Tag: choice

House Hunting – Turn Negatives Into Positives

November 11, 2021

Turn Negatives Into Positives

I make that a command for myself.

When we first ran our information into a loan company portal, I felt it wouldn’t happen. I kept asking for everything I could check myself. We check credit reports constantly, we knew our shortcomings and explained everything we knew about up front trying to make sure we wouldn’t sink another chunk of our savings into an attempt and get rejected.

Last week, after being reassured falsely that I’d done everything, I was told about a secret report I can’t access that reported a “transfer error” where loans I had paid had been sold without someone passing that information along to this secret report place. My credit report showed all these loans as “paid in full.”

Doesn’t matter. This “transfer error” would take a lawyer thousands to fix and a minimum time, supposedly, of ten months, if it could be fixed because they don’t care if you “choose” to overpay… Oh well. Life.

So 20 days from what would be our closing and getting into a little house of our own, we can’t. One doesn’t have long enough work history and another has a “transfer error” that can’t be fixed quickly.

I have to find positives.

First, in less than two years, all three “issues” with our joint loan would be moot. Awesome!

Second, in two years’ time, maybe I can find a property for us to build on and keep us from any kind of loan (you know, mortgage means death and pledge, literally) and Louis said he didn’t want a mortgage.

Third, we can build our perfect simple house ourselves!!

Becky looked at me in the van last night (she’s been the most excited to leave our present situation) and said, “obviously, this isn’t what God wants for us.”

Bam! Absolute truth, but can I agree?

Flatly, once I look at the positives: Louis doesn’t want a mortgage, check, I want to build our own perfect house, check… I almost get excited.

I feel sad that I wasted so many people’s time, frustrated that again, I allowed my kids to believe we would get something we all want desperately but can’t, and sad that our savings dropped due to this. I honestly don’t care about errors, I guess we are all human.

I can only move forward: this means, making sure my children understand the importance of having everything written down. I will make paying their student loans my first priority. If it is in my power to help them better their lot, I will.

I challenge myself to move forward, learn from the past, and believe the best is yet to come… It is. Although it saddens me that my oldest daughter is an adult and we don’t have a house, I know our family is home whenever we are together!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

August 30, 2019

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

Louis & I decided to join the church we have been attending.  After attending a newcomers class, we brought home our study books and Kimberly looked over it.  (Our purpose was to let Christina and Becky look over it.  I wasn’t expecting Kimberly just yet.)  Kimberly has been using the month-long study guides our church publishes for about four months as Bible study & cursive writing practice. 

“I want to be baptized.” Kimberly announces. 

That began some serious Socratic questioning to find out what she really understood and believed.  I mentioned that it wasn’t required just because we were joining.  Kimberly was adamant.  She said she’d been considering it a long time and wanted to show everyone she was really a Christian. 

So, my little third daughter decided to get baptized.  Our Pastor met with her, went through the same questions (He likes to make sure the young person understands what they are doing), and allowed she could be baptized.  I was so buried that I didn’t realize she’d been able to meet up and get the okay until Saturday! 

My word, though, the emotions that flooded my heart, realizing this was real to Kimberly.  She’s been delving into a lot of deep questions over the last few months with me.  Then to hear your child explain to you what Jesus means to them – I love to hear their words straight from their heart.  Kimberly is a young woman.  I call them “women-in-training” at this point. 

If you are a mom, imagine the moment you look into your newborn’s eyes for the first time.  That adrenaline rush and flood of emotions is what courses through me when I see my child publicly announce their faith.  I can’t help but feel like I’m soaring, looking at a future where she is connected to God through her own personal faith; I pray Kimberly allows herself to listen and trust the voice of God.  I pray for strength to grow in the one relationship that will never fail her.  I try, but it’s hard to put those maternal feelings into words because I can say I am excited, proud, blessed, etc., but that doesn’t capture the rapture of my soul at that moment. 

My little girl chose Jesus.  My young woman is choosing to begin a life-long relationship with Jesus based on her own journey of discovery. 

That is my longstanding prayer for each of my children and those I love; that they come to know a true relationship with the one who created them and loved them since before I knew they existed. 

We get home, have our “technology-free” family day, and I open my Facebook to see if my mom or sisters sent a message – to find that my oldest niece got baptized on the same day! 

“Guys,” (no shame, I’m so happy I’m crying again – all three teen/preteens look at me like I’m odd) “guess who got baptized today too!”

Christina – “if you say Livy…”

Kimberly – “Seriously?  Who do I share a birthday with!”

