Tag: journal

Dating Decisions (Part 1)

Part 1 of Dating Decisions – dissecting real life and true love

September 16, 2020

Dating Decisions (Part 1)

WHOA! What is meant by this title?

Nothing. It’s a history story. Ancient history if you ask my children. I am a writer of stories; why would it surprise you that I would pull stories from my teenage decisions? No crazy thoughts. Take a deep breath, empty your presuppositions, and read: you may learn a little about the psychology behind decision making.

Once upon a time, (No, this is not a fairy tale… it is my truth tale.), I was just understanding love. Real love. I was curious about my parents and other couples around me and in my church. My mom and dad had at this point been married for 13 years. I was 11. I considered them ancient. Now I am older than my mother then and close to my dad’s age at the time – wow, I’ve reached the 11-year-old’s idea of ancient! One of my daddy’s mentors had been married to his wife for over thirty years. My daddy’s parents had been married for over 40 years when my grandmother died and granddaddy didn’t remarry. My mother’s parents had been divorced before my mom met my daddy and two of her siblings had been married and divorced. I had been sitting at a concert at a church with mostly teenagers where the girl asked, “raise your hand if your parents have been divorced.” Everyone in my row raised their hands. Most of the auditorium raised their hands. I had watched “The Parent Trap” from the sixties, but in that movie the parents got back together and all was well. I started to understand that divorce was the norm for most of the children I met. My family, with their short 13 years together, was already 7 years beyond the “normal” for divorce; according to research in the “Focus on the Family” newsletter my daddy received. I began to understand that most of the problems facing my peers were related to their broken families. I realized that my mother broke the chain and her baby sister was breaking the chain. I wanted to be like the couple in one of my churches who stood up on the day they honored families and claimed 73 years of marriage.

Research started.

I read marriage and family books (my daddy had two bookshelves full of them in his office to start my journey). I analyzed relationships in movies, in books, and in history and began to learn how to predict problems based on family stability. Stories of great hardships with intact, supportive families morphed into strong, successful, loving children. What was the binding tie?

In every personal interview I did over the next six years (and beyond, but I’m telling the story of teenage me) the common thread for successful marriage was that both loved Jesus, both were willing to love the other without expecting anything in return, and both went into their relationship committed to making it last. Repair it rather than throw it away. I already had a waste-not-want-not mentality. This matched.

Along came 12. The first boy asked me out. I thought he was sweet. He liked to carry my books from Sunday School for me. He was nice to his baby sister. I found myself already studying potential mates. I was scared of that. I told him I couldn’t date until I was 16. That became my pre-programmed response to all of the offers in the next 4 years.

I was already journaling. I told God I was going to be 18 before I dated. I told Him I wanted Him to be in control. I told Him I wanted to focus on being the best big sister and daughter I could. So began my journey of discovering and morphing myself into what I thought God wanted.

At 16, my Daddy started getting worried. My 14-year-old sister was already dating and my 12-year-old brother liked to whistle at girls. I was deep into studying. I took time to develop relationships with all of my siblings as they allowed. It wasn’t that I wasn’t “interested” in boys. I plain and simple told my daddy once, “I’m not old enough to do anything about it, so why would I play with someone’s heart?” (As a teen, I thought he was shocked with my logic, but now as an adult I wonder if he was also scared of what I meant by that.)

And that was the first dating decision I realized I had made.

…continued next time!

~Nancy Tart

A Family Journal

June 2, 2019

A Family Journal

I’ve been working on two projects for each of my children.  One was a crocheted blanket for each – king size, crafted from their favorites in a pattern they chose.  I’ve only completed one.  The second is about 15 rows from completion, but I haven’t worked on it since Thea was born.  It took me 17 months for the first half of Christina’s, but during one superbowl at Louis’ dad’s house, I completed the other half!  So I’m fast, but it will likely be the next week I have off – and then I’ll start on the third of seven.

The second was started in December 2016.  It looks like a simple book, right?

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Actually, I started a journal for Christina.

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It tells family stories, I write my Bible study notes, discuss issues, and write my prayers.  I tell “her story” from my perspective starting from the last page moving forward.  I saved the fourteen pages in between this story and my “journal” for family.  I am going to ask women in our family to write encouragement and blessing to her in their own hand in the journal before I pass it on to her.

I’ve got a central core of stories I will have in each journal – all will be slightly different because I never write the same exact words each time.

