Tag: teenage

Don’t Wait Until “Later”

Life is an adventure: Life it to the fullest everyday!

Don’t Wait Until “Later”

Time Warp Story from – September 13, 2023

Have you ever heard (or maybe even said) “I’ll just wait until later.” 

I heard it often from a couple I knew when I was younger.  They said it about getting married.  I loved them dearly and wanted them to go to heaven.  I asked him once about Jesus and he laughed and said he’d think about it later.  I saw his life of serving others and prayed he loved Jesus.  She said she loved Jesus, so I knew I would see her in heaven.  Once, (probably very tired of a child’s repeated question) he said they would get married when I did.  He died a month to the day before I was to get married.  No, they never got married.  “Later” never came for that. 

I’ve heard friends say “later, when we have enough money,” or “later, when I’m settled in my career,” or “later, when life slows down,” etc.  But those “laters” never come and “enough” is never “enough.”  Life speeds by without seeming to care.  Road bumps happen.  Sadly, I watch as life unfold, oftentimes things or experiences people want get lost and turn into regrets. 

I heard so many regrets from elders as I was growing up that I determined I would consider future regrets whenever making any decision. 

Start a flock of chickens with my babysitting money when we finally had land?  Yes! (Learned I loved farming – didn’t regret that choice)

Stay in Kissimmee on my own or move with my family?  After praying about it and feeling a “nudge” to “move just one more time,” I chose to move “just one more time.” (To Saint Augustine, 22 years ago – I met Louis here and started my family and yes we have lived in the vicinity of Saint Augustine for those whole 22 years.) Regrets? No!

Decide to marry the first guy I dated three days after our first date?  Yes!  (I said “decide to marry” not “get married to” – we were engaged 15 days after our first date and married 4 months later.) November makes 21 years.  Regrets? No!

Start our family on Christmas Eve a month into marriage?  Yes! (Even though everyone thought we were crazy) Regrets?  No!  Our little amazing first married Christmas gift will graduate from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in less than 3 months. 

So many decisions we’ve made; some good, some bad.  There are only three I can think of that I seriously “regret” happening and one was back when I was 12. 

We can’t go backward, only forward in life.  This is why I always ask the girls when they are making a big decision (job, college, sports, life) – will you regret not doing this?  Will you regret taking that path?  Those are the questions I want them to think on. 

I challenge you to ask yourself: if you are being led to do something and you tell yourself and God, “later” for whatever reason, ask this: “Will I regret not doing/trying this later?”

If you are telling yourself you’ll do something “later” or “when you have enough” of something: ask yourself if you will regret not doing or trying whatever that is. 

A line from a movie I like says “a train won’t wait” and I’ve always translated that to be, “life doesn’t wait.”  My Daddy said we should live life with no regrets.  God gave us only a certain amount of trips around the sun and only He knows how many.  We should use those trips to serve God in everything we can without waiting for “later” and “enough.”  Have fun in your experience!  Enjoy this amazing life God has given you!  Don’t get stuck in any ruts waiting for “later.”  Pray.  Jump out of your comfort zone and see where life takes you!  One young woman I met as a missionary said she felt God calling her to be a missionary but thought, “later, after I finish college,” but her father advised her to just go!  She went!  She said it was the best decision of her life and continued to bring her boundless joy and she met so many interesting people and shared Jesus’ love with dozens of children at each place she was sent (she was part of a missionary team who traveled and her job was to put on hand-puppet shows for the children).  She discovered that she had a gift for learning languages and spoke more than 20 after three years in the field!

Love with everything you have.  Be joyful and thankful! Live life with no regrets! 

Thank you for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

As Happy As your Least Happy Child

As Happy As your Least Happy Child

A time-warp story from June 21, 2023

At church I heard something that made me laugh and shake my head.  The laugh was total irony.  It was a stab of truth.  “You are only as happy as your least happy child, and if you have a quiver full, sometimes you may be both happy and sad at the same time.” 

I laughed inside because the three days before this Sunday and that particular morning, I had been feeling stabbed repeatedly by three teenagers.  Periodically the younger ones would take turns deciding to pretend to be just like them and that was not encouraging.  