“Yes, Livy!” And I show them their uncle’s post.  Kimberly is jumping with excitement now.  “We are sisters in blood and sisters in faith!  We are birthday twins!” (They don’t call each other “cousins” but instead “sister-cousins” or “brother-cousins” and sometimes just “sister” or “brother.”  Lucas always calls Liam, Isaac, and JJ his “brothers.”)

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Determination Versus Stubbornness

Can our perception affect whether we interpret the same character trait as either positive or negative?

January 16, 2019

Determination versus Stubbornness

Your perception (how you look at something) certainly affects your outlook on things that come into your life.

For instance: you can see your child’s stubborn refusal to allow you to fasten their shoes as pure rebellion.  (And it may well be.)

Or you can choose to think (as they fumble with the laces for the sixth time and you know their 3-year-old hands are not quite ready for tying shoelaces – but he just has to wear big sister’s purple shoes because they “fit better,” which they don’t) “Wow, he is determined to do it himself.”

Stubbornness versus determination.

Those two character traits really are the same thing, only when we choose to see something as determination, we see it in a positive light.  When we choose to see something as stubbornness, we think of that action negatively.

Our perception of those character traits causes our outlook when we see them in use to either be positive or negative.

I wish I could say I always manage to see the positive, but unfortunately, no.  On this occasion, I was in a hurry to get going and my first reaction was frustration at his stubbornness.  I almost reacted with that first thought, but reconsidered as one shoe was flung from foot to shoe cubby.

“Is it too hard to tie?” I asked.

Lucas’ response when he can’t do something is to fume in silence and embarrassment.

“Maybe we should leave Jillian’s shoes so she can use them and use your brown boots instead.”

Lucas perked up; his “brown boots” are high-top (boots) sneakers with a camo strip and three strong Velcro closures. (I love that someone who studied burrs on his dog’s fur created Velcro!)  Lucas knows he can put those shoes on himself.

“I put them on myself!” Lucas announced once his feet were shod.

Determination.

Someday, because of his determination, he will be putting on lace-up sneakers and tying them – hopefully, though, it will be another pair instead of big sister’s obviously feminine shoes.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Rejoice Over Little Things

July 10, 2018

Rejoice Over Little Things

Sometimes, in the middle of junk life throws at us, we need to choose to be excited over “little” things!

Like this month.  I was going through bills (yes, “adulting” is fun, guys, it’s full of never-ending bills) and as I checked my bank statement I yelped, “Yippee!”

Christina looks up from my computer screen, buried in something: CAP emails, college emails, or some online chat with a friend.  “What happened?”

My first thought was “how silly am I to rejoice over that?” and my logical brain said “seriously?  You are excited over $6.47 when you just got another hospital bill for almost $15,000?”

But I chose to rejoice.

“Someone bought three books from Barnes & Noble and I got paid $6.47!”  I told the girls.

“Wow,” Becky nodded, “that’s way more than Amazon.”

Yes, she was right – Amazon sells my ebooks for the same user price, but I usually make $0.01 per book or less.  This month’s Amazon deposit was three cents.  This Barnes & Noble deposit was for three ebooks – I was thrilled.  The books were: Two of the Five Alive: Stories of the Funny Sisters ebooks, Becky’s Crazy Day and Gale at the Ghost Town and my toddler illustrated ebook, The Skating Pony.

“Mom,” Christina shook her head, she is getting good at practical stuff. “That’s not a lot, is it?”

“It’s $6.47 more than we had,” I laughed.  AND, it’s three more books sold.  That tiny deposit holds the record for the largest gross payout from any sale yet! (Even my $20 retail softcover novels at the book sales gross less than $2.40 – if we cover venue costs.)

Thank you, Jesus!  And I remember this as I go back to bill stuff – “despise not the day of small beginnings.”  (Of course, my logical brain reminds me, “that was seven years ago and three cents from Amazon!”)

Is it silly to rejoice over less than $7 when you are buried in medical bills?  Nope.  It’s part of life.  Rejoice in the good, always!  (It seriously helps you not think so hard on the bad.)  You may not be able to choose your circumstances, but you can choose your attitude!  I choose to rejoice – even in the little things!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

 

An Attitude of Gratitude

June 24, 2018

Attitude of Gratitude

Have you ever felt depressed because something you planned for didn’t come to pass?  Something you wanted to do with someone didn’t pan out?  Have you ever thought you did everything you could but were still shoved down?

