Tag: boy

Dating Decisions – Part 3

Dating Decisions Part 3: Discovering Real Life and True Love

September 20, 2020

Dating Decisions – Part 3

At this point in my story I am a few months into 16, realizing that my focus cannot be on someone else. Jesus is my answer, my hope, my truth, not some guy I will meet “eventually.” That brought more peace to my crazy teenage mind than any other decision I had made since choosing Jesus as my personal Savior.

I determined to stand on the principles of virtue that I wanted to find in my future mate. If I had high expectations, it stood to reason that he should as well.

I had already told God (when I was 12) that I would keep myself a perfect gift for my husband. I did some silly girlish stuff that I kept hidden – like write letters to my future husband as I was journaling. Several, actually most, of these letters were destroyed by inquisitive dogs and siblings long before I was 19. I understood purity to be in the mind, body, and heart. Of all the people I interviewed, none told me they wished they had “tried it out first” but almost every person who had “tried sex out” before marriage told me that they wished they hadn’t. Most of them cited trust issues after marriage as their reason. A few told me it made them feel less worthy or made their partner less desirable. Several did not marry the person they “tried out” with. My Daddy told me that once a boy makes a conquest, he thinks of the girl as dirty, trash, something to be discarded. He said that was why he never wanted to use anyone. He told me “men don’t use women but boys use girls.” The silver screen brought that to life in “Spencer’s Mountain” where they get the cow bred and Dad says to son something like: you aren’t a bull and your woman won’t be a cow. That image stuck with me. Stories about my Daddy’s friends, relatives in our extended family, and from my curious interview subjects led me to the understanding that if someone doesn’t respect your decisions in regard to your personal limits, they don’t truly respect you at all.

That led me to the decision that should I be dating someone and they choose to ignore or press my limits, I would back up and leave. Don’t respect me = deal breaker.

I also decided that I would give them just as much respect as I expected. That was something I already did because I was raised that way, but I made that mental decision and wrote it down just to solidify it. If I couldn’t respect them, I wouldn’t waste their time. A wife is expected to respect her husband.

I started to think of myself as a wife-in-training. I had read a devotional book where the woman writer referred to her students as “women-in-training” and I loved that idea! I’m big on apprentice type learning. Show me, direct me, and I pick up rather quickly. I think that actually learning from someone with real world experience is the absolute best. (Another reason I LOVE the movie “War Room” – if you haven’t seen it, DO IT.) I picked out the qualities that I needed to work on (like patience and not nagging) and started trying them out on my siblings. Siblings had taught me that I was low on the patience thing. (Truthfully, children have taught me that I’m still, constantly, and will be forever working on the patience thing.) I am a big sister who likes to not allow her little siblings to get in a situation she knows how to prevent, but I had to sit back and let them learn after only one warning. My Daddy boomed a deep-belly laugh when he asked 17-year-old me why I let my little sisters go out in white shirts (in Florida afternoon, Kissimmee = 10 minute torrential rainfall at precisely 3pm) and I replied with “I warned them, but I’m trying to learn how not to nag, so I only said it once.”

My focus was now on myself. I understood that I needed to be a better person for my siblings, parents, and my future family. This was just the beginning.

I was still feeling tremendous pressure from peer groups to “date” like my siblings. My study had led me to the belief that dating was a long series of pre-marital interviews. I had been to job and volunteer worker interviews. I knew that the most direct way to find out if a person was a good match for the job or position was to ask direct questions. At 16, I could no longer blame my daddy and say “my Dad won’t let me date until I’m 16” therefore I began being super direct by asking, “do you love Jesus?” About half of those who asked me out laughed in a scoffing manner and (since I was primarily around church groups) respond with, “I go to church.” My reply to that “puffy religious response” was equally “puffy religious” – “no thanks. I can only court after I’m 18.”

