Tag: adults

Shifting Time, Adapting Traditions

November 15, 2022

Shifting Time, Adapting Traditions


Yesterday a notification from my calendar app popped up on my phone.  It read, “Pearson Family Thanksgiving at Mom & Daddy’s.”  It was an old recurring appointment I’d just never deleted.  I guess I hoped we’d restart it someday.  The recurring day was always the 15th of November and time was set as 4pm to 7pm just because my app in 2010 with my first smartphone didn’t allow “all day” appointments to give me day-before notifications.

Why would our family Thanksgiving be on the 15th instead of the fourth Thursday of each November?

Good question: here’s the historical answer…

It started after the first year Louis and I got married.  We had just tried to do Thanksgiving at his family’s (Grandma Jeanette’s house) and then Thanksgiving at my family’s – and were exhausted and Louis complained he was too full from one place to eat half of what he wanted to taste at my parent’s house.  Same happened at Christmas!  At least the food part wasn’t a big issue at Christmas.  His family always did presents and stuff at the crack of dawn (not really, but early) and my family usually had a big breakfast, tried all the kids’ patience, setup everything, made sure all the service workers had gotten a good nights’ sleep so it was later and lasted longer.  Christmas was easy.  Morning with his family, afternoon with mine.  

Plus, as the second year holidays approached, we realized that three of us (Louis, Katy, and Becca) worked service industry and didn’t have the actual Thanksgiving Day off.  Hmm… That made the decision even easier!  I approached my Daddy with an idea: what if, we celebrated Thanksgiving on Mom’s birthday each year instead of actual Thanksgiving Day – of course, they could still do the actual Thanksgiving, but the Travel Thanksgiving Day celebration when we all got together would be Mom’s birthday.  Daddy said, “two feast days for Thanksgiving?  Great idea.”  (or something very similar to that, I don’t remember the exact words)

We started celebrating Thanksgiving with my family on November 15th, my Mother’s birthday!  It was perfect, service industry workers could easily ask and get a random day a week and a half before the start of the holiday rush (pre-Nights-of-Lights for us Saint Augustinians), and we’d always make or buy a cake for Mom!  It was perfect!  (Then we could go to our own thing or for us, go to Louis’ family celebration on Thanksgiving Day, if we were off – Louis usually tried to make an appearance; even it is was briefly.)

Lots of stuff has happened to my birth family and we’ve tried to keep that tradition alive, but it isn’t happening this year.  Instead, we are hosting Thanksgiving for anyone able from 11/23 to 11/27.  A few of our family will be in town and able to visit.  Maybe some friends might pop in over those off-days (we are off work and the girls on break from college, Louis is on call, but he’s always on call) – family and friends make for fun days full of memories!  

I smiled at the notification because it today would mark four full years since we’d gone over to Mom and Daddy’s for “Pearson Thanksgiving on Mom’s Birthday” and all my older girls remember “two Thanksgiving parties” every year!  Lucas attended some, but doesn’t remember them.  Thea hadn’t ever been.  

So many things shifted in our family that now, getting days off before Thanksgiving, when most of us are on vacation is like “really?” and two of our children are grown (okay, Becky’s not legally an adult yet, but I consider her one) so I want our home to be the gathering place.  I want to be like Grandma Jeanette, the “glue” that holds the family together.  I want everyone to feel welcome and this year we’ve officially started opening our home to anyone during holidays (it feels like we have more space even though we don’t).  Not that we didn’t say it before “oh, you can just come by” no, this year we sent out timelines to family and have offered verbal invitations to friends of our kids and their families.  I want to be the fun memory-making place – and it won’t matter that we won’t be in this house next year for any of the fall holidays, our new place will be the new gathering place.  I want to build memories so my younglings keep coming back – even if one day they show up and say, “Dad, Mom, can we do Thanksgiving at your house on your anniversary instead of actual Thanksgiving Day?” – and yes, we’ll shift with the time to accommodate what our youngsters and their growing families need… but that’s WAY in the future, right?  

(Who am I kidding?  It seems like yesterday I proposed the question to my Daddy…)

Thank you for Reading!

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Encouragers: The Challenger of Norms

Encouragers: The Challenger of Norms

October 6, 2022

I’m praying for her family.  I’m praying for strength, wisdom, and peace in her heart.  This woman is the Challenger of Norms.  She has encouraged me over many years.  When my daughters ask if I have a best friend, this woman comes to mind.  She has allowed me to speak openly.  We can talk honestly with each other about our respective challenges, joys, disappointments, fears, mountain highs, and valley lows without judging each other. 

