Category: Uncensored Thoughts

Sunsets and Rainbows

What I see in sunsets and rainbows!

November 13, 2020

Sunsets and Rainbows

Sometimes when you want to feel amazed, just look up. Seriously. Up at the sunrise or for me at work – the sunset. The sunsets over the intersection of interstate 95 and International Golf Parkway are amazing. It often happens with a bold artist palette of vivid colors like deep purple, bright blue, orange, yellow, pink, and red. Because this is Florida, we often have moisture in the sky (aka raindrops) that hide clear rainbows in the opposite side of the sky.

I’ve seen more double rainbows outside the doors of my gym than everywhere else combined. God’s promise of mercy.

When sunsets come, they remind me of the awesome things God has given us that all too often we brush off. It also reminds me to slow down. I have to take the time to enjoy the blessings I’ve been given rather than race through life as if being chased. I’m not being chased by anything! I’m in an amazing point of my life where I’ve stopped chasing the pipe-dream of home ownership and realized that it really doesn’t matter. I’ve been able to slow down and enjoy. I love the job I have! (stepping outside to see sunsets and rainbows is definitely a sweet bonus) I get to work around smiling, happy faces, hopefully instill confidence, positive work ethic, determination, and excitement in the hearts of the children I am honored to coach, encourage my coworkers as they encourage me, and watch my children grow in skill and confidence (and getting to see them every break is tremendous)!

I have chosen to focus on relationships. I am trying to connect with my family and friends at every opportunity. I want my children to understand the importance of relationship with encouraging believers.

I have chosen to focus on writing again (my computer that was fixed ended up with the cable to the display being pinched by the metal bracket that supports the display because it was moved when “repaired” and now the cable is shorted… so back to borrowed computers until I can repair it myself). I felt such a surge of writing energy – going from less than 5,000 words to over 22,000 in only one story in just a few off days since it was repaired? Wow, I feel like God has opened my creativity again. Despite computer issues, I will be writing!

I sold one ebook through Amazon! First sale in over a year, so that’s positive!

My boss has graciously let me put up a display of real books at her ProShop (At least 50% of sales price gets donated to the gym program!) and I am supposed to have illustrators (*clears throat*) working on drawings for my children’s books.

At this point, I’m trying to study my children, show them how I depend on Jesus, study my husband more so I can love him better, and develop or water friendships I cherish with my sisters, brothers, and friends. We’ve been able to get Becky’s braces, get Christina’s adult dental stuff started, we discovered Kimberly needed glasses & got those, and are planning to start Jillian’s and finish Lucas’ dental needs too. God is providing as we need it. Provision will come. “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Rainbows remind me of mercy.

Remember before the flood there was no rain? All the world was watered from the ground. Mists, fog, who knows, but the Bible says “the water rose up from the ground” to water the Earth. So imagine Noah and his family – they had never seen a rainbow! NEVER. This was a first for them. It was recorded as God setting His rainbow in the sky as a promise to every living thing on Earth that He would never again destroy the whole Earth by water.

That is mercy. Mercy is showing undeserved favor. Parenting teaches mercy on a whole new level.

Consider when someone is saying and doing things to cut you down constantly, hurting others you love, cutting deep into the hearts of you and those you love with their words, irritated with life but taking it out on you as if it is your fault, doing things and saying things that hurts them, etc. This irritates and saddens you. You love them still. You can’t stop loving them. You carried them and prayed for them and watched them be birthed and loved and cared for them and slowly watch them grow. You know you have to slowly release them and you hate yourself because you feel they aren’t ready but this is where you have to let go and trust God.

This is where you understand mercy. Love when you are undeserving.

You then see that is how Jesus sees you. You hurt His heart with some choices and actions or words. You hurt yourself. You hurt those He loves. You pull away when He is trying to patiently guide you yet it feels wrong or you decide to follow another. You do not deserve His love. You deserve judgement for those you have hurt. Yet Jesus showers us with mercy; new mercies each morning.

This is what rainbows show me.

My heart still hurts for the pains I feel my teens are feeling. I wish I could get them to talk openly and listen as openly. I wish I could once again kiss the hurt and it go away – but that doesn’t work anymore. They now need to allow Jesus to wrap His arms around them and comfort them. They need to allow Jesus to lead them and guide them.

