Read that again! Wow! It’s a new year full of possibilities!
I’m always so thankful for new years. New seasons, new months, a new week every Sunday morning, a new day every sunrise… newness always reminds me of the opportunity God gives us to make a new start.
Our possibilities this year look amazing!
Laud got a tooth for Christmas (just one, two more are sitting there in the wings where we can see them but they haven’t popped through just yet). He’s growing so fast! I’m so blessed to watch this fast-moving change from totally-dependent-baby stage to exploration-baby-stage!
Thea has learned to read! She’s officially started her “schoolbooks” aka book work. We don’t really start books until they can read. Her favorite school book is “The Beginner Book of Words” – the Dr. Seuss “kid dictionary” that belonged to her dad and uncles! She announced to me, “mom, since I can read, I need real schoolbooks to do work in.” I’m not sure if I’m ready for that!
Lucas can do some crazy cool gymnastics stuff! His favorite thing is to show off his muscles – Kimberly consistently reminds him of the proper muscle names as he’ll flex and say “look at this one.” Lucas told me his favorite thing he wants to happen this year is “work with Dad and build our house.”
Jillian has her first gymnastics competition of the 2024 spring season January 13th! She’s competing Xcel Silver again this year with WGV Gymnastics and is super excited about her routines. Her confidence has grown with her strength and flexibility the past few months. Her self-discipline is growing and took a huge jump right at the end of 2023 when she decided to apply herself seriously to both gymnastics and academics. I’m so excited for what 2024 will bring in Jillian!
Jaquline has set her mind on a goal at the end of 2023 and I’m excited to see where it takes her. She’s refocused her study path toward law. She’s been devouring history, literature and debate, and the history of founding documents like our Constitution. She says she wants to learn the laws, how and why they were written, and how legal changes are made. Jaquline has been learning a lot about household management in the last bit of 2023 and says she will continue that in 2024. She’s also deepening and polishing her collegiate writing skills. She wants to write informational reports and persuasive (as she calls them, “enlightening”) papers well.
Kimberly has her first gymnastics competition of the 2024 Spring season January 14th. Kimberly competes Xcel Diamond with WGV Gymnastics this year. I’m so excited to see her perform with all the training she’s persevered through in the past year. This girl’s strength continues to astound me as she grows. Kimberly also starts her first official college classes this semester. She’s both excited and terrified – probably in the reverse order – about this. I love seeing her set and accomplish goals!
Rebeccah returns to her college a little early this semester for work. I’m both selfishly sad because I will miss her smile, watching her exercise patience with Thea, quietly observing as she paints (oh, by far my favorite thing to watch is someone create a masterpiece in front of my eyes – I got to watch her paint on canvas over this break), hearing her laughter, hearing her gaming; in short I will miss everything about her and there’s a Rebeccah-sized hole when she leaves home. But I love hearing her adventures and chatting with her in her tight breaks between chapel, work, study, and classes. She has such precious little free time and I’m honored when she chooses to use that time for me!
Christina will be taking steps into her career path! I’m so excited to be a part of her next adventure! Resuming flight training is only the start of her 2024 adventures. I am thankful she still shares her hopes and dreams and plans with me. (And I get to borrow her car)
As a family, we bought property and cleared it in the last few months of 2023! This is our first step toward building a home of our own! Our designs are hopefully finding an architect willing to perfect a small, compact plan; hopefully we can start utilities and building soon!
Butterflies swam in my heart, stomach, mind… anywhere… everywhere all at once.
I’m sitting in one of the folding seats in the Ocean Center with a baby nursing… I’ve been here, done that before, but never have I been in this venue for the event that is unfolding before me.
A cycle of pictures of young men and women in more childish images showed on the screen that usually displayed my gymnasts’ scores.
My gymnasts are sitting in the row behind me because our group of twelve takes almost two whole rows. They are not in warm-ups cheering teammates, but keeping siblings entertained as they all wait for Christina.
Marching Music!
There they come! Hundreds of young people in black gowns and caps. Christina has a decorated cap with a quote from The Hobbit. Her cap is bright green – and that makes her easy to pick out of the sea of black gowns and caps.
Christina is graduating with her 4-year-degree from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University! Her graduation from high school with her AA degree from St Johns River State was the first college graduation ceremony I’d attended. I look around me at six of my other seven children and my niece. I smile; it definitely won’t be the last!
Everyone is waving and trying to get Christina to see them. Christina’s fiancé was also watching along with some of his family a little higher up in the arena! Kimberly is impressed with this use of the floor that she’s been competing on for three seasons and will be coming to again in 2024.
The keynote speaker starts: Rebeccah’s plane hasn’t yet landed. Louis is monitoring that. The keynote speaker’s last encouragement? “Adapt and overcome” – my Daddy said that all the time. It almost made me feel like he was watching.
A text. Rebeccah’s plane landed. She’s getting a taxi from the airport. It’s a couple of miles. She’d managed to get out of her college classes and work early so she could catch the earliest flight from Pensacola to Daytona. I had prayed she would get to the venue to see Christina walk.
I walked out to change Laud the same time as Louis said Rebeccah was here but not sure how to get in. I walked to meet her; she is very enterprising and self-reliant so had discovered the entry herself.
We took our seats.
