And… IT Happened!
January 9, 2020
I am at work, minding my own business, trying to focus solely on work.
*BLING* No noise, though, because my phone is on silent like it should be.
I glance at it laying on the desk.
WHAT!
“Mom, which day is good for University tour? I need it for my scholarship application next year.”
I reread that with bugged out eyes.
Yes, next year. Like, application to be delivered in the beginning of fall 2020. Where did time run?
Fast forward to the day before said university tour date (I’ve already asked for the day off months ago & am really excited about visiting this place!).
*BLING*
Um… Really? It’s lunch, though (oddly she seems to understand the no-phones-during-work concept already), so I look.
I get a picture… it’s an outline of our entire day, which not only includes the long drive, university tour, campus discussion, and such, but also squeezes in “appointment at DMV.”
Wait. What appointment? It’s Jaquline’s 10th birthday – my mind instantly pops to Kimberly and Jaquline’s open request for their FL IDs. Nope. Three dots (means she’s typing another text) pop up…
“Oh, that’s because 01/07 is when I can get my real driver’s license & I already booked the appointment so we will just make it if there’s traffic.”
I laugh out loud.
I could say impressed, but I’m not really. I know my young woman very well. She knows that if she wants something, she has to set it all up and make it happen. Expecially since I’ve been working full-time now, all of the girls have become far more independent. Before it was my policy that if they wanted something (plan an outing, attend an event, join a club/group, get a job, etc.) that wasn’t a family thing, I would help research and direct, but they had to do the paperwork, calling, or whatever else that had to be done. Now, though, my free time at home is taken up with the younglings doing really basic stuff like verifying schoolwork, going over new concepts again, attempting to train basic manners and such in two of three hours without feeling like a joy-leech (more on that to come later), and other such. Sometimes I feel like I never get to talk to my teens & preteen.
Driving them places was my only dedicated time to talk with them… I’m not sure I want her to have her license…
Nothing is going to slow her down.
I love that she’s so independent and self-reliant. I love that she has goals and makes things happen to reach them.
…I’ve been in thought too long, the three dots come back…
“It shouldn’t take too long. I made an appointment.”
So I send a smiley face. (I didn’t even realize the DMV was open that late)
*Pause for the tour… and the sweet story of this picture!*
The above picture was her grabbing a “quick selfie” with me as Dad stopped for his breakfast after the tour – “we have to have one picture from the tour with both of us!” (My heart almost melted, I had several pictures of her, just none of me... she meant she wanted a picture with me.)
Fast forward to January 7th, and I’m typing on a blog after driving Christina to her appointment. I’m waiting for my sixteen year old to get back from her test. She’s about to step into a new level of independence.
I’m not really scared – though most people say I should be.
I trust that she’s learned well. I trust that she will make safe, wise decisions. Mostly, this peace I’m carrying is because I know regardless of what I want, I can only hold her hand for so long – I have to let her grow. I let her go into God’s hands… back into God’s hands, actually. Not that she ever left His care, just that he entrusted Louis & I with her for a while. A few short years in the span of life… we get to hold, love on, teach, and enjoy our younglings as they learn in a safe, protected environment.
The ultimate test is what they do once they leave.
I see her trying to hide her excitement – CAP has taught her that – as she comes back in. She needs me to come to the agent’s window. I smile as I mentally ask myself, “is this the last time I’ll need to sign something for her to give permission?” (She’s not 18, so silly question, but that’s what my mind says to me.)
She passed (no, I’m not surprised) and we drive home. I tease her that I could take a nap in the backseat now.
Someone asked me, “aren’t you worried about her driving the interstate after…?” They didn’t complete it but my head did, “…you just lost Mary there.”
No. “Why not?”
I asked myself the same thing as Kimberly and Christina loaded up in “Old Blue” (her name for her car) in their ABUs and my oldest and preteen drove out on their first solo drive. “Why aren’t you worried?” – and I give myself the same answer I gave that person, “Jesus is in charge of my heart and hers.”
I’m secretly thrilled beyond measure of the whole university experience she will launch into next year. I’m excited for her getting to drive at 16 (I was 19 when I got my first driver’s license). I’m so proud of her I sometimes feel my heart might bust. And this is just the beginning… New stage, for me and for Christina.
This year, 2020, has already seen my first university tour (Christina), first fully licensed driver (Christina), and Kimberly’s first long trip away from home. 2020 will include: oldest trio’s first summer camp together, Christina’s first solo flight, Lucas’ starting kindergarten, Becky’s learner’s permit, and Kimberly’s Vyteen account. By their plans; Kimberly wants to take the PERT, Jaquline & Kimberly plan to be team gymnasts, Kimberly wants to be C/Sgt before summer… and those are just the ones I currently know about… I’m blessed to be their mom. I’m super excited for them.
Jesus is in charge of my heart and theirs. I have a peace as they grow that some people just don’t understand… but my joy in their achievements is something everyone can relate to!
Type at you later,
~Nancy Tart
