Read that again! Wow! It’s a new year full of possibilities!
I’m always so thankful for new years. New seasons, new months, a new week every Sunday morning, a new day every sunrise… newness always reminds me of the opportunity God gives us to make a new start.
Our possibilities this year look amazing!
Laud got a tooth for Christmas (just one, two more are sitting there in the wings where we can see them but they haven’t popped through just yet). He’s growing so fast! I’m so blessed to watch this fast-moving change from totally-dependent-baby stage to exploration-baby-stage!
Thea has learned to read! She’s officially started her “schoolbooks” aka book work. We don’t really start books until they can read. Her favorite school book is “The Beginner Book of Words” – the Dr. Seuss “kid dictionary” that belonged to her dad and uncles! She announced to me, “mom, since I can read, I need real schoolbooks to do work in.” I’m not sure if I’m ready for that!
Lucas can do some crazy cool gymnastics stuff! His favorite thing is to show off his muscles – Kimberly consistently reminds him of the proper muscle names as he’ll flex and say “look at this one.” Lucas told me his favorite thing he wants to happen this year is “work with Dad and build our house.”
Jillian has her first gymnastics competition of the 2024 spring season January 13th! She’s competing Xcel Silver again this year with WGV Gymnastics and is super excited about her routines. Her confidence has grown with her strength and flexibility the past few months. Her self-discipline is growing and took a huge jump right at the end of 2023 when she decided to apply herself seriously to both gymnastics and academics. I’m so excited for what 2024 will bring in Jillian!
Jaquline has set her mind on a goal at the end of 2023 and I’m excited to see where it takes her. She’s refocused her study path toward law. She’s been devouring history, literature and debate, and the history of founding documents like our Constitution. She says she wants to learn the laws, how and why they were written, and how legal changes are made. Jaquline has been learning a lot about household management in the last bit of 2023 and says she will continue that in 2024. She’s also deepening and polishing her collegiate writing skills. She wants to write informational reports and persuasive (as she calls them, “enlightening”) papers well.
Kimberly has her first gymnastics competition of the 2024 Spring season January 14th. Kimberly competes Xcel Diamond with WGV Gymnastics this year. I’m so excited to see her perform with all the training she’s persevered through in the past year. This girl’s strength continues to astound me as she grows. Kimberly also starts her first official college classes this semester. She’s both excited and terrified – probably in the reverse order – about this. I love seeing her set and accomplish goals!
Rebeccah returns to her college a little early this semester for work. I’m both selfishly sad because I will miss her smile, watching her exercise patience with Thea, quietly observing as she paints (oh, by far my favorite thing to watch is someone create a masterpiece in front of my eyes – I got to watch her paint on canvas over this break), hearing her laughter, hearing her gaming; in short I will miss everything about her and there’s a Rebeccah-sized hole when she leaves home. But I love hearing her adventures and chatting with her in her tight breaks between chapel, work, study, and classes. She has such precious little free time and I’m honored when she chooses to use that time for me!
Christina will be taking steps into her career path! I’m so excited to be a part of her next adventure! Resuming flight training is only the start of her 2024 adventures. I am thankful she still shares her hopes and dreams and plans with me. (And I get to borrow her car)
As a family, we bought property and cleared it in the last few months of 2023! This is our first step toward building a home of our own! Our designs are hopefully finding an architect willing to perfect a small, compact plan; hopefully we can start utilities and building soon!
Butterflies swam in my heart, stomach, mind… anywhere… everywhere all at once.
I’m sitting in one of the folding seats in the Ocean Center with a baby nursing… I’ve been here, done that before, but never have I been in this venue for the event that is unfolding before me.
A cycle of pictures of young men and women in more childish images showed on the screen that usually displayed my gymnasts’ scores.
My gymnasts are sitting in the row behind me because our group of twelve takes almost two whole rows. They are not in warm-ups cheering teammates, but keeping siblings entertained as they all wait for Christina.
Marching Music!
There they come! Hundreds of young people in black gowns and caps. Christina has a decorated cap with a quote from The Hobbit. Her cap is bright green – and that makes her easy to pick out of the sea of black gowns and caps.