Sometimes an unexpected illness happens even when you are doing everything to keep yourself healthy.  That causes mountains of bills.  Maybe we are contract employees or making “too much” to qualify for assistance, yet we can’t afford insurance premiums.  Sometimes, even an insurance policy doesn’t help much.  Maybe, it turns $40K bills into $14K with “rate adjustments.” (That’s still $14,000!)   You thank God for discovering the cause and pray you can manage the enemy that infects your home so you can breathe.

Bills that big can bankrupt people.  Some medical providers will work with a former patient to take monthly payments.  But for some families, the additional $200 or $300 a month means no food.  (Yes, most will take $25 or $50 a month, but when you have six or eight different bills from one visit, that adds up to a lot.)   You know you have to pay it.  But you can’t manage it.  You can’t even go afford to visit the doctor for the required “follow-up.” You just pray.

Fiscally responsible people cancel all unnecessary expenses.  But when your annual clothing budget of $50 is already gone, you don’t go out to eat, you don’t do theaters, you don’t buy new things, you haven’t even replaced your broken couch with a $50 resale one, and you already spend less than $350 a month for food for 8 people, all you can do is cut food.  You just pray.

Or try to get a higher paying job.

But you’ve been applying for every job you think you have qualifications for in north and central Florida for over 20 months with only one interview and three emails claiming: “you are overqualified.”  That’s seriously frustrating.  You have no experience with “foodservice” or “retail” and all those jobs want experience.  You just keep applying; you pray each time you email, drop-off, or hand-in an application.  You pray God’s will for your job life and pray He opens a door for you.   You’ve expanded from a 20 mile commute to a 100 mile commute.  You just pray.

You can look for cheaper housing – but that’s hard when you are paying less than what you’d be required to pay for an income-restricted apartment.  You keep looking, but really don’t have any money to move anyway.  The home you’re renting is the cause of your medical illness and thus financial problems, so yes, you’d like to leave it; you just can’t afford to.  You just pray.

This is the time when it’s very hard to really mean “I’m believing God for my needs.”

Then you had planned to go visit family for a couple of days, but because of another unexpected expense, you find you won’t have the gas money to go.  Besides, if you miss work, you’ll just fall further behind in bills.

This is when you bury your head in your hands and scream.  You’ve been trying everything humanly possible, or so it seems, and something that appears it would be so simple for most people is just out of your grasp.  Driving 10 hours to visit your brother might as well be a mission to Mars.

You may not have control on the circumstances that have put you here, but you can control your attitude (how you handle this stage of life).

This is when you have to remember to encourage yourself.  You have to say “God, you are my Rock, my fortress, my help in time of trouble.  God, you are my provider, my father, and I thank you for life, health, and provision.”

You choose an attitude of gratitude.

You have to take stock in what you do have: you have a roof (even if it’s the cause of health issues you’ve never had), you have a job (your “unofficial second job” is what you love; just no paycheck yet), your children are doing well, your marriage is strong, and you have family and friends who love you.

The last three are the most important.

Family is life.

Money is just a currency of this world to give us stress.  We either stress because we don’t have enough and literally pray for our daily bread or stress because we have too much and worry about losing it.

I can choose to have an attitude of gratitude, be thankful for what God has gifted me and trust Him for everything else.  I want my children to see thankfulness and trust. This attitude works for every stage in life – valleys full of bills and mountains with plenty.

I choose gratitude – I choose to smile.  I choose to trust. I choose to rejoice.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Understanding and Choosing Forgiveness

April 23, 2018

Understanding and Choosing Forgiveness

Sometimes things make us irritated.  Loss, waste, and destruction of life are hot spots for me.

We have livestock.

Honestly, I can shrug off an owl or hawk picking off a young chicken.  I can understand the predators are getting food and my unguarded (or less than perfectly guarded) animals become easy prey.  We learn how to build a better pen or protect our animals better for the environment we have.  But I hate waste.

I had never faced a human killing animals indiscriminately.   Until yesterday, neither had the girls.  They love to show off their animals and share their experiences: from soft, fluffy biddies to newly laying vibrantly colored pullets to nuzzling Guinea Pigs.  The girls love animals and wouldn’t think of hurting them just because.  Even the “mean” cockerels (young chickens we will eat or sell, sometimes a rooster just has a mean disposition and they stay locked in the pen for protection!) are treated with respect.  They will be grilled chicken dinner or traded for feed money, anyway, so they serve a purpose.

