Choosing Gratitude

December 30, 2020

Choosing Gratitude

Ever feel just overwhelmingly grateful? That often happens to me as I’m contemplating life. It usually starts when I feel discouraged. Everything bad coming at me all at once or someone mentioning some past mistake that helped lead to some poor circumstance I’m in now that waterfalls into my brain assaulting me with every tumbler that went wrong or a misstep that I see instantly and try to recover from… in whatever fashion it starts, it is always a silent attack on my joy coming from my own accusing brain. No one knows I’m fighting this horrid battle inside. No one else can see the pain my heart feels. My own logical brain is my worst accuser. The devil uses the logic from my own brain to try to attack the joy God gives me as His daughter. I have to renew my own mind. I have one plan of attack that always beats the accusing voices down and tramples them into silence:

I start with thanking God for life…

my family members by name…

the time I had with those now gone…

friends He’s placed in my life… time I get to spend with them…

the awesome job He’s provided me…

my coworkers… my boss… my students…

the opportunities my children have… achievements I’ve seen each of them reach… dreams I watch them work so hard to make happen…

There is just so much to be grateful for!

I like to shift my thoughts when I’m feeling discouraged because I always know it is not real. The reality is not in my circumstances, but in the attitude I have during those circumstances. Life is not about what happens to you; it is about how you react to the circumstances presented to you.

Sometimes you own thoughts can focus on troubling things and make you feel discouraged, kick those thoughts out! Start with thanking God for something… the sky, sunrise, oxygen, a rainbow, your sweet doggie, a memory that makes you smile… start there and just see how having an attitude of gratitude will help you see life in a positive light!

Hope this helps!

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

Building Buddies

December 28, 2020

Building Buddies

When we think of toddler, stuffing every unknown object into their mouth is standard, right?

I had two where the answer was shockingly “NO!”

They both loved all things small – squinkies, legos, and polly pockets.

The thing I like about small items is that they are easily portable! A small pencil box could hold an army of squinkies, a city of legos, or a family of polly pockets.

You can’t exactly take giant mega blocks everywhere! Well, maybe one or two blocks, but really… tiny is better for portable applications. I love tiny toys to keep littles entertained when on the go. For most of the kids though, tiny toys were not an option until the everything-in-the-mouth stage was finished. I love starting off with tiny toys!

We have been building large mega block forts with the same blocks for over 16 years! From Christina under 1 to Thea now at almost 2… I shake my head at that – yikes! That’s too many years of building forts and garages and houses with mega blocks! (Maybe that’s because mom doesn’t want to admit to that many years of kid toys!)

The building buddies right now are Lucas and Thea. Lucas gets very creative with the big blocks and super detailed with the tiny legos. He’s made Becky even get interested in coming back in because he occasionally gets a sorting bug and sorts their collection! When sorting happens, Becky is like, “yippee!” or comes to show Lucas how to best sort them. She had taught him well.

Thea is not so big on sorting small things into smaller groups – but one type of toy always must go in its correct bin. Grandma gave her a collection of squinkies for Christmas. Those stay in one bin along with their little eggs. Her gravity propelled horses that walk down tracks are in another bin, teething toys (sadly, very few of those left) in one bin, socks take up one of the toy bins (Thea’s idea, not Mom’s), and other small collections in the small bins. Thea keeps a baggie of legos and a few assorted squinkies in her back-pack. (This was another gift from Grandma this year and she carries it literally everywhere now.)

What I love to see is the building buddies when two or more of them are sitting in the little ones’ room surrounded by legos and building their respective creations on boards or the tops of the containers, in a “giant land” as Lucas calls it. (I guess city isn’t big enough.) Becky, Lucas, and Thea, or Kimberly, Jillian, and Thea, or Jaquline, Jillian, and Lucas… all with their own bits in their tiny toy world.