Christina’s group of graduates stood. My crew waved and Christina looked up to see Rebeccah here.
We were all present.
Louis, me, Rebeccah, Kimberly, Jaquline, Jillian, Lucas, Theadora, Laud. Grandma Tina. Aunt Becca and Anastasia. Louis had his mom on video phone or something like that. She said she was watching it live-streamed. All of Louis’ and my little Tart clan was here to cheer on our Christina as she graduated.
Our determined, ambitious, perfectionist whose smile lights up rooms. October had been her 20th birthday. My mind flew backward to that box of confetti in plane shapes. She’d been accepted to the only university she wanted to attend: and Louis and I wondered how we would pay for it. Scholarships, grants, loans, and flight training on a few credit cards – she’d worked as much as possible to make it happen. We’d helped some. Christina had made it happen.
Christina walked up to get her diploma. With honors. (My perfectionist was bummed she didn’t make “with highest honors”) She did her little dance move she did at her “high school” graduation. She looked up and beamed at us. I am so proud of her! (And Thea yells “you got this!” – even though it wasn’t a gymnastics meet)
All of us were there. Sure, our baby won’t remember it. He actually slept through the keynote speaker and woke just before Christina walked. Thea and Lucas will remember playing and being bored, respectively. From Anastasia up to Rebeccah though; they know it’s a big deal. They know, with varying degrees of understanding, how much work Christina put into getting to this goal. They watched, with varying degrees of understanding, as she studied, worked, stressed, complained, forced herself to take fun breaks once in a blue moon, prayed, and pushed on.
With Little CousinMom, Graduate, GrandmaWith Littlest SisterOur Graduate!Sister-Cousins
We all celebrated with Christina.
I am so thankful for miraculous appearing of funding at needed times. I am so thankful for my determined young woman who made her goal happen. I will cherish this memory.
Soar high Christina! Remember what your determination and ambition made happen! God opens doors but you have to choose to walk through them! Your graduation didn’t happen “just because” – there were lots of late nights, missed sleep, forcing yourself to go to work when you wanted to sleep in, exams you stressed far too much over, budget cuts to pay for the next simulator, and other challenges you rose to and overcame.
Keep on flying high – you are “forever an eagle” now!
It struck me with a text I sent: I have the littles at gym with me
I had Jillian, Lucas, Thea, and Laud.
Half of our “biggers” are actually adults. That’s a strange place to realize I am at. I paused a moment, glancing at my phone on my work desk. The notice underneath my text went from “sent” to “read” and I smiled. I thanked God for the honor of having so much time with my growing young women. I thanked Him for getting to mother so many of His children. (My heart reminded me that we get them for a short time.)
I don’t want to think about that.
My heart loves that they love to do stuff together. Like when they got a “big girl trip” for their combined birthdays. Such happy faces!
Now we are nearing the end of Rebeccah’s winter break. (I didn’t want to think about that, either.) Soon those giggles across the table at meals, board games, and roblox and minecraft shenanigans, the gamer shouts from the newly re-setup PS1 and Xbox in the playroom, and the kitchen laughter will again be missing our Rebeccah. I am so thankful for her beautiful life! I love the connectivity and humor she brings. I miss her when she’s gone. I thanked God for Rebeccah. I pray she will always choose to talk to me when she needs to. I pray I am keeping our communication open. I pray she chooses wisdom.
Kimberly and Jaquline go back to their respective schedules (as does everyone else) and move forward in their busy study, work, and training lives. Kimberly recently found a friend who encourages her in faith and sports commitment; a very good thing for her at this time. I thanked God for Kimberly. I pray she chooses wisdom as she keeps moving toward her long-term goal of studying sports medicine or physical therapy. She has such a heart for healing (and preventing injury) and an intuitive understanding of how the body works.
Jaquline has recently started to focus her studies on law and debate – her new goal is to be a lawyer. She does have a way of getting people to see merit in her direction. I laugh sometimes at her logic. She has such a wonderful attitude about life and her cheerfulness is catchy. She takes the responsibility of helping raise children so seriously – she assists in the nursery and I often hear her say “my babies.” She has a helpful heart and wants to see everyone treated fairly. I thanked God for Jaquline. I pray she continues to seek God and chooses wisdom in her life’s path.
Christina, our first with a Bachelor’s degree, is stepping forward toward her career. She continues to live with us. I am so thankful that she stays close. I feel honored that she chooses to keep talking with me. I thank God for Christina. I pray she seeks God in all aspects of her life. I pray she chooses to chase her dreams and grab opportunities that arise. I pray she chooses wisdom and can live with no regrets. Christina has a mothering soul. Her determination and ambition have served her well so far!
I love all stages of our family life. Today I’m grateful for being able to watch our little girls grow into vibrant young women. I am thankful I still get to be a part of their lives. I am reminded that just as we can contain multiple emotions at once, our homes can contain multiple stages at once. Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of being a mother.
The end of October was supposed to be so exciting! Gym had an employee & family fall festival scheduled – I was super excited about that because three of my family members are also coworkers and the girls had planned their goodies and costumes. Our church had a Trunk or Treat – the first one Christina didn’t have classes on and was actually able to decorate her trunk (the back of the 4Runner). Two weekends after was to be a concert at our church I wanted to attend.
