Shattered

May 16, 2020

Shattered

Again. Shattered Again. This is what strikes my heart again. Of course, in the big scheme of things I realize, this is tiny. This isn’t losing a family member or going bankrupt. Logically, my brain tells me that this isn’t really a bad thing and there is likely a reason behind it, but still…

I can’t ignore the emotions that were tearing me apart when Louis said he got the email.

We never, NEVER, would have showed our children the new house (they’ve been calling it that) unless we were told it would happen.

We were told, based on incomes and expenses that it would happen. Our debt-to-income ratio (we know all that, studied before going to attempt for the loan. We had the credit scores above the requirement on the website, we’d done all our own figuring, we make three times what we would need for the maximum monthly payment!) We were told everything was good – we even asked over and over, is this really going to happen?

Well… of course, we lost income, BUT IT IS TEMPORARY!! Gym can open back MONDAY – two days from now! Are they only looking at one of my two incomes? Are they not looking at Louis’ income at all? I’m still working at the office! Louis is still working at uber.

WHERE IN THE EARTH did some loan person decide that she would NEVER once talk to me but CANCEL our documents because “they have zero income” when she didn’t even check? That’s a lie! That’s a stinking, irritating, hurtful, dream-shattering lie! We have lost income over the stupid COVID19 government shutdown garbage, who hasn’t? But to say that is permanent? It’s a bump in the road! A mortgage is 30 years!! Do you expect our income to never change in 30 years??????

We’ve not deferred ANYTHING… we’ve chosen to keep the down payment (yes, in the bank, safe and untouched!) and pay minimums on credit cards that we had to use for groceries, yes. Gym was forced to shutdown temporarily – between Monday and June 1st, I go back to work as soon as they open.

NOTHING has been late; not FPL, not our rent, not our van or car payment (we pay off the giant van payment in 4 months!)

Why is this hurting us? I thought this was responsibility? To keep the down payment, to choose to pay bills on time instead of ask for deferment, to pick up odd jobs to keep our income up while this stupid government decides to ruin our jobs and now – yes, shatter our dreams AGAIN!

Christina and Kimberly lost summer encampment, Christina, Becky, and Kimberly lost Passion Camp (this was the only summer they could all go together), the VBS they were looking forward to is canceled, they miss out on their gymnastics show, the girls are despising this whole zoom meeting garbage where they can’t talk and meet in person…

Becky said, “they can’t take our house, can they?”

It seems, one mortgage person can LIE and say we have no income while NEVER ONCE contacting or trying to contact me, Louis, or either of my bosses regarding our actual status of employment – and yes, deny us our house.

So while I understand that if someone takes the last 4 weeks of my paystubs and averages them over the course of a year, they will think we can’t make our payments; right now we are only missing about $200 a month (with the expected higher mortgage rate and this doesn’t count Louis’ income) – and we loose a $650 a month liability (paid off vehicle) in 4 months (so then just my income alone will cover our bills with more than $400 surplus!).

What really hurts is the LIES. I had to get this information from one lady we called because Louis got an email saying we no longer qualify and so have to pay a cancellation fee… ?????? Why can’t we at least get a courtesy call? No one ever asked? Not even a text. That’s seriously taking social distancing too extreme.

I hate that I took my children to see this place. I hate that I’m so gullible. I hate that I shared my dreams with others and now feel embarrassed that we even tried.

I am determined to at least speak to this person before I agree to pay for a lie.

I pray that God sets this up the way He wants it. I pray my emotions level (which, yes, after writing they always do) so I can speak calmly and rationally. I pray to see the good through this curtain of hurt. I so wanted to have those friends as neighbors, I really wanted to have Treaty Park as my backyard, but whatever; I should have known we will never make it to a real house.

Emotions are sometimes things we hide. I do. I try very hard not to let anyone see anything that isn’t positive. I try to be the mood lifter, not one who complains or cries or feels darkness. But I do. I feel darkness right now – like all my life I’ve dreamed of having a house where I could raise my children and grow trees that would shade my grandchildren – I know, silly. I saw a plan online that almost mirrored the house I’ve been building in my sketchbook all my life and even though we had to give up the place that was my first dream, I thought that if this all went through, it was a second shot at my dream. Next year would be too late: Christina wouldn’t be in that house. This faint hope rose to believe we’d have one season before Christina went to college. A place my teenagers wanted to be in.

These are raw emotions. We all have them. We all scream at the irrationality, lies, deception, cheating, or hurtful things that shove us or our loved ones into positions they don’t want to be in, shatter their dreams, or whatever.