At this point, mid-17, I still had an excellent relationship with my Daddy. I would tell him when someone asked me out. Once he told me my standards were too high, that I was expecting perfection. My reply was, “I’m looking for someone at least as much in love with Jesus as I am; the man is supposed to be the spiritual head of the family.” I was super-focused on getting into UMR or FIT at this point (two engineering colleges I was chasing) and my Daddy was big on education which is why I believe he didn’t press the matter really. I told him I wasn’t planning on dating until I was ready to marry. That became a repeated line whenever I was teased by family or my sister’s friends. One guy I didn’t like approached me about “hooking up for fun” and I asked him if he was ready to raise a child. His entire friend group left me alone.

I had devised an entire pre-programmed set of responses to boys and now men because I had yet to be asked out by anyone I actually would have dated. There had only been two young men whom I watched and admired the character of since I was 16 and neither asked me out. I actually had deep discussions about Biblical issues with both of them and discovered more about “Biblical courtship” from the latter when I was 17.

I delved deeper into the idea of Biblical courtship with a book I stumbled upon just before I turned 18. “I Kissed Dating GoodBye” by Joshua Harris – I didn’t agree with all of the book, but there were many bits that helped me to understand the whole courtship thing.

I may have bent your ears too long in this epistle. Oops!

Ready for the biggest decision of my dating steps? Covering that next time…

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 2

Learning the focus is on me: Dating Decisions Part 2

September 18, 2020

Dating Decisions – Part 2

My first realization when I started thinking logically about dating came from a series of Christian youth books by Robin Jones Gunn – even “Christian” dating was messy!

I don’t like messy anything. I like clean houses. I like clean living. I like open honest relationships. I hated how, even with people the protagonist wanted to have life-long relationships with, she lied! Or at the least bent the truth! In the books, she always ended up trying to correct those lies and asking for forgiveness, etc. because it was a Christian book trying to teach about doing life as a Christian in our carnal world (and Robin did a great job). I discovered that my idea of “date” was totally 1950s (or maybe even 1800s) and not relevant to the world I really lived in. I found Christian youth of my time (late 1990s) were trying to reinvent what they called “dating” by calling it “courtship.”

I wanted to be best friends. I wanted to get married to a man who was happy doing Pooh Bear’s “nothing” with me and enjoying it. I wanted someone who I was comfortable with. When I looked up the word “intimate” in my ancient dictionary, it said “to know and understand the deepest parts of the soul.” I wanted someone with whom I could be intimate.

The second big decision I made came about at a Christian summer camp where I was a junior counselor. First, a little backstory:

I started seriously working on myself as a preteen. I wanted to be a better sister. The song, “I Want to be Just Like You” by Philips, Craig, & Dean, was my inspiration. I cried so much when I first heard it because I realized my baby sisters and brothers looked up to me. I was actually walking my sleepy 1-year-old sister to get her to bed one night with WKCL on the radio. My mind twisted the lyrics so the he and him was they and them. “I want to be a holy example for their innocent eyes to see…” etc. I cried because I was not a “living Bible” in any sense and I wanted to be that positive role model. When baby Mary was born, I was years into the process of allowing God to change me into a better sister (which later helped me be a better mom).

I am a people watcher.

I am an analyst (like my Daddy).

I would get frustrated almost every time we moved with the hypocrisy and boys I met in youth groups who actively talked about things that shouldn’t be. I got more sexual garbage tossed my way from them than from male coworkers, my Daddy’s younger business associates who thought I was older, and the general guys I met in the feed store! I would approach the various youth leaders (we moved very often and I was always the new kid until I moved a few months later) to address the situation because I did not feel comfortable smacking truth at the various boys. When I started getting mostly, “they are just boys” reactions or laughter or “that’s actually a compliment” (he had tried to touch inappropriately and I moved away and instead he made comments I had to look up the meanings of later), I got seriously frustrated. I would throw my hands up mentally to God and say, “are there seriously any boys actually chasing after You in my generation?” Looking back, I think God just smiled, shook His head at my silly teenage prayers, and would allow me to read an awesome story or see or hear some young man acting out God’s love. It was usually right as we moved away, but always this little drop of encouragement that made me feel like I was not alone in my trying to be a Jesus-following-teenager.

