Tag: forgive

I’m Fine (Don’t Go Deep)

March 13, 2021

I’m Fine (don’t go deep)

You know, someone says politely, “How are you today?”

Preprogrammed for courtesy, we reply automatically, “I’m fine.”

But are you really “fine?”

Or does that really mean, “I’m hurting, but don’t ask?”

In our society, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of pretending we are okay.  Of pretending there is nothing behind our mask distorting our inner soul or crushing our heart or making rivers of silent tears run.  We bottle up the true emotions we are feeling and hide them safely where no one can touch them. 

Where no one can judge us.

Where no one can think we are imperfect.

Why do we want to appear perfect?  Why is it not okay to show vulnerability?  Why is a parenting question suddenly turned into an accusation that we are not fit to be a parent?  Why is a question about how to handle an emotion turned into an accusation that we are depressed?  Why must we instantly judge others instead of allow them to safely talk through their emotions?  Can’t we all admit that sometimes we are angry? Irritated with a coworker? Disappointed with a child? Frustrated by a situation? Unsure about feelings?  Can’t we all admit that we are not perfect?

When we comprehend the full meaning of the word “Forgiveness” we can choose not to judge others or ourselves. 

Forgiveness is love.

Forgiveness understands that we listen and let it go.  Forgiveness understands we are all imperfect. Forgiveness doesn’t consistently remind a person of a previous failing.  Forgiveness is not holding a grudge. Forgiveness doesn’t gossip. When you find someone who truly understands forgiveness, treasure that true friend!  Strive to be that friend yourself.

I process emotion by writing because I can’t always be talking with someone who will just listen.  I’d love for there to be a portal like in Star Trek where I can say, “beam me to” and instantly be at my best friend’s house so we can discuss mutual struggles and listen to each others’ individual issues without judging. 

I understand forgiveness. She understands forgiveness.  We both understand that sometimes just admitting to another human that we are human is enough to help us work through our challenges.  This I think is the essence of the verse where it says “iron sharpening iron;” we are to listen, encourage, and edify.  We are to speak the truth in love.  We are to listen with love.  My Daddy used to say, “God gave us two ears and one mouth because He wants us to listen more than we speak.”  I still twist back to “To Kill a Mockingbird” and Atticus telling Scout that in order to understand a man you have to listen well, put on his shoes, wiggle your toes around, and walk a ways with him. 

Listen.

Don’t judge.

Be quick to forgive and slow to wrath.

When I feel overwhelmed, I pray.  I sometimes wish I could just talk to an understanding friend.  I don’t like facades.  I don’t like pretending I’m okay.  Yes, I understand that God is in control and that everything will turn out in a way to glorify Him; but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to ask rhetorical questions that I already have answers to just to help my brain process the thoughts or emotions within.  My feelings are real.  They are valid.  I know how to make my mind calm and to cast all my worries on Jesus.  My desire to discuss my emotions with another honest human is not agreeing that I don’t trust; it’s admitting that I’m human and don’t want the festering hidden thoughts to poison my mind. 

In my Devonians world, the adults talk as if they have no fear of each other.  They ask questions and advice of each other.  They admit to fault.  They don’t pretend to know everything.  They act the way I feel.  They are the epitome of what I imagine we were made to be.  Honest humans who discuss feelings and help each other.  Of course, that’s fiction.  But using that world and the characters within it help me to put my questions to a nonjudgmental audience – I basically have them discuss things that sometimes never make it to my books so I can understand my own mind and heart.  Crazy?  Yes.  Truth?  Yes.

I miss my Daddy the most when I am overwhelmed.  Even though I still pretended I was fine all the time, I could get him to discuss theoretical issues with me or book scenarios that moved my mind to a happier place. 

Like music.  Loud, fast music that I can sing to.  (Can’t sing anymore but my hope is that someday my voice and lungs will heal and I’ll be able to sing again. Thea’s never heard me sing a song that doesn’t sound like a dying chicken.)

How are you?  What do you need to talk about?  Or as Philip usually asks Jamie in Little Thief, “what is it you don’t want to talk about?” – because he knows his little brother better than anyone else…  He is an understanding friend.

I encourage you to find a true friend with whom you can discuss anything that is troubling you.  Someone who will listen to your heart.  Someone to whom you can listen.  Listen, encourage, and pray together.  Build each other up instead of tear each other down. 