I want to write all the wisdom I’ve heard in stories from my grandmothers, mothers, fathers, and mentors in a way my children can read them when they choose.  Maybe they will be encouraged, challenged, or just smile realizing that they are not alone in a struggle they feel slightly too proud or too embarrassed to ask for help about.  I try to relay life and our journey in these bits.  I manage to write at least once a week and direct most of my writing as if I’m talking to her.  This also helps me to process my thoughts.  I also have a required study day if I forget. (Which, yes, sometimes I read without studying, but at least once a week I remember to write my study!)

Such a simple little book.  It holds our family memories, stories, and encouragement for a young woman.  (I need to get busy on Becky’s as they are growing up too quickly for me!)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Thankfulness

Time to reflect: thankfulness

November 21, 2018

Thankfulness

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow is also my 16th wedding anniversary!

The time leading up to Thanksgiving is when I usually reflect on the amazing things that God has done for us.  I often start with how every move in my life led to new experiences that helped build who I am – and the time I wrote in my journal “I’ll move with them one last time.”

That was to Saint Augustine when I was 18.

Just after that move (January 2002) I went to a family reunion where every adult teased me about not having a boyfriend (had never dated) and I remember replying with “in God’s time it will happen.” It was an awesome fun time where I met many relatives and learned many stories about my late grandparents.

January 2003, one year later, I was married, carrying our first child, and working in the town where my husband’s family had lived for generations.  The roots I’d wanted as a child I married into.  I instantly had two amazing grandmothers.  Grandma Jeannette taught me amazing things like crochet and canning food and cooking or preserving local Florida produce.  I loved learning by her side.  Grandma Honey had the most fascinating stories of Cracker life as a young girl and her journey as a mother, wife, and artist (she painted amazing landscapes).

If I had planned my life (as I did in notebooks since being ten years old) it would not have included a 4-month courtship.  I always planned on “knowing someone” for years – generally all the way through 6 or 8 years of university – before marrying.  God had other plans.

I didn’t plan on immediately getting pregnant – married in November and baby’s beautiful face is framed in our wedding cake topper on our first anniversary photo.   God had other plans.

We both planned on having a big family, but then our naïve thoughts of “big” were relative to the world around us – he thought 7 like his grandparents, I thought 7 like my parents.  We agreed early on that we’d let God decide our family size.  I don’t think either of us were truly thinking we’d ever be blessed with 7, maybe 3 or 5; maybe, and that would be “big.”  God had other plans.

Our little blessing growing within me now was totally not “according to plan” as I’d gotten sick and we’d decided it wasn’t a prudent time to start new life.  God laughed; this little one was already growing.  And the hormonal imbalance caused by my reaction to multiple medications which my research said would take 18 to 24 months to reset, was reset by the pregnancy within 5 months.  Although we thought we were planning well, God had other plans.

I love how my life didn’t go according to my “plans” – and I’ve kept diaries since I was ten, so I can look back at plans I made.  I didn’t stop making plans, I am a planner and organizer by nature, but I so love it when God’s plan intervenes and “surprise” life things happen.  I love God’s plans and how they are so different (sometimes) from my “plans” but so reflect my true heart.

From little things like my future sister and I working at the same place at the same time without knowing each other to amazing life events like marriage and births; in each, I see God’s powerful hand.  I’m so thankful for His direction and for the wisdom to allow Him to lead me.

I’m thankful for the ability to keep our family sustained.

We’ve always had jobs.

When one door closes, God always had something else waiting in the wings for us.  Sometimes far different from what we expected, but still awesome.

I was at an interview and someone commented on the variety of jobs I’ve had (Software Developer, Customer Service aka Ride Operator, Bank Teller, Business Office Manager of a Skilled Nursing Facility, Co-owner & Manager of a Transportation Company) – I had to add my recent update to that list as I’m currently a Gymnastics Coach.  His question was what could I bring to this job (food retail)?  Well, each position has taught me new skills and the list proves I can learn anything.

This official job experience doesn’t list that I’m a published author of over 50 books in children’s, educational, and young adult genres!

It’s amazing to me that God found me a job where I can combine my love of teaching, physical fitness, and a childhood dream!  (Gymnastics Coach)  I love the environment in which I work and the people with which I have the privilege of working.  Someone said it’s a step down to go from business owner to working for another small business.  Nope.  Not at all.  I bring a work ethic with me where I understand the challenge of being a small business owner and I always work my job as if it’s my company – even far before I was a business owner.  Ask me, it’s “my gym” – just because I get to work there!

I’m thankful for all the steps along this life journey.  I’m thankful for the people I’ve met along the way.  I remember faces and some names – people like Mrs. Joy up the big hill when I was 8 in Eutawville, South Carolina who baked cookies with my sister and me and gave me my first cookbook.  I remember Grandma Jeanette telling me after I’d been married a year or so, “honey, you were going to be my granddaughter, no way out of it” because she had prayed for me after meeting me at church (before I met her grandson).  I’m thankful for mentors, family, and friends.