*Side Note* (My girls are showing up to be way bolder than I was – Thank you, Jesus! – and they actually drop truth bombs when someone is doing or saying something inappropriate. That I think is awesome because it is a far better testimony than just stepping away and handing it off to an uncaring third party.)

BUT: my focus regarding dating was still carnal. I was looking at them. I was trying to find “the perfect guy” rather than focus on myself. Sure, I was working on being a better me with regard to siblings, parents, and general truth and study, but I had yet to apply it to all areas of my life. In our culture, we are constantly hit with “finding our soulmate” or “finding the one.” We are focusing on us finding a match. If we are leaving eternal salvation up to God, why not leave matchmaking up to God?

Fast forward to summer camp and I’m 16. Part of being a junior counselor was the requirement to attend 5am to 7am workshops (aka sermons/lectures/Bible studies). I’m listening to one of the camp counselors talk about how he and his wife didn’t start out God’s way and it was messy. His entire program was on not dating someone who wasn’t on equal spiritual footing (aka, DO NOT be unequally yoked to a nonbeliever). Of course, he and his wife ended their story as Christians working to rebuild and repair their marriage and family – but his eyes when he spoke of the wasted years fighting and trying to control each other and using their kids as weapons against each other and divorce and coming back together… those eyes solidified what became my second solid dating decision. I had already written it years before in a community youth group workshop to “list qualities you want in your future spouse,” but now it was not just a “what I want” it was a deal-maker or deal-breaker:

My husband will be a godly man who loves Jesus with all his heart.

And my third decision came at the same time:

I will present myself honestly in all my relationships and make sure any potential date knows I love Jesus and serve Him with my whole heart.

…more on the third decision next time!

~Nancy Tart

Sharks and Legos

Not this weekend, but still a good story! (I’ve saved up some stories from my month of not writing on here.)

Becky and Dad thought it was okay to watch Jaws with Lucas.

(WWHHAATT??!!) Exactly. Thank you.

This screams through every mom’s head when you have a boy who likes to repeat everything and has been slashing duplo and cardboard light sabers at everything and everybody for years – add on his uncles, big sisters, and “the meats” from Lord of the Rings and yes, Mom is sure someone lost their senses.

What does Lucas do after watching Jaws?

Jump in the ocean at 6pm the next night with no reservations. He actually teases Jillian, “there might be a giant shark in here! Cool!”

Nope, not scared of sharks.

He makes a lego model of the fisherman’s boat and says to Dad, “I think we need a bigger boat.”

Mom facepalmed…

But here is his boat plus Becky’s updates (he went to Becky and asked for her help to make it look “really real”) I added a cute picture of Lucas with Legos ages ago because he wouldn’t sit still for a picture!

So he played with Becky’s updated shark hunter boat for quite some time, and yes, he knows lines from this iconic movie now – this child can replay an entire movie in his head.

Normally, it’s a battle from Star Wars or a scene from one of Jaquline’s favorite swashbucklers (yes, her “movie crush” is Errol Flynn and my family laughs at that because he was mine too) or from the latest John Wayne war movie, but for said entire weekend it was from Jaws. The funny part? The Lego shark was nowhere near the right proportions of the shark from the movie so Lucas kept claiming his hand was the shark and the little lego shark was “his tiny friend laughing.”

…and this is where most of my inspiration for children’s books comes from!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Culture: The Importance of Family

May 10, 2020

Culture: The Importance of Family

Imagine you are raised a young woman, married a few years with two children. Your family is part of a group sojourning in a land with people hostile to you. In your family’s culture, women are to obey their fathers and later husbands. You and your husband love God. You honor His law. Then you hear at the well that the midwives are commanded by the king to destroy all male babies of your people as the baby is being born. But you hear how two of your midwife friends fear God over the king and so being, do not obey him. Yet you are scared for your people.