There was a stomach bug passing around in the local schools. I ended up with that and usually I don’t get sick, but that tossed me out. I was throwing up and had a really high fever. Our O people didn’t really get sick, or if they did, it was sniffles and no fever. (Louis is totally convinced that the blood type has a huge impact on how you are sick – after this last two rounds, I’m sure it has a factor.) Kimberly and I were down two days (one feeling horrid, and 24 hours after the last fever). It was fighting the fight of “stay hydrated” and “make sure I’m putting something in my stomach” when everything was coming back up!
Done, that cleared everyone. Got back to work (ended up missing all of the events, sadly).
I got it again! The following weekend the bug came back! I had a high fever and all the stomach issues Saturday morning, starting about two in the morning this time. It was faster to the finish (fever broke about 14 hours instead of fevers back and forth for a full day), but I was so worn out! Then I started feeling my lung. I was coughing and it hurt so bad to lift my arm. It felt like the pneumonia I’d had back in 2018. In brief, I’d ended up with “asthmatic allergic reaction to black mold” at the same time as pneumonia and it took about 4 doctor visits before I ended up in the hospital fighting that – I’d been told by the pulmonologist back then to be careful that it would be easier for an infection to turn into pneumonia.
I went to a clinic. Yes. Pneumonia, but the scan showed something really amazing!
**Back up about three months when we got our property** (Oh, yes, we are clearing land!!)…
I was out working, dragging limbs and clearing brush like the workhorse I remember being back when we had our farm. No getting winded after a little workout, no coughing, no stopping to make my body take deep breaths. I thanked God for healing my lungs! It felt so great! (back in 2018, I had been told the scarring on my lungs would probably not heal: “never be back to 100%”)
**Back to the story**
The doctor said the scan showed that the “secondary damage” was completely gone! (Scarring of my lungs) The tests showed full use of my left lung, the only reason the right was low was because of the pneumonia! I was so excited! Even though I already “knew” it was nice to be confirmed!
God is amazing!
I’m so grateful for the way He made our bodies so they heal with His touch! I can workout! (I had started trying to after Thea was born in 2019, but it was slow going and I’d feel my limit fast – I had to bicycle “slowly” and stop to take deep breaths to make my body stop “panicking”) I’d been doing slightly more in workouts in the last three or four months and had last used my inhaler just before Laud’s birth.
Thank you, Jesus, for healing my lungs! It’s so cool that two infections ending up with pneumonia cumulated with a confirmation that my lungs are healed! The doctor was like, “usually pneumonia is treated in the hospital if you are allergic to these antibiotics (yes, the two “outpatient” drugs I’m allergic to), but we can try two days of outpatient with these” (some “stronger” antibiotics that he warned were harder to control because they both cause dehydration & you have to keep eating probiotics because they “clean your gut out”)
Daily probiotic protein shake, check. It contains iron so had to be four hours after and before the every twelve hour pill.
Greek yogurt on the other twelve hour window, check.
Super focus on hydration, check. (When I’m fighting something, I log medicine, vitamins, liquid intake, and food intake because it helps me not forget to eat and drink.)
Managed to not go to the hospital this time, check!! – And I’m all done now. No coughing, nothing!
God, I am so thankful for Your healing!!
Thank You for the wisdom you gave the doctors. Thank You for the miraculous way You designed our bodies. Thank You for health and restoration in my body!
*Author Note* Wow, I didn’t realize I have not posted all summer! To say this summer has been busy is a severe understatement; this summer has been a crazy roller coaster jam-packed with life craziness. Hopefully, this happy little story of a new miracle will make you smile! *
August 7, 2023
The Miracle of Laud
There was a day Louis and I took off of work and decided to celebrate our anniversary. As I was reserving tickets for our gym’s Parent’s Night Out for my kiddos who weren’t working it, my boss laughed and said, something to the effect of “no more babies!” Louis wanted to try for a boy and I was not against it! (I love being pregnant!)
Almost two months later we took the last opportunity to let all the kiddos know in person (Becky was home from college). Our teenagers had various hilarious reactions we should have filmed (ranging from “ya’ll are crazy” to a slamming door to “are you kidding?”). Jillian was super excited. Lucas started cleaning a spot in his room for the baby; which Louis was convinced would be a boy since he used “Dr Jack’s method” that worked with Lucas. Thea asked a million questions and kept trying to hear the baby’s heartbeat and talk to the baby.
My babies like to hang around and I love being pregnant. This time around was so different. I was measuring large, but there are lots of factors that impact fundus measurement so it is more just a guide to make sure the baby doesn’t stop growing. I’m forty and my last pregnancy to term was four years prior. Even though, yes, I’m in what I consider really good shape, my body has been stretched out and back seven times. I actually wore maternity clothes a friend gave me this time like normal! I actually looked like I was pregnant from about 5 months on, a real first for me. I loved that!
We went to the team banquet, it was the first one Christina got to come to, and the girls teased me saying I didn’t have any formal clothes… I surprised them with what I considered the cutest maternity dress ever (gift from the same friend – they just hadn’t seen it yet). It felt so cool to show off the baby. Friends who had seen me pregnant before asked if I was sure on the date or if there were two in there. (Louis loved this, the baby inside was doing some movements that I still can’t explain, and secretly, I would have loved twins.)
My “official” date from LMP would have been August 28, 40 weeks from the baby’s start would have been September 4th. I just told people September or early October. I honestly thought early-to-mid-September because most of my babies were about 42 weeks old when they came; I usually carried closer to 10 months.
July 31st started braxton-hicks contractions, the baby was still sitting up high right under my ribs and had not yet “dropped”. That was spot on for me because braxton-hicks contractions usually come 4 to 6 weeks (even 8 weeks, in two instances) before the baby comes. My babies tend to drop 3 or 4 weeks before. The baby-mapping information, which is super cool to research if you have time and want to be amazed, was telling me the baby was up to one side. My milk usually starts leaking a week or so before the birth too and there was no sign of that yet,
We went to the beach in the late evening of August 2nd. It was beautiful! I always feel like praising God for everything when I watch the majesty of the ocean, hear the laughter and joy of my children enjoying the water, and slow down to consider how honored I am to be so blessed. The others did gymnastics drill competitions in the soft sand (handstand holds, perfect Ts, candlestick holds, etc.) while Becky and Thea made a sandcastle from dripping sand – absolutely breathtaking.
(beach shenanigans and laughter)
On the way home, it felt like the baby shifted to sit sideways. I mentioned that I would like the baby to drop soon so sitting in a car wasn’t so uncomfortable. Christina laughed. The sing-along music at the top of their lungs and windows open made it so no one else heard.
I woke up on August 3rd a little after midnight. I thought my body was doing Braxton-Hicks contractions; it had been off and on since July 31st. These stretch-and-prepare contractions came and went in tiny spurts and historically clusters of three to ten stretches that disappear after I move around, shower, or stretch was “normal” for my previous births. I remembered seeing a facebook post about one of my best friends getting home from the hospital with her son; she often didn’t have night nursing and I hadn’t meshed schedules with her in a very long time. I texted to see if she was awake and able to chat. God knew I needed to hear her voice and we chatted for a couple of hours. Just after 4:15am, what I thought was Braxton-Hicks contractions about midnight (I had showered and they went away completely), became an intense contraction that came in a wave. I paused talking to breathe through that one and mentioned that it was different. I said, “this is early,” or something to that effect and told Hannah I was going to wake Louis & call Misti. As I stood up – or tried to – another contraction came in which the baby shifted from sideways inside me to “in position” and dropped all in the same intense contraction! I’ve never felt that before!
I made it from by the couch to the just inside the bathroom (didn’t get to my bedroom to get Louis) and another seriously intense contraction came. Someone had left two of the deep soft towels laid out flat on the floor on top of the bath rug (a nice, soft place to pause where clean up would be easy). I heard Christina coming out of the barracks and she asked, “mom, are you dead?” I was in full relax through the contraction mode and answered “I’m fine” with a tiny voice she knew meant baby was coming. She woke Louis and went to get mom. Louis came in the bathroom and rubbed my back, “this is coming fast” my bones were doing the separate-thing they do at transition (feels like my spine is coming apart). With the next contraction, my water broke. I texted “my water just broke” and called. Misti ended up being on speakerphone with us the whole birth. I remember wanting to double check my “official” LMP due date that was in my phone memo with all the other baby measurements for this pregnancy (my phone appears to be my notebook for everything to keep me straight on facts– I sometimes call it “my memory” because I upgraded from a purse-calendar-planner to that). I couldn’t focus on anything but listening to my body because I didn’t want to move too fast; my brain kept trying to slow my body down – nope, body wasn’t listening.
One more contraction at total relax and the next one came with a burning urge to push. I felt the baby moving to crown and said something, likely incoherent at this point, about the baby crowning. I heard what I thought was Louis repeating what I thought I said. I heard Misti say something too, but I was focused on listening to my body and slowly (in my head it felt slow, but time is so relative when you are in concentration on something – it was likely fast) pictured what the muscles in my body were doing and focused on working with them instead of fighting against them. I remember praying and feeling God say, “listen” like a soft ocean breeze in my ear. He made my body to do exactly what it was doing now. I relaxed – rested – in my trust of Him.
Louis told me the baby crowned and to push, I didn’t feel a contraction but refused to panic, I waited and breathed deep to calm and listen; another contraction came and pushed our little one out. There was a cry followed by a choking sound. As I looked to see the baby in Louis’ hands, the baby’s fingers then arms and toes then legs started to turn from a bright pink-red to blue! The baby had come out with the umbilical cord wrapped and Louis unwrapped it.
Time here slowed for us. It felt like an eternity.
“What happened?” Misti seemed to be able to see everything though she was just on the phone, we said he was turning blue like he choked, she said to suction his mouth. I remembered that from Kimberly’s birth – her cord was really short and the midwife had stopped me from pushing to unwrap her cord, then used a long tube to suction out her mouth – she had been blue. I couldn’t see using a nose suction thingy, it was too short. I had heard Louis say he was a boy as he first cried. Now my mind said “he” instead of “baby”. “How do I do that?” I remember not panicking although the back of my mind was screaming at me “he’s blue! Not breathing! He’s going to die!” Misti said to hold his nose and suction him with my mouth. It was like she could see that I wasn’t pulling strong enough, I remember, “no, pull like you’re sucking a milkshake through a straw,” I prayed and sucked up a ton of mucus which I just spit on the floor. “Blow into him, firm but gentle,” I heard. I blew a breath as I prayed again. He shuddered and breathed in and cried out! I cried.