And, yes, Mom ends up in there often too, building some castle-hidden-in-rocks or house-hidden-in-trees on request. I load mine with secret tunnels or passageways, treasure, tiny details, and stories! I love building models of some story land my characters are in and acting scenes out with Lucas and Thea. They always come up with neat ideas that I’m forgetting.

Building buddies are the best! Taking time to encourage the creativity and imagination of little ones is a wonderful thing to be a part of.

This Christmas as I was building some huge lego tree with robin hood and castle pieces (who can remember those cool sets?) with Thea and Lucas, I remembered being about three and building the gray castle in the basement/garage in Cherry Hill with my Daddy. The black castle followed when I was four along with Robin Hood’s hideout (Daddy called it that, not sure what the name is that goes along with the set, but I know the number!) – classic sets I can actually print out instructions for from the lego website now! He took the time to build with me (and boost my ego… I was very proud of building a set that had an age on it higher than my current age.) and full circle, I’m taking time to build with mine.

Maybe I haven’t ben fishing with my kids as often as my brothers and I went fishing, but I’ve been building with them! So maybe we are “Building Buddies” instead of “Fishing Buddies” – and in my crazy brain I see five Golden Retriever pups building forts with mega blocks!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

(P.S.: for those wondering… my computer has been down since just before Thanksgiving so I’m a little behind on by release of Devonians #6, but thanks to an awesome gift from a friend – old laptop too old for games but perfect for writing! – it is now just waiting on a cover!)

Keep Flying High!

November 28, 2020

Keep Flying High!

Remember how we did a tour at Embry-Riddle University back in January? Christina told the tour guide that she was going there. She’s spent years dreaming of it. She’s focused all of her college classes at St Johns River College toward the basic degree requirements at Embry-Riddle. Her entire track since her freshman courses of Algebra has led toward her goal of Aeronautical Science with Flight. She wants to fly. She wants to go to what (according to her) is the best university for flight careers.

Well…

Today, I was taking stuff to the sink, and said, “Hey, there’s a box outside the gate that says Guess What? want to go get it?”

Christina screams “WHAATTT?” and jumps outside to grab it. I first thought oh, they ordered some Christmas present from Guess. But as I leaned out and yelled through the screen, “grab the rest of the mail while you’re out there, please?” I noticed the colors. Blue and Gold. Embry.

Christina had been finishing her application months ago, worried that we moved during her application process, worried that the address on her Transcript didn’t match the new address for mail, worried that her scores (really?) didn’t make it, worried that they were going to restrict the number of students and it wouldn’t be her. I just told her then, God will take care of it.

“No mom, let me check inside first! It might be a no.”

I wanted to take a picture – she was like, “no, let me check it first! It might be a no.” They send a box that says “you did it” on the side for nos? But I didn’t say that. My phone is not a great camera, but I got a couple pictures. Everyone who was home gathered around and squealed, playing with the confetti popper and hugging their excited big sister. I sent one picture to all the grandparents, aunts, and uncles. “She got accepted!”

She’s still sitting here, going through the box, shaking and grinning. In 9 months, my oldest baby is going to be taking classes at her dream university. Education goal #1, check!

I am so excited for Christina!

All I want is for each of my children is for them to set and accomplish the goals they strive for. I want them to reach for their dreams: flying, drawing, orthodontist, marine biologist, veterinary medicine, collegiate gymnast, avian vet, or whatever the future holds. I want it to be their dream. I want to guide and help them as much as possible, but it has to be their dream. You will only succeed when it is your passion and desire.

I’m so excited for her! I’m excited to be a part of her success. I’m excited to see her work so hard toward one goal and accomplish it! This is what I love to see!

Congratulations, Christina! I know this is just the start for you!

Do what you love. Work hard for what you want. You will accomplish what you dream!

(Oh yes, and enjoy the confetti mess because, according to Jillian, that is the fun part of big sister getting accepted!)