You find yourself encouraging and helping; but the fear is everywhere. Women are praying their children are girls so they are not required to kill them.

You find yourself pregnant. Part of your heart wrestles the fear – should you pray this child is a girl? Your husband smiles and whispers, “we fear God, the child is a gift.” But you hope that stays true even after the child is born. Your daughter and son see the fear in the people and look to you for comfort. They look for assurance that you live by the faith you speak of; do you fear for your baby or trust in God? You smile and tell them, “God has given us this child, God will keep the child safe.”

But you wonder. Death and affliction are around you. The rulers hate your people. Many of your friends have faced death and the shroud of death for defying the king expands to all in their household – or so the stories say. At least twice you have known it was truth. Would you risk the lives of your husband, son, and daughter for the baby if it is a boy? Which is safer? But the rumblings of the little person growing inside you remind you as you wrap your arms around your swelling belly that this child is worth the risk. God’s gifts are always worth the risk.

When the day comes and you labour with your own instead of calling the midwives, you birth the beautiful child whose lovely eyes catch away your breath as you stare and study him. Him. Yes, your daughter says “I have a baby brother!” and your husband hugs you and the newborn tight. Your son glances up at you to look in your eyes. You are not afraid. You will risk everything for this love. “We will keep him hidden.” Your husband smiles. Your son and daughter relax in their trust of you as they see you trust in God.

But you know there will come a time when your tiny illegal child will be too loud. Someone will know, someone will tell, and there must be a way.

You are learned as your family teaches even your daughters to read and think; you know that your afflictors bow before idols. One is the god of the river, Hapi, and you know that women wishing to be fertile yet cursed with barren wombs go and bathe at one place. Also, the wealthy do not nurse their own offspring, instead they hire a nurse for the child. You begin to watch. Daily you go with your daughter in tow under the guise of fetching water and food yet along the way you see the women who come to the water. They all wish for children; the longing in their hearts and souls are deep. Their sorrow causes tears to rise in your eyes. It also waters the plan you have devised.

Your husband does not agree quickly, for him it is a horrid idea to turn his child, his beautiful gift from God, over to some heathen woman regardless of whether it may save the child’s life. How can you think of killing our son’s soul in this way? But it is your daughter who says, “but Father, what if they chose Mother as his nurse?” and this you both continue to discuss and pray about.

The time comes when he is too big to hide anymore. His tender hunger cries have turned into the periodic wails of teething, striking without warning and so loud you fear his voice will call soldiers from every corner of the globe. Now, you set him adrift in the basket of woven reeds and pitch you have carefully crafted, and carefully place it among the reeds to drift into the part of the river where the barren women come to bathe. Your daughter stays as a guard. You leave to pray.

This is the sorrow, trust, and faith of Jocebed, wife of Amram and mother to Aaron, Miriam, and Moses. She placed her trust in God and brought an illegal child into the world, hiding him from those who would kill him. She watched, waited, and used the heathen culture of her people’s enemies against them.

We know the rest; the pharaoh’s daughter comes to bathe and finds Moses. He cries and she takes pity on him, knowing he was a Hebrew! A girl appears and says, “may I fetch you a nurse to suck your baby?” and this educated woman of Egypt says, “yes.” Do you think she didn’t know this nurse would be the child’s mother? Wow. Just to imagine these three women and the things they chose to do… Jocebed in faith and love, Miriam in obedience, faith, and love, and Pharaoh’s daughter in love and pity of a child who she took into her home in defiance of her father’s order.

Just some thoughts.