Once, we had a child swipe a biddie because it was  “so cute  and I wanted  it,”  but her brother returned it the next day because it “looked sick.” (Unfeathered baby chicks have to stay under a heat lamp at about 100o and yes, without that heat, they get sick.)  We could understand that but the girls kept explaining to this little child that if she wanted to hold them and play with them, she could come to our yard and ask, but the biddie needed to stay with her “sisters.” (The other chicks.)

Recently, a child came to the house, systematically killed several hens, stole most of the young chickens to bait a dog, and took eggs.  We didn’t want to believe it was true.  His family returned the two live ones that managed to make it and graciously paid money to replace the lost animals.   One of the accomplices was one of the girls’ friends.  The girls went through many emotions: devastation, betrayal, anger, sadness, joy (when discovering the one rescued young chicken was the last female Buff!), compassion (when they decided they needed to pray for him), and forgiveness.

It took a while to process.  We discussed trust, honesty, betrayal, sin in the world, fallen man, how we shouldn’t be bitter, how Jesus calls us to love regardless of how people hurt us, and eventually the anger and sadness turned to compassion and forgiveness.

For me, I went through the same emotions.  It was hard to swallow and move on because of how hurt the girls were.  I wanted to protect my children from these emotions.  I didn’t want them to feel betrayal – they had allowed “friends” over and shared their animals with them and at least one of these children were part of the attack and theft.

Instead, I chose to help coach them through the emotions.  It was right to feel betrayal, anger, and sadness.  Those emotions are normal.  They had to understand how sometimes good people choose to follow evil and are sad about what they did.  (Case with their friends.)  The girls had to forgive.

And by the end of the next day, they were laughing and playing in the yard with their reconciled friends.  True forgiveness means forgetting and moving on.  That, despite the loss and hurt of the morning, made my heart happy.  Of course, I hope they never feel betrayal, but – reality check! – in this fallen world, it is likely that someone else later in life will hurt their hearts – and they will have to forgive to keep their heart from bitterness.

Yes, I found that if I allow God to move on my children’s hearts, He can turn their hurts into joy.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

 

Looking for Positive

April 18, 2018

Looking for Positive

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive. I’d like to believe that I’m always thinking about how whatever I experience is working toward God’s glory and find a positive attitude, but that just isn’t reality. It is still a struggle for me to not drop myself into negative thoughts, worry, and the downward, hard-on-myself spiral that leads into depression.

For instance: I just got out of a three-day hospital stay for what I consider the silliest thing ever – an asthmatic allergic reaction to black mold.

History: I’d been sick since the day after our van was busted in (February 19, 2018) with what I originally thought was a cold. March 1, I went to the clinic, transferred to the ER, and diagnosed with pneumonia. Major allergic reaction (common for me is body-covered-in-chicken-pox-like-rash) to my antibiotic after 9 days led to another clinic visit because it appeared to be affecting my breathing too. They did a breathing treatment and gave me an inhaler. April 3, I went back to the clinic because I was not being able to breathe again. Breathing treatment, felt great, finished my responsibilities for that evening and woke up on the 4th almost unable to breathe. ER again. New diagnosis – no pneumonia, mild upper respiratory infection. New antibiotic, steroid, and same inhaler with orders to use it more.

On April 12, I’d finished the antibiotic, the steroid, and the inhaler. The next afternoon, I went to the clinic because I was struggling to breathe again and was, for the first time, coughing up colored (infected) mucus. They did two breathing treatments and reissued the inhaler.

On April 13, about midnight, I was unable to breathe again. I could feel there was space, but the air seemed to get “caught” just at the base of my neck. I felt my heart rate racing. My head kept trying to make me panic. My mind and lungs felt like I was at the bottom of a wave underwater with the air in sight but no way to get to the air. I kept praying for God to open up my lungs. Louis came home and instantly took me back to the ER. This time I almost fainted getting to the door; I almost passed out several times but kept forcing myself not to because I thought it was “mental” and I should be able to “handle it.”

The admitting doctor said I had “septic pneumonia” (this meant the pneumonia had gone “septic” and traveled in my body) and was reacting to the double breathing treatment & inhaler. (Side effects were listed as heart palpitations, etc.) He issued an IV antibiotic which caused a severe reaction (fever, my whole upper body went red, my larynx swelled, etc). That was scary! So I ended up in ICCU. That wasn’t accurate, but it was their first guess.

The final diagnosis was an asthmatic reaction to black mold. The pneumonia had been cleared in March, but a “small” infection was still “sitting” in my upper respiratory tract. The pulmonologist (lung specialist) said it was a reaction to something that had entered my “life” in or before December. New pet for Christmas? Nope. But when we turned off our Air Conditioning to save money in November, we discovered as we lost the A/C’s dehumidifying effect that we had black mold in the rental house. We’d saved for a few months to get a dehumidifier (in February, just after I got sick with the cold/pneumonia) and dried the house up. All the mold was cleaned and gone… except for our bed mattress. We’d attempted drying and cleaning it, and thought we’d done it, but it was a foam mattress and therefore didn’t completely dry.

I HAD BEEN SLEEPING ON THE ALLERGEN!

That made perfect sense. I’d always felt worse in the morning, it’d clear up some at work, if I laid down for a nap (trying to rest so I could get better) I felt worse.

Louis burned the mattress. (He was mad that something so stupid had almost “lost me” and I was like “just throw it away” but it was almost new and he didn’t want anyone to pick it up and use it.) He winked, “the Bible says you burn mold.” Boys… and I couldn’t argue with that.

As I was feeling better (actually, all through this sickness), I kept seeing dollar signs every time a CNA, nurse, or respiratory therapist came in the room to scan my bracelet with a new medicine. We have catastrophic insurance, but that means we have to find $15,000 before our insurance will pay anything. The clinic visits were $75 each, and we had only just started trying to pay from the first hospital visit (so far, $1200, but there may be another bill from March). We had to save for a dehumidifier… we don’t even have money saved to move to another home. (Although, we like our rental house, but Louis says we’ll drop it in a heartbeat if my breathing issue comes back.) So, it was hard to see positive while in the hospital.

I had to try to stay positive; I kept reminding myself that God says a cheerful heart does good like medicine. (Thus, outside of a gem of a Matlock show mentioned next to the Sunday paper crossword, I didn’t want to watch the TV.)

Becca, one of my sisters, brought a book I devoured. It was “In This House we will Giggle” by Courtney DeFoe. One of the volunteers on Sunday saw me doing the crossword and brought three word searches with blank white backs!

WRITING PAPER!!

One was filled with the outline for number five in “The Devonians” series (probably will be called “Convincing the Council,” but I haven’t decided yet). The other two became my journal pages with notes, quotes, Bible verses, and thoughts from or inspired by this awesome “Giggle” book. The whole idea of that book in a nutshell is this: Mom, release your worry, perfectionism, and expectations to God and learn how to choose to rejoice in everything so you can set a joyful example and cultivate godly virtues in your children. I loved reading about someone who was like me. I read that book from cover to cover four times before midnight.

On the way to pick up the girls from college the next day, I listened to one of my favorite Radio teachers, Chip Ingram. God must be making sure this message gets through because Chip’s message was about giving everything up to God, accepting that in whatever way God chooses to heal us, modern medicine (God taught us that), unexplained miracles (I’ve seen those too), or health and nutrition changes (that’s my lifestyle anyway), the glory is all still God’s.

God is more concerned with our attitude during our struggle than the outcome.

This reminds me of a character in “The Robe” (great movie): She’s a cripple who is telling the Roman “infiltrator” about her journey from bitterness to joy. He says, “but why didn’t Jesus just heal you?” She replies, “then I would be expected to be joyful, wouldn’t I?” BOOM.

God has shown us what the underlying cause for my continued illness. Thank you Jesus! I can avoid it.

God has shown me that my nutrition was fine. (The Dr said my body had enough nutrition it should have fought off the infections easily, even my iron levels were good.) Amen!

I met a nurse who has a 16-year-old homeschooled son and that greatly encouraged me in my family’s homeschool journey.

God has led us to wisdom and we’ve removed danger before it affected any of the children or Louis.

God will provide a way for us to financially cover this bill (even though it’s like a year’s rent – I can trust Him to provide us a means to pay it off). Just like we trust Him for day-to-day needs, He will cover this one too.

This is my brother’s birthday and he’s coming down this weekend – and I’m so much better than I’ve felt since January! Thank you, Jesus! My throat is clear so I can sing, my ears aren’t clogged, and my nose is open so I can smell!

I am a vendor at the Family Fun Fest in downtown Saint Augustine on the 28th of April and I’m going to be feeling awesome instead of tired and run down! I have such a positive air of expectation about this show (have since we signed up in November) and want the girls to have fun! Thank you, Jesus!

I refuse to allow the devil to draw me down into depression this time. I will find blessings in this mess (there are many!) and praise God through it even when I don’t feel like it. Let the challenge to find positivity begin!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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