I have to love them.

I also have to protect the hearts of my younger ones. Yes, sometimes from the words or actions of an older sibling. That really hurts.

I’m not going to kick them out of my house and never out of my heart; just as Jesus has not kicked me away and has loved me through all of my mistakes. I need Jesus’ mercy every day.

Rainbows remind me of this.

Thank you, Jesus, for sunsets and rainbows. Thank you that we get to see them almost daily. Thank you for love, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you that you teach me daily in this task called parenting.

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

God’s Government Setup

November 1, 2020

God’s Government Setup

Yes, you read that right. Go back to history and study government
structures. Jillian’s history book is doing that now. The levels go:
self-government, family government, civil government, and God’s government. Of
course, God’s government is perfect as He is, but all others are flawed as man
is flawed.

But God set them all up.

Everyone knows that God setup self-government. He gave us free will.

God establishes family government when he makes man and woman.

Civil government came after the flood. You see, in Genesis 6 there was no
civil government. God saw that man’s heart consistently did evil. That’s a lot
of violence and immorality – so much so that God felt super sad that He made
mankind and wiped mankind off the Earth along with all of creation. His judgment
required that. His mercy allowed Noah’s family and the animals on the ark to be
saved. Yet the hearts of men were still unchanged. (Noah’s actions after
the floodwaters receded, anyone?) Genesis 8:21 has God smelling a sweet
savor (offering from Noah) and He says, “…the imagination of
man’s heart is evil from his youth…” In Genesis 9:5 and 6 we see the
basis for civil government – the standard most ancient civil governments start
with: “whomever sheds man’s blood, shall by man his blood be shed.”

Capital punishment. Kill a member of mankind (that Hebrew word
translated man means mankind like
man once meant mankind in
English) and you will be killed by mankind. This is called in the Bible
“the sword” of the law. This sword is to make people fear the law and
deter violence.

The Code of Hammurabi is considered by scholars to be one of the oldest if
not the oldest written code of laws and it is considered Draconian because of
it’s “eye for an eye” punishments. It includes capital punishment and
builds further.

But who gave civil authorities the right to inflict punishments to deter
evil hearts? God.

We are to be under the law and its authority unless it violates God’s law.
In Romans 13:3 basically is interpreted as “don’t want to fear authority?
Do good.” God tells us to “keep our behaviors excellent amont the
Gentiles so that in the thing which they slander you as evildoers, they may
because of your good deeds as they observe them, glorify God in the day of
visitation.”

I heard a preacher say once this regarding voting:

If we are fortunate enough to live in a country where we can vote, then it
is our responsibility to vote as God says. How do we choose the best pick?
Well, we can’t legislate hearts, all candidates are not Jesus instead they are
all flawed men, and our first priority in our whole life is to share the
gospel. Because of these truths, we should always vote for the candidate who
will protect our God given right to share our faith. Freedom of religion. That
is our first priority in voting if we live where we have the privilege of
voting.

Remember when you vote that our one goal as Christians is to share our faith
in love; we can only do that legally as long as there is freedom of religion.
Use that to choose your candidates at local, state, regional, and federal
levels. Verify that the judges you elect are going to uphold the Constitution
and keep our religious liberty so we can honor the law while preaching Jesus’
love!

I encourage you to vote. We have the option of making our voice heard in our
country and should let our leaders know we value liberty. As long as we have
the option, we should exercise it.

In Rome in 70AD they didn’t have a choice or voice in whom was their
appointed leader. God still told them to honor their leaders as much as
possible as a witness of God. Vote. Choose religious liberty at all levels.
Show love to everyone regardless of the outcome or their political views.

This is my conviction. See you at the polls tomorrow!

~Nancy Tart

Worthy of Love

You are worthy of love!

September 7, 2020

Worthy of Love

Did you know that even when you have blown everything, Jesus still loves you? The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Translate that into real life:

Even while we were still doing evil stuff that makes God sad, He held out the eternal salvation to us. This gift cost Him the blood of his only son, and He was okay with giving that to us as we were still doing things to make Him sad.

