Tag: prayer

Focus on What is Important

What is most important in your life?
What came to your mind? Your career? Your family? World peace? Your children? Leaving your positive mark on society? Your business?

Focus on What is Important

September 10, 2023

What is most important in your life?

What came to your mind?  Your career?  Your family?  World peace?  Your children?  Leaving your positive mark on society?  Your business?

How about Jesus?  For me, when I heard those words this morning (sitting in the Good News Church first service), my mind created a list like words from Jillian’s history and science lesson she has to look up:

Jesus

Family

Showing Jesus to others.

Whatever is the most important in your life directs everything else in your life. 

Don’t believe that?  Seriously.  Consider it objectively.  Whatever you consider most important shapes and directs your life to achieve each step in your life to honor that important thing. 

My mind reflected back to decisions I made as a young person: a lot of decisions as even a preteen are life-shaping. 

I chose to keep myself pure for my future husband. 

I chose to honor my parents and respect them even if I disagreed.

I chose to better myself so I could love my brothers and sisters better. 

Each of these I decided to do because I loved Jesus.  I saw it as my honor to be able to shine Jesus’ light reflected through my life.  I wanted my life to be lived in worship to Jesus.  I wanted people to see that I was different and ask why.  The “preteen/teen” choice that led to me having the most conversations with other teenagers was my choice to love Jesus by honoring His desire for my sexuality.  It was counter-popular-culture to stay sexually pure (yes, as my kids can’t understand, I am young enough that I was laughed at for being a virgin after 18).  I wore a birthstone ring my Daddy gave me on my ring finger and told others it was to remind me that I belonged to Jesus first; He wanted me to stay pure for my future husband.  So many people laughed.  A few asked deeper questions and I would get to share about Jesus and how He loved me first and my joy was to honor Him with all of my life. 

Later, in the business world, I was faced with repeated pressure to falsify information on forms to cut financial corners.  I held my ground and honored God.  When I was told I could choose to either “serve the company” or there wouldn’t be any more hours for me.  I actually told my boss that because I loved Jesus, I couldn’t lie.  The hours available to me dropped to where I would spend more time driving to the office than working; that would have made it a financial burden to work rather than an income.  I was unable to stay.  I often wonder if that choice did any forever good (did my decision or words help anyone see Jesus?); but would I change my decision?  No.  I choose to honor Jesus’ commandments because I love Him.  I get to honor Jesus because He first loved me. 

I pray my children discover that it is an honor and privilege to love Jesus.  We are loved by Him from the foundations of the world.  Even while we were yet sinners, He loved each of us so much that He died for our sins and rose to conquer sin and death!  Because of that, we have the honor of choosing to love Jesus and serve Him with our obedience. 

I looked at little Laud sleeping in my lap and smiled.  I choose to look at every part of loving my babies as a privilege and honor!  I wonder at how blessed I am that God would allow me to raise one of His children!  (Okay, 8 of His children so far) Still, each one is specially loved and was created piece by carefully knit piece by God as they were formed inside me.  God has gifted me the honor of being their mother; one at a time and altogether.  I am humbled, awed, and enthralled by the enormous blessing each child is.  I thank God for them when I think of them. 

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me!  Thank you, Jesus, that I get to love You!  Thank you that I get to love my children!  Keep reminding me of how I should always choose to love You first.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Father’s Day 2023

“It all starts with a bachelor…” starts the old cartoon that highlights Fatherhood in a Goofy sense but before the entertainment industry really made fun of Fathers…

Father’s Day 2023

A time-warp Story from June 18, 2023

Father’s Day.  Because of childhood memories, I’m always hearing the Disney Cartoon narrator from “Goofy Celebration of Fatherhood” when I read those words.  “It all starts with a bachelor…” starts the old cartoon that highlights Fatherhood in a Goofy sense but before the entertainment industry really made fun of Fathers.  

Our culture has tried to reduce fathers to a joke.  Sadly, that is the farthest thing from the truth yet popular movies, songs, and tv shows portray fathers as not worth respect.  The butt of jokes.  Maybe a breadwinner.  Unimportant.  

In truth, it’s movies like “Courageous” that get it right.  Fathers are vital.  The Bible tells us the father is the head of the home.  The primary moral compass of the family.  It’s summer camp at my gym.  I love to watch the excitement the kids get when they get picked up; “Daddy!  Watch what I can do!” or “Mommy! Look what I made!”  I hear a lot about mommies and daddies.  