Sharpen each other!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Sunsets and Rainbows

What I see in sunsets and rainbows!

November 13, 2020

Sunsets and Rainbows

Sometimes when you want to feel amazed, just look up. Seriously. Up at the sunrise or for me at work – the sunset. The sunsets over the intersection of interstate 95 and International Golf Parkway are amazing. It often happens with a bold artist palette of vivid colors like deep purple, bright blue, orange, yellow, pink, and red. Because this is Florida, we often have moisture in the sky (aka raindrops) that hide clear rainbows in the opposite side of the sky.

I’ve seen more double rainbows outside the doors of my gym than everywhere else combined. God’s promise of mercy.

When sunsets come, they remind me of the awesome things God has given us that all too often we brush off. It also reminds me to slow down. I have to take the time to enjoy the blessings I’ve been given rather than race through life as if being chased. I’m not being chased by anything! I’m in an amazing point of my life where I’ve stopped chasing the pipe-dream of home ownership and realized that it really doesn’t matter. I’ve been able to slow down and enjoy. I love the job I have! (stepping outside to see sunsets and rainbows is definitely a sweet bonus) I get to work around smiling, happy faces, hopefully instill confidence, positive work ethic, determination, and excitement in the hearts of the children I am honored to coach, encourage my coworkers as they encourage me, and watch my children grow in skill and confidence (and getting to see them every break is tremendous)!

I have chosen to focus on relationships. I am trying to connect with my family and friends at every opportunity. I want my children to understand the importance of relationship with encouraging believers.

I have chosen to focus on writing again (my computer that was fixed ended up with the cable to the display being pinched by the metal bracket that supports the display because it was moved when “repaired” and now the cable is shorted… so back to borrowed computers until I can repair it myself). I felt such a surge of writing energy – going from less than 5,000 words to over 22,000 in only one story in just a few off days since it was repaired? Wow, I feel like God has opened my creativity again. Despite computer issues, I will be writing!

I sold one ebook through Amazon! First sale in over a year, so that’s positive!

My boss has graciously let me put up a display of real books at her ProShop (At least 50% of sales price gets donated to the gym program!) and I am supposed to have illustrators (*clears throat*) working on drawings for my children’s books.

At this point, I’m trying to study my children, show them how I depend on Jesus, study my husband more so I can love him better, and develop or water friendships I cherish with my sisters, brothers, and friends. We’ve been able to get Becky’s braces, get Christina’s adult dental stuff started, we discovered Kimberly needed glasses & got those, and are planning to start Jillian’s and finish Lucas’ dental needs too. God is providing as we need it. Provision will come. “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Rainbows remind me of mercy.

Remember before the flood there was no rain? All the world was watered from the ground. Mists, fog, who knows, but the Bible says “the water rose up from the ground” to water the Earth. So imagine Noah and his family – they had never seen a rainbow! NEVER. This was a first for them. It was recorded as God setting His rainbow in the sky as a promise to every living thing on Earth that He would never again destroy the whole Earth by water.

That is mercy. Mercy is showing undeserved favor. Parenting teaches mercy on a whole new level.

Consider when someone is saying and doing things to cut you down constantly, hurting others you love, cutting deep into the hearts of you and those you love with their words, irritated with life but taking it out on you as if it is your fault, doing things and saying things that hurts them, etc. This irritates and saddens you. You love them still. You can’t stop loving them. You carried them and prayed for them and watched them be birthed and loved and cared for them and slowly watch them grow. You know you have to slowly release them and you hate yourself because you feel they aren’t ready but this is where you have to let go and trust God.

This is where you understand mercy. Love when you are undeserving.

You then see that is how Jesus sees you. You hurt His heart with some choices and actions or words. You hurt yourself. You hurt those He loves. You pull away when He is trying to patiently guide you yet it feels wrong or you decide to follow another. You do not deserve His love. You deserve judgement for those you have hurt. Yet Jesus showers us with mercy; new mercies each morning.

This is what rainbows show me.

My heart still hurts for the pains I feel my teens are feeling. I wish I could get them to talk openly and listen as openly. I wish I could once again kiss the hurt and it go away – but that doesn’t work anymore. They now need to allow Jesus to wrap His arms around them and comfort them. They need to allow Jesus to lead them and guide them.

I have to love them.

I also have to protect the hearts of my younger ones. Yes, sometimes from the words or actions of an older sibling. That really hurts.

I’m not going to kick them out of my house and never out of my heart; just as Jesus has not kicked me away and has loved me through all of my mistakes. I need Jesus’ mercy every day.

Rainbows remind me of this.

Thank you, Jesus, for sunsets and rainbows. Thank you that we get to see them almost daily. Thank you for love, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you that you teach me daily in this task called parenting.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Building Monuments

Building Monuments

February 29, 2020

So on my way to work today there was a radio broadcast. I actually listen to this every morning until I get to work on 91.9 FM. It’s the Excel Church radio broadcast. Usually the topics have been related to generational building in legacy, finances, nature, etc. Today was on monuments.

He said we often allow ourselves to build monuments to sin and we see that one thing, or series of things, as bigger than anything else in our lives and immovable. Totally get that one.

When someone makes one bad choice, they are told by others or their own mind that they are defined by that one choice and as such, are not “worthy” of anything better.

He was discussing how the church generally does that to people in the church and we as individuals do it to ourselves. His challenge was, as individuals, to search our hearts, pray, and find the sin monuments in our lives and remove them.

I thought about this.

When I was first personally deciding to follow Jesus, probably about 8, I constantly heard the prayer where it says “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others” and for almost two years, I wouldn’t forgive one person (a little bully who had hurt and embarrassed me when I was 5). I would argue that I wasn’t around him so my constantly remembering it and talking about it wasn’t bad. Then, about 10, I realized that I was keeping myself bitter because of that unforgiveness. I let it go.

I know, silly story, right? But to me at 10, that was huge. To me looking back now, I saw how that lesson helped me to not hold grudges and find peace.

Learning to find and demolish those monuments has been key in my life too. I just never realized it was so important. I thought it was part of understanding my relationship with God better; slowly growing in my ability to forgive others and myself. To let things go. If God forgets our sin, who am I to keep reminding myself or others of it?

In relationships, it could be one sin – he said usually it is a sin of the mouth. We say something without filtering it and regret it instantly. There is no “delete” or “backspace” for words spoken. Unfortunately, sometimes people build monuments to that lapse and next week, next month, or 10 years later in an altercation they remind the offender, “remember when you said …” – they have built a monument to that one sin.

It needs a demo team.

Blow that monument up and scatter the ashes.

You feel like that sin monument can’t be torn down as it’s too strong or been there too long – actually, it’s made of air like a mountain of trash bags full of foam. Stick a vacuum in the end of the bag and you have almost nothing. God can tear down your sin monuments.

You can’t build relationships with monuments to sin forcing themselves between you. You can’t build your own heart toward God without breaking down the monuments you’ve erected that blot out your accurate view of God.

As followers of Jesus, we should understand that as Paul tell us under grace we are new creatures. The old man is passed away. This means we can start over with a new slate – God says His mercies are new each morning. (I think that’s because like coffee, we need a full dose of mercy each day to get us though the day!) We have to choose to leave the judging to God. We have to choose to forgive. That is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

He talked about how he didn’t have an affectionate father. How he discovered this was a monument he built that affected his dealings and relationships with every other man he came in contact with, including his own son. So he had to demolish that monument, let the loss die, and learn to forgive like Jesus. He had to love his father (his dad was great, just not affectionate) like Jesus wanted him to, in truth. He said letting go is sometimes very hard because we try to rationalize with our mind and emotions why the monument is there and what it’s for. Just let go.

Why on Earth did it take 8-year-old me 2 years after realizing that what I was doing was wrong to forgive some bully from when I was 5? I carried that bitterness against him for 5 years! Half of my life at that time I held what probably amounted to hatred for that one boy – why? It didn’t do anything to him. My rational self told my mind that he likely forgot about the incident five minutes after it happened. Yet I carried this stupid bitterness in my heart for 5 years over nothing? I couldn’t explain to my 10-year-old self why.

I know now it was because we are all born in sin, forgiveness is something we have to learn. The only one who can teach true forgiveness is Jesus. Let yourself go. Let others go. Find the monuments you’ve built to sin in your life and destroy them – you might have to get help and that’s okay. Jesus says all things are possible through Him. You can find peace.

Move forward.

