Tag: perfection

Yammer

In case you didn’t know, I’m fascinated with words. The English language is amazing as the myriad of possible adjectives are beyond enumeration. (Exaggeration? Likely, I’ll bet someone, somewhere, has a count on how many adjectives are proper in our English.)
#WritersBrain #Write #Author #AuthorBrain #ILoveWriting #TheEnglishLanguageIsBeautiful #HowManyWordsMeanLove #OldMovie #Adjective #Noun #ILoveWords #WordsAreWonderful #PerfectWord #Yammer #IGetTooExcitedReadingTheDictionary

November 4, 2022

Yammer


In case you didn’t know, I’m fascinated with words.  The English language is amazing as the myriad of possible adjectives are beyond enumeration.  (Exaggeration? Likely, I’ll bet someone, somewhere, has a count on how many adjectives are proper in our English.) 

Nevertheless: Let’s dive into this rather funny anecdote.  

I’ve finished a project I’ve been working on for over ten years.  I started it with a cool dream and just wrote the outline in my head and fleshed out my main characters.  I let it sit for a while until my dad asked one day if I was working on any long projects.  Yes!  Always – I have this one and about fifteen others I choose to pick at depending on what mood.  Two more are close to completion now.  But at that time, for whatever reason, I highlighted this one.  

He kept asking how work was doing in it.  He wanted to know what this or that character was doing.  When was I going to introduce this or that concept.  Because of his research that parallelled mine, I kept working on this project.  I paused for almost three years after Daddy died because I’d cry just thinking about this project.  A few months ago, though, I started on what I call a “stint” – my brain just ran with connecting each of the parts and filling in all the gaps.  I ended up finishing a few days ago and proofing and finalizing.  

So, my craziness?  I was looking for a chapter name – in this project, all the chapter names are alliterative.  I needed a “y” word that meant something like dismay, cry of pain, whining, etc.  So I opened my old creaky dictionary and started reading the “y” section.  

Yammering jumped out at me! 

I was so stinking excited!  I asked myself, “how in the Earth am I so excited over finding one word?” 

Seriously!  But “yammer” means to whine or complain, to make an outcry or clamor, to talk loudly and persistently.  It was perfect!  I love the complexity and beauty of the English language!  I love how I can find just the right word for exactly what I need.  It’s like in “Mutiny on the Bounty” (1935) movie I watched over and over as a child; this guy writing a dictionary says, “how is it your language has so many words that mean love?” 

I used to answer with, “and English doesn’t?” (of course, the Byam couldn’t hear me). 

And that is why I love writing!  I love words, I love painting pictures with words, I love finding things that are super cool to say and mean simple things but make people give you the “huh?” face… Like ameliorate – it means “to make better.” 

My brother repeated it in sentences so often that my daughters at 2 and 4 years old used it! 

Anyway, I’m getting back to finding more perfect adjectives to match my nouns in all 40 of my chapter titles!  

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

God! Help!

January 5, 2021

God! Help!

This blog is for those moms, big sisters, teachers, coaches, etc. who have ever raised their hands up in the sky and demanded with tears streaming down their eyes, “God! Help!”

If you’ve never done that, please leave the rest of us in our private knowledge of complete crazy… nothing to see or read here… Thank you.

Now that I’m addressing those of you, who like me, know that they only get through life with God’s routine and very often injections of aid: understand that you are really, really not alone!

There are way more of us out here than you know.

But people don’t always see that. Still. That doesn’t mean we don’t completely loose it and at least internally… SCREAM for HELP!

Ever had a friend compliment you by saying, “wow, you were so calm.”

Your mind goes, “um.. what????” And you realize that only God saw your frantic desperate prayers as you grabbed napkins, wiped up your child’s blood trying not to freak out at her big sister’s just-started party while on your way to meet said child in the bathroom with unknown injury as you realize another daughter is already cleaning more blood (MORE BLOOD?? God, let me not scare her, make me calm.) on a gym mat. You realize that the frantic prayers were interpreted as deep breaths – thank you Jesus for oxygen and working lungs! Said child cries and you are thinking, “God, this injury is serious, help me!” but when you clean it and she whines, “I don’t want to go home! I want to play with my friends!”

Then there’s the serious prayer as you fight the urge of laughter-that-borders-on-insanity, “God, give me patience with this child!”

Bloody head wound clean. Check.

Bleeding stopped. Crisis averted. Check.

10,000+ frantic “God, you better help me” prayers in the span of 45 seconds while dealing with said child who doesn’t see that this is an INJURY and wants to GET BACK UP AND START FLIPPING! Double check.

Super glue, band-aid, and the older kids are like, “do we need to go?” Decision time. (This was supposed to be a food party & dinner & home is 45 minutes away plus party will be over & have to pick up actual party-goer in about 2 hours.) Stay.

Instant heart attack what feels like 5 seconds later when said injured child is about to show off her routine on bars – “DO YOU WANT TO LIVE TO ADULTHOOD??” (No, I didn’t scream that.)

But. I WANTED TO!! Instead it was “GOD HELP ME!” in my frantic brain while I think I may have jumped the knee wall to grab said child and firmly direct her back to my table in a solid seat (DID YOU REALLY JUST LEAN THAT FOLDING CHAIR ON TWO LEGS!!!???) beside me to watch her. Calm. Breathe. “GOD! HELP ME!” (Of course, that was a mental scream again.)

End the frantic night. (Thank you, Jesus!)

I’m laying in bed, praying that her head heals well and there’s no infection. Reading Proverbs for whatever chapter the day was (you know, when you can’t think of anything but Proverbs has a chapter for every day in the month?), I came across timeless wisdom that basically said (my brain translated the words to the following, it is NOT a direct quote:), “give everything to God and know that you aren’t perfect without Him.”

Truth.

Give over my worries. Give over my fears. In. Real. Time.

If I just write it on paper (or type it in a blog), that’s just words. What shows that I do trust God is in real time. When my toddlers decides to tilt her head back and scream bloody murder with a huge smirk because I’m on the phone. (PATIENCE, PLEASE!) When my boy is annoying his sisters for the bazillionth time in one minute. (Please, God, don’t let them kill him.) When an attack comes and it feels like the life-breath from my lungs is being sucked out by a giant vacuum. (Calm. Breathe. God. Help. Me.)

This is trusting in real time.

This is choosing to know that I cannot do anything without Jesus.

This is knowing that with Jesus I ca do all things. I can breathe. I can parent. I can mother. I can coach. I can love. Without Him, I can’t do any of those things.

So, yes, I know I’m imperfect. (I’m FAR from perfect!)

But…

I trust in the perfect one. I ask Him for help daily (um… thousands of times a day, in every situation I get stuck in!) and He answers with comfort, ideas, calm, and love.

Take a breath. Breathe in Jesus, breathe out, breathe in love, breathe out; now face your challenge! (As I hear a squeal from the kitchen followed by a crash… doesn’t sound like anything broke… “MOM!”) God, they are your children; HELP ME! I need to parent them to lead them to You, show me how.

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

P.S.: Those who were there, yes, I was freaking out inside. Yes, she is okay and nothing left to point at proudly and say “look what happened to me!”

Wonder and Amazement

August 8, 2020

Wonder and Amazement

“Mom,” this was in a very contemplative tone like Pooh Bear thinking, “do you think God ever gets sad because people don’t like themselves?”

I’m pretty sure he does. Her pause wasn’t enough to answer.

“God worked so hard on each of us to make us special. Why does the devil make us think we aren’t beautiful?”

Wow.

Unpack that one as a Mom. …as a woman…

We are each fearfully and wonderfully made. God knit each of us together while we were in our mother’s womb. Jesus died for each of us.

We know these things, yet why does our inner voice always seem to tell us we are not special, not important, not valuable? Often it is our own inner voice that says this to us. Honestly, our culture of appearing perfect and surface relationships may contribute to this; who are we kidding? It does. Yet this type of self-loathing has been around since the beginning. The Bible constantly reminds us that we are made in God’s image, that He loves us, that he set ways for each of our unique paths…

Imagine you create a labor of love – maybe a crocheted blanket, handmade dress, birdhouse, special card, meal, it could be anything – and the person you give it to throws it away in your face. “It’s ugly.”

Imagine you child looks at you with a tear-stained face and says, “I’m ugly.” Your heart breaks.

That is what God sees.

Why does the devil want us to not like ourselves? Easy answer. He wants to destroy. If we see ourselves as less, incapable, and unimportant we will not try to accomplish what God wants for us. That is what the devil wants. That is why he whispers to our hearts lies about us. You are ugly, unimportant, unloved, weak, incapable…

If you hear this… Shut it down! You are loved! Jesus died for you! He created your special character and loves every part of you! Anything telling you that you are unwanted is a lie.

Yes, daughter, you are loved always.

People may fail you.

Jobs, scholarships, schools may not want you; may choose against you.

Circumstances may try to swallow you.

But. You. Are. Always. Loved.

You have been created with an amazing purpose and a wonderful set of amazing unique qualities that fit perfect for what you were made for. This is the truth.

Encourage others! Encourage yourself!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Happiness Is…

When you close your eyes and see happiness, what do you see?

March 12, 2019

Happiness Is…

Each of us has a different view of happiness.  This is because we are all unique individuals with varying dreams, passions, interests, and desires!  Try this exercise:

Close your eyes.  Take a deep breath.  Think of the word, “happiness.”  What do you see?

For me, happiness is:

…Lucas racing his bike around the yard (he LOVES that bicycle)

…a clear bright blue Florida sky (hopefully with ocean sounds in my ears!)

…playing chef or chef’s assistant in the kitchen with family or friends with happy music playing (I LOVE the community feeling when there are two or more of us cooking together.)

…the sound of the waves, the feel of squishy sand, the salty sea smell (for perfection, add a surfboard.)

…the smell of sweet hay, the sound of farm animals, the sight of abundant fruit on trees and in a garden

…a bright, open, cheery home with a sanctuary for visiting relatives (Grandma suite, anyone?)

…every time I picture this perfection in my mind, I see my family.  Family, friends, community; living life together.  This is what I picture as happiness.

I often imagine heaven as a huge garden, overflowing with life, where all of us spend quality time with each other tending the animals and plants as we were designed to do (okay, I know that’s simple and I’m ignoring the obvious awesomeness of actually seeing Jesus in glory, but you know, I can dream.)  Happiness for me is being with my family.

A wise man said, “be sure if you join yourself to someone, they see happiness the same way you do.”

Another, “you can’t change someone, they are the only one who can choose to change themselves.”

Remember that you cannot be happy trying to force someone else into a mold you see.  Enjoy them as they are.  (We all have flaws, no one is perfect, and everyone is uniquely different!)  Don’t try to change others, just allow them to be who they are.  (A friend pointed out to me once that no one in the “Pooh-Bear” books “unfriend” Eeyore because he’s gloomy; they accept him as he is.)

When you close your eyes and see happiness, whom do you see with you?  Those are the ones you love.  That is what you treasure.  Cherish time with those who make you happy.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Savor Life

We should savor life at every stage!

February 2, 2019

Savor Life

I’m a few weeks or so from giving birth to our seventh little miracle.

Lying in the bed (because of some biological oddities to hit just as this baby started, the cold that normally would take me two or three days to fight is taking a stretched-out time; I’m on day seven) Louis says, “if the afterbirth is harder each time, maybe we should stop with this one.”

I smiled, but since I was lying toward the wall, he couldn’t see.  “I’ve always treated each time as if it may be the last.”

“Really?” I guess this shocked him a little because I love being pregnant, I love the infant stage, I love the growing independence of the toddler stage, I love each and every step so far in this journey.   Although I’m fully prepared for God to say, “this is the last one” sometime, I’m also fully prepared to continue going through this amazing cycle of mothering a miracle.

Yes.

I guess it’s complicated.

See, about the time I was pregnant with Kimberly, I grew a great deal in my understanding of how to allow God to have full control in my entire life.  I thought I trusted Him with everything but realized that I was quietly hoping to have a multitude of children and not really okay with less – or even three.  But I asked myself, “What if God’s perfect number for you is three?”

I began to realize that God’s perfection was not limited nor driven by my wants.  (DUH!)

I decided early during that pregnancy (with Kimberly) that I would savor every second, every feeling, every hiccup, stretch, movement, and challenge that came along as if this were the last time I would carry life.

I already loved being pregnant.  I shared that love with my mother and Louis’ Grandma Honey (she told me once she would have been pregnant her entire life if God had allowed her!).

At that time, I had a shift of my mental state.  Instead of trying to always project perfection, I wanted to savor life with my family.  If this meant not fully finishing with a cleaning chore before we went somewhere, then okay.  If this meant taking a break to look at a cool flower while I’m supposed to be hanging clothes, okay.  If this meant letting someone else watch the kids so Louis and I could go out, then that was okay.  I realized I was trying to follow other peoples’ ideas of what my life should look like and had unconsciously adopted those ideas as “perfection” – and yes, perfection as it was in my brain was never truly achievable!

My stress level fell so much in those few months while I grew Kimberly in my belly and started a new “temp” job.  I may have looked busier, but I felt so liberated!

Even though what followed (from 5-weeks after Kimberly’s birth) was what I honestly believe was the most grueling, difficult 18 months of Louis & my married life, I was able to find a well of thankfulness to pull from when I felt so far down.  Without my new understanding of submitting totally to God’s plan, I would have probably allowed the horrid miscarriage to drag me into the jaws of depression.  I realized even as I cried in the stupid bulk-grocery-store bathroom, by myself, hundreds of miles from home, while I “passed” the fragments of what was once a life I felt and loved, that God had even this time in His hands.  He knew all the whys and I wasn’t to understand them; just to trust Him.

So, fast forward almost 12 years and  here I am lying with this little miracle kicking up a nice sensitive bruise under my right side.  Life in its cycle, totally unexpected, another prime example of God’s timing and perfect wisdom (Click here for that crazy amazing story!).  I’m rubbing on my belly because it makes the Baby move around and react to my touch – and I LOVE that.  I’m playing with this little one before he/she is born!

God has done so much, so many unexpected things that have lifted us up despite the weird, harsh, and unexpected challenges this past year.  God has taught me to savor all life – all stages and parts, from babies and pregnancy to friendships and siblings.  Take time for and savor everything.  There are miracles everywhere.  Yes, I’m okay if this is my last pregnancy and birth.  I’d long ago given all control to God.  I mean, if I trust Him with something so awesome as my salvation and eternal life, how can I not trust His wisdom in family size?

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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