She was the friend who taught me it was safe to be vulnerable to another adult (other than my husband).  She taught me I can be real about the challenges I face with the life I chose.  Often we feel trapped in the life we chose, especially if our choice is considered “unconventional” or “unrealistic” in today’s world.  This is because the world tries to isolate us into tiny corners.  Public schooled here.  Homeschooled there.Medical challenges in your children here.Healthy children there.Stay-at-home-moms here.Working moms there.Struggling business owner families here.Lower class, middle class, upper middle class, lower middle class… Etc. Society tries to put us all into tiny boxes and keep us isolated there. 

This was not how God intended!  We are intended to work together!  Younger are to learn from elders, we are to speak truth and encouragement into the lives of others, we are to build each other up and edify.  You can’t do that if you feel trapped into silence because someone’s response to you saying you feel stressed, please pray for me ends up being “you shouldn’t have done xyz” instead of just saying “yes” or praying right there.  I always heard “your troubles are just because you have too many kids” – um… no.  Our financial troubles came from poor decisions (paying off credit cards instead of house), medical unknowns (my crazy hospital issue), or issues beyond our control (losing jobs due to forced government shutdown debacle, someone using a car without permission and wrecking two others, someone rear-ending and totaling a car that is too old for us to get a replacement, etc)

The Challenger of Norms taught me to embrace the life I chose and enjoy each stage of it unapologetically.  I have taken that to heart.  She has managed to keep joy and purpose even in the face of debilitating medical issues facing her precious children.  Once I mentioned how I felt bad speaking about how I was challenged when she faces so much.  She told me only she walks her journey just as only I walk mine.  That I’ve heard in my heart for over a decade.  I have to lean on others who are choosing joy in order to encourage me to choose joy in my challenges. 

We can discuss homeschooling options and challenges without comparing our children one to another because both of us understand that each child has their own unique challenges and strengths.  We can discuss our challenges and encourage each other in mothering without judging.  We can share our challenges and strengths in our respective marriages and understand that neither of us are alone in our respective struggles.  We can boast on our men and laugh at their craziness and somehow that actually makes me feel more thankful for the blessings we both have. 

She taught me that dropping in unannounced was totally acceptable for friends.  We could show up at each others’ homes and just jump into whatever was going on – from parties to cleaning to pool parties to bonfires to just chatting about everything while our toddlers to teens entertain each other and our babies fall asleep.  My home is now always open and I don’t really care what it looks like (Louis and the girls generally keep it in “mostly acceptable” condition anyway).  We have games and fun every Sunday as that is officially our “family day” that we try to keep open.  I hope to build relationships with my children, their friends, and families of their friends so that friends and family feel comfortable just showing up at my house if they ever need it or want it.

What I really learned from my friend is to live life as I want to, as God leads me, and let everyone else think and say whatever they want without really caring.  Oh, I listen, but when it’s something that directly challenges the lifestyle God has given me – my amazing husband, our wonderful children, our happy amazing life – I smile, nod politely, and let it in one ear and out the other.  I am who I am. 

Sometimes we just need someone to affirm we are human just like everyone else and someone who will tell us the truth while allowing us to speak our emotions openly.  We know the truth.  I am loved.  I am chosen.  I am blessed!  Sometimes we need to speak our emotions out loud to get them in line with our truths – and that, it when we find out where true friends are.  Those who listen, agree they are human just like we are, and speak encouragement into our lives.

I am so thankful that God allowed me to overcome my insane fear of talking to adults just in time to make an amazing friend who, together with her awesome family, has blessed me and my family in more ways than I can possibly ever list. 

Be that friend to someone today.  Listen.  Be human.  Speak truth in love.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Pearson Christmas Party 2018

Picture overload! My family’s Christmas party 2018.

December 22, 2018

Pearson Christmas Party

Imagine twelve adults and thirteen children racing around a beautifully decorated house and every single one of them is acting like they are somewhere in that magic child age around 5 to 8.  That was our Christmas party this year.  It was the best!

20181221_1913066478438496718458303.jpg

My amazing sister and brother hosted.

20181221_1855131208955633269164993.jpg

Katy is always ready for a picture!

20181221_1915575137735806187041956.jpg

Livy painting faces!  Anastasia is concentrating on being very still.  She was rewarded with a beautiful butterfly!

20181221_1909168284789220255384046.jpg

Jaquline got snowflakes to match her dress!