We heard about spiritual fathers at church today too; those like Paul who calls Timothy his “son in the faith” and “beloved son” though he wasn’t his biological son.  My father lost his father as a young man just entering adulthood.  I never met my grandfather Theodore Pearson, but I know he was a strong, giving, loving man because of the legacy he left in his children whom I met.  Our daughter “Theadora” was named in honor of him.  My father also had a spiritual father; Mr. Bob Suber.  I loved him.  I first met him when I was about 7 or 8 years old.  His wife Betty taught me how to embroider and sew clothes.  I watched him talk with my Daddy as we spent many evenings at their house for supper and the adults would go into discussions.  I sat cross-legged in front of him with starry eyes listening to stories of his childhood in the nineteen-twenties and thirties where he and his buddies used to swipe fruit from orchards and try not to get caught or pick raw corn and dig potatoes from the edges of farmland and would roast them for lunch on fires they’d make and share food with traveling hobos.  He said his mama always cooked a big broth pot from whatever squirrel, rabbit, or game he or his younger brother got that day and would toss in root vegetables and greens and herbs.  He said her pots could be smelled for miles.  After her family ate, she fed a bowl of broth to any hobo that stopped and asked.   Mr. Bob died when I was about fourteen and I saw my Daddy cry.  He said that Bob Suber’s graceful acceptance of death reminded him of other men of faith that Mr. Bob had pointed out – and he wanted to be sure he had that peace and grace when his time came.  In December 2018, he showed that grace and peace at his own time when God called him home.

Fathers are so important.  

I am very grateful for my Father.  For the blessing I had of being his daughter.  

I’m also so thankful for the Father God chose for my children.  Louis is always striving to be the most godly father he can be.  

I pray for the men God will lead to my girls to be fathers of their children.  I pray that we raise up Lucas to be a godly man and father.  

Life is far simpler than we make it out to be.  Love is our center.  Family is our core.  God made it that way from the beginning.  I pray that we shoo away the distractions and focus on the truth; choosing to follow Jesus in all things and put our families first.  Fathers bold enough to be fathers have that power inside them; God put it there from the beginning.  Each man simply has to choose.  

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Thankfulness 2022

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things. #Thankful #Gratitude #PensacolaChristianCollege #EmbryRiddleAeronauticalUniversity #LifeJourney #Children #GoodNewsChurch #WGVGymnastics #Education #Thankfulness

Thankfulness 2022

September 27, 2022

Each year I try to reflect on what God has done in our lives this past year. 

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things.  I love to brag on what God has done!

I’ve been working for WGV Gymnastics (dream job I wanted my whole life but didn’t know it).  Louis is coming up on two years of working for Heritage Funeral Home.  I am super thankful for our Christian work environments and Christian bosses. 

Christina is happily pursuing her dream with passion, determination, and enthusiasm.  She is still at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University full time, working at WGV Gymnastics part-time, and babysitting, dogsitting, and housesitting on the side.  She is an amazing big sister!  Her little gymnasts love her!  She serves in the nursery at Good News Church at least three times a month and loves “her babies” – yes, they become hers for an hour or so.  I am so thankful for Christina!

Becky has thrown some shocking curveballs at us and is away at Pensacola Christian College.  Same state, yes, but an hour earlier in time than we are.  (Different time zone, as she’s under Alabama on the panhandle – Lucas and Thea point out on the big map on the wall at church every morning when we get their lemon tea “there’s Becky!”) I am so proud of her!  She’s exploring and learning and growing – such an amazing young lady I am so blessed to be her mom!  Thank you, Jesus, for Becky!

Kimberly can legally drive… (REALLY???  I can’t believe she’s 15!)  She’s learning so much in schoolwork academically, in gymnastics physically, and in life with maturity as she grows and takes on so much responsibility!  Kimberly’s plans are impressive.  Her determination is a trait so many people comment on to me – as a youngling, it was labeled stubbornness, but now that she knows how to focus, it’s determination.  Kimberly is a competitive gymnast at WGV Gymnastics, a gymnastics coach part-time at WGV Gymnastics, serves in kid’s ministry at Good News Church at least twice a month, and dogsits occasionally.  (She is working toward her claimed goals of saving for a computer for college this spring and a car next fall.)  I am so thankful for Kimberly!