Often in our life we get told by our own mind, “you aren’t good enough.”

It goes something like this:

“See what mistake you just made, they won’t love you anymore because you did that.”

Then you get sad. You feel discouraged. You try to win their love. You know what is really sad? Most of the time, those inner voice thoughts are lying to you! The person you thought you “wronged” because you forgot something or didn’t remember to text this or called while they were at work or accidentally said that – um, they laughed it off or *SHOCK* didn’t even notice! They certainly don’t hate you for that slight.

Or like this:

“God can’t love you, you aren’t good enough – look what you just did!”

When we sin, God does feel sad. Like a parent whose child knows what they shouldn’t do but they do it anyway. Life choices have consequences. God doesn’t save us from all of the consequences of our choices just like a wise parent lets the child walk through the consequences they can handle. This is so we learn from our mistakes. But guess what. God still loves us! Just like we still love our children!

You know what the Bible says about inner thoughts that do not align with God’s Word? We are to think on good things (whatever is noble, just, of good report…) to retrain our mind to see things in God’s perspective. This is hard to practice sometimes.

I often judge myself too harshly. I can’t seem to find the right reset button. I end up digging myself further into sorrow by trying to reset. I need to learn to just abandon ship; jump off and give the whole ship and my rescue to God. Then the reset day would actually be better!

From simple such as “the day not going well” to life-changing such as “rejection letter from college.” All of those things in between – don’t allow failures to drag you down. Read and study – in history, most people fail before they rise. Those who give up on life never achieve what they want to achieve. You have to stand, look at the failure and let God move.

I try to fix it. How can I redo this so it isn’t a failure? That isn’t always the answer because sometimes that whatever-it-is just isn’t meant to work. God can redirect us and show us what we need to let go and what needs to move forward – and He’ll lead you toward the right path in order for you to apply yourself into something He wants you in!

I’ve learned it’s always best to let go and let God do it. But my mind always wants to fix everything. I can say “I know this” but it’s really hard to put the knowledge into practice sometimes. It gets harder when you feel there is no safe place for you. There is. God has given you places and people to be around that are working in His love – it may be a best friend or a family member or a co-worker.

Someone needs to tell you this: You are worthy of love! You are so worthy of love! The Creator of the Universe loves you! That is your building block. From that, all things grow and prosper. You are worthy.

Read this slowly with your name in the blank (and tell your mind to be quiet, no negative “buts” added on!): “__________ am loved by God. I am worthy of unconditional love just as I am.”

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Sand in a Glass

Sliding Sands in a Glass Bottle: Life thoughts from Sand Art

August 21, 2020

Sand in a Glass

We were making sand art at summer camp yesterday.  As I was pouring different color sands into tiny cute plastic critters and shapes for the cute crew of younglings we call campers, one said, “I want red like in The Wizard of Oz.”

I didn’t remember the red sand in the hourglass that the wicked witch sets up for Dorothy. 

Instantly I thought of time slowly falling through a tiny hole like the red sands dropping from my spoon into the funnel to fill the little dinosaur. 

Time does just slip away.

So many times we say, “later,” or “when this is finished,” or “maybe next time,” or “when I’m not so busy.”

But I’ve learned that if it’s something I want to do, I need to do it now.  As soon as possible.  Before the person I want to do it with moves away, grows up, changes schools, changes jobs, etc. I’ve learned to live life in the now. That doesn’t mean I don’t plan for the future and have goals. It means that when it comes to relationships, I always choose now over later.

When someone is gone, it is too late.

You never want to live with regret.

We used to measure time with sand in a glass. Hourglass. That’s an old concept for most of us. I mean, really, how many of us have even seen an hourglass unless we happen to be a fan of “The Wizard of Oz” or play games like Scrabble, Boggle, or Guesstures? It isn’t just a 3-minute timer (it is in the aforementioned games). An hourglass historically was used as a reliable measure of time. It was flipped every time the last grain of sand slid into the bottom and someone yelled out the new hour. On ships, at military forts, etc.

That is how life was measured.