I’m thankful for all I see before me; God has been so gracious and generous to me and my family.  We’ve been blessed so very much.

Every time I reflect on the blessings God has given me, I am overcome with gratefulness.  I can’t help but whisper a prayer of thanks.  Even though we won’t be “coming together” for “thanksgiving dinner” on the actual Thursday this year, we’ll get together on a different day with family and celebrate our thanks!

I pray blessings on you and your family as we reflect on all that we can be thankful for!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Looking for Positive

April 18, 2018

Looking for Positive

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive. I’d like to believe that I’m always thinking about how whatever I experience is working toward God’s glory and find a positive attitude, but that just isn’t reality. It is still a struggle for me to not drop myself into negative thoughts, worry, and the downward, hard-on-myself spiral that leads into depression.

For instance: I just got out of a three-day hospital stay for what I consider the silliest thing ever – an asthmatic allergic reaction to black mold.

History: I’d been sick since the day after our van was busted in (February 19, 2018) with what I originally thought was a cold. March 1, I went to the clinic, transferred to the ER, and diagnosed with pneumonia. Major allergic reaction (common for me is body-covered-in-chicken-pox-like-rash) to my antibiotic after 9 days led to another clinic visit because it appeared to be affecting my breathing too. They did a breathing treatment and gave me an inhaler. April 3, I went back to the clinic because I was not being able to breathe again. Breathing treatment, felt great, finished my responsibilities for that evening and woke up on the 4th almost unable to breathe. ER again. New diagnosis – no pneumonia, mild upper respiratory infection. New antibiotic, steroid, and same inhaler with orders to use it more.

On April 12, I’d finished the antibiotic, the steroid, and the inhaler. The next afternoon, I went to the clinic because I was struggling to breathe again and was, for the first time, coughing up colored (infected) mucus. They did two breathing treatments and reissued the inhaler.

On April 13, about midnight, I was unable to breathe again. I could feel there was space, but the air seemed to get “caught” just at the base of my neck. I felt my heart rate racing. My head kept trying to make me panic. My mind and lungs felt like I was at the bottom of a wave underwater with the air in sight but no way to get to the air. I kept praying for God to open up my lungs. Louis came home and instantly took me back to the ER. This time I almost fainted getting to the door; I almost passed out several times but kept forcing myself not to because I thought it was “mental” and I should be able to “handle it.”

The admitting doctor said I had “septic pneumonia” (this meant the pneumonia had gone “septic” and traveled in my body) and was reacting to the double breathing treatment & inhaler. (Side effects were listed as heart palpitations, etc.) He issued an IV antibiotic which caused a severe reaction (fever, my whole upper body went red, my larynx swelled, etc). That was scary! So I ended up in ICCU. That wasn’t accurate, but it was their first guess.

The final diagnosis was an asthmatic reaction to black mold. The pneumonia had been cleared in March, but a “small” infection was still “sitting” in my upper respiratory tract. The pulmonologist (lung specialist) said it was a reaction to something that had entered my “life” in or before December. New pet for Christmas? Nope. But when we turned off our Air Conditioning to save money in November, we discovered as we lost the A/C’s dehumidifying effect that we had black mold in the rental house. We’d saved for a few months to get a dehumidifier (in February, just after I got sick with the cold/pneumonia) and dried the house up. All the mold was cleaned and gone… except for our bed mattress. We’d attempted drying and cleaning it, and thought we’d done it, but it was a foam mattress and therefore didn’t completely dry.

I HAD BEEN SLEEPING ON THE ALLERGEN!

That made perfect sense. I’d always felt worse in the morning, it’d clear up some at work, if I laid down for a nap (trying to rest so I could get better) I felt worse.

Louis burned the mattress. (He was mad that something so stupid had almost “lost me” and I was like “just throw it away” but it was almost new and he didn’t want anyone to pick it up and use it.) He winked, “the Bible says you burn mold.” Boys… and I couldn’t argue with that.

As I was feeling better (actually, all through this sickness), I kept seeing dollar signs every time a CNA, nurse, or respiratory therapist came in the room to scan my bracelet with a new medicine. We have catastrophic insurance, but that means we have to find $15,000 before our insurance will pay anything. The clinic visits were $75 each, and we had only just started trying to pay from the first hospital visit (so far, $1200, but there may be another bill from March). We had to save for a dehumidifier… we don’t even have money saved to move to another home. (Although, we like our rental house, but Louis says we’ll drop it in a heartbeat if my breathing issue comes back.) So, it was hard to see positive while in the hospital.