I wondered about that saying.  When the girls wound my heart with unthinking words or “mean” things, I have to remind myself of something I learned a while back that helps: people tend to show their innermost feelings like aggression, anger, desperation, irritation in a place they feel safe because humans in their deepest parts fear rejection.  When they know you won’t reject them or stop loving them, they feel safe and as such, end up showing their “worst side” to you.  

I understand that their sharp words or actions are reflecting something hurting them.  I will often try to find that something; usually not at that time as experience has taught me that when I say, “are you okay?” or “what’s bothering you?” when they are upset, I usually get a snapped, “nothing!” or “you!” which doesn’t help.  I’ll often try to broach the “what is hurting you?” question in a less explosive time.  Sometimes, it’s something small that felt huge at the time.  Other times it’s something that needs more discussion.  

But always, when I they hurt my heart with words, I pray for theirs and now remember something else: it is true that my smile can be on for Thea and I’m happily talking about her make believe lego world while we build our respective houses but my heart is sad because I know the “snap” was really something hurting their heart.  So yes, there’s a part of my heart that is always feeling the hurt from my least happy child even though another part is engaging with smiles at another – sometimes there’s four or five of us in a game yet one’s hurting; I totally feel those “both feelings at the same time.”   

I wondered about God and how we hurt his heart yet He always loves us.  He knows when we are hurting but unlike mothers and fathers, who don’t always know what is in the heart of their child, God knows our heart and sees everything within us.  Thank you, God, for loving us!  Thank you for giving us a heart for our children!  

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

November 18, 2020

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

Towards the end of the year, I always begin to reflect on the changes that have occurred in the year. Overall, they end up being positive – and those are my highlights. As it is close to Thanksgiving, I thought I’d brag a bit as I ponder on the changes I’ve seen in Becky this year.

Becky started 2020 discovering that she enjoyed the sport of gymnastics! I loved that because since I work at WGV Gymnastics, we get to drive together and she is the default DJ in our car because she picks up on the moods and knows how to use music to make everyone dance. I love spending extra time with my children!

She overcame a lot of obstacles that this unusual (if I hear the other word again – and you know which one – I will shriek!) year has thrown at her. Like our family has done, she pulled herself up, found either another way or something else, and managed to rise out with a smile!

Smile! Oh yes, one of Becky’s highlights of the year were her braces! She finally overcame a bad habit that kept her from getting braces (power of determination) and can now accurately be called “metal-mouth” until near the end of next year. She’s doing a great job of keeping them maintained and cleaned. She has been dreaming of braces and straight, beautiful teeth forever… but then, she still wants to major in orthodontics or some branch of dentistry.

Becky also managed to embark on two new ventures right as she turned fifteen:

First, she started a job. I never would have guessed that between “afternoon two shifts” and “morning three shifts” she would take “Preschool Program Coach” in the mornings. Becky is totally my night owl, so this did surprise me. She does this well.

Second – watch out world – she got her learner’s permit for driving.

And a phone. She pays for her own phone now.

I’m totally amazed and very proud of my little lady (okay, tall young lady who has been taller than me for a while) and her accomplishments this year. Becky has been working on herself. She is learning to understand herself and others around her. I see more empathy from her.

I pray for her daily as she begins to try her young adult wings in the world of “adulting” – as my teenagers call working, classes, activities, volunteering, and paying bills.

She dreams of building an aviary for her little feathered loves (parakeets now) that will allow her to add finches, lovebirds, and even more avian pets. I see that being accomplished soon because she is smashing through everything and accomplishing what she wants. Her determination is a very strong thing. Her ability to work through challenges and keep her word makes me proud. I know God has wonderful plans for her now and in her future.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to have your beautiful daughter to raise! She is learning to lean on You and trust You in everything. She is loved so much by her family and even more by You – I pray You protect her, guard her heart, build her self-esteem, show her Your love and bring those You want guiding her into her life.