We have to do what works to calm ourselves down and realize that God is in control; yes, even when someones lies and it shatters our dreams, it is just an opportunity for God to show us something better…

Anyway, I write to sort through my emotions; what do you do?

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Stepping Back

Stepping Back

February 23, 2020

My little love is one! I’m 37. We both had birthdays this week. This is the first birthday for one of my children that I missed.

I was on my way to a meeting at work when I got two adorable videos from Louis – my littlest baby, looking at her first birthday cupcake Grandma Joanne brought her while everyone sings “Happy Birthday” and her little toes wiggle happily.

I could have let that make me feel really blue. I almost did because I had a rather sour day at work that morning – I’m a perfectionist, should explain everything (right?)

As I watched that video three times, there were two voices in my head:

The first was saying things like: Aww how cute! How sweet that they took a video! She’s having so much fun!

The second jumped immediately on top with: You aren’t there. This is the first birthday cake you haven’t done with any child! You neglect her. You neglect them all. You work too much. You are missing your children’s lives. See how much you miss.

And the second voice doesn’t shut up!

I went through the meeting. That second voice was still screaming in the background on the way back to work: If you had any business sense, you could have been good at Beachbody like Katy, you could be a real author making a living at it, you could have sold makeup, you could still be at home. Why didn’t you…. You could have been… If only…

It boiled down to this: YOU ARE A FAILURE!

But I’m not!

I refocused. I took a deep breath and steadied myself on my way to gym – the voice tried again because my baby didn’t even come to gym on her birthday because Daddy and big sister kept her at home (she was pooped after birthday fun).

I am doing my best.

Most importantly, I allowed myself to step back and look at the bigger picture. That is really hard when voices – your own voices in your head – are screaming at you. Your logic tells you they are accurate! Your emotion agrees with them! All the parenting books you’ve read, teachers you’ve listened to, and “stats” you’ve seen about raising children all tell you the voices – the accusing second voices – are right. BUT NO!

Step back. I stepped back.

For 15 years, I’d been the one at home (yes, working from home too) to see the firsts. With Thea, Louis has been.

He said he loves the baby stage and is so thankful he isn’t missing all of it. He felt like he was never around for the others. I’m so happy he gets to be home in the morning/early afternoons in this season!

I had an awesome relationship with my Daddy. I want that for my children, especially my girls; for them to have an awesome relationship with their Daddy. Louis gets to spend more time with them.

I stepped back.

We have joint goals. We have family goals. A house that means a new start for us – rooms for everyone and more than 4 feet of counter space in the kitchen! We are accomplishing that!

I stepped back.

I LOVE my family, and they know this. Just because I work two jobs in this season doesn’t change that. We both got to go to Christina’s first University tour! (That wouldn’t have happened with other jobs!) We both get to go to the gymnastics show in May. We all get Sundays together as family days (that has never happened in our family lives – service industry doesn’t give up weekends!).

I took another deep breath. The accusing voice had stopped. This was because I started to mentally pray: thank you, Jesus, for this season of life you have us in. It may be hard, it may sometimes seem like too much, other people may think it’s too much, others may judge, my logic might be telling me it’s not a good place… but I am SO grateful for the season I’m in right now! I pray for guidance daily and until God says “let it go,” I’m holding on to the gifts (jobs) he’s given us. Thank you!

If your inner voices are ripping you apart…

Take a deep breath. Steady yourself. Step back. PRAY. Be grateful for what you have and pray for wisdom on what to allow to let go.

Listen to God’s heart.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Memes to Voices

November 10, 2019

Memes to Voices

A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements.  She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.

Instantly my heart dipped backward in time.  In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.

Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD

Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.

Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.

Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.

Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.

Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing.  I can’t wait to leave.

This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?

I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).

Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…

(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)

This year?  I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect.  It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.

BUT!

I stop it there.  I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!

I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul?  They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!

I combat those “expectation” teases with:

Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!

Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?

Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.

Reality: I am thankful!  I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it!  I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at.  I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills.  I have totally surrendered to Jesus.  I trust God’s will in my life.

You know why?  He knows me way better than I know myself.  I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.  I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls!  I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.