20181221_1855555545888940721613490.jpg

Mrs. Claus and helpers!  Tina, Christina (Christy the elf), and Mandy (Elsa-elf!)

20181221_1853304383771695139526475.jpg

Liam was here, but jumped out of the way!  Brother-cousin time L-to-R JJ, Lucas, Isaac

This video shows our baby sister’s personality – it matches the hat!

FB_IMG_1545493733336.jpg

Group Selfie! Tina, Ray, Becca, Charles, Allison

20181221_190607_15454387723993261354431844924008.jpg

The teenage grandchildren (Becky, 13, and Christina, 15)

20181221_1915107686836351812712197.jpg

Bouncy Hat plus Sherlock Pipe (both with accents…)

20181221_1916079139732878494383323.jpg

The pro (Aunt Becca) teaching JJ how to take a selfie… (He knows he’s adorable!)

20181221_190247.jpg

Mom and the boys (silly faces): L-to-R Nathan, Ray, Tina, Charles, Louis, and Andy

20181221_192155.jpg

Mom and the girls: L-to-R Mary, Kayla, Katy, Allison, Tina, Becca, and me.

We did not get a group picture, or a full cousin picture, because everyone was just having too much fun!  The girls (my pictures come from Christina, Becky, and Kimberly) managed to get many active shots.

20181221_1858101918312641277837041.jpg

This was our first year without my Daddy.  Katy and Andy had set up the layout so that he would have a comfy chair, a central view, close to food, close to everything in what Kimberly called “Santa Boompa’s throne.” (The chair with the footstool, Mom’s seat was supposed to be the matching one next to his.)  From this view you could see Livy’s facepainting station (she is so talented), the Selfie station (which was hilarious), the “dance floor” (right in front – so much fun!), the food and beverage buffet area was to the left (easy access to refills and the silly shenanigans going on in there), and the covered porch area was just behind it (where not just the boys were showing off their strength… or trying to).

Even though he wasn’t there, I didn’t feel like Daddy was missing.  I heard him in my brothers, Mom, and several of the children.  I heard his laugh when the boys were showing off.  I could hear him cheering each one on.  I felt his smile as Anastasia passed out gifts for each of the sister- and brother-cousins.  The little ones ran around giving drawings, toys, and hugs to each other and I felt him smile because he loved to give.  I felt his heart as Kimberly reminded me she needed my phone to “take pictures and movies for Grandma,” because “Granddaddy always likes to get pictures for Grandma!”

My Daddy’s legacy lives as the humor and fun he always had rubbed off on us kids and our children.  We love to see each other smile and laugh.  We encourage each other.  We share with each other.  We love.

This makes me so happy I cried on the way home.

Daddy isn’t really gone.  I miss him so bad; I miss being able to talk with him.  No one listens to me chatter away about the story ideas I have like he did.  Daddy didn’t seem to mind if it was the fifth – or fiftieth – time I told a cute something the kids did or a neat thing I learned; he never said “I’ve already heard that.”  I miss that, yes.

But he’s here.  I keep hearing the sing-song voice from the Disney cartoon: “he lives in you.”

Daddy lives in all 25 of us that were there (and the 4 who weren’t) in some way.  His legacy is us.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Dropping In

Lack of my technological connection device led to some deep thought… and a fun visit!

October 29, 2018

Dropping In

I think we’ve all become too preoccupied with technology in many ways.  It invades our lives and sometimes, rather than bringing us closer together (as it was originally meant to do) it appears to spread us farther apart.

Does anyone else remember being a kid and just dropping over to your friend’s house, knocking on the door and asking whatever adult came “may so-and-so come play?”  Today’s youth have their parents text or call said person.  (Or they call/text if they have a phone.)

We’ve lost the connectivity of just dropping in.

I ended up without my phone the other night (had given it to Becky because the house she was babysitting at didn’t have a land line) and wanted to go visit with a friend.

Heavens to Betsy!  I couldn’t text or call her!  (We don’t have a land line phone either – and it wouldn’t have helped me if we did as I saved her number in my phone!)

Could I just stop over?  Drop in?  Did people even do that?  Isn’t that considered rude?

While digesting these thoughts, I realized God was still nudging me to go visit (God had put her on my heart when I was on my way to work – and yes, with no phone) regardless of my lack of ability to warn her of our approach.  (Yes, we are like being descended upon by a flock of chattering geese; all six of us this time because Becky was babysitting and Louis was working.)