I hope this total Mom-blog piece today encourages you to find the positives and look at the accomplishments of your little blessings through this tough year. What did you see that made you smile? What challenge did your child find a creative solution too? Rejoice in the positives!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 4

Dating Decision Part 4: Dissecting Real Life and True Love #DatingDecision #Decision #Dating #Focus #Choice #Purity #Liberating #Saving #Love #Understanding #Choices #Allow #Marry #Marriage

September 23, 2020

Dating Decisions Part 4

If you’ve kept with this series so far, you know I’m almost 18 in the story now. I’ve been studying myself, trying to shift my focus to Jesus and become the woman I know He wants me to be. I’ve been people watching everyone. I am still very shy around my peers. I am only comfortable talking about dreams and hopes and principles; not very good at small talk. I die after “I’m good, how are you?” But ask my opinion on something and you get more than you wanted. I am a good listener. I sort people into boxes depending on what they tell me: mental boxes labeled, “stay away,” “like to be friends,” “want to learn more from,” and “never in a million years.”

I hit 18.5, had gone out to Disney Springs with several friends from work twice (which my Daddy fully encouraged and wanted to know if we’d met any guys… no, we goofed off, went to a comedy show, watched the two oldest drink “Monkey Brains” from a monkey-head mug and get sillier by the second, sang along with a band, people watched, danced line dances at the country bar, and did cartwheels on the AMC stars waiting for my mom & the two other younger friend’s rides). After relaying this to my Daddy, he shook his head and said, “that sounds like ten year olds instead of adults!” I grinned, “but it sounds like friends hanging out in your stories.” Yes. I was crazy.

I was working at Disney and during the few lunch breaks I took, I joined the two other girls who claimed to be Christ-followers and we encouraged each other. It shocked me. Of all who asked me out there, every one of the “boys” (I refused to call them men per my Daddy’s earlier definition) expected a date to end with sex. No. No dating for me. At 18, getting a little bolder, I had started wearing a silver ring with my birthstone that my Daddy had given me a few years back for a birthday gift. I told anyone who asked me out that it was my virginity ring and a symbol of the vow I made to save myself for my future husband. That kept a few of the nicer “boys” from trying to ask me out. One named Guy said, “awesome, sister!” overhearing my spiel and encouraged with, “keep it up.” No, he didn’t ask me out; none of the few single “men” I met asked me out at this point.

The most important step in my dating decisions came when I left Kissimmee. I moved the last time with my parents (told my Daddy, “just one more time.”) and once in Saint Augustine I became an assistant in our youth group. I saw so much sadness and pain in the preteen girls I tried to mentor. This was the first time I agreed to help out with teaching youth. I prayed for each girl by name.

I discovered that the most important part of any girl’s life was to fall in love with Jesus first. Really. Truly. To give Him everything about you. Not to keep anything back – regarding life, love, boys, men, thoughts, heart. A girl’s first love had to be Jesus. A boy’s first love had to be Jesus. We went to a Rock the Universe concert and I listened to Nicole C Mullen tell us about how Jesus had to be our first and primary love. For all of our life; single and married, we had to constantly be “chasing” after Jesus. I realized that I was trying to keep control on my future and needed to surrender everything about my future to Jesus.

That was my final conscious dating decision: I decided I would always be a woman chasing after Jesus; that I would love Him foremost and that my future husband would love Jesus first as well. Jesus is my first love.

I learned that the term “missionary dating” was a huge thing for young girls. They seemed to think that by dating a non-Christian they were doing a good thing. I studied with them and we learned that the Bible clearly says being unequally yoked (aka a non-Christian and a Christian) does not work with God’s plan.

Basically there is one rule for Christians in marriage from Jesus and it is really simple: Ready?

Men: marry a woman who love Jesus.

Women: marry a man who loves Jesus.

There isn’t a “wrong one” if they love Jesus, there is only a “wrong first love.”

Jesus should be our first love. We should allow Him to hold our heart safe (the Bible calls it “protected by a hedge”) and wait on Him. If the person we are dating loves Jesus first, they will know how to love us. If we love Jesus, we will know how to love them.

We don’t obey Jesus out of fear, but out of love. As a Christian, we choose to avoid sin because we know sin breaks God’s heart and our passion is to serve Him with love. I wasn’t truly saving my purity for my future husband – I was obeying Jesus and His design because I loved Him. That should have been my first focus. Once I truly understood that my obedience with my body was because I loved Jesus it was liberating! I was understanding that God made sex in His perfect design and that within His rules, it was something to be looked forward to. (Honestly, at 18, I was still at the point where I thought “it” was super gross… dorky, I know.) It became less about rules and more about love.

“I am saving myself for my future husband because I love Jesus and He says it is the way.”