I’m human.  My own voice is the worst danger to my mind.  But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us.  All things work together for good.  Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

House Hunting 101 – Lesson 1 – Location

June 10, 2019

House Hunting 101 – Lesson 1 – Location

We’ve been planning toward our next step – home ownership.  We are grateful for the place we are currently renting, but because of the black mold infestation (it’s under control, but we don’t own the house, so can’t remove it) we are actively looking for a place to own.  Somewhere that hopefully, we are smarter about and keep (I still miss my grapefruit trees that had just started fruiting after 7 long years!) forever.

Right now, we are still in the “finish paying off debt” stage, but with end-of-business debt down from over $14K to $800, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after a little over 2 years.  (Yippee!!!!)  Next step is to have 6 months of expenses in the bank.  Then we start saving for a home.

We’re being really picky this time so it will be a while, but it is fun to discuss, think, and plan!

We have learned that the primary item isn’t size or neighborhood, but location.  Driving isn’t pleasant for Louis (I don’t like the “wasted time” either, but I use it to dream up stories, interview fake people in my head, and pray.) so we thought about what type of location did we want.  We wanted to minimize driving.  But what are the constants in our life?

Not work… (Although I hope I keep these jobs until I retire – my plan as Operations Manager is to eventually shift to a few hours in the early mornings or two or three days a week and be available the rest of the time remotely.)  Remote is awesome.  I get more done in the mornings (like now, at 5am) and I really can’t stand being gone from my family this long (9.5 hours for my 8 hour day – 1.5 driving).

Not hobbies… because we love beach, tennis, walking, bicycling, surfing, swimming, watching nature, growing things… anything active and we usually make those things happen depending on what is around us or in our own yard.

Not even church… seriously, that’s once a week and most of our lives we spent driving an hour or so one way to the church we were called to.

School was it.

Don’t laugh!  Yes, we homeschool.  I mean St Johns County.  The kids will be going to college at St. Johns River State – Christina and Becky are active now, but based on normal college-bound years, we will be driving to and from that campus for 20 years (if we aren’t blessed by any further editions of Tarts).  We love St Johns County (yes, it’s extremely pricy and super hard to rent or buy land here, but it has been awesome home-schooling here and we love the people!).  St Johns County has a fascinating, amazing array of trade school and college opportunities for our children – I mean, seriously, our teenagers are college-course-takers.  Christina’s credit hours mean she’s entering her sophomore year of college as she enters her junior year of high school!  Several young friends I know have graduated FCTC and entered directly into the job force at 17 & 18 years old.  Two make more than me!  So, educational opportunities are our standard constant that won’t change for quite some time.  Plus St Johns County puts us equidistant from Embry-Riddle in Daytona and University of Florida in Gainesville (the goal schools of the first three).

This means, proximity and ease of driving to and from the campuses of St Johns River College and First Coast Technical College is the “location” part of our choice.  SR 207 out to Hastings, up behind Masters just along the city boundary, over 16 and north along US1 to the old trash road east of Palencia: any open-rural or agricultural property in that range is fair territory.

Both of Louis’ grandmother’s houses are in this range (Wouldn’t one of those be so awesome?  To live in your grandparent’s house!) and the house we currently live in is just off that perfect spot, but close enough that yes, we’d buy this land if we could (build a cozy house in the other corner of the land and knock this rotting thing down, but we love the land!) and I like Wildwood Drive.  While driving Christina to CAP one day, we saw a “for sale” sign in the yard of a beautiful concrete block house off of Lewis Speedway & Woodlawn on a bit of land.  Nice location.  Louis pointed out that one was near CAP, which three more plan on joining.

Anyway, location, location, location: OR or AG in easy driving range of St Johns River & FCTC.

The realization that we will be driving students back and forth from one of two college campuses for 20 years… wow, just wow.  That’s pretty cool.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Old Architecture – My Favorite Design

April 9, 2019

Old Architecture – My Favorite Design

I’ve moved around a lot.  My favorite house, architecturally, was this lovely old place in Holly Hill, South Carolina that was built in 1904 or 06.  It was amazing.

It was bright without ever turning a light on, even in the hallways.  It was two-story with an attic that had three hidden rooms in it!  It had three fireplaces, but the one in the kitchen had been closed off.  The upstairs had a landing that opened to four bedrooms and two bathrooms with a linen closet on the north end.  The bedrooms and bathrooms interconnected!  You could enter the bedroom on the far southeast end of the landing, that connected to upstairs bathroom number one, which then entered the northeast bedroom, which had a large walk-in closet that had a sliding door into the huge walk-in closet for the northwest bedroom, of course then you are in the northwest bedroom which connects to the second bathroom, and finally enter the southwest bedroom.  In addition to a door into the landing, this bedroom had a sliding door to a very hot upstairs sunroom full of screened windows that could be opened.  Daddy used it as a craft room but said it was supposed to be an upstairs conservatory for growing plants.   One such conservatory was also downstairs, but it was about three times as large as the one upstairs.

Downstairs had a large room that we turned into the family room.  There was also a huge, long room that Daddy said was supposed to be for entertaining and opened to the outside portico with a huge, heavy, beautifully carved wooden door.  There were also two dining rooms!  One was giant and long like the front “entertaining” room.  The three big rooms wrapped the front of the house, connected to each other with double French glass doors.  The entertaining room opened to the hallway at the base of the wide staircase with beautifully carved handrails and supports with the same double French doors.  Daddy said that was for “grand entrances” like for sixteenth birthdays and weddings.  The huge dining room connected to the smaller dining room with a heavy carved-wooden swinging door on double hinges that we loved going through because each way was the “right way” to open it.  The smaller dining room was my favorite; it was a long built-in bench around a sturdy oak built-in table that angled along the back wall and around the bright window that jutted out from the house.  It was warm in the morning and brilliant all day.  Unless you ate after dark, you never needed a light. Every room was brilliant with natural light that bounced off of the 12 foot high white ceilings and soaked into the warm wooden floors and trim.

Daddy said the house was made for entertaining.  His childhood house in Savannah, Georgia, was supposedly almost the same as this house, minus the three 6 by 10 rooms in the attic (I considered them “small” in relation to everything else in that house although that is the size of the girls’ barracks now!).  Daddy said those were servant’s quarters, and just like the interconnecting rooms and tiny, steep, circular back staircase; they were meant to keep the servants out of sight of everyone else.  Oh, yes, one of the walk-in closets had a sliding door that led into the linen closet which was large enough to have the access ladder into one of the attic rooms.  The main attic access was this giant pull-down folding staircase.  It literally started about two feet from the top of the stairs in the upstairs landing and was a full, sturdy, staircase.  Daddy said this was because the original occupants probably had heavy furniture to be moved up and down depending on the season.  There was a giant fan in the attic that sucked all the air through the house – you had to open the three outside doors and could have flown a box-kite in the wind it created!  This was likely to be used in the summer to get the warm air out before air conditioning was added, but Daddy used it in the winter to freeze the entire house.  (He liked the air cold.)

The remaining rooms downstairs included the conservatory off of the huge entertaining room.  This was Daddy’s favorite room because he and Mom filled it with plants and our birds.  It was Robert’s (a parrot) favorite room too – probably his favorite room from all of our houses.  It was about 30 feet long and at least 10 feet wide, more than half the size of the house I live in now!  There was also a small “study” with a half bathroom under the stairs. (It had an angled room and we kids would run downstairs just to use this “cool” bathroom’s potty instead of the two upstairs!)  Daddy turned the study into one Computer Room.  This study was the entrance into the grand master bedroom.  This bedroom was sprawling!  It had deep, lush carpet and spread 15 by 30 feet!  Daddy measured all of the big rooms out of curiosity, and I was just entering my “designing” phase so I measured everything and drew “plans” of that house.  This bedroom had double walk-in closets that reminded me of the ones in Princess Mia’s bedroom – the “lady’s” closet had built-in shoe racks for nearly a hundred shoes (Mom’s five or six pairs looked so lonely there), long dress racks, a fold-out ironing board, three tiered racks for shorts, tops, and skirts, cubicles for jeans and such, and dresser-drawers for underwear!  Mom used over half of her closet for box storage (there was plenty of partitioned storage space on top of the racks, Daddy said it was for luggage and trunks).  The “gentlemen’s” closet was a modest 5 by 10 feet, but still that was huge to me!  There was a giant bathroom adjoining.  It had double sinks, double cabinets, a shower stall, and a bathtub that looked like a small pool!  (We kids used it as a pool!)

And finally, the most important room in the whole house: the kitchen.  This kitchen was the first I’d even seen with an island.  The sinks were deep and wide.  The whole turkey roasting pan fit in one side.  But my favorite part was the custom cabinets – they unfolded like an accordion with perfect storage space for quart mason jars (which left regular pound veggie cans with a little breathing room).  The kitchen opened into the small dining room so the spectators would join in conversation with the kitchen workers or watch the show.