  • Can’t really see the blue and gold bits of paper
  • Jillian says “the confetti is the fun part”

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

November 18, 2020

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

Towards the end of the year, I always begin to reflect on the changes that have occurred in the year. Overall, they end up being positive – and those are my highlights. As it is close to Thanksgiving, I thought I’d brag a bit as I ponder on the changes I’ve seen in Becky this year.

Becky started 2020 discovering that she enjoyed the sport of gymnastics! I loved that because since I work at WGV Gymnastics, we get to drive together and she is the default DJ in our car because she picks up on the moods and knows how to use music to make everyone dance. I love spending extra time with my children!

She overcame a lot of obstacles that this unusual (if I hear the other word again – and you know which one – I will shriek!) year has thrown at her. Like our family has done, she pulled herself up, found either another way or something else, and managed to rise out with a smile!

Smile! Oh yes, one of Becky’s highlights of the year were her braces! She finally overcame a bad habit that kept her from getting braces (power of determination) and can now accurately be called “metal-mouth” until near the end of next year. She’s doing a great job of keeping them maintained and cleaned. She has been dreaming of braces and straight, beautiful teeth forever… but then, she still wants to major in orthodontics or some branch of dentistry.

Becky also managed to embark on two new ventures right as she turned fifteen:

First, she started a job. I never would have guessed that between “afternoon two shifts” and “morning three shifts” she would take “Preschool Program Coach” in the mornings. Becky is totally my night owl, so this did surprise me. She does this well.

Second – watch out world – she got her learner’s permit for driving.

And a phone. She pays for her own phone now.

I’m totally amazed and very proud of my little lady (okay, tall young lady who has been taller than me for a while) and her accomplishments this year. Becky has been working on herself. She is learning to understand herself and others around her. I see more empathy from her.

I pray for her daily as she begins to try her young adult wings in the world of “adulting” – as my teenagers call working, classes, activities, volunteering, and paying bills.

She dreams of building an aviary for her little feathered loves (parakeets now) that will allow her to add finches, lovebirds, and even more avian pets. I see that being accomplished soon because she is smashing through everything and accomplishing what she wants. Her determination is a very strong thing. Her ability to work through challenges and keep her word makes me proud. I know God has wonderful plans for her now and in her future.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to have your beautiful daughter to raise! She is learning to lean on You and trust You in everything. She is loved so much by her family and even more by You – I pray You protect her, guard her heart, build her self-esteem, show her Your love and bring those You want guiding her into her life.

I hope this total Mom-blog piece today encourages you to find the positives and look at the accomplishments of your little blessings through this tough year. What did you see that made you smile? What challenge did your child find a creative solution too? Rejoice in the positives!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Sunsets and Rainbows

What I see in sunsets and rainbows!

November 13, 2020

Sunsets and Rainbows

Sometimes when you want to feel amazed, just look up. Seriously. Up at the sunrise or for me at work – the sunset. The sunsets over the intersection of interstate 95 and International Golf Parkway are amazing. It often happens with a bold artist palette of vivid colors like deep purple, bright blue, orange, yellow, pink, and red. Because this is Florida, we often have moisture in the sky (aka raindrops) that hide clear rainbows in the opposite side of the sky.

I’ve seen more double rainbows outside the doors of my gym than everywhere else combined. God’s promise of mercy.

When sunsets come, they remind me of the awesome things God has given us that all too often we brush off. It also reminds me to slow down. I have to take the time to enjoy the blessings I’ve been given rather than race through life as if being chased. I’m not being chased by anything! I’m in an amazing point of my life where I’ve stopped chasing the pipe-dream of home ownership and realized that it really doesn’t matter. I’ve been able to slow down and enjoy. I love the job I have! (stepping outside to see sunsets and rainbows is definitely a sweet bonus) I get to work around smiling, happy faces, hopefully instill confidence, positive work ethic, determination, and excitement in the hearts of the children I am honored to coach, encourage my coworkers as they encourage me, and watch my children grow in skill and confidence (and getting to see them every break is tremendous)!