Christina is graduating with her 4-year-degree from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University! Her graduation from high school with her AA degree from St Johns River State was the first college graduation ceremony I’d attended. I look around me at six of my other seven children and my niece. I smile; it definitely won’t be the last!
Everyone is waving and trying to get Christina to see them. Christina’s fiancé was also watching along with some of his family a little higher up in the arena! Kimberly is impressed with this use of the floor that she’s been competing on for three seasons and will be coming to again in 2024.
The keynote speaker starts: Rebeccah’s plane hasn’t yet landed. Louis is monitoring that. The keynote speaker’s last encouragement? “Adapt and overcome” – my Daddy said that all the time. It almost made me feel like he was watching.
A text. Rebeccah’s plane landed. She’s getting a taxi from the airport. It’s a couple of miles. She’d managed to get out of her college classes and work early so she could catch the earliest flight from Pensacola to Daytona. I had prayed she would get to the venue to see Christina walk.
I walked out to change Laud the same time as Louis said Rebeccah was here but not sure how to get in. I walked to meet her; she is very enterprising and self-reliant so had discovered the entry herself.
We took our seats.
Christina’s group of graduates stood. My crew waved and Christina looked up to see Rebeccah here.
We were all present.
Louis, me, Rebeccah, Kimberly, Jaquline, Jillian, Lucas, Theadora, Laud. Grandma Tina. Aunt Becca and Anastasia. Louis had his mom on video phone or something like that. She said she was watching it live-streamed. All of Louis’ and my little Tart clan was here to cheer on our Christina as she graduated.
Our determined, ambitious, perfectionist whose smile lights up rooms. October had been her 20th birthday. My mind flew backward to that box of confetti in plane shapes. She’d been accepted to the only university she wanted to attend: and Louis and I wondered how we would pay for it. Scholarships, grants, loans, and flight training on a few credit cards – she’d worked as much as possible to make it happen. We’d helped some. Christina had made it happen.
Christina walked up to get her diploma. With honors. (My perfectionist was bummed she didn’t make “with highest honors”) She did her little dance move she did at her “high school” graduation. She looked up and beamed at us. I am so proud of her! (And Thea yells “you got this!” – even though it wasn’t a gymnastics meet)
All of us were there. Sure, our baby won’t remember it. He actually slept through the keynote speaker and woke just before Christina walked. Thea and Lucas will remember playing and being bored, respectively. From Anastasia up to Rebeccah though; they know it’s a big deal. They know, with varying degrees of understanding, how much work Christina put into getting to this goal. They watched, with varying degrees of understanding, as she studied, worked, stressed, complained, forced herself to take fun breaks once in a blue moon, prayed, and pushed on.
With Little CousinMom, Graduate, GrandmaWith Littlest SisterOur Graduate!Sister-Cousins
We all celebrated with Christina.
I am so thankful for miraculous appearing of funding at needed times. I am so thankful for my determined young woman who made her goal happen. I will cherish this memory.
Soar high Christina! Remember what your determination and ambition made happen! God opens doors but you have to choose to walk through them! Your graduation didn’t happen “just because” – there were lots of late nights, missed sleep, forcing yourself to go to work when you wanted to sleep in, exams you stressed far too much over, budget cuts to pay for the next simulator, and other challenges you rose to and overcame.
Keep on flying high – you are “forever an eagle” now!
It struck me with a text I sent: I have the littles at gym with me
I had Jillian, Lucas, Thea, and Laud.
Half of our “biggers” are actually adults. That’s a strange place to realize I am at. I paused a moment, glancing at my phone on my work desk. The notice underneath my text went from “sent” to “read” and I smiled. I thanked God for the honor of having so much time with my growing young women. I thanked Him for getting to mother so many of His children. (My heart reminded me that we get them for a short time.)
I don’t want to think about that.
My heart loves that they love to do stuff together. Like when they got a “big girl trip” for their combined birthdays. Such happy faces!