You can’t go backward in time. You can’t erase what you did or said – delete, undo, and backspace don’t work in real life.

You have to find the sin monuments you have built against yourself or someone else and eradicate them.

Let your bitterness go. Love fully. Choose forgiveness!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Overcomer: Movie Review

September 6, 2019

Overcomer

My family went to see the new Kendrick brothers’ movie, “Overcomer” on opening weekend.  Oh. My!  This film has great acting, believable serious characters, some realistic humor, and glaring, real-life truth.  It catches you into the storyline almost instantly.  Major disappointment we can all relate to begins the story.  The one glimmer of hope comes from the coach consoling his players with a very serious, “next year will be our year.”

Well, life happens.

(Isn’t that always what seems to be true? We plan what we see as perfection, but a monkey-wrench gets tossed in to muck up said plans.)

The primary employer in the area closes, relocating to another area and because it offered the workers transition into new jobs, of course, most workers relocate along with it – taking the team members with them in ones and twos until only one is left.  Imagine being 17 years old, hoping for a scholarship in your favorite sport and boom, because of something outside of your control, your team is decimated to where you don’t even have a poor team to be the star of.  This faces the coach’s eldest son. 

Meanwhile, the coach is facing an aggravation that blows up in slamming bricks into shattered bits of sand.  He can’t see the light of anything.  No team, 10% pay cut, no scholarship for his eldest son, and being “forced” to coach in a sport he pretty much hates, cross-country, with a team of one (okay, if you’ve seen the trailers, this isn’t a spoiler) – a girl with asthma. 

Enter Hannah.  A petty thief stealing to prove she can get away with is who happens to be granted what her grandmother believes is a “full scholarship,” really her private school tuition is paid for by her late mother’s friend.  This girl feels she has no friends, feels abandoned by everyone (parents are dead, Grandmother is always working), and good at only one thing – running. 

Coach’s wife feels they are teachers to answer a calling of caring for students and showing love.  She accepts Hannah 100% without reservation. 

Coach is still internally fuming over his losses. 

Providentially, he accidently steps into Thomas’ room.  A man whose not-so-old body is being torn apart by wasting diseases brought on by his drug-addicted and abusive past.  He was a champion runner.  Over time, Coach picks Thomas’ brain on how to coach Hannah. 

*Spoiler Alert!*

Don’t go any farther if you don’t want the whole “hidden” twist revealed.  As the blind Thomas asks Coach about himself, I whispered to Thea (she can’t tell anyone anyway, but I like to talk about movies as I watch them and she doesn’t care if I “ruin” the movie) “Thomas is Hannah’s father.”

Yep.  My storywriter brain is connecting the “coincidence dots” and morphing an awesome story of redemption – yes, that’s what the movie does.  Thomas abandoned his family (leaving Hannah with her Grandmother who holds a deep root of bitterness) to chase drugs and junk.  Once though, Thomas was a champion runner.  He believes God has given him a second chance. 

Doesn’t God always do that?  He always gives us a chance at redemption.  I love pointing out stories in real life and in movies where there are second chances or last minute redemptions.  Yes, we are nerds, so I’m usually at least twice a week discussing the redemption story of Star Wars – you know, how Anakin had good intentions, fell away from the good side, wrestled with himself, did so many bad things, yet redeemed himself with his last few hours and gets to be a “good part” of the force.  Redemption has always been offered but we have to accept it. 

Overcomer is one the girls can’t wait to add to our collection – if we didn’t have a limited budget, our clan of ten (my mom joined us) would have gone to see it the next day too, bringing friends along! That is the first time the girls wanted to go back to the theater and see the same movie again.  Usually, if we see a movie together (usually a Star Wars flick), they leave saying “I can’t wait til it’s on DVD!” This one was, “can we see this again tomorrow?”

One line got me as a mother: “For 6 weeks, I had the perfect Dad.”  (Hannah says this at Thomas’ funeral.)  I cried. God used what looked like simple choices to weave together a tapestry of forgiveness, freedom, and purpose for so many people.

What has God orchestrated you toward?  Are you open to love and forgive, or are you stubbornly clinging to bitterness as revenge?  Think about it; what one choice did you agree with God on and now see so much more than just one simple thought of “oh yeah, I did the right thing.”

I love it when movies make me reflect on my heart.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

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