I had to try to stay positive; I kept reminding myself that God says a cheerful heart does good like medicine. (Thus, outside of a gem of a Matlock show mentioned next to the Sunday paper crossword, I didn’t want to watch the TV.)

Becca, one of my sisters, brought a book I devoured. It was “In This House we will Giggle” by Courtney DeFoe. One of the volunteers on Sunday saw me doing the crossword and brought three word searches with blank white backs!

WRITING PAPER!!

One was filled with the outline for number five in “The Devonians” series (probably will be called “Convincing the Council,” but I haven’t decided yet). The other two became my journal pages with notes, quotes, Bible verses, and thoughts from or inspired by this awesome “Giggle” book. The whole idea of that book in a nutshell is this: Mom, release your worry, perfectionism, and expectations to God and learn how to choose to rejoice in everything so you can set a joyful example and cultivate godly virtues in your children. I loved reading about someone who was like me. I read that book from cover to cover four times before midnight.

On the way to pick up the girls from college the next day, I listened to one of my favorite Radio teachers, Chip Ingram. God must be making sure this message gets through because Chip’s message was about giving everything up to God, accepting that in whatever way God chooses to heal us, modern medicine (God taught us that), unexplained miracles (I’ve seen those too), or health and nutrition changes (that’s my lifestyle anyway), the glory is all still God’s.

God is more concerned with our attitude during our struggle than the outcome.

This reminds me of a character in “The Robe” (great movie): She’s a cripple who is telling the Roman “infiltrator” about her journey from bitterness to joy. He says, “but why didn’t Jesus just heal you?” She replies, “then I would be expected to be joyful, wouldn’t I?” BOOM.

God has shown us what the underlying cause for my continued illness. Thank you Jesus! I can avoid it.

God has shown me that my nutrition was fine. (The Dr said my body had enough nutrition it should have fought off the infections easily, even my iron levels were good.) Amen!

I met a nurse who has a 16-year-old homeschooled son and that greatly encouraged me in my family’s homeschool journey.

God has led us to wisdom and we’ve removed danger before it affected any of the children or Louis.

God will provide a way for us to financially cover this bill (even though it’s like a year’s rent – I can trust Him to provide us a means to pay it off). Just like we trust Him for day-to-day needs, He will cover this one too.

This is my brother’s birthday and he’s coming down this weekend – and I’m so much better than I’ve felt since January! Thank you, Jesus! My throat is clear so I can sing, my ears aren’t clogged, and my nose is open so I can smell!

I am a vendor at the Family Fun Fest in downtown Saint Augustine on the 28th of April and I’m going to be feeling awesome instead of tired and run down! I have such a positive air of expectation about this show (have since we signed up in November) and want the girls to have fun! Thank you, Jesus!

I refuse to allow the devil to draw me down into depression this time. I will find blessings in this mess (there are many!) and praise God through it even when I don’t feel like it. Let the challenge to find positivity begin!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Memory Hop to 2015

March 23, 2018

Memory Hop to 2015

I love the memory thing on facebook that will show posts you’ve made years ago.

This one was from March 21, 2015:

What totally amazes me about babies and pregnancy is that no two are ever exactly alike. This pregnancy has been so “chill” because Baby sits posterior and only really moves when one big sister starts taking “Baby’s space” by snuggling on my lap – then we laugh at the strong kicks, elbows, or whatever that bounce Jillian or Jaquline like a trampoline! But on the first day of spring, this little one decided to surprise Mommy with Braxton-Hicks contractions – you know, the fake ones that are like your body toning up for the big event. So I went checking in my journals and can’t find any of the others who started Braxton-Hicks contractions this early. Just a few “rock tummies” (that’s what Jaquline and Rebeccah call the contractions because my tummy gets hard) but enough to make me decide to increase my calcium, iron, and magnesium intake! (yummy, no wonder I’ve been wanting broccoli and dark greens!)

I feel so blessed and so small when I consider all the amazing things God does within us to craft a beautiful little person! One thing I have discovered to be true: a baby’s personality is already there even as he/she is in the womb. I can “feel” a glimpse of what my child is like before they are even born. It makes me feel so humbled to be entrusted with this little one’s nurturing and protection while he/she is so small and dependant. Oh, well, just some random thoughts.

Return to present thoughts:

That was when I was pregnant with Lucas James. I’m sure now that some of the kicks and elbows were actually headbutts. He was my little “freezer” because with him I was always cold. Even in the Florida summer, my insides would feel cold!

It’s three years from that memory… my little baby is almost three years old! I’m so blessed to be my children’s mother! I love memories about them (why I keep journals). Life is precious and time runs by quickly.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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