Christina had called 911 when he started turning blue. He’d been not breathing. It had really been less than a minute between choking sound and his next full cry. It had felt like ten minutes. It had felt like eternity. Everything had happened so fast but in my mind it had happened in slow motion.
Fire rescue came in. My mom said one guy heard the baby crying and whispered, “thank God,” as he entered. Misti told us to rub him so we had been rubbing on Laud all over to get the circulation back. We’d recently watched Thea’s “pongo dog” aka “101 Dalmations” and one of the kids mentioned, “just like the puppy.” I didn’t know which of the girls were awake just yet. I did suddenly realize when there were strangers in my house that I was naked and bloody and there was a giant mess in the bathroom – I made a mental note to throw out the towels on top of the rug and I didn’t care if they were the big nice ones or not. I had been focused on Baby Laud. Louis covered my shoulders with a big towel. The Fire Rescue guy looks at the cord, which was wrapped around my leg, the placenta hadn’t delivered yet, and Laud is at my chest height being rubbed. He said, “wow, that cord is long.” They waited a moment for the pulsing to stop so all the blood from the cord went into Laud. Cord was cut and they did some stuff checking out Laud. I told them, “we called for him, not me,” because “blue and not breathing is scary” and I told them what I needed to do for me (deliver placenta, get blood off to see if I am actively bleeding, etc). The guy agreed and said the baby was good asked if he’d urinated. Yes, with his first big cry after I suctioned him, he’d peed all over, which honestly had made us laugh. Since Louis and the rescue people had Laud, I washed to get most of the blood off and stimulate my body to contract again and get the placenta out. Misti was still on the phone and had all the times and such. Someone (likely Louis, Mom, and Christina) cleaned up the mess on the floor (I hoped the towels just got tossed).
One of the rescue guys said they couldn’t leave until they made sure baby and I were good – for me, that meant delivering the placenta and not actively bleeding. Placenta delivered along with huge blood clots. Louis goes, “I know what to look for.” He says the placenta is a fascinating organ and knows what the whole one looks like. The placenta was whole. I’ve seen them too, but usually I’m a little occupied with the baby and only once do I remember examining one because I was curious. No active bleeding. Sweet. Just that drainage, which honestly appeared too light to me.
All Laud’s vitals were good! His little fingers and toes were pink by the time the placenta delivered and I’d cleaned up a little so I felt ready for the baby. They checked my blood pressure, which was “a bit low” so I had to explain that my blood pressure is always low, stress makes it “normal.” They were so nice and it was amazing how quickly they arrived. Everything was good so we opted to stay home because I never sleep in hospitals anyway. Laud was perfect!
From the “my water just broke” text at 4:36 to when he was born at 4:43 was literally 7 minutes. I am still in complete awe of how quickly everything went. Rescue guys and lady left somewhere before 6am (that was when I texted someone, Misti or Hannah likely)
Our little Laud Arik “stole” Christina’s title of “lightest” at his new 6lbs 4oz. He tied Kimberly for the shortest at 19 inches. His name means “Praise” and “Lion of God” in Hebrew. The teenagers pointed out he is a Leo. He is such an amazing blessing! The girls of course, are vying for who gets to hold him. Lucas commented, “you have two brothers, he’s my only brother.” (Although that is literally true, it’s also a little funny that he decided that was why he should be able to hold him more than the girls.)
Our littlest love is here!
He’s ready to be loved on and spoiled by big sisters, his big brother (who has been his shadow since birth), family, and friends. We’re so awed and blessed and honored to have another little “arrow” to raise up! Thank you, Jesus for friends, family, quick rescue workers (even though he was all okay when they got here, it was provision in case he wasn’t – not breathing is scary to watch)! Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect timing! Becky gets two & a half weeks with him before she’s gone until November, Christina gets a week & a half before her final senior semester craziness, I only missed the last two days of camp at gym and will be ready for driving with the start of school, my mom travels over summer and was here for just a four-day stay in between visits & got to be here… I have always teased that babies don’t read calendars… and my cumulative experiences with births keeps showing me every time is different and God has all of it in His hands!
Thank you, Jesus, for the miracle of love and life! Thank you, Jesus, for the miracle of Laud!
*Pictures because my girls say I can’t write about him without sharing pictures! (photo credit to Grandma Tina, Christina, Becky, and Kimberly because I was way too busy to think of pictures!)
Probably the first oneChristina, Laud, and TheaBecky and LaudChristina and Laud (she made him a “burrito”Grandma Tina and Laud (with a hat)He’s all dressed up!Mom and LaudHappy Big Brother (Lucas and Laud)Lucas and LaudJillian and LaudMy preemie clothes fit, Mrs. Hannah!Anastasia and Laud
This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things. #Thankful #Gratitude #PensacolaChristianCollege #EmbryRiddleAeronauticalUniversity #LifeJourney #Children #GoodNewsChurch #WGVGymnastics #Education #Thankfulness
Thankfulness 2022
September 27, 2022
Each year I try to reflect on what God has done in our lives this past year.
This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things. I love to brag on what God has done!