Once I wrote that in my journal, so much of the teenage garbage and pressures from everyone around me seemed to melt. It was perfectly okay to be a virgin adult. (Did I write that? Yep. I had so many from many age groups laugh at me and even my sisters teased me because I had what they called “virgin lips.”)

I was a few days from 19, still never been on a date, when I went to my Daddy’s family reunion in Georgia. Every one of my cousins and my siblings in their teen years had been on a date; most over 14 had already kissed. It was super laughter day for them. I loved that day. I loved now being able to witness to kids my age or younger about Jesus’ love just because they couldn’t believe I was wearing a ring on my wedding ring finger to remind me that my heart belonged first to Jesus.

It became a witness goal for me. Jesus used that tiny band for me to talk to so many young people during this season of my life. Most laughed. Almost all of them laughed. But I found myself praying for them and maybe my words helped a few.

We moved within Saint Augustine and started going to a new church. This was the first place I didn’t immediately jump into helping. I was almost 19 and still didn’t have a license. Instead I found myself trying to make friends. I wanted people with whom I could share life. I never wanted to leave the place called Saint Augustine. I had found a place my heart loved. I felt Jesus telling me this would be my home.

Fast forward 20 years:

I did leave dating and marriage and family up to Jesus. (Yes, stayed in Saint Augustine area.) I married a man who also loves Jesus first. We continually learn and love Jesus more and learn and love each other more – our relationship started with each of our first dates. In the world’s eyes, we were each other’s first loves. Really, Jesus was and is the first love for both of us. We loved Jesus with our bodies and futures. We each respected the other enough to wait until we were married. We didn’t “try it out” first. (BTW; Our chemistry is just fine!) We will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary in November. In November 2052, we will celebrate our 50th. We are in this for the long run. Our focus is on Jesus in our love and marriage as it should be in all things.

My constant prayer is that people realize that their sexuality is not divorced from their spirituality. God made us complete. Just like our physical hunger shouldn’t make us decide we need to eat unhealthy things, our sexual hunger shouldn’t make us decide to do unhealthy things. Our ability to control the natural hungers or desires within us is what proves we are free. One can only be 100% free by giving everything to Jesus.

My story is uniquely mine as yours is uniquely yours.

My story is the tale of a girl discovering her self through Jesus. It is the story of a woman continually choosing to follow Jesus every day and in each decision. Often, I fail. I fall out of focus and instead let the negative self-image that my mind sees try to convince me that I’m worthless. Jesus says we are loved. Bought with the price of His blood from the slave market of sin – all sins. He knows the innermost parts of our mind, heart, and soul and still loves us! Nothing is too bad that makes us unloved by Jesus. He reaches out His hand so we can choose to charge our life in big ways and small ways and continually choose to live our life to show people Jesus through our actions; they will know us by our love.

I choose to focus on Jesus. I choose to focus on my first love. Through Him, and only through Him, am I able to show the love for myself, my husband, my family, and others around me in a way that reflects Jesus.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 3

Dating Decisions Part 3: Discovering Real Life and True Love

September 20, 2020

Dating Decisions – Part 3

At this point in my story I am a few months into 16, realizing that my focus cannot be on someone else. Jesus is my answer, my hope, my truth, not some guy I will meet “eventually.” That brought more peace to my crazy teenage mind than any other decision I had made since choosing Jesus as my personal Savior.

I determined to stand on the principles of virtue that I wanted to find in my future mate. If I had high expectations, it stood to reason that he should as well.

I had already told God (when I was 12) that I would keep myself a perfect gift for my husband. I did some silly girlish stuff that I kept hidden – like write letters to my future husband as I was journaling. Several, actually most, of these letters were destroyed by inquisitive dogs and siblings long before I was 19. I understood purity to be in the mind, body, and heart. Of all the people I interviewed, none told me they wished they had “tried it out first” but almost every person who had “tried sex out” before marriage told me that they wished they hadn’t. Most of them cited trust issues after marriage as their reason. A few told me it made them feel less worthy or made their partner less desirable. Several did not marry the person they “tried out” with. My Daddy told me that once a boy makes a conquest, he thinks of the girl as dirty, trash, something to be discarded. He said that was why he never wanted to use anyone. He told me “men don’t use women but boys use girls.” The silver screen brought that to life in “Spencer’s Mountain” where they get the cow bred and Dad says to son something like: you aren’t a bull and your woman won’t be a cow. That image stuck with me. Stories about my Daddy’s friends, relatives in our extended family, and from my curious interview subjects led me to the understanding that if someone doesn’t respect your decisions in regard to your personal limits, they don’t truly respect you at all.