Now we have digital everything and except for a few traditionalists like me, constantly glancing at a timepiece on my wrist governed by fancy cogs, we seldom know how to read that analog device sitting somewhere in the distance. We certainly don’t depend on the flipping of an odd shaped sand-filled bottle.

Our life on Earth is like that hourglass though.

We have so many grains of sand before they run out.

Those few seconds of distraction were enough to finish my spoon of red sands into the plastic reptile. “What color now?” I ask. She picks blue, dark sparkly blue, and I ask, “a little or a lot?”

As I pour a little line of dark sparkly blue, I think, “and God fills our life with different layers or seasons.”

Yellow and dark sparkly purple follow with “all the rest” a black that looks like someone shredded a jet stone.

I think of how we are blessed with so many seasons of time with those we love. Some long – some short – some impact our lives just for a day. Each season of life we spend with each other is like a different layer in sand art; unique and special. Something to enjoy. Something to treasure.

I pray that I take time to treasure each relationship I have and those that will come.

One of the campers is swinging his sand art furiously – “mine’s all rainbowed!” He had a perfectly lined rainbow; red, two orange tones, yellow, two green tones, blue, indigo, violet, lavender, and black at the top. Now it is a fusion of color that looks like gray muck with spots of brilliance.

Wow. My writer’s brain goes into overdrive with that one. Bright spots in the mundane. This is what time spent in relationship is. For instance: we spent 3 days at a winter getaway with my family once and talking to my kids you would think it was an entire 3-month winter season! Those memories together is a bright spot in the normalcy of life that they bring out fondly whenever they please.

Thank you, Jesus.  Help me to treasure today, build relationships that last, and make memories for tomorrow.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Rubik’s Cube

Is life like a Rubik’s Cube?

August 15, 2020

Rubik’s Cube

Jillian’s friend gave her a Rubik’s Cube to solve. After a full day off and on of spending probably two or three hours attempting it, Jillian gave it to Jaquline and said, “this puzzle is too complicated!”

Jaquline has been trying her hand at it since. She’s one of those kids who stick to the problem until it gets solved so I’m sure eventually she will figure it out. On the way to work this morning Christina and I hear, “oh really!” and a wail.

“What?” we both ask.

“I was sooooo close!” and she passes the cube to Christina in the front seat with one side one square from being all one color. Christina, who has solved a few Rubik’s Cubes in her time, suggests, “start with the corners and try to match the colors two blocks at a time.”

Another wail a few seconds later and the furious almost silent swish, tap, tap, swish of the plastic blocks being moved around. Another wail. Swish, tap, tap, tap… “Yes!” Tap, tap, swish, swish. Dramatic groan, “this is too complicated.”

Encouragement from the front seat, “you can get it,” and “keep trying!”

“Roll On” by Alabama comes through my head.

Life sometimes seems like a Rubik’s Cube.

You get everything lined up the way you think it should be and turn the corner to discover… bam! It isn’t lined up! Fix that problem and solve that issue, turn another corner and nothing looks in order. Changes happen. I think of watching a younger friend when I was younger. He could solve the cube in whatever mess it was within what appeared to be a few twists.

All of us in life have been given Rubik’s Cubes aka “Life” to solve and various levels of frustration mount as we try to solve the puzzle by ourselves. Sometimes everything looks like it is lining up, but we turn a corner and look at a mess. Sometimes we created it, sometimes we didn’t have any control over it, sometimes it was messed up by someone we love or trusted. It isn’t lining up the way we wanted.

The first normal reaction is irritation and frustration – that stage where we try to fix it ourselves by pulling us up by our own bootstraps. In my experience those bootstraps generally tangle us up instead of help us regain our footing. I imagine we are pulling our footing right out from under ourselves – funny, right?

Or we could play the blame game – doesn’t solve anything and only makes us feel bad and alienate us from whomever we consider “the problem.”

Or we could hand our Rubik’s Cube of life to God and let Him direct our puzzle. This is like watching a master puzzle solver. Swish. tap. tap. swish. That looks worse… Tap. tap. swish. swish. Wow. How is that possible? Now all sides are each a solid color.

It looks like magic in the master’s hands.

