Tag: train

Learn Your Children

July 25, 2020

Learn Your Children

Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.

Children.

When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.

For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!

Complex.

You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.

Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.

Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!

Learn your child.

Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.

Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”

“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.

Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.

Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.

Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.

Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.

These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.

Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?

These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.

Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Failing to Compare

July 23, 2020

Failing to Compare

Do you know what I hope I fail in? 

Seriously.  I’m super competitive by nature.  I had to teach myself that trying to “be my best” is a different thing than being better than someone else. 

I had to fail at comparing. 

What are we at, 8 billion people on the planet?  Each one of us has a unique set of circumstances, challenges, goals, cultures, and opportunities.  How can we possibly compare ourselves to each other?

Simplify: we do it in our own heads even if people don’t for us. So we have to learn not to compare in our own heads too!

Your child is acting out. 

From people who may or may not know you comes the onslaught: “that’s because you work,” “that’s because you stay home all day,” “that’s because you are too busy,” “that’s because you never go on playdates,” “that’s because you have him around too many children,” “that’s because you have him in vpk,” “that’s because you home school,” “that’s because your mom ate Wendy’s Frosties with French fries while carrying you…”

And it goes on and on!  They give you reasons to blame yourself or your situation for the child crying in the grocery cart.

You know, mentally, it’s been a long day or he just woke up and the bright lights hurt his eyes or he’s teething or maybe he flat out doesn’t want to be in the store today but you let the judging start in you.  Now you blame yourself. 

One child is independent at 6: he wakes up before the rooster crows, does schoolwork without prodding, makes healthy food if there isn’t a ready meal, dresses himself and three younger siblings and feeds the dog before you have your coffee.  Another is 13 and you can’t trust him with the dog for three seconds, he never does anything without you doing it for him, you bought him sliders and gave up on shoelaces decades ago, and it scares you that the government thinks this kid can climb into a 2-ton vehicle in less than three years and turn himself into a human projectile at 70mph+.  (Exaggerated, I know, but still!)

You find yourself blaming you and your circumstances for how your kids are. 

Stop it!

Mommy, your kids are fine!

They have their own unique personalities and the unique way God set in them from when they were knit together in your womb!  Your job is to help them find their way.  It’s a really cool study to really research the Hebrew on that passage you know, “Train up a child…” the word way there means “the traits that are his” we might say his personality, likes, and dreams.  Dig into that one more when you have time – awesome study. 

ANYWAY!  Back to your mind yelling at you and beating you up because your children are different.  Different than you, different than your spouse, different than their siblings, friends, teammates, schoolmates – YES! They were all made different.  Each a beautiful masterpiece God is still carefully crafting with His own hands.

That independent child?  We lead and guide and pray they choose to ask for help when they face something that looks difficult – we’d rather them not make the same mistakes we did.  (Waving my hand, I was that independent child and humility was/is a challenge for me!)

The 13 year old that seems lazy and unproductive?  Watch what falling in love with a sport, subject, or animal will do for him.  You turn around and that one is buying books on said subject, devoting hours, days, whole weeks lost in it, suddenly you blink and he’s that subject’s walking encyclopedia – then if you listen you’ll discover that was always there, he studies one thing at a time and shoelaces, school deadlines, and things that didn’t interest him just didn’t get any attention.   

When you feel like your brain is beating you up because of your parenting, your situation, and your children not being “perfect,” remind your brain that no one is perfect.  There are no perfect children.  (Okay, be honest, you aren’t living in a Jewish village 2000 years ago watching Joseph and Mary parent Jesus – my brain wouldn’t have shut up watching a real perfect kid!)

You can’t say to yourself, “I did xyz” regarding a child’s personality unless you are using that as a tool to ask yourself, “how do I help him overcome this?”  Because yes, I know, going through financial instability, parents going to work or coming home, changing schools, changing neighborhoods, losing family members, that all does contribute to the development of personality and psyche in a child (or in an adult, am I right?) so understanding is good to help more forward – but the best way to help is to LISTEN.