That led me to the decision that should I be dating someone and they choose to ignore or press my limits, I would back up and leave. Don’t respect me = deal breaker.

I also decided that I would give them just as much respect as I expected. That was something I already did because I was raised that way, but I made that mental decision and wrote it down just to solidify it. If I couldn’t respect them, I wouldn’t waste their time. A wife is expected to respect her husband.

I started to think of myself as a wife-in-training. I had read a devotional book where the woman writer referred to her students as “women-in-training” and I loved that idea! I’m big on apprentice type learning. Show me, direct me, and I pick up rather quickly. I think that actually learning from someone with real world experience is the absolute best. (Another reason I LOVE the movie “War Room” – if you haven’t seen it, DO IT.) I picked out the qualities that I needed to work on (like patience and not nagging) and started trying them out on my siblings. Siblings had taught me that I was low on the patience thing. (Truthfully, children have taught me that I’m still, constantly, and will be forever working on the patience thing.) I am a big sister who likes to not allow her little siblings to get in a situation she knows how to prevent, but I had to sit back and let them learn after only one warning. My Daddy boomed a deep-belly laugh when he asked 17-year-old me why I let my little sisters go out in white shirts (in Florida afternoon, Kissimmee = 10 minute torrential rainfall at precisely 3pm) and I replied with “I warned them, but I’m trying to learn how not to nag, so I only said it once.”

My focus was now on myself. I understood that I needed to be a better person for my siblings, parents, and my future family. This was just the beginning.

I was still feeling tremendous pressure from peer groups to “date” like my siblings. My study had led me to the belief that dating was a long series of pre-marital interviews. I had been to job and volunteer worker interviews. I knew that the most direct way to find out if a person was a good match for the job or position was to ask direct questions. At 16, I could no longer blame my daddy and say “my Dad won’t let me date until I’m 16” therefore I began being super direct by asking, “do you love Jesus?” About half of those who asked me out laughed in a scoffing manner and (since I was primarily around church groups) respond with, “I go to church.” My reply to that “puffy religious response” was equally “puffy religious” – “no thanks. I can only court after I’m 18.”

At this point, mid-17, I still had an excellent relationship with my Daddy. I would tell him when someone asked me out. Once he told me my standards were too high, that I was expecting perfection. My reply was, “I’m looking for someone at least as much in love with Jesus as I am; the man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the family.” I was super-focused on getting into UMR or FIT at this point (two engineering colleges I was chasing) and my Daddy was big on education which is why I believe he didn’t press the matter really. I told him I wasn’t planning on dating until I was ready to marry. That became a repeated line whenever I was teased by family or my sister’s friends. One guy I didn’t like approached me about “hooking up for fun” and I asked him if he was ready to raise a child. His entire friend group left me alone.

I had devised an entire pre-programmed set of responses to boys and now men because I had yet to be asked out by anyone I actually would have dated. There had only been two young men whom I watched and admired the character of since I was 16 and neither asked me out. I actually had deep discussions about Biblical issues with both of them and discovered more about “Biblical courtship” from the latter when I was 17.

I delved deeper into the idea of Biblical courtship with a book I stumbled upon just before I turned 18. “I Kissed Dating GoodBye” by Joshua Harris – I didn’t agree with all of the book, but there were many bits that helped me to understand the whole courtship thing.

I may have bent your ears too long in this epistle. Oops!

Ready for the biggest decision of my dating steps? Covering that next time…

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 2

Learning the focus is on me: Dating Decisions Part 2

September 18, 2020

Dating Decisions – Part 2

My first realization when I started thinking logically about dating came from a series of Christian youth books by Robin Jones Gunn – even “Christian” dating was messy!