Next time I feel like wailing because something just isn’t lining up, I hope I remember that image of the Rubik’s Cube in a master puzzle solver’s hands and think of how my life is like a Rubik’s Cube and I need to hand it to God and let Him solve my crazy mess – lead me the way He wants my life to go and then I can see the beauty of order only He can see in my chaos.

Crazy writer’s brain thoughts, I know, but hopefully it makes you smile.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Wonder and Amazement

August 8, 2020

Wonder and Amazement

“Mom,” this was in a very contemplative tone like Pooh Bear thinking, “do you think God ever gets sad because people don’t like themselves?”

I’m pretty sure he does. Her pause wasn’t enough to answer.

“God worked so hard on each of us to make us special. Why does the devil make us think we aren’t beautiful?”

Wow.

Unpack that one as a Mom. …as a woman…

We are each fearfully and wonderfully made. God knit each of us together while we were in our mother’s womb. Jesus died for each of us.

We know these things, yet why does our inner voice always seem to tell us we are not special, not important, not valuable? Often it is our own inner voice that says this to us. Honestly, our culture of appearing perfect and surface relationships may contribute to this; who are we kidding? It does. Yet this type of self-loathing has been around since the beginning. The Bible constantly reminds us that we are made in God’s image, that He loves us, that he set ways for each of our unique paths…

Imagine you create a labor of love – maybe a crocheted blanket, handmade dress, birdhouse, special card, meal, it could be anything – and the person you give it to throws it away in your face. “It’s ugly.”

Imagine you child looks at you with a tear-stained face and says, “I’m ugly.” Your heart breaks.

That is what God sees.

Why does the devil want us to not like ourselves? Easy answer. He wants to destroy. If we see ourselves as less, incapable, and unimportant we will not try to accomplish what God wants for us. That is what the devil wants. That is why he whispers to our hearts lies about us. You are ugly, unimportant, unloved, weak, incapable…

If you hear this… Shut it down! You are loved! Jesus died for you! He created your special character and loves every part of you! Anything telling you that you are unwanted is a lie.

Yes, daughter, you are loved always.

People may fail you.

Jobs, scholarships, schools may not want you; may choose against you.

Circumstances may try to swallow you.

But. You. Are. Always. Loved.

You have been created with an amazing purpose and a wonderful set of amazing unique qualities that fit perfect for what you were made for. This is the truth.

Encourage others! Encourage yourself!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Learn Your Children

July 25, 2020

Learn Your Children

Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.

Children.

When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.

For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!

Complex.

You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.

Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.

Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!

Learn your child.

Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.

Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”

“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.

Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.

Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.

Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.

Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.

These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.

Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?

These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.

Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Failing to Compare

July 23, 2020

Failing to Compare

Do you know what I hope I fail in? 

Seriously.  I’m super competitive by nature.  I had to teach myself that trying to “be my best” is a different thing than being better than someone else. 

I had to fail at comparing. 

What are we at, 8 billion people on the planet?  Each one of us has a unique set of circumstances, challenges, goals, cultures, and opportunities.  How can we possibly compare ourselves to each other?

Simplify: we do it in our own heads even if people don’t for us. So we have to learn not to compare in our own heads too!

Your child is acting out. 

From people who may or may not know you comes the onslaught: “that’s because you work,” “that’s because you stay home all day,” “that’s because you are too busy,” “that’s because you never go on playdates,” “that’s because you have him around too many children,” “that’s because you have him in vpk,” “that’s because you home school,” “that’s because your mom ate Wendy’s Frosties with French fries while carrying you…”

And it goes on and on!  They give you reasons to blame yourself or your situation for the child crying in the grocery cart.

You know, mentally, it’s been a long day or he just woke up and the bright lights hurt his eyes or he’s teething or maybe he flat out doesn’t want to be in the store today but you let the judging start in you.  Now you blame yourself. 

One child is independent at 6: he wakes up before the rooster crows, does schoolwork without prodding, makes healthy food if there isn’t a ready meal, dresses himself and three younger siblings and feeds the dog before you have your coffee.  Another is 13 and you can’t trust him with the dog for three seconds, he never does anything without you doing it for him, you bought him sliders and gave up on shoelaces decades ago, and it scares you that the government thinks this kid can climb into a 2-ton vehicle in less than three years and turn himself into a human projectile at 70mph+.  (Exaggerated, I know, but still!)