It was built of sturdy concrete and red brick with real wood everywhere.  I used this house as a base for my dream house because it taught me three important designs I loved;

  • There is never an excess of light and distributing it throughout a house can be aided by windows, glass interior doors, dutch doors, and bright paint.
  • Having multiple stories rather than one increases the available light and allows for extra living space with less wasted yard. (A three story building is awesome.)
  • Sturdy, heavy-duty materials are better at keeping weather out (We went through three hurricanes and three or four tropical storms while we were in that house!) and loud sounds out. (This house was on a busy county road yet we rarely heard the 18-wheelers going by.)

One day, I hope to have a similar home either to restore or build – I hoped I’d be able to raise my children in a smaller house designed bright, open, and interconnected like my favorite house, but I have enjoyed everywhere we’ve called home.

Think back to your favorite architecture, was it a childhood home?  The home you are in now?  A place you visited?  Isn’t it neat to think about?

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

“Lucas Got My Phone!”

“Mom, Lucas got my phone!” and took selfies all over it… just like they used to do to mine!

January 26, 2019

Mom, Lucas Got My Phone!

“Mom!” Becky cracks up laughing and flashes the “girls’ phone” screen in my direction from half a room away.  “Lucas got my phone!”

I gave her a puzzled look because my tiny peek of the screen instantly was interpreted by my brain as a chess board.

“Selfies, mom, he took tons of selfies on our work phone.” (Since the girls started babysitting and most homes don’t have a land line anymore, we have a “family work phone” that whomever is out working gets to take with them.) Becky laughed again and sends a screenshot of her gallery to me.  Now I’m laughing because instead of taking four or five steps, she’s texting me from across a room!  (Love technology, because now I have something to put on the blog!)

I also think about how the girls were always putting selfies on my phone… until I started blogging and they’d be like, “Mom!  Not that picture!” (My reply was always, “it’s on my phone, fair game!”)

As I’m saving Becky’s screenshots to my phone, Lucas wanders over and notices the computer open on my template page and pictures on my phone.  “Mom, are you writing a blog?”

(How does my 3-year-old know what blog is?) “Yes.”

“Am I in it?” Lucas snuggles on my lap.

“Yes, you will be.”

“Can I type your blog?”

“No, you may not type it, but you may watch,” I smile.

Lucas holds my belly in between his hands and says, “I love you, Baby, Mommy writes about us.  You need to come out and read when you are bigger.”  (Lucas thinks he can read, he recites some stuff.) Lucas sighs, the Baby kicks or punches (Baby reacts to Lucas the most).  “But then I can’t wrestle you when you come out.  I love you, Baby!”

Sweetness.  Pure Love.  Yes, Lucas is right when he calls this baby “my Baby!”

I love the big brother he already is.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Fresh New Year

Who else is excited for 2019? Who else looks at the new year like a child on Christmas morning looks at presents around the tree?

December 31, 2018

Fresh New Year

“It’s still 2018, right?” asks Kimberly, working on her History.

“Yes, it’s the last day of 2018,” I respond.  Christina pipes in with, “and our Aunt’s birthday!”  (One of their aunts is born on December 31!)

This makes me think: (uh-oh, I just heard two kids say “Mom’s writing another blog in her head.”) Yes, my children know me!

Tomorrow starts a fresh new year.  We are given a new beginning each day as the dawn warms our skies and the sun rises to dry the dew.

In the service industry, all days blend together and all the New Year has meant for me in the past 8 years was a barrage of people calling to order reservations at 1am on New Year’s Day from the Bayfront downtown or 11pm from the Saint Augustine Beach peir (two locations at the times we can never promise) so then it turns into irritated people who don’t understand the simple line, “I can’t guarantee that time at that location, you can try to call us at the time to see where our cabs are.”

I’m so glad today does not involve dispatching!  I’m only answering questions from the school table – awesome!

In 2018:

