Truly Thankful

Give Thanks in ALL Circumstances

January 21, 2022

Truly Thankful

(Note: This post was written December 11, 2021 while I was in whomever-banned-my-computer-operating-system-from-the-internet limbo.

I am thankful for grace today. 

Louis was at a standstill in interstate traffic yesterday waiting to turn off on our exit and glanced up in his rearview mirror to see a white car racing toward him without slowing down.  He twisted the wheel to avoid hitting the cars in front of him and accelerated to lessen the impact – and our car is still crushed so bad the back doesn’t exist anymore.  All of the doors were so damaged he had to climb out the window and even his driver’s seat is broken.  No airbags deployed though, our $5,000 worth of rebuilt engine we did four months ago is still in great condition.  Car starts, engine runs, no fluid leaks, but without a working rear axle, that sweet engine is meaningless. 

I’m just happy Louis looked up and turned the wheel.  Without it, he would have been crushed between the stopped cars in front of him and the vehicle that hadn’t noticed everyone else was stopped.

Thank you, Jesus, for his being alert. 

I am beyond-words thankful that my husband is still alive. 

I picked him up at the gas station while he was on the phone with the insurance.  She said after listening to his description of the crash, “I’m so glad you are here and able to talk to me now.”  He said he thought he was going to die but refused to just sit there and watch the car kill him without trying to do something. 

Sometimes life flashes before your eyes.  It was December 10, 2021 – my Daddy died on that day three years ago.  Three years ago in the middle of work my mom called and I left to meet her at the hospital, but my Daddy was already gone.  Without his being alert, December 10th could have been also the day I lost Louis.  That thought was bizarre. 

Logically, since he had called and said he was okay, would be busy calling 911 for the lady behind him, and would later need me to pick him up, I told my boss he was in an accident and I’d need to leave to pick him up.  Christina was almost at the gym.  Plan was she could cover for me. 

I tend to look at things logically.  Cars and things can be replaced but people cannot.  I could be mad about it, but that doesn’t do any good.  Instead, I’ll choose to look at the positive.  We’re here.  Louis is still doing life with us.  We have a temporary fix to our down to two cars with five people working issue.  And Monday we move…

Thank you, Jesus, for deciding December 10, 2021 wasn’t Louis’ time to go home.

Thank you for reading,

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Building Monuments

Building Monuments

February 29, 2020

So on my way to work today there was a radio broadcast. I actually listen to this every morning until I get to work on 91.9 FM. It’s the Excel Church radio broadcast. Usually the topics have been related to generational building in legacy, finances, nature, etc. Today was on monuments.

He said we often allow ourselves to build monuments to sin and we see that one thing, or series of things, as bigger than anything else in our lives and immovable. Totally get that one.

When someone makes one bad choice, they are told by others or their own mind that they are defined by that one choice and as such, are not “worthy” of anything better.

He was discussing how the church generally does that to people in the church and we as individuals do it to ourselves. His challenge was, as individuals, to search our hearts, pray, and find the sin monuments in our lives and remove them.

I thought about this.

When I was first personally deciding to follow Jesus, probably about 8, I constantly heard the prayer where it says “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others” and for almost two years, I wouldn’t forgive one person (a little bully who had hurt and embarrassed me when I was 5). I would argue that I wasn’t around him so my constantly remembering it and talking about it wasn’t bad. Then, about 10, I realized that I was keeping myself bitter because of that unforgiveness. I let it go.

I know, silly story, right? But to me at 10, that was huge. To me looking back now, I saw how that lesson helped me to not hold grudges and find peace.

Learning to find and demolish those monuments has been key in my life too. I just never realized it was so important. I thought it was part of understanding my relationship with God better; slowly growing in my ability to forgive others and myself. To let things go. If God forgets our sin, who am I to keep reminding myself or others of it?

In relationships, it could be one sin – he said usually it is a sin of the mouth. We say something without filtering it and regret it instantly. There is no “delete” or “backspace” for words spoken. Unfortunately, sometimes people build monuments to that lapse and next week, next month, or 10 years later in an altercation they remind the offender, “remember when you said …” – they have built a monument to that one sin.

It needs a demo team.

Blow that monument up and scatter the ashes.

You feel like that sin monument can’t be torn down as it’s too strong or been there too long – actually, it’s made of air like a mountain of trash bags full of foam. Stick a vacuum in the end of the bag and you have almost nothing. God can tear down your sin monuments.

You can’t build relationships with monuments to sin forcing themselves between you. You can’t build your own heart toward God without breaking down the monuments you’ve erected that blot out your accurate view of God.

As followers of Jesus, we should understand that as Paul tell us under grace we are new creatures. The old man is passed away. This means we can start over with a new slate – God says His mercies are new each morning. (I think that’s because like coffee, we need a full dose of mercy each day to get us though the day!) We have to choose to leave the judging to God. We have to choose to forgive. That is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

He talked about how he didn’t have an affectionate father. How he discovered this was a monument he built that affected his dealings and relationships with every other man he came in contact with, including his own son. So he had to demolish that monument, let the loss die, and learn to forgive like Jesus. He had to love his father (his dad was great, just not affectionate) like Jesus wanted him to, in truth. He said letting go is sometimes very hard because we try to rationalize with our mind and emotions why the monument is there and what it’s for. Just let go.