I know that most of us spend today thinking about our mothers. Not to say I don’t! But I love to step into the shoes of those before. I love to try to see their struggles – how powerful Jocabed’s faith! Not only to give birth and refuse to destroy her boy, but to give that little gift in faith to another believing that God will allow her rather devious plan to work trusting her family can pass their faith on to this child in the short amount of time they will have him (while she nurses him).

Wow.

Think about the various challenges we mothers face at different points in history, through various cultures, and in various strata of existence. All of our stories are different, but the theme of faith, love, and hope permeate them all. We all want the best for our gifts and pray to effectively train them up in the little time we have them.

Give thanks for the mothers and grandmothers and motherly influences in your life.

Thank you, God, for mothers!

Thank you for Reading,

~Nancy Tart

Bike For My Longer Legs!

April 28, 2020

Bike For My Longer Legs!

Lucas has a unidirectional purposeful mind when it comes to what he wants. As a three year old he told us for over six months that all he wanted for Christmas was a bike. That was it. Nothing else. He didn’t break it up like the girls do (tell Grandma Joanne one want, Grandma Tina another want, each Aunt a different want, and each sibling a different want), no. Mister Super Focused always just asks for one thing only.

Well, for the past four months, actually since just after Christmas, Lucas has been asking for a “bike for my longer legs” or “a boy bike that fits my long legs” for his upcoming May birthday. He’s been singularly focused on that one wish.

I figured that if the thrift stores ever open back up I would get a boy bike with 16″ wheels.

Instead, Grandma Tina came over to drop off the coolest little pool – pics on that one in another blog! – and a special surprise for Lucas.

He was one super happy boy!

And being the lovable big brother he is, he let Thea ride it too! Just because “she loves to ride my little bike which will be hers now!”

Thank you, Grandma Tina! Thank you to Grandma Tina’s landlord whose son had outgrown this one and wanted to give it away so another little boy could love it. I promise you, this bike will be loved for as long as Lucas can fit it and in his fond boyhood memories when he’s older!

We had to drag him off of the “coolest long leg bike that fits me” well after dark and he kept going back out to check on it in the shed. The following two days he was outside bouncing from the pool to the bike without stopping for the entire day to break only for food (most of which he took outside to eat while on his bike).

Typical boy.

No. Wait a minute… Typical Tart child.

I asked him yesterday, “Lucas, what do you want for your birthday now?”

He said, “my house with stairs!” Me too, dude. Me too.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Movie Review: Onward

April 12, 2020

Movie Review: Onward

As a family, we got to watch a new movie called “Onward” (Disney/Pixar) recently.  Curled up on our couch, eating tangerines instead of popcorn, we also got to discuss this movie during the end credits.

I was pleasantly surprised at this movie. 

(Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t seen the movie and want to watch it without knowing the end, don’t read any further!)

In this technologically advanced world that mirrors our own, mythical creatures have lost their magic and settled for the easier way of doing almost everything.  Fairies don’t fly. Centaurs don’t run fast. Elves don’t go on quests.  Wizards don’t exist. 

The only relics of magic are mirrored in a game that young adults play like our Dungeons and Dragons.

The protagonist is a 16-year-old elf named Ian whose older brother, Bailey, is lost to this “gaming” world and set a little in the past with his audio cassette tapes and 70s roadie van he built himself like a hot-rod.  Ian never knew his father.  His mother’s centaur policeman boyfriend is a far cry from the father figure he is looking for. 

After a bummer of a birthday, Ian and Bailey are given a special present from their late father – a staff and crystal and a spell that supposedly will let him come back for 24 hours to see who his boys grew up to be.

So the spell doesn’t work.  Mom leaves.  Bailey enters as Ian is actually making the spell work – and enters half-dad.  Yes, Ian brought back a walking pair of pants with purple socks and leather shoes.  Bailey knows it’s his dad because of a tap-tap on shoes game they used to play. 

The boys go on a quest (based on Bailey’s game knowledge) to find another crystal and bring their father all the way back.