  • I started working at WGV Gymnastics as a coach (LOVE this job).
  • We closed our taxi company in December.  It feels awesome to be able to shut off my phone and not worry about missing a reservation call!
  • I’ve finished, polished, and published four new children’s books: A Foundling Furball, Alena’s Baby, The Tightrope Dare, and Fibbing Fishermen!
  • I’ve rejoiced with the addition of my best friend’s 10th baby!
  • I’ve rejoiced with my sister who is due about the same time I am!  (They will be close cousins!)
  • I’ve mourned and rejoiced with my family after my Daddy passed.
  • I celebrated the first Christmas ever without him – that was his favorite holiday.
  • Christina achieved CAP rank of C/CMSgt, become Red Cross certified, started officially babysitting, started working as needed at what she calls “my somewhat part time job,” and completed her third college semester.
  • Becky completed her second college semester, bred and raised a few dozen chicks up to “independence” for clients, raised her batches of “babies” (aka Guinea Piglets), joined gymnastics classes (finally finding something to encourage her fitness!), and has taught most of her siblings the Latin terms for every body part since she’s been dissecting animals in her biology labs!
  • Kimberly joined gymnastics classes with her gung-ho attitude and is expecting great things from herself, was gifted a bunny (she’s been saving to adopt one for almost a year but her awesome big sisters beat her to it) and Minuit has never left her side.
  • Jaquline discovered the amazing world of Geometry and everything is now interpreted in shapes or gymnastics skills!
  • Jillian started losing teeth, is studying sketching (she’s getting rather good actually!) and digital art along with Becky, and getting herself lost in the world of reading!
  • Lucas started trying to write his name!

We are all expecting amazing things to come in 2019.  God has paths lined up for us that we may not even be able to see yet – if you’d told me at the start of 2018 that I’d be teaching gymnastics for an awesome Christian boss, be pregnant again, and have no taxi company, I would have laughed.

But (positive!) God knows the desires of our hearts!  He knows I love children, love teaching, and that gymnastics has always been a dream. (Dream job come true?  YES!)  He knows Lucas loves babies and is super excited about getting to “take MY BABY home from church.”  (All the other babies he’s been around are those of church family, so he can’t take them home.)  He knows that rebuilding hybrid batteries is something else I love – tinkering with electronics as Daddy taught me & a niche few offer around here so maybe that will be our main income soon!

I’m about to polish and release a few more children’s books (maybe an entire new series working around my budding illustrators’ work!) and my goal for this year is 12 releases.

Who else is excited for 2019?  Who else looks at the new year like a child on Christmas morning looks at presents around the tree?  I see each day as a gift from God to be opened at each dawn.  I see gifts we can’t even dream of yet sitting there, waiting God’s perfect timing for us to unwrap and enjoy.  I’m praying that certain things are there – which day holds the gift of my child’s birth?  Does a gift in that pile include a property or home of our own?  Is there a gift of being able to read my books before a class, teach a grammar workshop, or tutor another child?  Only God knows what each gift holds.  My Daddy loved seeing the smiles and squeals of excitement on Christmas morning as his children opened presents – I love this part of Christmas morning as a parent too.  I can only imagine God smiling as we open each gift and yelp with excitement!

Enjoy your daily gifts in 2019!  Happy, blessed New Year!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Plans Change

Sometimes plans change; some life encouragement 🙂

November 3, 2018

Plans Change

Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way you want it to go.

You have to let it go.

Tonight I wanted to go to a get-together.  I’d been planning for about a week

Everything seemed to be working out okay; the washing machine showed up early (Amen!), Anastasia got dropped off before 4, Christina had packed up her “civies” (I still mentally laugh hearing her call regular clothes that.) in her bag when I dropped her at the Cyber Patriot qualification in the morning, and we just had to get the house clean and get everyone ready before 3:40, pick up Christina at 4, and head to the get-together – we’d be late, but there.

Then there was a reservation for 5:15pm.  No one else was working and I can’t cancel on them because it’s morally wrong to promise someone something and cancel an hour and a half before you have to pick them up.  My word matters.  And, I’m really thankful for my jobs!  I know God gives us the jobs we get and we are expected to do our best. (I look at it as “God wants them in my car for some reason!”)

Honesty.

I had an obligation to them.

Adjust plan: girls clean up and get ready by 6:15, when I was expected back, and we’d be late, but would still be able to hang out for a little bit.

Well, the plan got seriously adjusted!  I ended up having to cover starting at 3pm.  Picked Christina up at 4, then as I’m on the way there, another ride for 4:30 (yikes! I can’t teleport through traffic!) rolls in… long story short – it’s almost 7pm when I get home because I was late to both rides after Christina.  No one was ready.  And I can’t (legally) pack all 8 of us into the 4-Runner.  We are a 30 minute drive (usually 40 minutes with me driving because every traffic light in Saint Augustine always turns red when I’m three carlengths from it!) and it would take me about 15 minutes to get everyone ready.  Plus, to use the 4-Runner, we’d have to have left at least 2 people behind.  Nope.  So, we end up spending the night at home.  This was “cool” (per Jaquline) because we have awesome toys (per Anastasia), Christina can cook something good, and we’ll turn the front room into a dance party!