Why on Earth did it take 8-year-old me 2 years after realizing that what I was doing was wrong to forgive some bully from when I was 5? I carried that bitterness against him for 5 years! Half of my life at that time I held what probably amounted to hatred for that one boy – why? It didn’t do anything to him. My rational self told my mind that he likely forgot about the incident five minutes after it happened. Yet I carried this stupid bitterness in my heart for 5 years over nothing? I couldn’t explain to my 10-year-old self why.

I know now it was because we are all born in sin, forgiveness is something we have to learn. The only one who can teach true forgiveness is Jesus. Let yourself go. Let others go. Find the monuments you’ve built to sin in your life and destroy them – you might have to get help and that’s okay. Jesus says all things are possible through Him. You can find peace.

Move forward.

You can’t go backward in time. You can’t erase what you did or said – delete, undo, and backspace don’t work in real life.

You have to find the sin monuments you have built against yourself or someone else and eradicate them.

Let your bitterness go. Love fully. Choose forgiveness!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Fatherhood

June 17, 2019

Fatherhood

So, you know this huge thing called “Fatherhood?”

What comes to mind?  A parenting book I read when I was twelve (yes, oldest sibling perks!) said something like “the child’s view of God as a Father is directly impacted by their experience with their Earthly Father.”

Yes. So true.

I went into parenthood knowing this. (Songs like “He Wants to be Like Me” reaffirmed this giant responsibility.)

A Father is often the humor of the family too – in the photo, Louis had climbed to the top of the stump and challenged “Come Get Me!” … notice all the kids following!

Despite the failures that I’ve made as a Mom and that I felt repercussions of from my parents (they were AWESOME parents, but they weren’t perfect) – I understand the crux of all parenting: we are human.  We (Parents) are not Jesus and are not perfect.

Bingo.

That awesome thing called grace collaborates with the huge responsibility of parenting to create a vulnerable, praying, God-dependant parent capable of teaching the amazing love and grace of Jesus through their own transparency.

Let’s face it: most of the American culture makes fun of fathers.  (Ever seen the Goofy Salute to Fatherhood?) Even as early as the 1950s when there was still a bit of a patriarchal society present, cartoons and movies started to depict fathers as lazy, goofy, clueless bunglers who often caused more problems than they solved.

Although I laughed along with my Daddy at a lot of these early shots at the masculine father, I understood the bulk of media still left you understanding that the love and bond of a father to child was the glue of a family.  The unsung hero always was the silent sure strength of the God-following Father.

As time inched forward, the media continued to turn the American Father into a non-essential entity.

The opposite is true!

I consider myself a strong, independent woman when it comes to my life.  I am a Christian woman, but one of my strongest battles with myself is submission – first to my father, then to Jesus, and later to my husband.  I know this though…  I CANNOT be the mother I am without the encouragement and support from my husband.

If I had to do motherhood without my husband being my ultimate cheerleader and sounding board, I would have realized how unfit I am about three months into the first child.  I have the ultimate respect for people whose life circumstances have forced them to navigate parenthood alone.  I try to be an encourager to them and help those single parents in any way I can because I cannot imagine myself having that strength.

I am excited to be around my husband!  I was on a softball team (church, yes, I’m an athletic maniac but wasn’t on an actual team until I was in my late 20s and it was just for one season with my church family).  Louis was working sometimes 100+ hours a week for our family at the time.  The company I had just closed.  He’d never made it to any of our games (I took all the kids with me; they loved it and hung out with their friends & some of the church ladies who came to encourage us bounced my baby around).  One day he showed up and I was so excited!  (I was told I squealed like a little girl; don’t remember exactly.)  I love walking with him.  I am excited when we do something as a family – or when he’s going somewhere and says, “hey want to go with me?”  Because I know he likes his alone time.  I get way too much alone time at my office – I relish gym coaching because of the other encouraging women I work for and with and the chattering children I love.  I will chatter way too much sometimes.

Our church sermon was on how Fathers aren’t perfect (only Jesus is) and how their honesty and relationship is their connection with their children.  It’s the way to disciple.  We aren’t perfect, our children aren’t perfect – bingo!  Common ground.

I know how important real, honest, God-fearing Fathers are to the fabric of our family.  I know how hard it is to buck the media’s garbage portrayal of our roles and follow God’s plan instead.  I am so thankful that I have a husband who is pursuing God’s heart.  His passion for Jesus makes him a better husband, a better father, and a better friend.  He helps encourage me to pursue God’s heart.  (Told you I’m competitive.)  He isn’t perfect, but he is constantly improving.  A challenge arises and he rises above it.  He’s always leading in love and with a determined drive that is totally contagious.  His passion for Jesus, life, and family (okay, and sports) is encouraging.

And he doesn’t think he’s “so much” – he compliments and lifts me up consistently.  He makes me feel like I’m doing well despite whatever challenge I feel I’m failing.

At church, we pulled in on Father’s Day (neither of our fathers went to church as adults) and he comments, “wow, church is crowded on Father’s Day.”  Yes, at our church, the culture of encouraging each person to follow God individually, corporately, and in their family is persistent.  (I was afraid we lost that when our previous church folded.)  I am so encouraged that Louis has found a church with a culture of lifting up men as fathers; the vital leaders in their homes, encouraging and holding each other accountable.

Thank you, Jesus, for fathers who choose to take the hard road and follow you; they are raising up the next generation of world-changers.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next later…

~Nancy Tart

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