You find yourself blaming you and your circumstances for how your kids are. 

Stop it!

Mommy, your kids are fine!

They have their own unique personalities and the unique way God set in them from when they were knit together in your womb!  Your job is to help them find their way.  It’s a really cool study to really research the Hebrew on that passage you know, “Train up a child…” the word way there means “the traits that are his” we might say his personality, likes, and dreams.  Dig into that one more when you have time – awesome study. 

ANYWAY!  Back to your mind yelling at you and beating you up because your children are different.  Different than you, different than your spouse, different than their siblings, friends, teammates, schoolmates – YES! They were all made different.  Each a beautiful masterpiece God is still carefully crafting with His own hands.

That independent child?  We lead and guide and pray they choose to ask for help when they face something that looks difficult – we’d rather them not make the same mistakes we did.  (Waving my hand, I was that independent child and humility was/is a challenge for me!)

The 13 year old that seems lazy and unproductive?  Watch what falling in love with a sport, subject, or animal will do for him.  You turn around and that one is buying books on said subject, devoting hours, days, whole weeks lost in it, suddenly you blink and he’s that subject’s walking encyclopedia – then if you listen you’ll discover that was always there, he studies one thing at a time and shoelaces, school deadlines, and things that didn’t interest him just didn’t get any attention.   

When you feel like your brain is beating you up because of your parenting, your situation, and your children not being “perfect,” remind your brain that no one is perfect.  There are no perfect children.  (Okay, be honest, you aren’t living in a Jewish village 2000 years ago watching Joseph and Mary parent Jesus – my brain wouldn’t have shut up watching a real perfect kid!)

You can’t say to yourself, “I did xyz” regarding a child’s personality unless you are using that as a tool to ask yourself, “how do I help him overcome this?”  Because yes, I know, going through financial instability, parents going to work or coming home, changing schools, changing neighborhoods, losing family members, that all does contribute to the development of personality and psyche in a child (or in an adult, am I right?) so understanding is good to help more forward – but the best way to help is to LISTEN.

Sit with them when you can – vehicles are normally good because they are trapped and can’t go anywhere.  And ditch the devices.  Unless you are parenting long distance, look in their eyes and listen with your whole self.  It doesn’t have to look like two adults over coffee at a Barnes & Noble, either.  Think like them.  You can be playing a video game with your kid and have deep conversation.  You can be building duplo blocks and get the scoop on everything in his little heart.

Listen to them.  Ask them prodding questions about their thoughts, their dreams, their goals, and what things have impacted them.  You will learn a lot.  Let them speak as much as you can.  You lecturing the same stuff becomes listening to a broken record.  You need to hear them as much as they need to talk to you.  Learn their hearts.  If you forget stuff sometimes like I do, WRITE DOWN important stuff and file it away somewhere.  That way when you want to know your daughter’s favorite color you don’t have to text her sister.

Fail to compare.  ALWAYS choose not to compare.  If you hear them saying “at least I’m better than so-and-so…” ask why they feel that way and then tell them how each person is unique.  If they want to be better at something, encourage it!  But don’t compare with others.  They don’t know “so-and-so’s” full heart story.  (Side note on that is let them read “To Kill A Mockingbird” or watch the Gregory Peck film version.) Don’t compare.  Especially don’t compare siblings!

Choose to change what you can (only yourself and the environment you create) and accept what you can’t (the personality of others and situations you have no control over).

Do your best in the environment you have.  That is all we can do.  Mothers for millennia have been doing just that – wars, famines, massive global flood, cultural and political changes, pestilences, and economic booms and busts notwithstanding, Mothers continue to do their best for their children.  

Fail to compare.

Instead of tearing each other down, we should build each other up.  We should provide safe environments for each other to come, talk deeply, and gather advice.  We live helping each other because we know the power is not in comparing ourselves with another but with helping each other up.  We need that type of love.  We need to build each other up instead of compare and break down.  Our children see how we treat others when they are near and when we are alone – character is what we say and do when no one is watching.  Build up.  Encourage.  Instead of judging someone else, rejoice with them or encourage them.

