April 28, 2024
This Day
It’s been a whirlwind a week. Mountains, valleys, bridges, resets, tears, joy, excitement… all together and jumbled up and sometimes at the same time in my heart.
This day was one of reflection.
Thankfulness, answered prayers, closing doors, broken dreams, memories, amazing celebrated accomplishments…
My Daddy was born on this day in 1949. This is his 6th birthday in heaven. I thanked Jesus for the wisdom that he spoke into me that I had to draw on this week. I’ve been pausing my words and drawing on that wisdom for advising my adult children this week. I know there’s no tears in heaven, it says the saints pray over what they see when they look on the earth… in my mind, I hoped my Daddy was looking and praying for us this week.
On Monday Thea’s newest schoolbooks showed up and my newest “textbook learner” excitedly dove into her new school adventure. Lucas did the 5th and 6th grade math competency test on the computer. My rejoicing was so high in these (the read it button doesn’t work in the test so you have to read to get a passing score). He raced for the 7th and I warned him he may need to learn some new words first – his desire to learn how to sound out math words exploded. This was a joy moment.
Tuesday, Thea got the stomach bug, but I thought it was “dirty fingers.” She stayed home due to caution and Wednesday announced “no throw up all day” (there had been only for about 6 hours 3 times on Tuesday before noon, with no fever, so I was sure it was nothing) – joke on me.
I picked Louis up from work & he was on bedrest for his back – who are we kidding? Pain was forcing him to stay in either his chair or bed, but who likes to really be still, even if we know it’s for our future good health?
I kept getting texts about how much money each out-of-work day costs us – yes, I’ll have to pull from savings… My long-term brain is already rejoicing in September when we aren’t under an “insurmountable” monthly rent. (It feels so insurmountable because it takes more than one person’s full month of income.) My stress level was rising so fast and I kept trying to slow it down. This was a low day when I had to purposefully choose joy.
Wednesday, Lucas stayed home and was being a typical brother (aka “bother”) by breathing his “gross yucky-smelling burps” into his big sister’s faces. I wouldn’t find out about this until later, but he has a crazy immune system so his “runny nose” I noticed Wednesday evening was his catching and passing of Thea’s bug. He drinks and eats after everyone, and is usually how everyone ends up sick without him ever seeming sick…
Also Wednesday, Kimberly had her exam and since Christina wasn’t working, I got dropped off at work with just Laud. Christina showed up needing adult advise and a sounding board. I didn’t start working until 930 – thankfully, I am able to excuse myself for rare emergencies. I was so thankful she felt safe enough to come to me. So very sad with empathy for her pain.
Then Louis & I were sick Thursday night. Mine was way faster, thankfully. All of the other girls ended up with it starting Christina in the wee hours of Friday morning and ending with Kimberly about 2pm. Thankfully, it skipped over Laud. Sadness & happiness.
My little sister is showing off her amazing culinary craft this afternoon with Anastasia helping! Super joy! Chef Rebeccah Pradenas – yes, I’m so very proud of my little sister and her awesome achievements – my Daddy is so proud too… but he expected it.
Today, in church, everyone is returned to healthy status. Louis, Kimberly, Jaquline, Jillian, and Lucas did first service, Christina & I served. Christina is babysitting now. I’m listening and writing in my journal to Jaquline. Kimberly and Jaquline are serving. Thea is in church service with me. She’s snuggling like she’s 2 & I’m totally okay with that. I am so overwhelmed with the prayers, words, people that God put together to keep Christina grounded and the great friends and mentors she has around her. I’m missing my Daddy. I see his wisdom in various places in our lives. I am so thankful for my amazing Daddy. I’m so thankful my children have a loving praying father. I’m praying for healing of the broken hearts of the young people I’ve watched grow up. I’ve just spent an hour encouraging and praying for those few God has me helping with now. The responsibility of life is just leaving me happy and amazed at God’s provision and tearful at the rifts I see and those I love whom I did not see today.
Grateful joy. Sorrowful tears. Elated highs. Deeper lows than I’ve ever faced. Sympathetic pain that I can’t fathom. Prayers like an unending stock ticker; it feels like it’s been all week. I feel my heart in so many places and so many emotions all settling today. Emotions all over the place from super high excitement and pride in my sister to super lows in sympathetic pain for those whose hearts are shattered. All at the same time. At times this week I was sharing my sister’s excitement and daughter’s sadness during the same times through texts.
Today, on this day and hopefully each day, I choose joy. Jesus is my joy. Jesus is my peace. This was a tough parenting week; and through it all, I know only one solid thing that never fails. Jesus never changes. Thank you, Jesus, for never changing! Thank you for salvation! Thank you for heaven! Thank you for love! Thank you for forgiveness!
Thank you for reading!
Type at you next time!
~Nancy Tart