Now we are nearing the end of Rebeccah’s winter break. (I didn’t want to think about that, either.) Soon those giggles across the table at meals, board games, and roblox and minecraft shenanigans, the gamer shouts from the newly re-setup PS1 and Xbox in the playroom, and the kitchen laughter will again be missing our Rebeccah. I am so thankful for her beautiful life! I love the connectivity and humor she brings. I miss her when she’s gone. I thanked God for Rebeccah. I pray she will always choose to talk to me when she needs to. I pray I am keeping our communication open. I pray she chooses wisdom.
Kimberly and Jaquline go back to their respective schedules (as does everyone else) and move forward in their busy study, work, and training lives. Kimberly recently found a friend who encourages her in faith and sports commitment; a very good thing for her at this time. I thanked God for Kimberly. I pray she chooses wisdom as she keeps moving toward her long-term goal of studying sports medicine or physical therapy. She has such a heart for healing (and preventing injury) and an intuitive understanding of how the body works.
Jaquline has recently started to focus her studies on law and debate – her new goal is to be a lawyer. She does have a way of getting people to see merit in her direction. I laugh sometimes at her logic. She has such a wonderful attitude about life and her cheerfulness is catchy. She takes the responsibility of helping raise children so seriously – she assists in the nursery and I often hear her say “my babies.” She has a helpful heart and wants to see everyone treated fairly. I thanked God for Jaquline. I pray she continues to seek God and chooses wisdom in her life’s path.
Christina, our first with a Bachelor’s degree, is stepping forward toward her career. She continues to live with us. I am so thankful that she stays close. I feel honored that she chooses to keep talking with me. I thank God for Christina. I pray she seeks God in all aspects of her life. I pray she chooses to chase her dreams and grab opportunities that arise. I pray she chooses wisdom and can live with no regrets. Christina has a mothering soul. Her determination and ambition have served her well so far!
I love all stages of our family life. Today I’m grateful for being able to watch our little girls grow into vibrant young women. I am thankful I still get to be a part of their lives. I am reminded that just as we can contain multiple emotions at once, our homes can contain multiple stages at once. Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of being a mother.
*Author Note* Wow, I didn’t realize I have not posted all summer! To say this summer has been busy is a severe understatement; this summer has been a crazy roller coaster jam-packed with life craziness. Hopefully, this happy little story of a new miracle will make you smile! *
August 7, 2023
The Miracle of Laud
There was a day Louis and I took off of work and decided to celebrate our anniversary. As I was reserving tickets for our gym’s Parent’s Night Out for my kiddos who weren’t working it, my boss laughed and said, something to the effect of “no more babies!” Louis wanted to try for a boy and I was not against it! (I love being pregnant!)
Almost two months later we took the last opportunity to let all the kiddos know in person (Becky was home from college). Our teenagers had various hilarious reactions we should have filmed (ranging from “ya’ll are crazy” to a slamming door to “are you kidding?”). Jillian was super excited. Lucas started cleaning a spot in his room for the baby; which Louis was convinced would be a boy since he used “Dr Jack’s method” that worked with Lucas. Thea asked a million questions and kept trying to hear the baby’s heartbeat and talk to the baby.
My babies like to hang around and I love being pregnant. This time around was so different. I was measuring large, but there are lots of factors that impact fundus measurement so it is more just a guide to make sure the baby doesn’t stop growing. I’m forty and my last pregnancy to term was four years prior. Even though, yes, I’m in what I consider really good shape, my body has been stretched out and back seven times. I actually wore maternity clothes a friend gave me this time like normal! I actually looked like I was pregnant from about 5 months on, a real first for me. I loved that!
We went to the team banquet, it was the first one Christina got to come to, and the girls teased me saying I didn’t have any formal clothes… I surprised them with what I considered the cutest maternity dress ever (gift from the same friend – they just hadn’t seen it yet). It felt so cool to show off the baby. Friends who had seen me pregnant before asked if I was sure on the date or if there were two in there. (Louis loved this, the baby inside was doing some movements that I still can’t explain, and secretly, I would have loved twins.)
My “official” date from LMP would have been August 28, 40 weeks from the baby’s start would have been September 4th. I just told people September or early October. I honestly thought early-to-mid-September because most of my babies were about 42 weeks old when they came; I usually carried closer to 10 months.
July 31st started braxton-hicks contractions, the baby was still sitting up high right under my ribs and had not yet “dropped”. That was spot on for me because braxton-hicks contractions usually come 4 to 6 weeks (even 8 weeks, in two instances) before the baby comes. My babies tend to drop 3 or 4 weeks before. The baby-mapping information, which is super cool to research if you have time and want to be amazed, was telling me the baby was up to one side. My milk usually starts leaking a week or so before the birth too and there was no sign of that yet,
We went to the beach in the late evening of August 2nd. It was beautiful! I always feel like praising God for everything when I watch the majesty of the ocean, hear the laughter and joy of my children enjoying the water, and slow down to consider how honored I am to be so blessed. The others did gymnastics drill competitions in the soft sand (handstand holds, perfect Ts, candlestick holds, etc.) while Becky and Thea made a sandcastle from dripping sand – absolutely breathtaking.
(beach shenanigans and laughter)
On the way home, it felt like the baby shifted to sit sideways. I mentioned that I would like the baby to drop soon so sitting in a car wasn’t so uncomfortable. Christina laughed. The sing-along music at the top of their lungs and windows open made it so no one else heard.
I woke up on August 3rd a little after midnight. I thought my body was doing Braxton-Hicks contractions; it had been off and on since July 31st. These stretch-and-prepare contractions came and went in tiny spurts and historically clusters of three to ten stretches that disappear after I move around, shower, or stretch was “normal” for my previous births. I remembered seeing a facebook post about one of my best friends getting home from the hospital with her son; she often didn’t have night nursing and I hadn’t meshed schedules with her in a very long time. I texted to see if she was awake and able to chat. God knew I needed to hear her voice and we chatted for a couple of hours. Just after 4:15am, what I thought was Braxton-Hicks contractions about midnight (I had showered and they went away completely), became an intense contraction that came in a wave. I paused talking to breathe through that one and mentioned that it was different. I said, “this is early,” or something to that effect and told Hannah I was going to wake Louis & call Misti. As I stood up – or tried to – another contraction came in which the baby shifted from sideways inside me to “in position” and dropped all in the same intense contraction! I’ve never felt that before!
I made it from by the couch to the just inside the bathroom (didn’t get to my bedroom to get Louis) and another seriously intense contraction came. Someone had left two of the deep soft towels laid out flat on the floor on top of the bath rug (a nice, soft place to pause where clean up would be easy). I heard Christina coming out of the barracks and she asked, “mom, are you dead?” I was in full relax through the contraction mode and answered “I’m fine” with a tiny voice she knew meant baby was coming. She woke Louis and went to get mom. Louis came in the bathroom and rubbed my back, “this is coming fast” my bones were doing the separate-thing they do at transition (feels like my spine is coming apart). With the next contraction, my water broke. I texted “my water just broke” and called. Misti ended up being on speakerphone with us the whole birth. I remember wanting to double check my “official” LMP due date that was in my phone memo with all the other baby measurements for this pregnancy (my phone appears to be my notebook for everything to keep me straight on facts– I sometimes call it “my memory” because I upgraded from a purse-calendar-planner to that). I couldn’t focus on anything but listening to my body because I didn’t want to move too fast; my brain kept trying to slow my body down – nope, body wasn’t listening.
One more contraction at total relax and the next one came with a burning urge to push. I felt the baby moving to crown and said something, likely incoherent at this point, about the baby crowning. I heard what I thought was Louis repeating what I thought I said. I heard Misti say something too, but I was focused on listening to my body and slowly (in my head it felt slow, but time is so relative when you are in concentration on something – it was likely fast) pictured what the muscles in my body were doing and focused on working with them instead of fighting against them. I remember praying and feeling God say, “listen” like a soft ocean breeze in my ear. He made my body to do exactly what it was doing now. I relaxed – rested – in my trust of Him.
Louis told me the baby crowned and to push, I didn’t feel a contraction but refused to panic, I waited and breathed deep to calm and listen; another contraction came and pushed our little one out. There was a cry followed by a choking sound. As I looked to see the baby in Louis’ hands, the baby’s fingers then arms and toes then legs started to turn from a bright pink-red to blue! The baby had come out with the umbilical cord wrapped and Louis unwrapped it.
Time here slowed for us. It felt like an eternity.