I have chosen to focus on relationships. I am trying to connect with my family and friends at every opportunity. I want my children to understand the importance of relationship with encouraging believers.

I have chosen to focus on writing again (my computer that was fixed ended up with the cable to the display being pinched by the metal bracket that supports the display because it was moved when “repaired” and now the cable is shorted… so back to borrowed computers until I can repair it myself). I felt such a surge of writing energy – going from less than 5,000 words to over 22,000 in only one story in just a few off days since it was repaired? Wow, I feel like God has opened my creativity again. Despite computer issues, I will be writing!

I sold one ebook through Amazon! First sale in over a year, so that’s positive!

My boss has graciously let me put up a display of real books at her ProShop (At least 50% of sales price gets donated to the gym program!) and I am supposed to have illustrators (*clears throat*) working on drawings for my children’s books.

At this point, I’m trying to study my children, show them how I depend on Jesus, study my husband more so I can love him better, and develop or water friendships I cherish with my sisters, brothers, and friends. We’ve been able to get Becky’s braces, get Christina’s adult dental stuff started, we discovered Kimberly needed glasses & got those, and are planning to start Jillian’s and finish Lucas’ dental needs too. God is providing as we need it. Provision will come. “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Rainbows remind me of mercy.

Remember before the flood there was no rain? All the world was watered from the ground. Mists, fog, who knows, but the Bible says “the water rose up from the ground” to water the Earth. So imagine Noah and his family – they had never seen a rainbow! NEVER. This was a first for them. It was recorded as God setting His rainbow in the sky as a promise to every living thing on Earth that He would never again destroy the whole Earth by water.

That is mercy. Mercy is showing undeserved favor. Parenting teaches mercy on a whole new level.

Consider when someone is saying and doing things to cut you down constantly, hurting others you love, cutting deep into the hearts of you and those you love with their words, irritated with life but taking it out on you as if it is your fault, doing things and saying things that hurts them, etc. This irritates and saddens you. You love them still. You can’t stop loving them. You carried them and prayed for them and watched them be birthed and loved and cared for them and slowly watch them grow. You know you have to slowly release them and you hate yourself because you feel they aren’t ready but this is where you have to let go and trust God.

This is where you understand mercy. Love when you are undeserving.

You then see that is how Jesus sees you. You hurt His heart with some choices and actions or words. You hurt yourself. You hurt those He loves. You pull away when He is trying to patiently guide you yet it feels wrong or you decide to follow another. You do not deserve His love. You deserve judgement for those you have hurt. Yet Jesus showers us with mercy; new mercies each morning.

This is what rainbows show me.

My heart still hurts for the pains I feel my teens are feeling. I wish I could get them to talk openly and listen as openly. I wish I could once again kiss the hurt and it go away – but that doesn’t work anymore. They now need to allow Jesus to wrap His arms around them and comfort them. They need to allow Jesus to lead them and guide them.

I have to love them.

I also have to protect the hearts of my younger ones. Yes, sometimes from the words or actions of an older sibling. That really hurts.

I’m not going to kick them out of my house and never out of my heart; just as Jesus has not kicked me away and has loved me through all of my mistakes. I need Jesus’ mercy every day.

Rainbows remind me of this.

Thank you, Jesus, for sunsets and rainbows. Thank you that we get to see them almost daily. Thank you for love, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you that you teach me daily in this task called parenting.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

God’s Government Setup

November 1, 2020

God’s Government Setup

Yes, you read that right. Go back to history and study government
structures. Jillian’s history book is doing that now. The levels go:
self-government, family government, civil government, and God’s government. Of
course, God’s government is perfect as He is, but all others are flawed as man
is flawed.

But God set them all up.

Everyone knows that God setup self-government. He gave us free will.

God establishes family government when he makes man and woman.

Civil government came after the flood. You see, in Genesis 6 there was no
civil government. God saw that man’s heart consistently did evil. That’s a lot
of violence and immorality – so much so that God felt super sad that He made
mankind and wiped mankind off the Earth along with all of creation. His judgment
required that. His mercy allowed Noah’s family and the animals on the ark to be
saved. Yet the hearts of men were still unchanged. (Noah’s actions after
the floodwaters receded, anyone?) Genesis 8:21 has God smelling a sweet
savor (offering from Noah) and He says, “…the imagination of
man’s heart is evil from his youth…” In Genesis 9:5 and 6 we see the
basis for civil government – the standard most ancient civil governments start
with: “whomever sheds man’s blood, shall by man his blood be shed.”

Capital punishment. Kill a member of mankind (that Hebrew word
translated man means mankind like
man once meant mankind in
English) and you will be killed by mankind. This is called in the Bible
“the sword” of the law. This sword is to make people fear the law and
deter violence.

The Code of Hammurabi is considered by scholars to be one of the oldest if
not the oldest written code of laws and it is considered Draconian because of
it’s “eye for an eye” punishments. It includes capital punishment and
builds further.

But who gave civil authorities the right to inflict punishments to deter
evil hearts? God.

We are to be under the law and its authority unless it violates God’s law.
In Romans 13:3 basically is interpreted as “don’t want to fear authority?
Do good.” God tells us to “keep our behaviors excellent amont the
Gentiles so that in the thing which they slander you as evildoers, they may
because of your good deeds as they observe them, glorify God in the day of
visitation.”

I heard a preacher say once this regarding voting:

If we are fortunate enough to live in a country where we can vote, then it
is our responsibility to vote as God says. How do we choose the best pick?
Well, we can’t legislate hearts, all candidates are not Jesus instead they are
all flawed men, and our first priority in our whole life is to share the
gospel. Because of these truths, we should always vote for the candidate who
will protect our God given right to share our faith. Freedom of religion. That
is our first priority in voting if we live where we have the privilege of
voting.

Remember when you vote that our one goal as Christians is to share our faith
in love; we can only do that legally as long as there is freedom of religion.
Use that to choose your candidates at local, state, regional, and federal
levels. Verify that the judges you elect are going to uphold the Constitution
and keep our religious liberty so we can honor the law while preaching Jesus’
love!

I encourage you to vote. We have the option of making our voice heard in our
country and should let our leaders know we value liberty. As long as we have
the option, we should exercise it.

In Rome in 70AD they didn’t have a choice or voice in whom was their
appointed leader. God still told them to honor their leaders as much as
possible as a witness of God. Vote. Choose religious liberty at all levels.
Show love to everyone regardless of the outcome or their political views.

This is my conviction. See you at the polls tomorrow!

~Nancy Tart

Brantley Station Brain

October 19, 2020

Brantley Station Brain

You know, I’ve been a bit behind on posting blogs the past two weeks. This is because my brain has been in Brantley Station and Feli’tor and Devonia and Nilon. We just finished moving. I finally got my computer fixed after not having it for over a year and a half! (Writer in me dying because I have to borrow a computer and it’s never on my schedule!) The first weekend when we were done moving, I sat outside on the front porch watching Jillian, Lucas, and Thea play and wrote 5 pages in a notebook in my tiny, space-saving cursive with zero margins and front and back top to bottom. Louis came out and said, “you need a computer.”

It is also time.

While I was feeling dark, it was hard to write about happiness and peace. I did some freaky villain handiwork writing that almost freaked me out, but I couldn’t touch my children’s books that are bright and sunshine. I just couldn’t get back into their joyful world despite trying.

Now? I feel free again. I am finding joy everywhere. I am getting to play legos with Lucas and Thea, sit outside in the hot Florida wind and watch them play like the wild crazy children they are, read other authors, and build train tracks and work outside with my family.

Now my brain is back in my worlds.