Sometimes a monkey wrench gets tossed into your plans, but if you learn to roll with it, you can turn it into a “look for the positive” teaching moment.  I love finding teaching moments in life!

Plan changed.

I have to let my plans go.

Accept that plans change and I have little control over it.  All I can control is my attitude toward it.  (I’m super thankful for my jobs!)  The last ride was a guy who had spent almost 40 years in the military (he chatted with Christina about the pros and cons) and a lady who had been a teacher and principal in St John’s County for 34 years (at one job her whole life)!  So just maybe, God wanted us to pick them up and encourage each other.  Only God knows!  (That’s me, looking for the positive!)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Number Seven

Yes, ambiguious title and puzzle til the end of a long post…

October 24, 2018

Number Seven

Ambiguous title?  Yes.

Am I being cryptic on purpose?  Yes.

You are supposed to figure out the puzzle from the clues in this story.

(WARNING!  LONG STORY! – and it’s pretty deep because there’s a lot of feelings and thoughts smashed in here.)

Anyway, in April and May, I was in and out of clinics and the hospital because of a severe reaction to black mold.  (I know, crazy, right?)  I researched the medication I was to finish and every side effect possible happened to me (they always do, it’s just my weird, unique biology) so my hair fell out, hormone levels changed, pimples exploded over my face, and various other physical changes happened, I wasn’t watching for anything else.  It was a low period for me because it seemed my favorite parts of my body (long hair, my figure, health) was disappearing.  (Crazy reason to be depressed, isn’t it? After all, I was still alive!)  Although I kept telling myself this would work itself out, and I kept praying and believing God had control of this situation too (He has everything in His hands.), it was sometimes hard to face it without feeling sad.  Especially for me when I brushed my hair and it seemed there was more hair in the brush than stayed on my head.  (Of course, shedding hair means length disappears, so I went from semi-thick long hair that was below my waist to thin few-strands-to-the-middle-of-my-back.)  My hair was something that even as a child I was really proud of.  I’ve never cut it.  I always wanted to have long hair like Lady Godiva (ever seen the version where Maureen O’Hara plays Lady Godiva? I loved that movie because she was a strong, bold woman who loved her people.) and loved the Bible verse that says our “long hair is our covering.”  Plus, Louis likes my hair long. (Yes, after getting married, I thought it would take too much time to have to style short, plain hair so it was cool that my husband liked it long and straight.)

Being that I’m allergic to almost everything chemical (latex, cleaning fluids, pills, antibiotics, the inhaler I was prescribed!, etc.), we pretty much rely on natural family planning and some non-latex help.  Usually, I know my body well.  Part of the side-effects to one of the drugs was hormone imbalance which threw my body off where I wasn’t sure what it was doing.  Not considering it a good time for pregnancy, we decided to hold off on any potential baby-making.  Period.

Oh well, God laughed at that.

Certain things began to reverse during July.  My hair began to grow back (I have one-inch-long sticking-ups all over my head), my figure returned to normal, and other small things in my body seemed to reset.  I was very curious because although I’d been off the huge assortment of “we-don’t-know-what-this-is-but-treat-everything” drugs in the hospital for two months, everything I’d read about the steroid they’d given me was that it took twelve to eighteen months for the hormone imbalance to correct itself and I was still taking one occasionally to prevent asthma attacks.  What was turning my imbalance around?

Yep, God decided to reset my body himself; with a baby.

I love being pregnant, but worried that the drugs I’d been on had effected the child – then relaxed about as soon as I thought about it because if we were trying to keep it from happening (Starting in mid-April with the only 100% sure way), yet God said “haha, you thought you knew this stuff,” He obviously was in charge of baby’s health.

For the first time in my reproductive life, the only “date” I have can’t be.  I keep calendars that are honestly way too detailed, but those dates don’t match with the dates counting backwards.  (Every other time in my life I knew the day/night we came together to start our little blessing!)  Based on these “diary facts” as my girls call them, I can’t figure the time.  (What happened?  The little swimmers had to get through sheepskin & sit around inside of me for eight to ten days?  Really?  If I use the LMP date, that’s what had to happen because after that was nothing. Period.  I didn’t know hanging around inside was medically possible.)

Now, I’m totally enthusiastic about being pregnant (I am one of those crazy women who LOVE carrying life – every part of it); I just am amazed at the mystery of this baby.  I figured you know, I know what protection is, we use planning, and yeah, I get it, I’ve seen women on the pill, using protection, and even two who had their tubes tied get pregnant, so I know anything is possible.