I’ve been working for WGV Gymnastics (dream job I wanted my whole life but didn’t know it). Louis is coming up on two years of working for Heritage Funeral Home. I am super thankful for our Christian work environments and Christian bosses.
Christina is happily pursuing her dream with passion, determination, and enthusiasm. She is still at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University full time, working at WGV Gymnastics part-time, and babysitting, dogsitting, and housesitting on the side. She is an amazing big sister! Her little gymnasts love her! She serves in the nursery at Good News Church at least three times a month and loves “her babies” – yes, they become hers for an hour or so. I am so thankful for Christina!
Becky has thrown some shocking curveballs at us and is away at Pensacola Christian College. Same state, yes, but an hour earlier in time than we are. (Different time zone, as she’s under Alabama on the panhandle – Lucas and Thea point out on the big map on the wall at church every morning when we get their lemon tea “there’s Becky!”) I am so proud of her! She’s exploring and learning and growing – such an amazing young lady I am so blessed to be her mom! Thank you, Jesus, for Becky!
Kimberly can legally drive… (REALLY??? I can’t believe she’s 15!) She’s learning so much in schoolwork academically, in gymnastics physically, and in life with maturity as she grows and takes on so much responsibility! Kimberly’s plans are impressive. Her determination is a trait so many people comment on to me – as a youngling, it was labeled stubbornness, but now that she knows how to focus, it’s determination. Kimberly is a competitive gymnast at WGV Gymnastics, a gymnastics coach part-time at WGV Gymnastics, serves in kid’s ministry at Good News Church at least twice a month, and dogsits occasionally. (She is working toward her claimed goals of saving for a computer for college this spring and a car next fall.) I am so thankful for Kimberly!
Jaquline is Christina’s twin. Sometimes Christina’s gymnasts see Jaquline and give her hugs saying “hi! Coach!” which makes Jaquline smile proudly and Christina jealous. “You’re stealing my hugs!” Christina has been known to say later. Jaquline has grown in her relationship with Jesus so much in the last year. She serves in the church nursery at least twice a month. She occasionally volunteers at WGV – or works cleaning to “get Christina out faster.” Jaquline continues to work toward her goal of team gymnast someday – she loves Beam and said she wished there was a Beam only competition. Thank you, Jesus, for Jaquline!
Jillian is facing the challenges that come with entering double digits. The want of being treated as an adult yet the want of continuing childish foolishness. She’s maneuvering that with the cornerstone of knowing that Jesus can lead her through anything. She loves her kid’s ministry leaders at Good News Church. She loves her coaches at WGV Gymnastics (she’s a competitive gymnast). She loves her friends and I see her making some lifelong friendships, if she can hold them. She is leaping forward in academics! I am so thankful for Jillian!
Lucas is an unstoppable force of limitless energy! He is always running a one-man football game where he is the quarterback, receiver, kicker, lineman, and fullback all at the same time. When he catches his own forward pass, I’ll have seen everything. He begs me for a brother almost every day. He is super thankful for his “gym brothers” and his “best friends.” I am super thankful for these young boys and young men God has set around Lucas to help him enjoy being a little boy and slowly teach him how to be a young man. Lucas gives 110% to everything he touches. His passion and enthusiasm will help fuel his discovery stages as he grows. He loves gymnastics. He loves being strong. He loves mud and football and big trucks and being like dad. Thank you, Jesus, for Lucas!
Theadora is no longer the baby. She is a “big girl” or a “young lady” all the time. Though she loves snuggling (I’m so glad she hasn’t grown out of that yet), she is quick to say “I’ll do it myself!” and proceed to do just that. Theadora has a bold confidence that comes from running the gym at the age of two. She doesn’t care to keep up pretences, what you see is what you get – at times like that I think of her as “Becky junior.” This confidence and determination will carry her far. She “signs her name” as TTT and says, “see, I’m triple T,” they are left all over Coach Heather’s desk as “swips” for Coach Heather along with who-knows-what-it-should be doodles. I am so thankful for Theadora!
I love the stage God has us in! I’m so thankful to be here and alive and enjoying every minute of our time together and apart. I love our family. I’m so grateful to see our younglings grow and become young women (and eventually, a young man)! Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of giving life and raising children! I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude to you, Jesus, for my totally amazing family!
Enjoy each moment! We know our children are “on loan” from God for a little while & then they take flight! Enjoy this adventure, Becky!
Stretching Her Eagles’ Wings
August 28, 2022
Part of our educational philosophy is never to hold anyone back. That is sometimes the hardest part of being a homeschool mom, at least for me.
Friday, Christina, Louis, Thea, and I drove Becky to Pensacola Christian College for the start of her next level.
The car trip was fun. Louis and Christina kept playing songs Becky likes and saying, “oops, that’s not classical or hymns” which made everyone laugh and several discussions of songs and lyrics and morality erupt. We didn’t stop as often for potty or snack breaks as Louis thought we’d have to (Thea was too entertained with her big sisters and Christina, Thea, and I packed a bunch of snacks).