Sit with them when you can – vehicles are normally good because they are trapped and can’t go anywhere.  And ditch the devices.  Unless you are parenting long distance, look in their eyes and listen with your whole self.  It doesn’t have to look like two adults over coffee at a Barnes & Noble, either.  Think like them.  You can be playing a video game with your kid and have deep conversation.  You can be building duplo blocks and get the scoop on everything in his little heart.

Listen to them.  Ask them prodding questions about their thoughts, their dreams, their goals, and what things have impacted them.  You will learn a lot.  Let them speak as much as you can.  You lecturing the same stuff becomes listening to a broken record.  You need to hear them as much as they need to talk to you.  Learn their hearts.  If you forget stuff sometimes like I do, WRITE DOWN important stuff and file it away somewhere.  That way when you want to know your daughter’s favorite color you don’t have to text her sister.

Fail to compare.  ALWAYS choose not to compare.  If you hear them saying “at least I’m better than so-and-so…” ask why they feel that way and then tell them how each person is unique.  If they want to be better at something, encourage it!  But don’t compare with others.  They don’t know “so-and-so’s” full heart story.  (Side note on that is let them read “To Kill A Mockingbird” or watch the Gregory Peck film version.) Don’t compare.  Especially don’t compare siblings!

Choose to change what you can (only yourself and the environment you create) and accept what you can’t (the personality of others and situations you have no control over).

Do your best in the environment you have.  That is all we can do.  Mothers for millennia have been doing just that – wars, famines, massive global flood, cultural and political changes, pestilences, and economic booms and busts notwithstanding, Mothers continue to do their best for their children.  

Fail to compare.

Instead of tearing each other down, we should build each other up.  We should provide safe environments for each other to come, talk deeply, and gather advice.  We live helping each other because we know the power is not in comparing ourselves with another but with helping each other up.  We need that type of love.  We need to build each other up instead of compare and break down.  Our children see how we treat others when they are near and when we are alone – character is what we say and do when no one is watching.  Build up.  Encourage.  Instead of judging someone else, rejoice with them or encourage them.

This is for our own children too.  Build them up, encourage them, rejoice with them, pray for them, and lead them in their own unique and special way.

If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another or your children to each other or another’s child… Stop.  Instead, choose to encourage or rejoice.  Your heart will smile more and that will show on your face and in your attitude – this causes joy in your heart!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Thea’s First Roller Coaster

September 21, 2019

Thea’s First Roller Coaster

There’s this wonderful place a few dozen miles over the Georgia line that pops up out of the long fields of cotton and orchards of pecan trees with vibrant colors, exotic animals, and fun! 

Wild Adventures. 

This place has a great history for me.  I heard my first concert there as a teenager (which introduced the “new” band DC Talk with NewSong & later was the same two bands we saw together at a winterjam concert!), I went back as a young mom with Christina (her first amusement park), then back again in 2013 with everyone for two days, and a few weeks ago, we went back on a coupon.

Actually, Wild Adventures has been the first Theme Park experience for all the girls (when babies don’t ride, they haven’t experienced it) – Lucas’ first was Six Flags.

And Thea – yes, the baby! – rode her first roller coaster!  Lucas and I were walking around the kiddie section, he was riding spinning bees and such, when he wanted to ride the roller coaster and needed a fellow rider.  I told him, “when Daddy comes over here, you can ride it, I have to stay with Thea.” The operator smiled, “can she sit up by herself?”  Yes.  “Oh, then all three of you can ride.” (WHAT??)

I’m not good at selfies…
but Thea’s face!!

So Thea, Lucas, and I rode Thea’s first roller coaster.  Thea was five and a half months old!  Did this baby enjoy it?  She giggled with Lucas and chewed on her teether the whole time.  The operator called out, “you get two rounds, does she like it?”  Lucas answered by making Thea giggle and clap. 

Of course, everyone enjoyed multiple rides and between Christina and Becky we have plenty of pictures, but I managed to take a couple.

  • All the girls except Thea!
  • Kimberly
  • Kimberly & Me
  • Jillian & Me
  • Flying!

My baby… and her first amusement park ride was a roller coaster!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

My New Gym!

August 22, 2019

Our New Gym!

Have you ever moved? 

YES!  I can remember 19 different homes in my early years.  My husband and I have shifted houses 10 times in almost 17 years. 