“What happened?” Misti seemed to be able to see everything though she was just on the phone, we said he was turning blue like he choked, she said to suction his mouth. I remembered that from Kimberly’s birth – her cord was really short and the midwife had stopped me from pushing to unwrap her cord, then used a long tube to suction out her mouth – she had been blue. I couldn’t see using a nose suction thingy, it was too short. I had heard Louis say he was a boy as he first cried. Now my mind said “he” instead of “baby”. “How do I do that?” I remember not panicking although the back of my mind was screaming at me “he’s blue! Not breathing! He’s going to die!” Misti said to hold his nose and suction him with my mouth. It was like she could see that I wasn’t pulling strong enough, I remember, “no, pull like you’re sucking a milkshake through a straw,” I prayed and sucked up a ton of mucus which I just spit on the floor. “Blow into him, firm but gentle,” I heard. I blew a breath as I prayed again. He shuddered and breathed in and cried out! I cried.
Christina had called 911 when he started turning blue. He’d been not breathing. It had really been less than a minute between choking sound and his next full cry. It had felt like ten minutes. It had felt like eternity. Everything had happened so fast but in my mind it had happened in slow motion.
Fire rescue came in. My mom said one guy heard the baby crying and whispered, “thank God,” as he entered. Misti told us to rub him so we had been rubbing on Laud all over to get the circulation back. We’d recently watched Thea’s “pongo dog” aka “101 Dalmations” and one of the kids mentioned, “just like the puppy.” I didn’t know which of the girls were awake just yet. I did suddenly realize when there were strangers in my house that I was naked and bloody and there was a giant mess in the bathroom – I made a mental note to throw out the towels on top of the rug and I didn’t care if they were the big nice ones or not. I had been focused on Baby Laud. Louis covered my shoulders with a big towel. The Fire Rescue guy looks at the cord, which was wrapped around my leg, the placenta hadn’t delivered yet, and Laud is at my chest height being rubbed. He said, “wow, that cord is long.” They waited a moment for the pulsing to stop so all the blood from the cord went into Laud. Cord was cut and they did some stuff checking out Laud. I told them, “we called for him, not me,” because “blue and not breathing is scary” and I told them what I needed to do for me (deliver placenta, get blood off to see if I am actively bleeding, etc). The guy agreed and said the baby was good asked if he’d urinated. Yes, with his first big cry after I suctioned him, he’d peed all over, which honestly had made us laugh. Since Louis and the rescue people had Laud, I washed to get most of the blood off and stimulate my body to contract again and get the placenta out. Misti was still on the phone and had all the times and such. Someone (likely Louis, Mom, and Christina) cleaned up the mess on the floor (I hoped the towels just got tossed).
One of the rescue guys said they couldn’t leave until they made sure baby and I were good – for me, that meant delivering the placenta and not actively bleeding. Placenta delivered along with huge blood clots. Louis goes, “I know what to look for.” He says the placenta is a fascinating organ and knows what the whole one looks like. The placenta was whole. I’ve seen them too, but usually I’m a little occupied with the baby and only once do I remember examining one because I was curious. No active bleeding. Sweet. Just that drainage, which honestly appeared too light to me.
All Laud’s vitals were good! His little fingers and toes were pink by the time the placenta delivered and I’d cleaned up a little so I felt ready for the baby. They checked my blood pressure, which was “a bit low” so I had to explain that my blood pressure is always low, stress makes it “normal.” They were so nice and it was amazing how quickly they arrived. Everything was good so we opted to stay home because I never sleep in hospitals anyway. Laud was perfect!
From the “my water just broke” text at 4:36 to when he was born at 4:43 was literally 7 minutes. I am still in complete awe of how quickly everything went. Rescue guys and lady left somewhere before 6am (that was when I texted someone, Misti or Hannah likely)
Our little Laud Arik “stole” Christina’s title of “lightest” at his new 6lbs 4oz. He tied Kimberly for the shortest at 19 inches. His name means “Praise” and “Lion of God” in Hebrew. The teenagers pointed out he is a Leo. He is such an amazing blessing! The girls of course, are vying for who gets to hold him. Lucas commented, “you have two brothers, he’s my only brother.” (Although that is literally true, it’s also a little funny that he decided that was why he should be able to hold him more than the girls.)