As I drove the few miles to her house, my mental debate continued:  I am the type of person who loves to visit with people – they can drop in any time I’m home as long as they don’t mind the almost constant state of dishevel in my home.  We live in it, and unless you catch it on Saturday in the first hour after deep cleaning or after 9pm on a regular night, my house will have sporadic hair on the floor from shedding people and pets, a few cups loitering on the table and counter, dishes in the sink, clean clothes either in a bucket or half-folded on the couch, books and art materials on the dining room table, and toys that aren’t always in the toy room.  But my family lives in my house.  So if you come unannounced, expect it to look lived-in.  If you show up on a planned visit, it will likely be “company clean” (aka, we just scurried around like frightened chipmunks to make it as presentable as possible considering the time of day).  I reasoned that I would just pop by before unloading everyone and if they were busy, if she was resting (she gets precious little sleep), or they weren’t up for company, we’d just deliver the job-related news and enjoy the drive back home.

She was excited we had come!  (Surprise!  I knew we were sisters!)  We unloaded and spent a few hours chatting, playing, and enjoying each others’ company.  We actually talked about this very thing.  She remembered people dropping by her parents’ home almost every day when she was growing up.  They would bring a pie or dish, join for lunch or supper, and enjoy a visit or the rest of the day together.

I dropped by on Grandma Jeanette at least once a week; I knew her schedule and knew she would enjoy the visit.

But with everyone else I’ve felt like everything has to be planned.  It feels impolite to just drop by and bring a gift or deliver some news in person rather than over the digital airwaves.

God knows our hearts.  He knew I would really go and knew my friend wanted some adult conversation (who am I kidding? so did I), it was part of His plan that we fellowship together and encourage each other.

We, as people, need that.

We, as Christians, need that.

We were not made to live in isolation.  Our overly busy world with unrealistic expectations tried to shove aside our human need for simple fellowship – time spent together without an agenda.  Just quality time invested in each other.  Dropping in and feeling comfortable in each others’ spaces.  This is when we do not judge each other by the state of one another’s home but choose to invest in the state of one another’s hearts.  Yes, most of my events with other people will still likely be planned, but I no longer feel restricted to just planned meetings!

I am so thankful for friends that are my sisters.  (Or sisters who are best friends!)  Those who I don’t feel obligated to race around and worry about what they will think of the shoes that didn’t make it to the shoe shelf or the train track loaded with every rolling vehicle we own running from the playroom down the hallway into the living room or the dishes that someone is currently washing.  I am thankful for the freedom to be me around them.  I love being real.  I love feeling accepted as me.  I enjoy learning from those around me.

Thank you, Jesus, for true friends!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Fun and Games

April 2, 2018

Fun and Games

Yesterday for Easter Sunday we went to an Easter Party with the Landmark Family.  Any time we get together is a party. (You should come on Saturday nights at 6:30pm, it’s never boring!)  We call ourselves the Landmark Squirrels, which inspired a group of children’s books too!

This time there was food, (we have some amazing cooks in our church!) games, (the relay race had a sack race, egg-n-spoon-carry, and hopscotch – it was very entertaining!) and lots of good company.

While the adults were eating and chatting, two almost-three-year-old boys, flaunting their independence and comradeship, had wandered off.  They had discovered a sand pit!

20180401_134800.jpg

I decided to get a little closer!  One of those sandmen was mine – Lucas, in the striped shirt.  I know, they are both in blue & jeans but that was not planned!  Lucas loves playing with Grayson.  Anytime we are going to church, he reminds us days in advance, “I go to Grayson’s church!” We’d been planning attending this party for at least a week, so Lucas kept reminding us anytime someone said “Easter” – “I’m going to play with Grayson on Easter!”

20180401_134756.jpg20180401_134752.jpg

Trying to get a close up without disturbing wild animals in their play is challenging!  I managed two more shots before Lucas spied me.

The children found hidden Easter eggs.  Most were filled with candy (the prize ones had money!) but Kimberly said she found the best prize egg of all – it had a lovely little flower in it!

20180401_1418521064480834.jpg20180401_1418571825121599.jpg

We played bean bag toss and the little ones chased bubbles.  We chatted about fun things and ate delicious food.  Most of my youngsters chose carrot cake and brownie-like cupcakes over their candy.  That is, until the boys drifted away and demolished an entire basket of candy, secretly (or so they thought!) but they’d been spied. (Moms are wise here; they knew the boys dropped more chocolate in the sand than what got in their mouths so this piracy was actually a good thing.)  We had a wonderful time!  It’s always fun to get together with family!  I always wish I never had to leave.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

 

 

Follow me!

Get my latest posts delivered to your email: