud. I know God has wonderful plans for her now and in her future.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to have your beautiful daughter to raise! She is learning to lean on You and trust You in everything. She is loved so much by her family and even more by You – I pray You protect her, guard her heart, build her self-esteem, show her Your love and bring those You want guiding her into her life.

I hope this total Mom-blog piece today encourages you to find the positives and look at the accomplishments of your little blessings through this tough year. What did you see that made you smile? What challenge did your child find a creative solution too? Rejoice in the positives!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Learn Your Children

July 25, 2020

Learn Your Children

Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.

Children.

When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.

For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!

Complex.

You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.

Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.

Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!

Learn your child.

Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.

Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”

“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.

Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.

Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.

Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.

Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.

These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.

Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?

These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.

Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Goofy Meme

A meme shared by their uncle provides for a funny, entertaining morning!

March 2, 2019

Goofy Meme

One thing Christina and Becky like to do is look through my FaceBook feed.

Hilarious laughter exploded one morning as I showed them a meme one of my brothers shared:

20190227_133010.jpg

Becky adds:  “Me: Uncle Buddy, Uncle ChaCha, how did you get in my birth room?”

Kimberly, Jaquline, and Christina went into laughing debate over which of their uncles would fit which roles.

Christina and Becky decided this would be the most awesome thing to do after their first baby’s birth.  Becky started talking about how it would be her and her husband mimicking this exchange.

I told them to do a ToyActs video play with it.  (Don’t know if they will.)

This did turn the entire breakfast table and schoolroom into a discussion that led into movie/book differences, how nerdy our family is, a few recitations from the movie, and one of the girls looking at Thea and saying, “You’ll understand this soon enough.”

Their interactions certainly kept an amused smile (and a few chuckles) on mom’s face.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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