The campus was huge and iconic. Beautiful brick and magnificent stately trees reflected tradition and integration. I’m a bit nerdy; I loved the architecture and old fashioned style. Everything was electronic though! I had received an email asking for a physical copy of a specific document – and being leery of electronic access as I am, I brought the actual paper. Didn’t need it. The electronic version of the printed paper in my purse “transferred” perfectly from St Johns River without a thing from me. As Becky’s “authorized parent,” I was able to load into a portal on my phone that allowed me access to maps, her mailbox information, orientation information, even schedules and everything as if I were the student – Becky said it was creepy, I thought it was cool!
After crossing off the seven things (five on the “welcome” list, but with Becky under eighteen there were two paperwork drop offs and as she’s in the work program, she had a task for that as well) Becky had to do and being as much help (okay, Becky would call it hindrance) as possible, we decided (not precisely accurate, Louis decided) to go have a late lunch together just off campus.
Someone likes Becky’s new spot!
Mellow Mushroom. In Pensacola? I thought the one on Anastasia Island was the only… oops.
Finally, I ended up with a picture of my college girls. They thought it cool because both are Eagles and blue & gold & white. (Kimberly got in on that because she took her SAT at Pedro Menendez High School so she considers herself a “Falcon” and even has a Pedro Menendez Vystar card! She pulled it out and showed them the blue & yellow colors – “A falcon is a type of eagle” Kimberly claims.) Becky laughed because she and Kimberly plan on being Gators when they head for their Masters & Doctorate. (“trading the gold for orange” they claim) Remember that mustard yellow skirt? Becky’s pairing it with her beautiful navy blue blouse turns her outfit into her college colors!
I’ve been listening a lot to college plans since we encourage studying the path to what they want to do and finding various ways to access that final goal. There was a lot of path and plan discussion on that road trip.
I’m so proud of Becky for taking flight! I pray she has a wonderful experience and learns a lot. I pray she makes friends and connections that will last a lifetime! I pray she does her best. Her best right now is amazing me. I’m truly excited for her entering this stage.
Thank you, Jesus, for making it possible for us to help our children pursue their dreams! Thank you that each of them wants to help the other. Thank you that each wants to invest in their own education by working for it both financially and mentally. I’m so thankful for the blessing of Becky in my life! Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me the honor of being her mother!
As I’m driving back home, chatting with Christina as Thea and Louis sleep in the back, I think on how parents only really get to father or mother their children for a few years – they are on loan from God anyway as all of them are God’s children entrusted to us. “21 years” by TobyMac came on the radio followed by “Cinderella” by Stephen Curtis Chapman… God knows how music touches me. One bit in the “21 years” song that makes me smile is “21 years, what a beautiful loan,” (I thank you Jesus, for trusting us and “loaning” Becky – and the others, but this thought was really about Becky – to us) and in “Cinderella” the bit is “but I know something the prince never knew,” [meaning they grow up and go] and yes, girls become young women, make their own decisions, and I pray mine know they can still talk to me about anything.
Enjoy your “loans” with your littles! Enjoy every bit you can. God has trusted us with training and raising His beautiful children! Just like I love watching “my little gymnasts” (those I’ve coached, usually as preschoolers) as they rise, I love watching my girls become young ladies.
I love you, Becky! Let your light shine! Enjoy this adventure called life! Every day is a gift from God; that’s why it’s called the present!
Have you ever been so overwhelmed with thankfulness that it makes you cry? #AwesomeBirthdayPresent #HealingMiracle #JesusTheGreatPhysician #Reflection
February 23, 2022
Powerfully Thankful!
Have you ever had a day that blew you away with the power of God and made you cry because you are thankful?
I’ve had quite a few since December 1st. God keeps doing amazing miracles and making me thankful – like December 10, 2021 when God saved Louis from being crushed in an accident on the interstate and December 11, 2021 when God saved my sister from dying in an accident.
Today, I’m just so thankful! A young man my family is very close to got sick on Monday – we all prayed for him. Last night (actually early morning today just after midnight), Louis led us praying that when the doctors went to do surgery, they’d find that he was healed. He asked God to touch his body and heal him completely as He is The Great Physician.
This morning, we were told he was waiting for final testing and would go into surgery. It made me so sad – I could only think of how my heart would be ripped apart if this was my Kimberly I was praying for. I love this young man and have seen God constantly work in his life. I know God can heal everything – he made the entire universe with words he spoke; He can touch a human body and repair it. In His will. That is the toughest part for me as a mom; my mind and heart fight over why God would think that my baby sister dying or a child being seriously injured or a young man slowly withering away because of a genetic disease is in God’s will.
Faith. Trust. Hope.
My faith reminds me that if I can trust God for salvation, if I can trust that the gravity and physics he set up will remain, then I need to trust His will in my life and, yes, my children’s lives and my friend’s children’s lives. Trust and pray in everything.
I have hope in that I know I will see my baby sister in heaven. I know I will see Gideon and my Daddy running and jumping and playing dodgeball and kickball in heaven. (Hey, those were favorite games so why not?) My hope is in Jesus.
When the report came back, this young man’s test came back with healthy! No surgery. Healthy on other tests for other organs! I was so happy! God, what an amazing, perfect birthday present!
I’m so thankful for healing, for life, for love, for family, for friends. So many things God has given us to enjoy – beautiful days (I bicycled to work Monday morning, we finally hung the Christmas gift swing yesterday), discovery (finding shoes Lucas hid because he prefers being barefoot), goofy games (trying to keep assorted Thea birthday balloons in the tiny square made by the couches and the wall by batting them with longer balloons), amazing gifts (homemade sugar-type m&m cookies are my favorite and I LOVE roses), traveling mercies (thankful Louis and Becca are alive), late night giggles (my favorite sounds even though I have to say, “girls, go to bed!”), healing (too many times to list!)… this list is endless.