This is for our own children too.  Build them up, encourage them, rejoice with them, pray for them, and lead them in their own unique and special way.

If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another or your children to each other or another’s child… Stop.  Instead, choose to encourage or rejoice.  Your heart will smile more and that will show on your face and in your attitude – this causes joy in your heart!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

God’s Fireworks

June 7, 2020

God’s Fireworks

When Christina, Brian, and Becky were little, way back when Becky was going by the nickname of “Lori” and we had a big brown dog they named “Dakota” after a Disney song from a movie that went on repeat for easily two months… we lived in a house with three huge windows in the living room that opened to the huge front yard and made it easy to see the summer storm lightning shows. 

Dakota would hide under the table during the storms.  Christina and Becky had just watched the Fireworks over the Matanzas – our one family tradition that has never been interrupted for 16 years – and they comforted Dakota by saying, “it is all okay, Dakota, this is just God’s Fireworks in the sky.”

One of the first summer storms to pop up this year and we get this picture and the following video: beautiful examples of the volatility and beauty of nature.  The big girls had to tell the little ones the story of Dakota and how we came to call lightning shows “God’s Fireworks.”

We listened to the wind outside howl and thunder last night.  I’m reminded of the changes in seasons.  From drought so bad we had to carefully nurse our garden with deep watering twice daily to this rain so filling that our watermelons and tomatoes are splitting.

Rainy season and hurricane season are here.  Change.

We choose to embrace each change in life as it comes.  We adapt through changes.  Sometimes we don’t like the change: like being locked away, losing jobs, losing summer camps, losing scholarship opportunities, losing VBS, losing the potential for a house… etc.

But we overcome and rise with new goals and hopes. 

We shift our job focus from what makes money to what we love!  We stop watering the garden and now watch for the signs of splitting fruit.  We work harder.  We find other opportunities.  We chose to look for the good in each event.  We choose to see the setbacks as challenges to rise above. 

We choose not to be bitter.  This is a hard one.  We must understand two things: we only can move forward and we can only change ourselves.  We cannot control what circumstances we are thrown into but we can control our reactions to said circumstances. 

I choose love.  I choose joy.  I pray my children follow in my example and choose love and joy when life throws them circumstances that seem unfair.

The lightning reminds me today that the world is broken.  Lightning can cause damage.  Lightning can cause death.  But lighting shows are beautiful, awe inspiring dancing electrons in gorgeous flashes of bright light and colored thunderhead clouds.  I choose to see the potentially dangerous lighting show as beautiful: “God’s Fireworks”

I choose to see setbacks and losses as potential to rise with joy and allow the peace that passes all understanding to rule my heart.  Odd that lighting makes me think of contention and losses… but that’s my weirdly wired brain.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Life is Risk

May 26, 2020

Life is Risk

Life is risky. How many people get out alive? (I’ve heard that from two sources this week, and it got me thinking…)

Our goal since the beginning of time has been to build this net of safety around our family to allow our offspring to grow in relative peace – to be fruitful and multiply.  How we each define peace greatly fluctuates based on our culture, time, and prosperity.

Think through culture and time.  Isn’t relative safety for her offspring the goal of every mother who ever lived?

Imagine Eve carrying her children outside of the garden.  Even though animals were still peaceful then, there were dangers that had arisen.  I wonder if she lamented over what was lost or considered her time peaceful.

Imagine being one of Noah’s daughters in law.  You grew up in a time when every step you took was surrounded by evil and except for the tiny oasis of your husband’s family unit you felt scared to go anywhere.  You couldn’t go home.  Now you are post-flood and raising your children in a world where peace is your constant – except for the new storms.  How thankful you are to be in such peace!

Imagine you are a Jewish mother raising her children under Roman occupation.  The slightest whim of a passing legion, an unruly governor, insane emperor, or a bandit troupe can take your harsh living conditions and twist them into certain death.  How do you dare to plan for the future when you know only scattered moments of peace?  When the odds are that maybe 20% of the village’s children will live to maturity?  One in five of your children will die before adulthood – how can we in this culture fathom this?