They end up finding the crystal but releasing a curse (huge dragon made of weird stones pulled from their school and a construction site) as the sun is going down (when dad will disappear). 

Ian has realized that his real father figure is Bailey and that Bailey is the one who must speak with dad because he blames himself for being scared of the hospital and missed his chance to say goodbye to his dad in real life.  Ian starts the spell to bring dad back and leaves him with Bailey so he can fight the dragon.  Mom and a manticore bring in a magic sword to kill the dragon (she was on her own side quest).  Through teamwork, the curse is destroyed, Ian uses magic to repair all of the dragon damage, Bailey gets to say goodbye to his dad, and magic reenters the lives of some of the people; the biker fairies are now flying, policeman centaur boyfriend is now running, and Ian now is a wizard.

The theme is love: Mom’s love for her sons and the brother’s love for each other.  The lesson of enjoying what you have instead of wishing for what you don’t is also there.  Ian wishes for the father he’s never known and wants to be like him while ignoring or disregarding his elder brother until he realizes that all the love he was searching for in a father figure has been coming from his brother all of his life. 

We discussed how it is very easy to focus on what we want but don’t have yet miss what God has given us.  In every situation, our character shines with how we choose to handle said situation.  I choose to focus on what is with me now.  Right now, I’m thankful to still have a job when so many I know are suddenly unemployed.  I’m thankful to be able to play more board and outside games with Christina and Becky – all the girls, but they had started to get heavily involved in extracurricular activities and with Christina driving, I had seen less and less of her.  Forced online college courses and the closing of CAP and the gym mean I get to hang out with her more.  I’m enjoying what I have.

Live your life enjoying what you are given and love your family with a sacrificial love: that’s our take from “Onward,” a very entertaining, slightly funny, kid safe movie with real truths embedded in it.

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Big Brother

October 10, 2019

Big Brother Blessings

Sometimes God blesses you with an awesome gift and you totally know it!

From the time I was pregnant with Thea, Lucas was totally in love with his little baby.  It was “my baby.” Lots of people tried to get him to choose “new brother” or “new sister” – he always just said “my baby.”

Lucas said “you are my love, Baby Thea!”

Then when she was born.  Lucas was captured. 

He has been the most tender, loving big brother.  He snuggles with her…

…yes, they are fist-bumping each other in their sleep!

When I was taking her to work with me and totally enjoying my baby-time, Lucas greeted her first when I came in.  It was “how were you, baby Thea?” In the morning, it was “Mommy, can you leave baby Thea with me today?”

I love their special bond. 

Thea knows she has her big brother wrapped around her fingers!

She is mobile now… I watch them race around the gym floor and Thea’s playing with him!

I am so blessed by the awesome gift of being their mom.  I’m so thankful for the bond they already have and look forward to watching them grow up together!  Lucas thinks it’s awesome when he sees his friends (he says best friends) Grayson and Caleb on Facebook – he said, “Look, Mom, God gave all three of us special baby sisters so we can take care of them!”

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

The Big Boy Bed

May 2, 2019

The Big Boy Bed

The girls shifted their beds around so that the Playroom is now the sleeping quarters for Kimberly, Jaquline, and Jillian and the Barracks is sleeping quarters for Christina, Becky, and Primrose.  This shift was so that the barbies, legos, and small toys like polly pockets and art stuff could be in the Playroom while the Barracks holds all of the toddler toys that cannot fit in a child’s mouth.

They are planning for Thea to be running around already.  (Mommy is not ready just yet! I plan on being in Baby Stage a little longer!)

Lucas was bunking with Christina.  But then we got a toddler bed!  It needed some repair (but a few wooden dowels and extra bolts made a solid fix!) and we had to dig around for toddler bed sheets, but now Lucas has a big boy bed!

20190401_2236048569054926671722146.jpg

Sheba thinks this is her spot to share with Lucas.

Lucas was so excited to have his Star Wars blanket on his very own big boy bed!  Last year, he didn’t want anything to do with a special trundle bed so we gave it away.

As we grow, sometimes the things we brushed away turn into the things we love ~ strange thoughts, I know.  But that’s what goes through my head when I watch my little love snuggle into his big boy bed under his blanket; he has grown just a little more independent.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you soon…

~Nancy Tart

“Lucas Got My Phone!”

“Mom, Lucas got my phone!” and took selfies all over it… just like they used to do to mine!

January 26, 2019

Mom, Lucas Got My Phone!

“Mom!” Becky cracks up laughing and flashes the “girls’ phone” screen in my direction from half a room away.  “Lucas got my phone!”

I gave her a puzzled look because my tiny peek of the screen instantly was interpreted by my brain as a chess board.

“Selfies, mom, he took tons of selfies on our work phone.” (Since the girls started babysitting and most homes don’t have a land line anymore, we have a “family work phone” that whomever is out working gets to take with them.) Becky laughed again and sends a screenshot of her gallery to me.  Now I’m laughing because instead of taking four or five steps, she’s texting me from across a room!  (Love technology, because now I have something to put on the blog!)

I also think about how the girls were always putting selfies on my phone… until I started blogging and they’d be like, “Mom!  Not that picture!” (My reply was always, “it’s on my phone, fair game!”)

As I’m saving Becky’s screenshots to my phone, Lucas wanders over and notices the computer open on my template page and pictures on my phone.  “Mom, are you writing a blog?”

(How does my 3-year-old know what blog is?) “Yes.”

“Am I in it?” Lucas snuggles on my lap.

“Yes, you will be.”

“Can I type your blog?”

“No, you may not type it, but you may watch,” I smile.

Lucas holds my belly in between his hands and says, “I love you, Baby, Mommy writes about us.  You need to come out and read when you are bigger.”  (Lucas thinks he can read, he recites some stuff.) Lucas sighs, the Baby kicks or punches (Baby reacts to Lucas the most).  “But then I can’t wrestle you when you come out.  I love you, Baby!”

Sweetness.  Pure Love.  Yes, Lucas is right when he calls this baby “my Baby!”

I love the big brother he already is.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Determination Versus Stubbornness

Can our perception affect whether we interpret the same character trait as either positive or negative?

January 16, 2019

Determination versus Stubbornness

Your perception (how you look at something) certainly affects your outlook on things that come into your life.

For instance: you can see your child’s stubborn refusal to allow you to fasten their shoes as pure rebellion.  (And it may well be.)

Or you can choose to think (as they fumble with the laces for the sixth time and you know their 3-year-old hands are not quite ready for tying shoelaces – but he just has to wear big sister’s purple shoes because they “fit better,” which they don’t) “Wow, he is determined to do it himself.”

Stubbornness versus determination.

Those two character traits really are the same thing, only when we choose to see something as determination, we see it in a positive light.  When we choose to see something as stubbornness, we think of that action negatively.

Our perception of those character traits causes our outlook when we see them in use to either be positive or negative.

I wish I could say I always manage to see the positive, but unfortunately, no.  On this occasion, I was in a hurry to get going and my first reaction was frustration at his stubbornness.  I almost reacted with that first thought, but reconsidered as one shoe was flung from foot to shoe cubby.

“Is it too hard to tie?” I asked.

Lucas’ response when he can’t do something is to fume in silence and embarrassment.

“Maybe we should leave Jillian’s shoes so she can use them and use your brown boots instead.”

Lucas perked up; his “brown boots” are high-top (boots) sneakers with a camo strip and three strong Velcro closures. (I love that someone who studied burrs on his dog’s fur created Velcro!)  Lucas knows he can put those shoes on himself.

“I put them on myself!” Lucas announced once his feet were shod.

Determination.

Someday, because of his determination, he will be putting on lace-up sneakers and tying them – hopefully, though, it will be another pair instead of big sister’s obviously feminine shoes.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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