Thank you, Jesus, for your amazing miracles!
Today, I’m so thankful, I cried.
Reflect on what amazing miracles God has done in your life and that will surely make you smile too!
Sometimes when you want to feel amazed, just look up. Seriously. Up at the sunrise or for me at work – the sunset. The sunsets over the intersection of interstate 95 and International Golf Parkway are amazing. It often happens with a bold artist palette of vivid colors like deep purple, bright blue, orange, yellow, pink, and red. Because this is Florida, we often have moisture in the sky (aka raindrops) that hide clear rainbows in the opposite side of the sky.
I’ve seen more double rainbows outside the doors of my gym than everywhere else combined. God’s promise of mercy.
When sunsets come, they remind me of the awesome things God has given us that all too often we brush off. It also reminds me to slow down. I have to take the time to enjoy the blessings I’ve been given rather than race through life as if being chased. I’m not being chased by anything! I’m in an amazing point of my life where I’ve stopped chasing the pipe-dream of home ownership and realized that it really doesn’t matter. I’ve been able to slow down and enjoy. I love the job I have! (stepping outside to see sunsets and rainbows is definitely a sweet bonus) I get to work around smiling, happy faces, hopefully instill confidence, positive work ethic, determination, and excitement in the hearts of the children I am honored to coach, encourage my coworkers as they encourage me, and watch my children grow in skill and confidence (and getting to see them every break is tremendous)!
I have chosen to focus on relationships. I am trying to connect with my family and friends at every opportunity. I want my children to understand the importance of relationship with encouraging believers.
I have chosen to focus on writing again (my computer that was fixed ended up with the cable to the display being pinched by the metal bracket that supports the display because it was moved when “repaired” and now the cable is shorted… so back to borrowed computers until I can repair it myself). I felt such a surge of writing energy – going from less than 5,000 words to over 22,000 in only one story in just a few off days since it was repaired? Wow, I feel like God has opened my creativity again. Despite computer issues, I will be writing!
I sold one ebook through Amazon! First sale in over a year, so that’s positive!
My boss has graciously let me put up a display of real books at her ProShop (At least 50% of sales price gets donated to the gym program!) and I am supposed to have illustrators (*clears throat*) working on drawings for my children’s books.
At this point, I’m trying to study my children, show them how I depend on Jesus, study my husband more so I can love him better, and develop or water friendships I cherish with my sisters, brothers, and friends. We’ve been able to get Becky’s braces, get Christina’s adult dental stuff started, we discovered Kimberly needed glasses & got those, and are planning to start Jillian’s and finish Lucas’ dental needs too. God is providing as we need it. Provision will come. “Give us this day our daily bread.”
Rainbows remind me of mercy.
Remember before the flood there was no rain? All the world was watered from the ground. Mists, fog, who knows, but the Bible says “the water rose up from the ground” to water the Earth. So imagine Noah and his family – they had never seen a rainbow! NEVER. This was a first for them. It was recorded as God setting His rainbow in the sky as a promise to every living thing on Earth that He would never again destroy the whole Earth by water.
That is mercy. Mercy is showing undeserved favor. Parenting teaches mercy on a whole new level.
Consider when someone is saying and doing things to cut you down constantly, hurting others you love, cutting deep into the hearts of you and those you love with their words, irritated with life but taking it out on you as if it is your fault, doing things and saying things that hurts them, etc. This irritates and saddens you. You love them still. You can’t stop loving them. You carried them and prayed for them and watched them be birthed and loved and cared for them and slowly watch them grow. You know you have to slowly release them and you hate yourself because you feel they aren’t ready but this is where you have to let go and trust God.
This is where you understand mercy. Love when you are undeserving.
You then see that is how Jesus sees you. You hurt His heart with some choices and actions or words. You hurt yourself. You hurt those He loves. You pull away when He is trying to patiently guide you yet it feels wrong or you decide to follow another. You do not deserve His love. You deserve judgement for those you have hurt. Yet Jesus showers us with mercy; new mercies each morning.
This is what rainbows show me.
My heart still hurts for the pains I feel my teens are feeling. I wish I could get them to talk openly and listen as openly. I wish I could once again kiss the hurt and it go away – but that doesn’t work anymore. They now need to allow Jesus to wrap His arms around them and comfort them. They need to allow Jesus to lead them and guide them.
I have to love them.
I also have to protect the hearts of my younger ones. Yes, sometimes from the words or actions of an older sibling. That really hurts.
I’m not going to kick them out of my house and never out of my heart; just as Jesus has not kicked me away and has loved me through all of my mistakes. I need Jesus’ mercy every day.
Rainbows remind me of this.
Thank you, Jesus, for sunsets and rainbows. Thank you that we get to see them almost daily. Thank you for love, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you that you teach me daily in this task called parenting.
Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.
Children.
When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.
For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!
Complex.
You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.
Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.
Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!
Learn your child.
Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.
Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”
“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.
Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.
Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.
Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.
Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.
These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.
Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?
These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.
Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.