I’m working on The Apprentice, which will be the fourth in the Brantley Station Saga following The Protector. In this book, Ethan will face another odd change and meet a new set of characters brought by the new cycle! I stepped back into Ethan’s shoes and wiggled my toes around. I’m so excited to introduce Makayla! (Sneak peek will come soon!) I put on Ethan’s determination to find positivity in every task. I looked at the new challenges through his perceptive logic. I felt his warmth at blooming friendships as he understands the connections he has never really noticed. The narrative shifts a little as Ethan begins to see his world just a little differently.

So I’m officially in Brantley Station Brain right now. My dreams are even about Ethan, Makayla, and Corey!

With so much flowing onto the keyboard (my keyboard! yippee!!), I’m hoping to have the final released just after Thanksgiving… in time for Christmas!

Got to go as my Brantley Station Brain is demanding I get back to the pilot barracks and finish Ethan’s next step!

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Books in Person

Where to find my printed books in person! #ImSoExcited #WGVGymnastics

October 5, 2020

Books in Person

Ebooks are a thing of today, but I love having real “in person” books. I love the smell, feel, and none-glare of reading from paper.

I also like to see what I’m buying before I buy it. For this reason, I love bookstores! (Honestly, I’m not much for online shopping period.)

For those of you like me, you can see some of my print books “in person” at the Pro Shop inside the WGV Gymnastics facility – and if you decide to buy one of my printed books, DVDBooks, or Audio CDs, please buy from the Pro Shop as that purchase helps support our gym!

I’m super excited about my partnership with WGV Gymnastics! Walk inside the fantastic facility, check it out, it is amazing! If you decide to turn left, dive into the Pro Shop, and just buy a book or CD, thank you so much for your support! If you want to inquire about youth events and gymnastics instruction; see the front desk and sign up for a free trial class!

  • Window Wall
  • Front Desk & Just Inside
  • Look at all those Colors!
  • Entryway! – Portal into a Glittery World

When your gymnast decides this is awesome fun and you sign up, make sure you mention that “Nancy Tart” sent you – you get a discount off of your annual registration by mentioning my name!

Thank you for reading!

You can get ebooks from this link or browse printed books at the Pro Shop!

~Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Itty Bitty Fun!

Fun for preschool kiddos on Fridays! (bring big siblings and baby siblings too)

September 25, 2020

Itty Bitty Fun!

Theadora loves gymnastics. Actually, she loves running, jumping, climbing, rolling, flipping, balancing, and being crazy. What little one doesn’t? Who am I kidding? What energetic adult doesn’t want to be out doing crazy stuff with the energy of an 18-month-old who is a half-hour before bedtime loaded up on red dye and sugar?

Thea loves Fridays at WGV Gymnastics because we get to have Preschool Open Gym from noon to 1pm. You only have to be able to toddle around to join in! Many friends from our Gym-N-Learn program come for more gymnastics fun.

This is an hour of supervised fun where young monkeys get to try out all of the cool gymnastics equipment (Thea’s favorites are bars and bouncy floor!), roll around on mats, bounce on tumble track, jump in and climb out of pit, and try their hand at anything that their adult doesn’t think is too scary. Yes, children, an adult like your parent or grandparent is required during this gym visit as they have to supervise. (Actually, Thea can tell you, Preschool Open Gym is a great place to have a grandma date!)

There are coaches on hand to help said adult spot (help out with gym skill), give out solicited advice, talk about gym safety, observe (watch everything like a spy!), and enjoy the fun! You can ask said coaches about learning new things, fun games to try, how to use mats, what drills or skills help lead to what new skill, and other educational things. Coaches can also help spot skills and show fun new tricks!

Come join Thea doing crazy fun stuff every Friday (check the website at www.wgvgymnastics.com/preschool-open-gym or call for more information!) at WGV Gymnastics! An adult has to come with you, wear tight fitting clothes that don’t fall off when you flip around or make big jumps, and make sure you have lots of energy!

Oh, that’s right, big sisters and brothers over 5 can come, (even though they are not in preschool anymore) just call our office as the prices for older kids may not be on the website!

~Thank you and Thea will see you soon!

~Nancy Tart

Dating Decisions – Part 4

Dating Decision Part 4: Dissecting Real Life and True Love #DatingDecision #Decision #Dating #Focus #Choice #Purity #Liberating #Saving #Love #Understanding #Choices #Allow #Marry #Marriage

September 23, 2020

Dating Decisions Part 4

If you’ve kept with this series so far, you know I’m almost 18 in the story now. I’ve been studying myself, trying to shift my focus to Jesus and become the woman I know He wants me to be. I’ve been people watching everyone. I am still very shy around my peers. I am only comfortable talking about dreams and hopes and principles; not very good at small talk. I die after “I’m good, how are you?” But ask my opinion on something and you get more than you wanted. I am a good listener. I sort people into boxes depending on what they tell me: mental boxes labeled, “stay away,” “like to be friends,” “want to learn more from,” and “never in a million years.”

I hit 18.5, had gone out to Disney Springs with several friends from work twice (which my Daddy fully encouraged and wanted to know if we’d met any guys… no, we goofed off, went to a comedy show, watched the two oldest drink “Monkey Brains” from a monkey-head mug and get sillier by the second, sang along with a band, people watched, danced line dances at the country bar, and did cartwheels on the AMC stars waiting for my mom & the two other younger friend’s rides). After relaying this to my Daddy, he shook his head and said, “that sounds like ten year olds instead of adults!” I grinned, “but it sounds like friends hanging out in your stories.” Yes. I was crazy.

I was working at Disney and during the few lunch breaks I took, I joined the two other girls who claimed to be Christ-followers and we encouraged each other. It shocked me. Of all who asked me out there, every one of the “boys” (I refused to call them men per my Daddy’s earlier definition) expected a date to end with sex. No. No dating for me. At 18, getting a little bolder, I had started wearing a silver ring with my birthstone that my Daddy had given me a few years back for a birthday gift. I told anyone who asked me out that it was my virginity ring and a symbol of the vow I made to save myself for my future husband. That kept a few of the nicer “boys” from trying to ask me out. One named Guy said, “awesome, sister!” overhearing my spiel and encouraged with, “keep it up.” No, he didn’t ask me out; none of the few single “men” I met asked me out at this point.

The most important step in my dating decisions came when I left Kissimmee. I moved the last time with my parents (told my Daddy, “just one more time.”) and once in Saint Augustine I became an assistant in our youth group. I saw so much sadness and pain in the preteen girls I tried to mentor. This was the first time I agreed to help out with teaching youth. I prayed for each girl by name.

I discovered that the most important part of any girl’s life was to fall in love with Jesus first. Really. Truly. To give Him everything about you. Not to keep anything back – regarding life, love, boys, men, thoughts, heart. A girl’s first love had to be Jesus. A boy’s first love had to be Jesus. We went to a Rock the Universe concert and I listened to Nicole C Mullen tell us about how Jesus had to be our first and primary love. For all of our life; single and married, we had to constantly be “chasing” after Jesus. I realized that I was trying to keep control on my future and needed to surrender everything about my future to Jesus.

That was my final conscious dating decision: I decided I would always be a woman chasing after Jesus; that I would love Him foremost and that my future husband would love Jesus first as well. Jesus is my first love.

I learned that the term “missionary dating” was a huge thing for young girls. They seemed to think that by dating a non-Christian they were doing a good thing. I studied with them and we learned that the Bible clearly says being unequally yoked (aka a non-Christian and a Christian) does not work with God’s plan.

Basically there is one rule for Christians in marriage from Jesus and it is really simple: Ready?

Men: marry a woman who love Jesus.

Women: marry a man who loves Jesus.

There isn’t a “wrong one” if they love Jesus, there is only a “wrong first love.”

Jesus should be our first love. We should allow Him to hold our heart safe (the Bible calls it “protected by a hedge”) and wait on Him. If the person we are dating loves Jesus first, they will know how to love us. If we love Jesus, we will know how to love them.

We don’t obey Jesus out of fear, but out of love. As a Christian, we choose to avoid sin because we know sin breaks God’s heart and our passion is to serve Him with love. I wasn’t truly saving my purity for my future husband – I was obeying Jesus and His design because I loved Him. That should have been my first focus. Once I truly understood that my obedience with my body was because I loved Jesus it was liberating! I was understanding that God made sex in His perfect design and that within His rules, it was something to be looked forward to. (Honestly, at 18, I was still at the point where I thought “it” was super gross… dorky, I know.) It became less about rules and more about love.

“I am saving myself for my future husband because I love Jesus and He says it is the way.”

Once I wrote that in my journal, so much of the teenage garbage and pressures from everyone around me seemed to melt. It was perfectly okay to be a virgin adult. (Did I write that? Yep. I had so many from many age groups laugh at me and even my sisters teased me because I had what they called “virgin lips.”)

I was a few days from 19, still never been on a date, when I went to my Daddy’s family reunion in Georgia. Every one of my cousins and my siblings in their teen years had been on a date; most over 14 had already kissed. It was super laughter day for them. I loved that day. I loved now being able to witness to kids my age or younger about Jesus’ love just because they couldn’t believe I was wearing a ring on my wedding ring finger to remind me that my heart belonged first to Jesus.

It became a witness goal for me. Jesus used that tiny band for me to talk to so many young people during this season of my life. Most laughed. Almost all of them laughed. But I found myself praying for them and maybe my words helped a few.

We moved within Saint Augustine and started going to a new church. This was the first place I didn’t immediately jump into helping. I was almost 19 and still didn’t have a license. Instead I found myself trying to make friends. I wanted people with whom I could share life. I never wanted to leave the place called Saint Augustine. I had found a place my heart loved. I felt Jesus telling me this would be my home.

Fast forward 20 years:

I did leave dating and marriage and family up to Jesus. (Yes, stayed in Saint Augustine area.) I married a man who also loves Jesus first. We continually learn and love Jesus more and learn and love each other more – our relationship started with each of our first dates. In the world’s eyes, we were each other’s first loves. Really, Jesus was and is the first love for both of us. We loved Jesus with our bodies and futures. We each respected the other enough to wait until we were married. We didn’t “try it out” first. (BTW; Our chemistry is just fine!) We will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary in November. In November 2052, we will celebrate our 50th. We are in this for the long run. Our focus is on Jesus in our love and marriage as it should be in all things.

My constant prayer is that people realize that their sexuality is not divorced from their spirituality. God made us complete. Just like our physical hunger shouldn’t make us decide we need to eat unhealthy things, our sexual hunger shouldn’t make us decide to do unhealthy things. Our ability to control the natural hungers or desires within us is what proves we are free. One can only be 100% free by giving everything to Jesus.

My story is uniquely mine as yours is uniquely yours.

My story is the tale of a girl discovering her self through Jesus. It is the story of a woman continually choosing to follow Jesus every day and in each decision. Often, I fail. I fall out of focus and instead let the negative self-image that my mind sees try to convince me that I’m worthless. Jesus says we are loved. Bought with the price of His blood from the slave market of sin – all sins. He knows the innermost parts of our mind, heart, and soul and still loves us! Nothing is too bad that makes us unloved by Jesus. He reaches out His hand so we can choose to charge our life in big ways and small ways and continually choose to live our life to show people Jesus through our actions; they will know us by our love.

I choose to focus on Jesus. I choose to focus on my first love. Through Him, and only through Him, am I able to show the love for myself, my husband, my family, and others around me in a way that reflects Jesus.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

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