I mean, philosophically we trust all to God’s hands, including family size and timing.  (Or say so, we were technically trying not to get pregnant with the whole breathing and health thing “at least until we moved to a mold-free house”)  But can you say surprised?  Yes.

So, “number seven” is this little precious life growing inside of me!  (Yes, I know most people, including many member of my family, think we are completely nuts, and maybe we are – but we are loving this adventure!)

New job, new baby, surprise!  God says!  Now I have an awesome job I can’t believe I really get to do and seriously get paid for (I love teaching children!) and a new little life growing inside that Lucas can’t wait to wrestle with (he comes and mashes on my belly, talks to “his baby,” and the baby responds by racing around, kicking, punching, whatever inside me).  I’m so excited… what does God have next?  A plot of land we can call our own and a trailer to stick on it or some plot with an old house that needs work – maybe?  Or are Kimberly’s dreams of building our own “movable house” accurate?  Okay, I’m totally open to the next step in this adventure!  (And, yes, I’m fine if that means, “rest, sit tight, you’re in pause mode right now.”)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Celebration: Disney Springs

How better to celebrate a long first day of college semester than to watch fireworks from three parks atop the Disney Springs parking garage?

August 22, 2018

Celebration: Disney Springs

We love to explore free parks and things to do.  Like playing tourist in downtown Saint Augustine, visiting the beach, playing kickball or tennis at Treaty Park, or when Louis wants to “get out of Dodge,” exploring a bit farther away: Daytona Beach boardwalk, Jacksonville Landing, or Disney Springs.

This time he decided Disney Springs.  If you don’t go hungry or bring some snacks and water bottles, you can spend hours listening to live music, exploring cool sights, taking boat or bus rides, and spend nothing.  (Just the gas getting there, which for us is about $20.)  We dream of being able to “do Disney” at the actual parks, which will happen someday, but for now, Disney Springs is what my kids mean when they say “Disneyworld.”

Once we touch the edge of Orlando and see all the tall buildings, the entertainment has begun!  The girls and Lucas shout about seeing the tops of rides, “castles,” houses on top of big buildings, and roads going over us and under us!

They are building what appears to be a 5-level overpass system on I4!  The kids were trying to count how high it would be – they thought four, then realized we were already over two other lanes! (Yes, we get excited about crazy stuff like being on bridges, overpasses, and parking garages.)

Christina, Rebeccah, and Kimberly start telling stories of their one visit to Universal (Daddy’s birthday two years ago for Rock the Universe).  They laugh over Kimberly falling asleep on Daddy’s shoulders during the last concert and marvel at the weird purple mountain that is the icon for the new Volcano Bay waterpark.

As usual, it’s one of the girls who reminds me that I have a camera!

20180820_202209.jpg

Kimberly took pictures of her favorite “cove” in Disney Springs.  This twist of sparkling water and beautiful plants fascinates Kimberly.

20180820_202237.jpg

The beautiful “chess knight” fountain (the girls call it that because the horse heads remind them of chess pieces) is also Lucas’ favorite fountain.

Admiring the giant Lego statues is a must.

20180820_202456.jpg

The giant water dragon was admired and discussed for almost fifteen minutes!

20180820_202507.jpg

There’s Buzz and Woody from Toy Story (Kimberly loves that one).

20180820_204209.jpg

Jillian and Lucas sat with the Lego Friends statues (and Lucas tried to do what he does to everyone else’s Lego creations, take them apart!).

20180820_203027.jpg

We watched the Rain Forest Café’s Volcano explode with hot lava across the bay.

20180821_104050.jpg

Kimberly’s favorite place to wander around is in the T-Rex eatery because she loves to jump when the robot dinosaurs move.  All lit up, it looks like a Mayan temple from this angle.

20180820_202502.jpg

Another fountain picture appears since Lucas loves all fountains.

We raced to the top of the parking garage (we always park at the top level) so we could watch the fireworks from Epcot and Magic Kingdom at the same time!  A third park’s fireworks were a bit further in the distance, probably Disney Studios, but we weren’t sure.

We were going to stay to go watch the water parade on the Lagoon, but with everyone zonked from a long first day at college and the inability of the stroller to carry four people, we ended on the fireworks and journeyed home.

Yes, they all slept on the ride home, which made for some Mom and Daddy conversation time!

Thank you, Jesus, for our amazing life!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

 

Follow me!

Get my latest posts delivered to your email: