My Hero, My Hope

My way of processing emotion – to write. I love you Daddy. Merry Christmas at Home.

December 10, 2018

My Hero, My Hope

Be not downcast, my soul…

My Daddy’s favorite time of year is Christmas.  He loves the songs, the movies (queue “White Christmas,” “Holiday Inn,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “Bells of St Mary’s,” my favorite, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the 1985 Disney Channel Christmas, “Mickey’s Christmas Carol,” etc. on repeat), the giving (he loves to make people yelp with happiness!), the story, and the general mood.

My Daddy has had declining health for quite a few years.  Some days were better than others.  He always tried to pretend like nothing was wrong.

My Daddy went to heaven today.

He always said he prayed that when God wanted him, He would let him just “go to sleep” in his own bed and not wake up.  We just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.  Not near Christmas.  Truthfully, not anytime.

No one expects to lose someone they love.  Never.  No matter how sick they are or how many times they’ve been close or how many doctors have said “he can go at any time.”

No one ever expects to not be able to hear their voice again… No more long discussions about book ideas, parenting, the vastness of God’s amazing universe, the connections from one smile to a healed heart to God’s blessing.

We are human.  We never expect separation from those we love.

God didn’t intend that either.  In the beginning, there was no death.  No separation.  We were to live forever.  In today’s fallen world, we do have death – “separation.”

Those with God’s light within them know this is only a temporary separation, and that gives us tremendous hope.  We know, know, know that we will be reunited once again in heaven.  My hero and my hope as a child was in my Daddy; as an adult, I learned that God is both of our heroes and both our hopes.

And that led my mind to an image that made me cry with joy.

My Daddy lost his mother when he was 12 and his father when he was nearly twenty.  It had been nearly 50 years since he’d seen his dad and almost 60 since he’d seen his mom.

I imagined my Daddy running (yes, in his new body!) to be gathered in a hug by his mother and father.  They’d be joined by his brother, two older sisters, and family gone before.  My Daddy gets to go home where he is dancing, running, jumping, enjoying the beautiful garden he’s always imagined was in heaven (he used to say he would love for God to let him tend a garden).

I know we will miss him.

The child growing within me will not see Granddaddy Pearson on this Earth.

God did grant his request.  God allowed my Daddy to die at home, in his bed.  Daddy went into what Mom thought was a seizure.  Mom caught him, called to God to help her, then she says Daddy took a huge breath, looked at her, and told her, “I love you.  We’ve had a great life together… …I know I’m fading.  I want to go home.” They got to say goodbye.

Those we love are never truly gone.  They live on in our memories, thoughts, and hearts forever.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving me an amazing wonderful father.  Thank you for the memories I hold dear.  Thank you for allowing him to die at home in peaceful surroundings.

Hold those of us pained by this Earthly separation as we grasp the hope that is salvation.  We know we will be reunited with Gaylord Pearson again in heaven.  My goodness, what a l-o-o-o-o-n-g conversation Daddy and I will have when we meet again!

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Daddy & Mom – 1982

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Pearson family reunion – 2002 (Gaylord’s family – aka Daddy, Mom, & all 7 of us kids)

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My Daddy with 3 of his sisters L-to-R: Mary, Dolores, Carol – Reunion 2002

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Mom is about to get Daddy to dance with her!

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At Becca’s Wedding – 2012, Pearson family

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Daddy and Becca (her wedding!)

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Mom & Daddy at our family’s “Snow House” getaway in January 2014

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At Christmas 2016 : Daddy, Mom, & the older 5 siblings

Thanks for reading!

Hold those you love tenderly and treasure the memories of those who’ve had to go home before you…

~Nancy Tart

 

Thankfulness

Time to reflect: thankfulness

November 21, 2018

Thankfulness

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow is also my 16th wedding anniversary!

The time leading up to Thanksgiving is when I usually reflect on the amazing things that God has done for us.  I often start with how every move in my life led to new experiences that helped build who I am – and the time I wrote in my journal “I’ll move with them one last time.”

That was to Saint Augustine when I was 18.

Just after that move (January 2002) I went to a family reunion where every adult teased me about not having a boyfriend (had never dated) and I remember replying with “in God’s time it will happen.” It was an awesome fun time where I met many relatives and learned many stories about my late grandparents.

January 2003, one year later, I was married, carrying our first child, and working in the town where my husband’s family had lived for generations.  The roots I’d wanted as a child I married into.  I instantly had two amazing grandmothers.  Grandma Jeannette taught me amazing things like crochet and canning food and cooking or preserving local Florida produce.  I loved learning by her side.  Grandma Honey had the most fascinating stories of Cracker life as a young girl and her journey as a mother, wife, and artist (she painted amazing landscapes).

If I had planned my life (as I did in notebooks since being ten years old) it would not have included a 4-month courtship.  I always planned on “knowing someone” for years – generally all the way through 6 or 8 years of university – before marrying.  God had other plans.

I didn’t plan on immediately getting pregnant – married in November and baby’s beautiful face is framed in our wedding cake topper on our first anniversary photo.   God had other plans.

We both planned on having a big family, but then our naïve thoughts of “big” were relative to the world around us – he thought 7 like his grandparents, I thought 7 like my parents.  We agreed early on that we’d let God decide our family size.  I don’t think either of us were truly thinking we’d ever be blessed with 7, maybe 3 or 5; maybe, and that would be “big.”  God had other plans.

Our little blessing growing within me now was totally not “according to plan” as I’d gotten sick and we’d decided it wasn’t a prudent time to start new life.  God laughed; this little one was already growing.  And the hormonal imbalance caused by my reaction to multiple medications which my research said would take 18 to 24 months to reset, was reset by the pregnancy within 5 months.  Although we thought we were planning well, God had other plans.

I love how my life didn’t go according to my “plans” – and I’ve kept diaries since I was ten, so I can look back at plans I made.  I didn’t stop making plans, I am a planner and organizer by nature, but I so love it when God’s plan intervenes and “surprise” life things happen.  I love God’s plans and how they are so different (sometimes) from my “plans” but so reflect my true heart.

From little things like my future sister and I working at the same place at the same time without knowing each other to amazing life events like marriage and births; in each, I see God’s powerful hand.  I’m so thankful for His direction and for the wisdom to allow Him to lead me.

I’m thankful for the ability to keep our family sustained.

We’ve always had jobs.

When one door closes, God always had something else waiting in the wings for us.  Sometimes far different from what we expected, but still awesome.

I was at an interview and someone commented on the variety of jobs I’ve had (Software Developer, Customer Service aka Ride Operator, Bank Teller, Business Office Manager of a Skilled Nursing Facility, Co-owner & Manager of a Transportation Company) – I had to add my recent update to that list as I’m currently a Gymnastics Coach.  His question was what could I bring to this job (food retail)?  Well, each position has taught me new skills and the list proves I can learn anything.

This official job experience doesn’t list that I’m a published author of over 50 books in children’s, educational, and young adult genres!

It’s amazing to me that God found me a job where I can combine my love of teaching, physical fitness, and a childhood dream!  (Gymnastics Coach)  I love the environment in which I work and the people with which I have the privilege of working.  Someone said it’s a step down to go from business owner to working for another small business.  Nope.  Not at all.  I bring a work ethic with me where I understand the challenge of being a small business owner and I always work my job as if it’s my company – even far before I was a business owner.  Ask me, it’s “my gym” – just because I get to work there!

I’m thankful for all the steps along this life journey.  I’m thankful for the people I’ve met along the way.  I remember faces and some names – people like Mrs. Joy up the big hill when I was 8 in Eutawville, South Carolina who baked cookies with my sister and me and gave me my first cookbook.  I remember Grandma Jeanette telling me after I’d been married a year or so, “honey, you were going to be my granddaughter, no way out of it” because she had prayed for me after meeting me at church (before I met her grandson).  I’m thankful for mentors, family, and friends.

I’m thankful for all I see before me; God has been so gracious and generous to me and my family.  We’ve been blessed so very much.

Every time I reflect on the blessings God has given me, I am overcome with gratefulness.  I can’t help but whisper a prayer of thanks.  Even though we won’t be “coming together” for “thanksgiving dinner” on the actual Thursday this year, we’ll get together on a different day with family and celebrate our thanks!

I pray blessings on you and your family as we reflect on all that we can be thankful for!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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