I don’t like messy anything. I like clean houses. I like clean living. I like open honest relationships. I hated how, even with people the protagonist wanted to have life-long relationships with, she lied! Or at the least bent the truth! In the books, she always ended up trying to correct those lies and asking for forgiveness, etc. because it was a Christian book trying to teach about doing life as a Christian in our carnal world (and Robin did a great job). I discovered that my idea of “date” was totally 1950s (or maybe even 1800s) and not relevant to the world I really lived in. I found Christian youth of my time (late 1990s) were trying to reinvent what they called “dating” by calling it “courtship.”

I wanted to be best friends. I wanted to get married to a man who was happy doing Pooh Bear’s “nothing” with me and enjoying it. I wanted someone who I was comfortable with. When I looked up the word “intimate” in my ancient dictionary, it said “to know and understand the deepest parts of the soul.” I wanted someone with whom I could be intimate.

The second big decision I made came about at a Christian summer camp where I was a junior counselor. First, a little backstory:

I started seriously working on myself as a preteen. I wanted to be a better sister. The song, “I Want to be Just Like You” by Philips, Craig, & Dean, was my inspiration. I cried so much when I first heard it because I realized my baby sisters and brothers looked up to me. I was actually walking my sleepy 1-year-old sister to get her to bed one night with WKCL on the radio. My mind twisted the lyrics so the he and him was they and them. “I want to be a holy example for their innocent eyes to see…” etc. I cried because I was not a “living Bible” in any sense and I wanted to be that positive role model. When baby Mary was born, I was years into the process of allowing God to change me into a better sister (which later helped me be a better mom).

I am a people watcher.

I am an analyst (like my Daddy).

I would get frustrated almost every time we moved with the hypocrisy and boys I met in youth groups who actively talked about things that shouldn’t be. I got more sexual garbage tossed my way from them than from male coworkers, my Daddy’s younger business associates who thought I was older, and the general guys I met in the feed store! I would approach the various youth leaders (we moved very often and I was always the new kid until I moved a few months later) to address the situation because I did not feel comfortable smacking truth at the various boys. When I started getting mostly, “they are just boys” reactions or laughter or “that’s actually a compliment” (he had tried to touch inappropriately and I moved away and instead he made comments I had to look up the meanings of later), I got seriously frustrated. I would throw my hands up mentally to God and say, “are there seriously any boys actually chasing after You in my generation?” Looking back, I think God just smiled, shook His head at my silly teenage prayers, and would allow me to read an awesome story or see or hear some young man acting out God’s love. It was usually right as we moved away, but always this little drop of encouragement that made me feel like I was not alone in my trying to be a Jesus-following-teenager.

*Side Note* (My girls are showing up to be way bolder than I was – Thank you, Jesus! – and they actually drop truth bombs when someone is doing or saying something inappropriate. That I think is awesome because it is a far better testimony than just stepping away and handing it off to an uncaring third party.)

BUT: my focus regarding dating was still carnal. I was looking at them. I was trying to find “the perfect guy” rather than focus on myself. Sure, I was working on being a better me with regard to siblings, parents, and general truth and study, but I had yet to apply it to all areas of my life. In our culture, we are constantly hit with “finding our soulmate” or “finding the one.” We are focusing on us finding a match. If we are leaving eternal salvation up to God, why not leave matchmaking up to God?

Fast forward to summer camp and I’m 16. Part of being a junior counselor was the requirement to attend 5am to 7am workshops (aka sermons/lectures/Bible studies). I’m listening to one of the camp counselors talk about how he and his wife didn’t start out God’s way and it was messy. His entire program was on not dating someone who wasn’t on equal spiritual footing (aka, DO NOT be unequally yoked to a nonbeliever). Of course, he and his wife ended their story as Christians working to rebuild and repair their marriage and family – but his eyes when he spoke of the wasted years fighting and trying to control each other and using their kids as weapons against each other and divorce and coming back together… those eyes solidified what became my second solid dating decision. I had already written it years before in a community youth group workshop to “list qualities you want in your future spouse,” but now it was not just a “what I want” it was a deal-maker or deal-breaker:

My husband will be a godly man who loves Jesus with all his heart.

And my third decision came at the same time:

I will present myself honestly in all my relationships and make sure any potential date knows I love Jesus and serve Him with my whole heart.

…more on the third decision next time!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions (Part 1)

Part 1 of Dating Decisions – dissecting real life and true love

September 16, 2020

Dating Decisions (Part 1)

WHOA! What is meant by this title?