Our littlest love is here!
He’s ready to be loved on and spoiled by big sisters, his big brother (who has been his shadow since birth), family, and friends. We’re so awed and blessed and honored to have another little “arrow” to raise up! Thank you, Jesus for friends, family, quick rescue workers (even though he was all okay when they got here, it was provision in case he wasn’t – not breathing is scary to watch)! Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect timing! Becky gets two & a half weeks with him before she’s gone until November, Christina gets a week & a half before her final senior semester craziness, I only missed the last two days of camp at gym and will be ready for driving with the start of school, my mom travels over summer and was here for just a four-day stay in between visits & got to be here… I have always teased that babies don’t read calendars… and my cumulative experiences with births keeps showing me every time is different and God has all of it in His hands!
Thank you, Jesus, for the miracle of love and life! Thank you, Jesus, for the miracle of Laud!
*Pictures because my girls say I can’t write about him without sharing pictures! (photo credit to Grandma Tina, Christina, Becky, and Kimberly because I was way too busy to think of pictures!)
Probably the first oneChristina, Laud, and TheaBecky and LaudChristina and Laud (she made him a “burrito”Grandma Tina and Laud (with a hat)He’s all dressed up!Mom and LaudHappy Big Brother (Lucas and Laud)Lucas and LaudJillian and LaudMy preemie clothes fit, Mrs. Hannah!Anastasia and Laud
Standing excitedly on the screened porch steps, 6 children stand about squirming, giggling, jumping, and otherwise trying to pitifully contain their excitement.
“What is it, Daddy!” chorus a half-dozen voices.
Daddy pulls out a stork – plain, white, six-foot-tall wooden stork.
“No, Daddy! It is a boy or a girl!” “Is it a Bobby or a Mary?” “Daddy! That doesn’t tell us anything!” “Daddy!”
He’s grinning under that “Indian Jones” hat he always wore. He loves the suspense. The oldest boy sits on the steps; he’s been telling us it’s a girl since he knew Mom was pregnant. He jumps when Daddy finally pulls out a bow – a pretty, humongous PINK bow.
The children scream with joy and start dancing about, following Daddy as he plants the stork in the yard and ties on that giant pink bow – announcing to everyone speeding up and down our county road that God had gifted this family with a new beautiful baby girl.
Our Mary.
Our treasure.
It was 24 days before my thirteenth birthday 23 years ago that I first heard my baby sister’s cry over the phone. (No skype or video phone back then.) Mom would bring our new baby sister home the following day all wrapped up in blankets against the South Carolina January cold. We loved, spoiled, and thanked God for our baby.
Our Mary.
Honestly I was an odd big sister; I read tons of parenting books and practiced techniques on Charley, Dorothy, and Mary, so they felt like my children instead of my siblings.
My Baby Sister.
Two days ago at work, just settling in, going happily about my day, I get a call from my Mom that made a part of my heart die. Mary was gone. She didn’t have details, but just that turned me numb. I went into split mode. Six months and ten days ago it was my Daddy; this was ripping my mother’s heart from her chest. Her baby girl was dead. My baby sister was dead. My niece and nephews would never see Mommy come home from work. My boss helped me gather my things and Thea and I started trying to call my rocks (phones are hands-free now so your voice and your car does everything, Daddy couldn’t call us from the road when she was born). I needed to talk. Louis told me he was with her babies. My Mom had gone to tell Becca in person. I cried, I screamed, mad at the waste – I didn’t even know nor care how she died yet. I was so irritated that God had let this happen to us. Mary was just getting on her feet again. She had found a home to rent, she had enrolled the kids in school, she was starting a real job on Monday… her life was moving in a positive direction.
She was 23.
23.
A baby. Her children needed Mommy. But she was gone. Talked with my baby brother. It was a car accident. An accident, a blink of an eye; everything about two families changes.
“Praise you in the Storm” came on Hope FM. Music is my life. God knows me. The next few songs playing while I made the 35 minute ride home seemed like God talking to me through them.
Mary had told me the day before that she kept seeing Daddy with his arms out to her like he was going to hug her. I told her that was God letting Daddy give her a hug while she slept. Now that popped into my head to make another river of tears before I got to the house.
I never understood having to walk into your own house, look your children in the eye, and tell them their Aunt is dead. Two of my daughters were closer to Mary than I was. She had been coming to stay with us for summers when they were young (my Daddy’s idea of “parenting classes”) until she married and divorced… I called her ex. (They’d been seperated off and on for the last three years but officially divorced on June 11, 2019.)
Death is horrid.
I don’t know how those without God can handle death. My hope is in Jesus and I know I will see those I love again. I know my baby sister is in heaven with my Daddy – her Daddy.
The roller coaster of emotions still races through every vein and artery in my body.
“You have to take care of her,” Daddy is saying – I’m 13 & she’s a bright-eyed 6 months. “Don’t let anything happen to her.”
But I can’t always be there! I can’t always stop bad things! I am so powerless a protector!
I walk in to Mom’s house (Mary was living there until she got her place) and there’s Mandy, Isaac, and JJ looking up at me all excited, “Yea! Aunt Alice!” and they grab sister-cousins and brother-cousin and disappear into the playroom (their bedroom).
Our focus is on these angels now. On helping their guardians (another sister & her husband have custody) as much as we can. On being there to tell them stories about their Mommy. On praying for them. On always being there for them through the life journeys they will take without her.
Oh, God, I know death was never in your plan! It hurts so bad. It rips our soul. I pray constantly that we will know peace. I pray that all those who lose loved ones find peace. I pray for my Mom – God, only you can comfort her. I pray for Mary’s babies. Wrap your arms around them and whisper to their ears that you are holding them and you will guide them.
Oh God, death is so hard to bear!
Go hug those you love, speak without anger, treasure the time you get with friends and family. Life is a vapor – you never know when it will end.
One night of de-stressing by taking the kids to experience the beauty of the moonlit beach!
September 26, 2018
Oceans of Praise
It was a long, tired, stressful day. It was the kind of day when as I’m driving home, the “Mandisa Fun” Pandora station (Christian Rock with catchy tunes and uplifting lyrics) was blaring out the speakers, windows down, and I’m trying to drum the day out of my head.
It was also nearing the full moon. There were very few clouds, a refreshing warm-cool wind (I knew this would be “blustery” at the beach), and it was 86 degrees at almost 7:30pm.
I decided we’d go to the beach.
I got home to find Eddie and Louis watching football – only into the first quarter. They do so little father-and-son stuff because Louis is always busy that I announced, “I’m headed to the beach,” knowing that would be cool for them to have father-and-son time.
“You’re taking the kids to go shark fishing?” Louis laughed. “It’ll be dark by the time you get there.”
“No, we’re going to walk along the shore and play in the shallows,” I smiled, “don’t worry, they’ll all be back in one piece. There’s a beautiful moon out and it looks amazing.”
Lucas almost stayed to watch football, but then realized all of the girls, including Anastasia, were going with Mommy, and this meant Mommy would be gone a long time.
We showed up to see this:
And this:
And that:
God had an amazing light show for us! It was so bright they could see to build a tribal village with walls, huts, and fields.
Rebeccah took most of the pictures and her selfie:
She tried to get pictures of us, but really we look like black blobs amid the darkness.
This one was a little better:
We raced up and down the shoreline. The water and wind was warm, so Anastasia lay down in the surf to get covered in water. Jillian, Jaquline, Kimberly, and Lucas followed her. Each was completely soaked in the first fifteen minutes. I think it took Rebeccah a half-hour before she let her hair get wet. Our long walk ended up being over two and a half miles! (1.3 miles one way, 1.3 miles back.) We sang praise songs because the majesty of the night looked like it was praising God.
We had to leave when Becca texted saying she was almost done with work. Anastasia was giddy at the prospect of “beating Mommy home” so we trouped back to the van, cleaned up at Aunt Becca’s, and spent a few minutes after Becca got home chatting before my crew made our way home. (Sister time for us Mommies!)
Thank you, Jesus, for a wonderful, exhilarating night.
And yes, my devious plan worked… all of them got back on their good sleep schedule.