Imagine you are an orphan whose parents both perished in a famine and you were lucky to have been taken in by another family instead of doomed to die or languish into the horrid world of child slavery.  You are second class in your home with little hope of being more than a worker paid in room and board, but at least you are not starving. You fear famine and disease, ugly monsters who still stare in the windows of your village hungrily; where can you find peace?

Think of stories. Fiction, non-fiction, legends, lore. Don’t most of these follow someone who chooses to do something risky to help others, find an answer, discover a cure, or save someone or something they love? Risk-takers. Once I read, and many times have heard quoted, “in order to live, you have to take risks.” Honestly, what activity doesn’t come with risk?

Across times, across cultures, across this world, what we in the “first world” countries of the twenty-first century know as peace is something most people who have come before us would have thought at heaven.  Consider that in most places and times in the world, the thought that you will see all of your children become adults is rare.  We are in shock at this?  There are people even today who live in cultures where lack of medicines, inadequate nutrition, and the possibility of becoming collateral damage in a conflict are normal.

A hundred years ago, the simple concept of sanitation was so unknown to the majority that we can’t understand.  People dying of fevers and botulism without medical assistance? Do we even hear of food poisoning in our comfortable first-world culture?  Rarely.  Once upon a time importing unknown food products into new markets such as potatoes into England resulted in thousands of deaths because people ate the wrong parts of the plant!  We don’t hear of that often, do we?

When we consider breathing air too risky to take a walk for exercise, I consider my life not worth living.  I want to live.  I want to take risks.  I drive in a car to get to and from work – great risk is involved in that.  I want my children to enjoy the green growing outside.  I want them to run freely, love deeply, play with neighbors, and live.  I live by the same code I always have: I trust that God will decide my time and I will live my life to show my passion through everything I do.  I will not avoid stopping to help someone with their flat tire because she isn’t wearing a mask.  I will offer help.  I will not dampen my offers of help, comfort, food, or a listening ear because of some sickness – I would still talk about Jesus if it was illegal.  Why would I not show His love?  I choose not to be fearful.  I am so blessed to live in a place where the gunshot wound that killed Lincoln could now be healed, cojoined twins sharing a brain can be safely separated, babies born at 20 weeks can be nurtured to full strength; medical miracles have come from our increased knowledge in nutrition, anatomy, biology, and sanitation… and so much more. 

I will not be afraid.  I have always washed my hands, changed clothes when coming in from work, washed and changed after visiting someone who was sick, cleaned my food, and kept my home and family clean.  I understand that we have tools to keep us healthy.  The rest is up to God.  If I am to hide from this fear, why not from the fear of every other disease that circulates?  Why not hide in my home away from items I am allergic to?  Why not hide from the fear of getting in a fatal car accident? 

I refuse to allow fear to control my life!  For you have not been given the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

I understand being cautious.  If you have a preexisting co-morbidity, you probably already keep yourself distant from possible infections that would aggravate your condition.  You do not go out in public without taking precautions.  The responsibility of your own health is on you, not everyone else around you.  No one understands your personal strengths and weaknesses better than you. You are weighing your risks.

But I am willing.  I am willing to take the risk of driving to work, the risk of walking into the farmer’s market, the risk of hugging my neighbor, the risk of helping a woman with a flat tire, the risk of adopting a new pet, the risk of living. 

This choice is one each person in each culture, stage, time, and place must make for themselves.  If you choose to live without fear, you must understand and accept the risks.  Just as you understand that a person may deny your offer of help, they may not wish to go out of their home, the may wish to keep everyone around them ten feet away.  That is each person’s choice. 

Learn. Read. Question.  We have more access to more knowledge than ever before. Research. Then make up your own mind and take the risks you are willing to take. 

Only a relative handful of people choose to research a mountain, outfit themselves, and climb to the summit; the risks are great – they could even die!  But when they reach the summit, the rush they get from their massive accomplishment usually makes them enthusiastic to begin planning a new mountain climb before they have even returned to base.

You must accept the risks of life to truly live.  I choose not to live in fear.

Thank you for Reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

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