Nothing. It’s a history story. Ancient history if you ask my children. I am a writer of stories; why would it surprise you that I would pull stories from my teenage decisions? No crazy thoughts. Take a deep breath, empty your presuppositions, and read: you may learn a little about the psychology behind decision making.

Once upon a time, (No, this is not a fairy tale… it is my truth tale.), I was just understanding love. Real love. I was curious about my parents and other couples around me and in my church. My mom and dad had at this point been married for 13 years. I was 11. I considered them ancient. Now I am older than my mother then and close to my dad’s age at the time – wow, I’ve reached the 11-year-old’s idea of ancient! One of my daddy’s mentors had been married to his wife for over thirty years. My daddy’s parents had been married for over 40 years when my grandmother died and granddaddy didn’t remarry. My mother’s parents had been divorced before my mom met my daddy and two of her siblings had been married and divorced. I had been sitting at a concert at a church with mostly teenagers where the girl asked, “raise your hand if your parents have been divorced.” Everyone in my row raised their hands. Most of the auditorium raised their hands. I had watched “The Parent Trap” from the sixties, but in that movie the parents got back together and all was well. I started to understand that divorce was the norm for most of the children I met. My family, with their short 13 years together, was already 7 years beyond the “normal” for divorce; according to research in the “Focus on the Family” newsletter my daddy received. I began to understand that most of the problems facing my peers were related to their broken families. I realized that my mother broke the chain and her baby sister was breaking the chain. I wanted to be like the couple in one of my churches who stood up on the day they honored families and claimed 73 years of marriage.

Research started.

I read marriage and family books (my daddy had two bookshelves full of them in his office to start my journey). I analyzed relationships in movies, in books, and in history and began to learn how to predict problems based on family stability. Stories of great hardships with intact, supportive families morphed into strong, successful, loving children. What was the binding tie?

In every personal interview I did over the next six years (and beyond, but I’m telling the story of teenage me) the common thread for successful marriage was that both loved Jesus, both were willing to love the other without expecting anything in return, and both went into their relationship committed to making it last. Repair it rather than throw it away. I already had a waste-not-want-not mentality. This matched.

Along came 12. The first boy asked me out. I thought he was sweet. He liked to carry my books from Sunday School for me. He was nice to his baby sister. I found myself already studying potential mates. I was scared of that. I told him I couldn’t date until I was 16. That became my pre-programmed response to all of the offers in the next 4 years.

I was already journaling. I told God I was going to be 18 before I dated. I told Him I wanted Him to be in control. I told Him I wanted to focus on being the best big sister and daughter I could. So began my journey of discovering and morphing myself into what I thought God wanted.

At 16, my Daddy started getting worried. My 14-year-old sister was already dating and my 12-year-old brother liked to whistle at girls. I was deep into studying. I took time to develop relationships with all of my siblings as they allowed. It wasn’t that I wasn’t “interested” in boys. I plain and simple told my daddy once, “I’m not old enough to do anything about it, so why would I play with someone’s heart?” (As a teen, I thought he was shocked with my logic, but now as an adult I wonder if he was also scared of what I meant by that.)

And that was the first dating decision I realized I had made.

…continued next time!

~Nancy Tart

Newly Licensed

Teenager now has a learner’s permit… Mom is going nuts!

January 8, 2019

Newly Licensed

I’m a bit freaked out.

(Okay, I’m frantic!)

My oldest child is now legally allowed to drive my car…

(AHHHHHHHH!)

Seriously, I’m sure she’s watched my driving enough to know how to be safe (um… she’s also watched Louis… I’m FREAKING OUT again!)

At one point yesterday at the DMV, I had to sign an electronic document that read something like “you are assuming responsibility for everything this minor does in a motor vehicle.”  I laughed because it reminded me of the pages I signed for her Camp Blanding encampment that read something like, “your minor child is at risk of major bodily damage including death and you verify that you understand this and promise not to sue us.”

At the end of this ordeal (I just signed some documents, presented my address and identity as her so-called legal guardian), I walked out with a fifteen year old girl next to me who now has a tiny plastic card that allows her to sit next to me in a 2-ton vehicle and maneuver it down roadways filled with crazy drivers.

My teenager has a learner’s permit.