Jaquline is Christina’s twin.  Sometimes Christina’s gymnasts see Jaquline and give her hugs saying “hi! Coach!” which makes Jaquline smile proudly and Christina jealous.  “You’re stealing my hugs!” Christina has been known to say later.  Jaquline has grown in her relationship with Jesus so much in the last year.  She serves in the church nursery at least twice a month.  She occasionally volunteers at WGV – or works cleaning to “get Christina out faster.”  Jaquline continues to work toward her goal of team gymnast someday – she loves Beam and said she wished there was a Beam only competition.  Thank you, Jesus, for Jaquline!

Jillian is facing the challenges that come with entering double digits.  The want of being treated as an adult yet the want of continuing childish foolishness.  She’s maneuvering that with the cornerstone of knowing that Jesus can lead her through anything.  She loves her kid’s ministry leaders at Good News Church.  She loves her coaches at WGV Gymnastics (she’s a competitive gymnast).  She loves her friends and I see her making some lifelong friendships, if she can hold them.  She is leaping forward in academics!  I am so thankful for Jillian!

Lucas is an unstoppable force of limitless energy!  He is always running a one-man football game where he is the quarterback, receiver, kicker, lineman, and fullback all at the same time.  When he catches his own forward pass, I’ll have seen everything.  He begs me for a brother almost every day.  He is super thankful for his “gym brothers” and his “best friends.”  I am super thankful for these young boys and young men God has set around Lucas to help him enjoy being a little boy and slowly teach him how to be a young man.  Lucas gives 110% to everything he touches.  His passion and enthusiasm will help fuel his discovery stages as he grows.  He loves gymnastics.  He loves being strong.  He loves mud and football and big trucks and being like dad.  Thank you, Jesus, for Lucas!

Theadora is no longer the baby.  She is a “big girl” or a “young lady” all the time.  Though she loves snuggling (I’m so glad she hasn’t grown out of that yet), she is quick to say “I’ll do it myself!” and proceed to do just that.  Theadora has a bold confidence that comes from running the gym at the age of two.  She doesn’t care to keep up pretences, what you see is what you get – at times like that I think of her as “Becky junior.”  This confidence and determination will carry her far.  She “signs her name” as TTT and says, “see, I’m triple T,” they are left all over Coach Heather’s desk as “swips” for Coach Heather along with who-knows-what-it-should be doodles.  I am so thankful for Theadora!

I love the stage God has us in!  I’m so thankful to be here and alive and enjoying every minute of our time together and apart.  I love our family.  I’m so grateful to see our younglings grow and become young women (and eventually, a young man)!  Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of giving life and raising children!  I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude to you, Jesus, for my totally amazing family!

Thank you for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Stretching Her Eagles’ Wings

Enjoy each moment! We know our children are “on loan” from God for a little while & then they take flight! Enjoy this adventure, Becky!

Stretching Her Eagles’ Wings

August 28, 2022

Part of our educational philosophy is never to hold anyone back.  That is sometimes the hardest part of being a homeschool mom, at least for me. 

Friday, Christina, Louis, Thea, and I drove Becky to Pensacola Christian College for the start of her next level.

The car trip was fun.  Louis and Christina kept playing songs Becky likes and saying, “oops, that’s not classical or hymns” which made everyone laugh and several discussions of songs and lyrics and morality erupt.  We didn’t stop as often for potty or snack breaks as Louis thought we’d have to (Thea was too entertained with her big sisters and Christina, Thea, and I packed a bunch of snacks). 

The campus was huge and iconic.  Beautiful brick and magnificent stately trees reflected tradition and integration.  I’m a bit nerdy; I loved the architecture and old fashioned style.  Everything was electronic though!  I had received an email asking for a physical copy of a specific document – and being leery of electronic access as I am, I brought the actual paper.  Didn’t need it.  The electronic version of the printed paper in my purse “transferred” perfectly from St Johns River without a thing from me.  As Becky’s “authorized parent,” I was able to load into a portal on my phone that allowed me access to maps, her mailbox information, orientation information, even schedules and everything as if I were the student – Becky said it was creepy, I thought it was cool!

After crossing off the seven things (five on the “welcome” list, but with Becky under eighteen there were two paperwork drop offs and as she’s in the work program, she had a task for that as well) Becky had to do and being as much help (okay, Becky would call it hindrance) as possible, we decided (not precisely accurate, Louis decided) to go have a late lunch together just off campus. 

Someone likes Becky’s new spot!

Mellow Mushroom.  In Pensacola?  I thought the one on Anastasia Island was the only…  oops.

Finally, I ended up with a picture of my college girls.  They thought it cool because both are Eagles and blue & gold & white.  (Kimberly got in on that because she took her SAT at Pedro Menendez High School so she considers herself a “Falcon” and even has a Pedro Menendez Vystar card!  She pulled it out and showed them the blue & yellow colors – “A falcon is a type of eagle” Kimberly claims.)  Becky laughed because she and Kimberly plan on being Gators when they head for their Masters & Doctorate.  (“trading the gold for orange” they claim) Remember that mustard yellow skirt?  Becky’s pairing it with her beautiful navy blue blouse turns her outfit into her college colors!

I’ve been listening a lot to college plans since we encourage studying the path to what they want to do and finding various ways to access that final goal.  There was a lot of path and plan discussion on that road trip. 

I’m so proud of Becky for taking flight!  I pray she has a wonderful experience and learns a lot.  I pray she makes friends and connections that will last a lifetime!  I pray she does her best.  Her best right now is amazing me.  I’m truly excited for her entering this stage. 

Thank you, Jesus, for making it possible for us to help our children pursue their dreams!  Thank you that each of them wants to help the other.  Thank you that each wants to invest in their own education by working for it both financially and mentally.  I’m so thankful for the blessing of Becky in my life!  Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me the honor of being her mother! 

As I’m driving back home, chatting with Christina as Thea and Louis sleep in the back, I think on how parents only really get to father or mother their children for a few years – they are on loan from God anyway as all of them are God’s children entrusted to us.   “21 years” by TobyMac came on the radio followed by “Cinderella” by Stephen Curtis Chapman… God knows how music touches me.  One bit in the “21 years” song that makes me smile is “21 years, what a beautiful loan,” (I thank you Jesus, for trusting us and “loaning” Becky – and the others, but this thought was really about Becky – to us) and in “Cinderella” the bit is “but I know something the prince never knew,” [meaning they grow up and go] and yes, girls become young women, make their own decisions, and I pray mine know they can still talk to me about anything. 

Enjoy your “loans” with your littles!  Enjoy every bit you can.  God has trusted us with training and raising His beautiful children!  Just like I love watching “my little gymnasts” (those I’ve coached, usually as preschoolers) as they rise, I love watching my girls become young ladies. 

I love you, Becky!  Let your light shine!  Enjoy this adventure called life!  Every day is a gift from God; that’s why it’s called the present!

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Once Upon a Date

Now, though… I understand the insane shock that caused by parents not to jump with joy when I showed off my ring and announced I was engaged. #TotalAndCompleteShock

Once Upon a Date

August 2, 2022

Nineteen year old me was crazy with excitement at 10pm at a bowling alley until 1am, (cosmic bowling in 2002) but my dad looked like he’d been shot with bright headlights in the dead of a new moon night.  Now, though – I understand the insane shock that caused my parents not to jump with joy when I showed off my ring and announced I was engaged.  Total and complete shock.  At 10pm after a long day at work, hearing the same news from one of my kids overloaded my tired brain; I bet I looked like they’d shone ultra-blue headlights in my face on a new moon night!

Now I’m praying I can be a godly mentor for my daughters (all of them, but especially Christina at this moment) and my son.  I am so super thankful for those I consider mentors I’ve learned from in my life.  Sometimes they were longtime friends, my moms (one God gave me at birth, the other God gifted me when I married Louis), and some were in my life for a few days, one meeting, or a season. 

I’m listening to Christina with her planning (wedding once she has her masters in 2025) and discussing life plans for the future, and I’m smiling because I remember me twenty years ago and “We’ve Only Just Begun” by The Carpenters was filling my brain on repeat.

Really odd little tidbit?  I was engaged on July 20, 2002 & Christina’s engagement date was “Anastasia’s birthday” but 1am – aka July 20, 2022.  And time?  Cosmic bowling ended at 1am on really July 21…  I don’t do coincidence (haha).   

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Doubly Blessed

A tiny story about how my prayers being answered became my children being doubly blessed!

January 15, 2022

Doubly Blessed

Note: (wrote this December 5, 2021 when whomever decided my computer operating system is too old to connect to wordpress anymore!)

One day I was cleaning bathrooms at a church work day and met a wonderful woman.  She was cheerful and spoke about Jesus like a best friend.  She was encouraging.  I thought “I’d like to learn about life from her!”  I saw her a few times over the next year or so at that church.  My brother liked the youth pastor and he needed a chaperone – thus being, when the youth group was participating in clean-up days or work days or whatever, I was there with him.  We started attending that church. 

About fourteen months later on a warm July afternoon, I went to meet the parents of the young man I had started dating that Friday.  Although I knew God was telling me I had the green light to marry this one, my logical brain was fighting that suggestion.  The woman I wanted to learn from?  I was dating her middle son!

I have an amazing mother whom I love.  God gifted her to me when I was born.  I never thought I would love another woman in a similar way.

But God’s ways are awesome! 

I tell people I have two moms.  One I was born with and one I got when I married Louis.  I love how Joanne is so accepting, loving, supporting, and helpful.  She and my mother, Tina, are quite similar.   Someone mentioned today that the normal “mother-in-law” is someone you fight with and tolerate or even don’t like.  I’m so grateful for the blessing of my mother-in-law.

I pray that God gives me the same grace to my children’s spouses.

This is because the blessing of loving in-laws passes through generations.  Loving interaction and respect between the parents and newlyweds turns into future strong grandchild-grandparent ties.  When a mother-in-law or father-in-law is a friend and mentor, the grandchildren see their parents show respect and love to their parents; visibly strengthening the children’s understanding of “honoring fathers and mothers” and set the stage for generational connections that are hard to sever.  My children have many fond memories of their grandparents on both sides!  I’m so thankful for that.  

That I’m a friendly, welcoming person who looks at the girls’ future husbands and Lucas’ future wife not as competition for their attention but as blessings God has planted in my life as well as theirs.  I pray to be like Joanne.  She is such a wonderful model of mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and friend.  I have known and loved her for twenty years – related to her for a little over nineteen. 

I smile; I never considered how sweet God’s answer to my heart’s desire to “learn about life” from the bubbly, serious, hardworking woman whose company I enjoyed one Saturday while cleaning bathrooms at our “new” church – I would really get to do life with her!  She would be my mom. 

Thank you Jesus for amazing blessings!

Thank you for reading,

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Evaluations

January 29, 2021

Evaluations

This week and next week are skills testing weeks at gym. Evaluations of skills each gymnast has and their ability to move up or stay in their current level to solidify their knowledge.

Most of the time, the coaches catch when their student gymnast gets enough skills and strength or knowledge to move up, but sometimes it takes a “skills test” for a gymnast to show off or put a little more power into her actions!

This made me think about life.

Life is full of levels.

Sometimes we just move through them seamlessly. You know, like gliding from toddlerhood to preschool, or moving from 9th to 10th grade. High school to college is a little more of a push – this is like an evaluation. Are you ready? Well, time is here – which choice do you make?

In our personal growth, we tend to move slowly. It’s when a climatic event causes us to evaluate ourselves that we discover strengths we didn’t know we had or weaknesses we thought we didn’t have. Your eldest child going to college and you are tossed into the whirlwind of various choices, plans, financial issues, helping your young adult navigate stress (praying you can do that well, because she is expressing what you are internalizing!), and believing that a way will be made.

This time you have to view as a positive change. You have to realize that this temporary negative appearance will prove to be the lifetime starting point for your young adult. Your attitude through this is your “evaluation,” your young adult will be taking notes on and remembering. (Everyone else in your household is also watching!)

Sometimes a life “evaluation” is others watching how you navigate troubled waters. Like the death of your father, your sister, your close friend, your child. Losing someone you treasure. That despair can allow you to create a pit to lose yourself in. Or you can look up and pull on the strength that only comes from Jesus. This evaluation is never something we want to face.

Evaluation week went along with my study: Examine yourself to see what is good and right; remove that which leads toward darkness.

(My paraphrase again, I summarized the page-long study to that line. Most of the verses linked all boiled down to that same line as my brain interpreted them.) I imagine darkness to be the depth of one’s soul without Jesus. Since Jesus is Light and darkness is the absence of light, that makes the most sense to me.

See, when trouble hits, I can either turn inside myself and go into darkness or look outside and reach up to Jesus. In Him there is strength to endure everything.

Life has taught me that.

My “evaluations” have proven it.

I pray I always choose to reach up. I want those watching me during “skills testing” to be led to Jesus. That is my goal.

Crazy writer’s brain that sees the little flyer on our desk that reads “skills testing weeks” and launches into deep thoughts… hopefully these wandering thoughts help lift you up!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

He Walked With God

He Walked With God

February 25, 2020

In our church Sunday, the pastor spoke about how Enoch was one of his heroes because he was remembered as one who “Walked with God” by faith. I thought about that.

In my life, there are several people no longer here whose legacy includes: “they walked with God.”

Am I living my life so that part of my legacy will be: “She walked with God?”

What does walking with God look like right now?

My translation is that it means we communicate openly with God. We listen as well as speak when we pray. We remember to ask God’s direction in everything in life – jobs, moves, vehicles, routes for the day, etc. We have a type of open communication where we speak to God as if He were a very close friend. Don’t you have friends whose advice you seek out when making decisions? God should be primary in such things.

One of the ladies I was privileged to know once told me that she “breathed in God every morning to start her day off right.” She woke at 5am every day and had her coffee outside on her little porch or in her garden. She talked about God like He was a very close friend. All of her stories included “so after praying,” “after discussing it with God,” “well, I asked God but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear,” etc. She lived life full and open. She was far from perfect, but she wanted to be as godly a woman as she could be.

She ran her race and finished strong.

Examine your heart and see: are you in a close friendship with Jesus? Would you say that you ask His advice first? How do you interpret “walking with God?” Are there mentors or friends in your life, here or in heaven, who you would say “walked with God?”

Thousands of years after he died, Methuselah is remembered for having the longest recorded life, but Enoch, who lived about 1/3 of the standard lifespan at his time, is remembered for “Walking With God.”

What will you be remembered for?

Thank you for reading,

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

August 30, 2019

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

Louis & I decided to join the church we have been attending.  After attending a newcomers class, we brought home our study books and Kimberly looked over it.  (Our purpose was to let Christina and Becky look over it.  I wasn’t expecting Kimberly just yet.)  Kimberly has been using the month-long study guides our church publishes for about four months as Bible study & cursive writing practice. 

“I want to be baptized.” Kimberly announces. 

That began some serious Socratic questioning to find out what she really understood and believed.  I mentioned that it wasn’t required just because we were joining.  Kimberly was adamant.  She said she’d been considering it a long time and wanted to show everyone she was really a Christian. 

So, my little third daughter decided to get baptized.  Our Pastor met with her, went through the same questions (He likes to make sure the young person understands what they are doing), and allowed she could be baptized.  I was so buried that I didn’t realize she’d been able to meet up and get the okay until Saturday! 

My word, though, the emotions that flooded my heart, realizing this was real to Kimberly.  She’s been delving into a lot of deep questions over the last few months with me.  Then to hear your child explain to you what Jesus means to them – I love to hear their words straight from their heart.  Kimberly is a young woman.  I call them “women-in-training” at this point. 

If you are a mom, imagine the moment you look into your newborn’s eyes for the first time.  That adrenaline rush and flood of emotions is what courses through me when I see my child publicly announce their faith.  I can’t help but feel like I’m soaring, looking at a future where she is connected to God through her own personal faith; I pray Kimberly allows herself to listen and trust the voice of God.  I pray for strength to grow in the one relationship that will never fail her.  I try, but it’s hard to put those maternal feelings into words because I can say I am excited, proud, blessed, etc., but that doesn’t capture the rapture of my soul at that moment. 

My little girl chose Jesus.  My young woman is choosing to begin a life-long relationship with Jesus based on her own journey of discovery. 

That is my longstanding prayer for each of my children and those I love; that they come to know a true relationship with the one who created them and loved them since before I knew they existed. 

We get home, have our “technology-free” family day, and I open my Facebook to see if my mom or sisters sent a message – to find that my oldest niece got baptized on the same day! 

“Guys,” (no shame, I’m so happy I’m crying again – all three teen/preteens look at me like I’m odd) “guess who got baptized today too!”

Christina – “if you say Livy…”

Kimberly – “Seriously?  Who do I share a birthday with!”

“Yes, Livy!” And I show them their uncle’s post.  Kimberly is jumping with excitement now.  “We are sisters in blood and sisters in faith!  We are birthday twins!” (They don’t call each other “cousins” but instead “sister-cousins” or “brother-cousins” and sometimes just “sister” or “brother.”  Lucas always calls Liam, Isaac, and JJ his “brothers.”)

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

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