I am intimately aware of moving.

I know just how many boxes can fit in a 5×8 moving trailer.  I can look at your furniture and see it morphing into place inside a moving van like blocks in Tetris – just with some blankets and pillows strategically placed here and there for padding.

WGV Gymnastics (which yes, I call “my gym” even though it’s not mine, I coach there… but I love it!) just moved from their old facility to the new one at 135 Center Place Way, Saint Augustine, in World Golf Village area.  (They literally moved across the pond!)

We helped with loading a trailer and cleaning.  Our monster was the pit – do you know how many giant trash bags are needed to clean out 15,000+ 6”x6”x6” foam pit blocks?  We have no clue, but it’s upwards of 500.  And that doesn’t count those wrapped up in the tarp! 

Our new facility has amazing new equipment, huge cooling fans, the climbing rope (Kimberly’s favorite), and I can’t wait to teach classes in the new preschool area!  Our after-school program is very nice.  We have two vans that pick children up from area schools. (Mill Creek, Pacetti Bay, and Palencia Elementary, to name a few – check with the office if you want to find out if your school is covered!) In this program, you can pick which days you need pick up, and your students will have assistance with homework, crafts and games to entertain them, and snacks while they wait for you to pick them up!  Since we are a gymnastics facility, the bonus to the program is access to specified gymnastics classes.

Dozens of people helped out in this massive move.  Teamwork.  That’s why I only know a small facet of the whole picture. 

We finished by sorting all the blocks into good, bad, and ugly. Good went to the new pit, bad to be shredded to make new mats, and ugly to the trash bin. Our teamwork system was separated into groups of various sizes doing specific tasks: One pulled bags up out of the pit, one opened bags, one put good blocks neatly into uHaul boxes, one bagged up the bad & trashed the ugly, and one took “train cars” (aka uHaul boxes loaded with pit blocks) to the door to wait for the “engine” (aka the truck to the new gym).

Lucas and Jillian loaded the bags out with a rope (before it got reassigned to another task) while Kimberly tosses bags up to be sorted! This teamwork went on for hours.

While I only know the pit blocks intimately during this move, I am super excited for the new facility and our growth from here out.  Come and see us at 135 Center Place Drive at WGV Gymnastics!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Wimpy Atlas

Ever feel like everything in the world is raining down on your shoulders and you can’t keep anything up? That was today…

December 20, 2018

Wimpy Atlas

Am I the only one who feels like Atlas with wimpy shoulders sometimes?

Yesterday was a good example:

I got up at 5:30am to work, the guy cancels as I’m just on the road.  Bummer.

Get back home, waste of a half-hour prep and 20 minutes gas and time, but I try to stay positive.  My breathing flared up; can’t lay down to go back to sleep.  Grrrrr… hot tea and honey while I work on my character cards for the 6th in The Devonians – 26 characters in this one because it is set during a community planting season.

I write a program for translating ages – this will make future work easier.   I had my tea.  I hoped I would avoid having to take the allergy pill (discovered a natural antihistamine as I’m allergic to both Benadryl and the emergency inhaler I was supposed to be taking 4 times a day, but I still prefer not to take anything).   I pick up the second ride.  I’ve now made $20.

I chose not to dwell on sad things pinging around the back of my brain.

But when I got home about 11, I was starved.  I made my Shakeology because Louis wasn’t hungry (the kids had already eaten, and I wasn’t going to make a whole breakfast just for me).  Louis took the next call so I could finish eating.  I gathered all my stuff into neat little piles so I could use my tools to guide my story.  Christina needed help on an Algebra problem so I set my Shakeology cup down.

But… (that word NOT in the positive this time!)

As I finished with Christina’s problem *BAM* I turned and knocked the full Shakeology cup over ($3.50 meal – I hate waste)!   *SPLASH* the broken blinds, the window, the lamp, the wall, EVERY ONE of my 26 cards, my hand-written “cheat sheet” I’d created almost a year ago for the Devonians families, and the floor are covered in goo.  Imagine slightly soupy pudding – that’s the consistency of Shakeology + coffee.

Immediately, as quickly as the drops of fluid, everything negative that I was trying to hold back rained down on my brain.

The evening before, Mom got Daddy’s ashes… all that’s left of his body is in two boxes on her table.

Didn’t get to stop by Mom’s on the way home (*thoughts* you are a horrible daughter.)

Didn’t get to snuggle on the couch with Lucas because I was cleaning while he fell asleep (horrible mom.)

Didn’t get to fix my pie or anything to take to the party (horrible guest.)

I had to drive in the morning but only had two calls & the would-be big one canceled (horrible provider.)

Lucas wanted me to play trains… I was busy teaching (again, you never play with him!)

…and on and on and on… my brain just rained down things I wished I could have done differently, things I wanted to do but hadn’t, and things I should have done.

I felt like the world was falling on my shoulders and squishing me flat.

Now I was hungry, it was noon, and the very next call was “make some rice for lunch” because we had one pound of beef in the freezer and “stir-fry would be good.”  All I wanted was to type my frustrations out and make another Shakeology to actually eat.  I wanted to get to my vitamin shake before I went to work at 2. (I was leaving early to stop by my mom’s today!)

I read somewhere that a mother is the Chief Mood Officer in her home.  When I start getting lost in emotion, I remind myself of that.  I turned on Christmas music, started cleaning so I could start rice, and prayed I’d be able to pull my own mood up (and keep the house from growing dark).  My siblings’ party is tomorrow.  I can choose to shift my focus on the positive.  Hopefully it works!

*By the way* I didn’t get my shake until I was on the way to work, my mom wasn’t home when I got to her house, and on… BUT I was working playroom so had brought my Devonians folder and was able to use the 40 “lost” minutes to recreate some of the destroyed cards.  I forced myself to focus on the positive again… this week has been a constant challenge for me.  God.  God is totally in control. (I just need to lean on Him – His shoulders are not weak.)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Train Tracks

Memories with train tracks: little brothers, giggling elves, children 🙂

December 11, 2018

Train Tracks

One Christmas, about 10 years ago, Christina, Rebeccah, and baby Kimberly received a train track set with two little trains.  It was a tight year; Mommy had found it at a resale shop for $7 with its own storage tub!  This was the “big present” that year.  Mommy and Daddy almost woke the little sleepers up giggling and playing with it as we set it up around the Christmas tree.  Daddy put the crayons (Mommy saved those from penny sales at the start of school time) and coloring books in sets around it.  Three tins with special cookies and treats we’d made were wrapped up and set around the track too.  Other presents gathered around the tree, hiding in the circle of track.

That sturdy mix of train track and car track has been heavily played with for many years.  It was Lucas and Isaac’s favorite thing to do – “play train tracks” from as soon as they could run every car that would possibly fit down the track.

The tracks fit together like puzzles.  Jaquline likes to build the track.  Lucas likes both building and “vrooming” trains and cars on it.

They built this one together and took pictures of it!

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Lucas has become a little puzzle-fitter when it comes to making the tracks fit lately.  The latest update for him has been adding mega-blocks and duplos under the tracks to raise them up over the “water” floor.  Once Jaquline showed him this possibility, he’s been trying it by himself!

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This little run below was all Lucas.

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We heard the Christmas song that goes “…little toy trains and little toy tracks…” and Lucas shouted, “Mommy!  A song about my train tracks!”

We donate at least one bag of toys every year as Christmas gets closer, (this year Lucas chose three of his “best cars” to give away to another little boy, and Rebeccah “found” a Lego set in their Legos which she printed the instructions for and gave away) but these tracks stay.

I remember making train tracks with my brothers, and am glad to make “train track” memories with my little ones too.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

The Exuberance of Life

“Look Mom!” and what else is Lucas excited about?

October 6, 2018

The Exuberance of Life

Today we had impromptu tennis.  Christina and Becky rode their bikes to the park, Louis, the younger children, and I drove.  It was a lovely day and since the “cooler than 90 degree” weather has them all excited, we have been outside most of the day.

Lucas was shouting songs in the backseat; periodically announcing “Stasia loves this one” or “Stasia said her Mommy has this!” or “this is one I like!” (Since Anastasia is not there to announce such things, Lucas must in her absence!)

We claim an open tennis court (okay, two, but that’s just because not all eight members of our team are great with their aim yet).  Lucas has his own special racket and claims every ball that hits the net – the inaccuracies of learning kept Lucas entertained for over an hour!

At home, we’re now enjoying outside.  Christina is texting the UCC team, Kimberly is running her scooter (kid powered), Jaquline is on her bike, and Jillian has a chicken – no, it’s a guinea pig.  Lucas is driving his “Green car” (a 2nd birthday gift from Grandma Joanne that has seen daily use except for one six-week stint while we waited for the replacement charger).

“Look, Mom, the pig-pig is driving!” Lucas has Custard contentedly chewing on grasses in his lap!  (Custard is one of the 4-week-old Guinea Pigs.)

A few moments later…

“Look, Mom!  The chicken is driving!” And Jillian is sitting next to Lucas with a different chicken (this one is the biggest of the young cockerels we have for sale) sitting on her lap.

A few moments later…

“Look out below!” followed by giggles.  Lucas is driving the car under a rain of pinecones Jillian tossed in the air.  He catches one in the empty passenger seat, laughs, picks it up, and throws in into the little tykes car (human-powered) as he passes it.

A second later…

“Mom!  A train!” And Lucas is pushing his car, in reverse, with the little tykes car centered behind it, rolling along like it is the engine of a two-unit train.

Then he tries to join Kimberly and Jaquline’s soccer game while driving the car!  “Kim!  My car wants to play!”

He jumped out of the car when Jillian and Kimberly started with the foam football… “I love football!”

We should have such energy and exuberance toward everything in life!  Lucas looks at everything as an adventure, challenge, or treat; as a gift.  Life is a gift.  Thank you, Jesus, for this amazing life and all the fun moments we experience in it!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

 

 

Fireworks Over the Matanzas

July 8, 2018

Fireworks Over the Matanzas

Ask any of my kids what their favorite day is one answer will be… “Fourth of July!”

Why?

Because we always go downtown to watch the best fireworks show ever! (Okay, maybe I’m a little prejudiced because I live here, but I get a travel magazine and it listed our “Fireworks Over the Matanzas” as one of the top 5 annual fireworks shows!)

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We make is a production! (Yes, that was not this year, but our longest “train!” because it included me – taking picture – and the buggy!)

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(Jaquline at the Fireworks Over the Matanzas years ago – photo credit, my amazing friend, Stacy Moorehouse)

This was the first year we went without the baby buggy – took a foldable wagon instead. And yes, it doubled as Anastasia’s buggy from the van to downtown and Lucas’ back to the van.

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We bring snacks, water (hydration, as Christina calls it – thank you, Civil Air Patrol), juice (Becky wanted juice to refill the water bottles this year), and lots of energy! The girls always make new friends at the bayfront.

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This year a new friend family from Atlanta, Georgia shared their bag of glowsticks with the girls and Lucas! (This made them very excited! As you can see, Lucas made glasses to “see very far away.”) Even though Christina said she was “too big” for glowsticks, between Becky and Kimberly, they had her wearing one! (Kimberly has “a pirate earring” and Christina is covering her bracelet!)

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Finally, after enjoying awesome music (before the city music came through the speakers, we could hear Evan D’s music from Harry’s! He’s a local artist I like to hear.), playing and talking with new friends, snacking on lots of fruit and sweet potato chips from Currie’s and Aldi’s, and having Aunt Becca join us, we got to the main event

The best fireworks show on the bayfront! (I can’t record more than about 22 seconds at a time on my camera, so we only caught a few snippets of the show, but it was amazing!)

We trudged home, (Lucas slept in the wagon, in a picture back up there^ somewhere) laughing, singing, and enjoying our family time! Oh, and yes, Lucas fell asleep during the fireworks! 🙂 I was so excited and even mentioned “this is the first year everyone is awake to see the fireworks!” haha! Then he was out.

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Will we face huge crowds, packed potties, and no-see-ums again? Oh yes! And look forward to an amazing 6 hours or more next year at our special bayfront spot, making new friends and enjoying each others’ company!

We love the City of Saint Augustine’s Fireworks Over the Matanzas!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

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