(*Giant gasp, frantic breaths, mentally remembering where I put my inhaler*)

Okay, maybe you can drive to Publix… but she’s disappeared because she doesn’t want to make the left turn from Publix back onto Wildwood just yet.

Nothing has changed.  (YIPPEE)

It’s just one small step toward independence for Christina, one giant leap in freaking out for Mom.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Pearson Christmas Party 2018

Picture overload! My family’s Christmas party 2018.

December 22, 2018

Pearson Christmas Party

Imagine twelve adults and thirteen children racing around a beautifully decorated house and every single one of them is acting like they are somewhere in that magic child age around 5 to 8.  That was our Christmas party this year.  It was the best!

20181221_1913066478438496718458303.jpg

My amazing sister and brother hosted.

20181221_1855131208955633269164993.jpg

Katy is always ready for a picture!

20181221_1915575137735806187041956.jpg

Livy painting faces!  Anastasia is concentrating on being very still.  She was rewarded with a beautiful butterfly!

20181221_1909168284789220255384046.jpg

Jaquline got snowflakes to match her dress!

20181221_1855555545888940721613490.jpg

Mrs. Claus and helpers!  Tina, Christina (Christy the elf), and Mandy (Elsa-elf!)

20181221_1853304383771695139526475.jpg

Liam was here, but jumped out of the way!  Brother-cousin time L-to-R JJ, Lucas, Isaac

This video shows our baby sister’s personality – it matches the hat!

FB_IMG_1545493733336.jpg

Group Selfie! Tina, Ray, Becca, Charles, Allison

20181221_190607_15454387723993261354431844924008.jpg

The teenage grandchildren (Becky, 13, and Christina, 15)

20181221_1915107686836351812712197.jpg

Bouncy Hat plus Sherlock Pipe (both with accents…)

20181221_1916079139732878494383323.jpg

The pro (Aunt Becca) teaching JJ how to take a selfie… (He knows he’s adorable!)

20181221_190247.jpg

Mom and the boys (silly faces): L-to-R Nathan, Ray, Tina, Charles, Louis, and Andy

20181221_192155.jpg

Mom and the girls: L-to-R Mary, Kayla, Katy, Allison, Tina, Becca, and me.

We did not get a group picture, or a full cousin picture, because everyone was just having too much fun!  The girls (my pictures come from Christina, Becky, and Kimberly) managed to get many active shots.

20181221_1858101918312641277837041.jpg

This was our first year without my Daddy.  Katy and Andy had set up the layout so that he would have a comfy chair, a central view, close to food, close to everything in what Kimberly called “Santa Boompa’s throne.” (The chair with the footstool, Mom’s seat was supposed to be the matching one next to his.)  From this view you could see Livy’s facepainting station (she is so talented), the Selfie station (which was hilarious), the “dance floor” (right in front – so much fun!), the food and beverage buffet area was to the left (easy access to refills and the silly shenanigans going on in there), and the covered porch area was just behind it (where not just the boys were showing off their strength… or trying to).

Even though he wasn’t there, I didn’t feel like Daddy was missing.  I heard him in my brothers, Mom, and several of the children.  I heard his laugh when the boys were showing off.  I could hear him cheering each one on.  I felt his smile as Anastasia passed out gifts for each of the sister- and brother-cousins.  The little ones ran around giving drawings, toys, and hugs to each other and I felt him smile because he loved to give.  I felt his heart as Kimberly reminded me she needed my phone to “take pictures and movies for Grandma,” because “Granddaddy always likes to get pictures for Grandma!”

My Daddy’s legacy lives as the humor and fun he always had rubbed off on us kids and our children.  We love to see each other smile and laugh.  We encourage each other.  We share with each other.  We love.

This makes me so happy I cried on the way home.

Daddy isn’t really gone.  I miss him so bad; I miss being able to talk with him.  No one listens to me chatter away about the story ideas I have like he did.  Daddy didn’t seem to mind if it was the fifth – or fiftieth – time I told a cute something the kids did or a neat thing I learned; he never said “I’ve already heard that.”  I miss that, yes.

But he’s here.  I keep hearing the sing-song voice from the Disney cartoon: “he lives in you.”

Daddy lives in all 25 of us that were there (and the 4 who weren’t) in some way.  His legacy is us.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Follow me!

Get my latest posts delivered to your email: