Tag: home

Shattered

May 16, 2020

Shattered

Again. Shattered Again. This is what strikes my heart again. Of course, in the big scheme of things I realize, this is tiny. This isn’t losing a family member or going bankrupt. Logically, my brain tells me that this isn’t really a bad thing and there is likely a reason behind it, but still…

I can’t ignore the emotions that were tearing me apart when Louis said he got the email.

We never, NEVER, would have showed our children the new house (they’ve been calling it that) unless we were told it would happen.

We were told, based on incomes and expenses that it would happen. Our debt-to-income ratio (we know all that, studied before going to attempt for the loan. We had the credit scores above the requirement on the website, we’d done all our own figuring, we make three times what we would need for the maximum monthly payment!) We were told everything was good – we even asked over and over, is this really going to happen?

Well… of course, we lost income, BUT IT IS TEMPORARY!! Gym can open back MONDAY – two days from now! Are they only looking at one of my two incomes? Are they not looking at Louis’ income at all? I’m still working at the office! Louis is still working at uber.

WHERE IN THE EARTH did some loan person decide that she would NEVER once talk to me but CANCEL our documents because “they have zero income” when she didn’t even check? That’s a lie! That’s a stinking, irritating, hurtful, dream-shattering lie! We have lost income over the stupid COVID19 government shutdown garbage, who hasn’t? But to say that is permanent? It’s a bump in the road! A mortgage is 30 years!! Do you expect our income to never change in 30 years??????

We’ve not deferred ANYTHING… we’ve chosen to keep the down payment (yes, in the bank, safe and untouched!) and pay minimums on credit cards that we had to use for groceries, yes. Gym was forced to shutdown temporarily – between Monday and June 1st, I go back to work as soon as they open.

NOTHING has been late; not FPL, not our rent, not our van or car payment (we pay off the giant van payment in 4 months!)

Why is this hurting us? I thought this was responsibility? To keep the down payment, to choose to pay bills on time instead of ask for deferment, to pick up odd jobs to keep our income up while this stupid government decides to ruin our jobs and now – yes, shatter our dreams AGAIN!

Christina and Kimberly lost summer encampment, Christina, Becky, and Kimberly lost Passion Camp (this was the only summer they could all go together), the VBS they were looking forward to is canceled, they miss out on their gymnastics show, the girls are despising this whole zoom meeting garbage where they can’t talk and meet in person…

Becky said, “they can’t take our house, can they?”

It seems, one mortgage person can LIE and say we have no income while NEVER ONCE contacting or trying to contact me, Louis, or either of my bosses regarding our actual status of employment – and yes, deny us our house.

So while I understand that if someone takes the last 4 weeks of my paystubs and averages them over the course of a year, they will think we can’t make our payments; right now we are only missing about $200 a month (with the expected higher mortgage rate and this doesn’t count Louis’ income) – and we loose a $650 a month liability (paid off vehicle) in 4 months (so then just my income alone will cover our bills with more than $400 surplus!).

What really hurts is the LIES. I had to get this information from one lady we called because Louis got an email saying we no longer qualify and so have to pay a cancellation fee… ?????? Why can’t we at least get a courtesy call? No one ever asked? Not even a text. That’s seriously taking social distancing too extreme.

I hate that I took my children to see this place. I hate that I’m so gullible. I hate that I shared my dreams with others and now feel embarrassed that we even tried.

I am determined to at least speak to this person before I agree to pay for a lie.

I pray that God sets this up the way He wants it. I pray my emotions level (which, yes, after writing they always do) so I can speak calmly and rationally. I pray to see the good through this curtain of hurt. I so wanted to have those friends as neighbors, I really wanted to have Treaty Park as my backyard, but whatever; I should have known we will never make it to a real house.

Emotions are sometimes things we hide. I do. I try very hard not to let anyone see anything that isn’t positive. I try to be the mood lifter, not one who complains or cries or feels darkness. But I do. I feel darkness right now – like all my life I’ve dreamed of having a house where I could raise my children and grow trees that would shade my grandchildren – I know, silly. I saw a plan online that almost mirrored the house I’ve been building in my sketchbook all my life and even though we had to give up the place that was my first dream, I thought that if this all went through, it was a second shot at my dream. Next year would be too late: Christina wouldn’t be in that house. This faint hope rose to believe we’d have one season before Christina went to college. A place my teenagers wanted to be in.

These are raw emotions. We all have them. We all scream at the irrationality, lies, deception, cheating, or hurtful things that shove us or our loved ones into positions they don’t want to be in, shatter their dreams, or whatever.

We have to do what works to calm ourselves down and realize that God is in control; yes, even when someones lies and it shatters our dreams, it is just an opportunity for God to show us something better…

Anyway, I write to sort through my emotions; what do you do?

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Stepping Back

Stepping Back

February 23, 2020

My little love is one! I’m 37. We both had birthdays this week. This is the first birthday for one of my children that I missed.

I was on my way to a meeting at work when I got two adorable videos from Louis – my littlest baby, looking at her first birthday cupcake Grandma Joanne brought her while everyone sings “Happy Birthday” and her little toes wiggle happily.

I could have let that make me feel really blue. I almost did because I had a rather sour day at work that morning – I’m a perfectionist, should explain everything (right?)

As I watched that video three times, there were two voices in my head:

The first was saying things like: Aww how cute! How sweet that they took a video! She’s having so much fun!

The second jumped immediately on top with: You aren’t there. This is the first birthday cake you haven’t done with any child! You neglect her. You neglect them all. You work too much. You are missing your children’s lives. See how much you miss.

And the second voice doesn’t shut up!

I went through the meeting. That second voice was still screaming in the background on the way back to work: If you had any business sense, you could have been good at Beachbody like Katy, you could be a real author making a living at it, you could have sold makeup, you could still be at home. Why didn’t you…. You could have been… If only…

It boiled down to this: YOU ARE A FAILURE!

But I’m not!

I refocused. I took a deep breath and steadied myself on my way to gym – the voice tried again because my baby didn’t even come to gym on her birthday because Daddy and big sister kept her at home (she was pooped after birthday fun).

I am doing my best.

Most importantly, I allowed myself to step back and look at the bigger picture. That is really hard when voices – your own voices in your head – are screaming at you. Your logic tells you they are accurate! Your emotion agrees with them! All the parenting books you’ve read, teachers you’ve listened to, and “stats” you’ve seen about raising children all tell you the voices – the accusing second voices – are right. BUT NO!

Step back. I stepped back.

For 15 years, I’d been the one at home (yes, working from home too) to see the firsts. With Thea, Louis has been.

He said he loves the baby stage and is so thankful he isn’t missing all of it. He felt like he was never around for the others. I’m so happy he gets to be home in the morning/early afternoons in this season!

I had an awesome relationship with my Daddy. I want that for my children, especially my girls; for them to have an awesome relationship with their Daddy. Louis gets to spend more time with them.

I stepped back.

We have joint goals. We have family goals. A house that means a new start for us – rooms for everyone and more than 4 feet of counter space in the kitchen! We are accomplishing that!

I stepped back.

I LOVE my family, and they know this. Just because I work two jobs in this season doesn’t change that. We both got to go to Christina’s first University tour! (That wouldn’t have happened with other jobs!) We both get to go to the gymnastics show in May. We all get Sundays together as family days (that has never happened in our family lives – service industry doesn’t give up weekends!).

I took another deep breath. The accusing voice had stopped. This was because I started to mentally pray: thank you, Jesus, for this season of life you have us in. It may be hard, it may sometimes seem like too much, other people may think it’s too much, others may judge, my logic might be telling me it’s not a good place… but I am SO grateful for the season I’m in right now! I pray for guidance daily and until God says “let it go,” I’m holding on to the gifts (jobs) he’s given us. Thank you!

If your inner voices are ripping you apart…

Take a deep breath. Steady yourself. Step back. PRAY. Be grateful for what you have and pray for wisdom on what to allow to let go.

Listen to God’s heart.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Two Cadet Homecoming

January 7, 2020

Two Cadet Homecoming!

On January 4th, a beautiful day with misty rainshowers threatening the gorgeous parade ground at Camp Blanding, I watched both of my cadets march in their pass and review (ceremony parade at the end of the 2019-2020 winter encampment).  I almost cried two years ago when it was just Christina.  As I watched this day, I was overwhelmed with pride and a bit of anxiety.

Kimberly, short blondie (about middle in each picture); in her barracks, AF Blues, ABUs

Kimberly is twelve.  My spunky little fireball has taken her future by the horns the last two semesters and spent her twelfth birthday, as she’d planned it for almost two years, attending her first Civil Air Patrol meeting as a cadet.  I’m not sure Mom (me!) is ready for her to take on so much independence just yet.  I’m missing my snuggly, grinning, dog-wrestling toddler who used Sheba as a pillow-pet before we knew those toys existed.

Christina was OIC of food services. (In English, your know, civie-speak, please?)  That means she was the basically the kitchen manager for encampment.  I’m sure it was far more detailed and with at least some oversight, but that’s the break-down bare-bones version of her staff role this time.  I’m sure, based on these pictures, that she is fairly comfortable giving orders.

Christina is far left in both pictures. Winter Encampment 2019/2020

Moments like this both amaze me and, honestly, almost scare me. 

How can my babies be so mature already?

How did 16 and 12 years flash by?

Life goes by so quickly.  I’ve learned to just release and enjoy.  Watch them grow and smile as they fly.  I love learning the young women they are becoming!  Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to be a mom.  Thank you for Christina and Kimberly and for the time I’ve had with them.  I pray for them daily.

I pray as they soar.  I pray they keep their eyes on you, Jesus, reach for the stars, determine to achieve what appears impossible, and reach down to help others on their climb. 

I’m sure that’s just the misty rain in my face… or are those bits of joyful tears? 

Parade is done, rain begins to fall, and we wait in the van for the cadets to change into civies for the trip home.

“Freedom!” yelps the stranger with a bag; “Mom, no pictures,” but she smiles anyway.

Now I get to hear their challenges, thrills, new experiences, friends, and new goals they’ve faced and discovered on the long ride home.  Homecomings.  I am beginning to understand my parents’ tears on our Christmas surprise (when almost all of us showed up together!)…

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Memes to Voices

November 10, 2019

Memes to Voices

A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements.  She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.

Instantly my heart dipped backward in time.  In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.

Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD

Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.

Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.

Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.

Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.

Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing.  I can’t wait to leave.

This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?

I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).

Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…

(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)

This year?  I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect.  It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.

BUT!

I stop it there.  I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!

I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul?  They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!

I combat those “expectation” teases with:

Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!

Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?

Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.

Reality: I am thankful!  I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it!  I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at.  I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills.  I have totally surrendered to Jesus.  I trust God’s will in my life.

You know why?  He knows me way better than I know myself.  I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.  I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls!  I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.

I’m human.  My own voice is the worst danger to my mind.  But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us.  All things work together for good.  Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Leaving My Little Love

September 8, 2019

Leaving My Little Love

I’m looking at the man cross the coffee table as I talk.  I knew even though he said it was okay to bring my baby (at this point, I’m 8 months pregnant) to work with me, there would come a time when my baby would be better off with Daddy and her siblings than at my office with three doggies, a kitty, and office phones.

Almost seven months later, I’m answering Louis’ call while at work and we are discussing Christina and Becky’s schedule for the night while Thea, hearing Daddy’s voice, is yelling at the top of her lungs. Louis says “She really doesn’t need to be in the office.”

We’d been discussing it, but I was very reluctant.  See, I can’t stand being behind a desk… I want to be active, moving, teaching.  Other adults don’t help.  I hate being still.  (Maybe why I don’t listen to midwives or doctors saying “get bed rest” and instead I’m riding to gym with my girls and Louis – yes! He drove! – when Thea is hours old to watch their practice.)  I wanted Thea with me.

Kitty shows up & Thea is in her play seat.  Kitty has stayed away from her the whole 3 months the kitten has been in the office.  Kitty jumps up on the table of the play area and Thea giggles, excitedly pets Kitty, and rubs her hand over her face and head.   Spots break out – a rash… my baby is allergic to cats! Now I won’t jeopardize her health so from then on she stays home. 

I’m sure that was God saying, “quit being stubborn! Listen to your husband.” 

Leaving her home is the hardest thing ever for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally thankful for my job, I’m just sad that I can’t have my little love with me.

I’m seriously living for the day when I can come into the office at 6am, even 5am, and leave at noon or 1pm.  That is my working goal.  I don’t care if that means less pay… I want to be home with my children.  My loyalty instinct keeps me returning to work.  I LOVE teaching.  I LOVE coaching – and I get to take all my children!  I feel that with the way the company wants to expand, I will be able to move to 5am to noon or 6am to noon one day soon.  I’m praying that’s soon.  I’ll even work from home on weekends or evenings if needed.  I want to be home. 

I think that’s an issue a lot of us women feel but are afraid to say.  We just want to be home when they are home!  We want to be around our teens so we can learn about these amazing young women.  We want to counsel our preteens and research their deep questions alongside them.  We want to guide and protect our elementary kiddos and watch our preschoolers, toddlers, and infants with wonder and awe as they grow and explore.  We want to help mold their little characters as that is the reason God gave them to us.  He knew we could mold them the way He wants.  He gave them to us so we could be a part of their lives and our heart knows that.  We desire to teach our children.

I feel a great empathy with those who can’t stay home or make their schedules work the way they want.  I watch my single sister (who has an amazing daughter she pours everything into, by the way) struggle with the “failure” she feels for not being around as much as she wants to be.  Girl.  That is me too.  I can’t stand being away.  I wanted a job where I could keep my children with me.  (Running a cab company, I was always home!  Even gym coach, my kiddos are there with big sister or awesome ladies/young ladies or now, Grandma!)

God is teaching me patience.  Also that I can’t be everywhere at once.  He is also teaching me to look from all angles. 

Louis has been working 60 to 80+ hours at 2 or more jobs since Christina was born.  He’s been so busy or sleeping between jobs all their lives.  Now, he has one job at evening/night leaving as we are going to sleep.  He gets to cook amazing meals, homeschool them, and watch them grow.  He took Thea home one afternoon instead of leaving her with my mom and Paige in the afterschool/babysitting room at gym. He said he loved it.  “I can see why you miss taking her to work.” He said.  He loved “hanging out” with Thea for five hours by himself.  She ate two jars of baby food, some rice, some apple, played all kinds of giggling games with Daddy on the bed, and then snuggled with him and fell asleep on his tummy.  Louis said he loves this part of being a Daddy.

Daddy and Thea

I was smacked upside the head with the realization that I was being rather selfish in my desire to always be with her.  Louis wants to be just as involved in our children as I do.  He loves the baby giggles, snuggles, and laughter just as I do.  He feels powerful and insignificant and totally blessed just like I do when one of our angels falls asleep snuggling.  We are of the mindset that each may be the last – but honestly, there is a feeling of finality with Thea that wasn’t there for anyone else.  (I’m not saying we won’t have another, just being honest about feelings – I am totally open for whatever God wants)  I need to let Louis have as much baby time as he wants. 

So, in this season, it’s the hardest of all for me; I’m away from my children ten hours a day.  I’m willing to work for the day when we have four teams, a location I can show up at to make sure the vans are stocked, the teams are off with all their supplies, and I’m joined by someone else in the office who allows me to leave at noon.  This is what I hope for.  A little more at 8 to 4 and hopefully, I’m early morning and working from home. 

My Thea, my little love, is at home.  I rest securely in the knowledge that her Daddy is relishing his time with her, and her big sisters and brother will help see that she’s entertained and well fed!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Christina’s New Semester

August 20, 2019

Christina’s New Semester

This one, like most of my posts lately, is a little bit delayed. 

I’m so excited for my eldest though! 

She participates actively in Civil Air Patrol – what does that mean?  Well, let’s just say my GPS thinks that’s “Work” because other than “Home,” that was the most frequented place when she first joined!  She treats CAP like a job.  Seriously.  She wants to be a pilot someday and CAP has opportunities to help her achieve that goal.  When she first joined, she was rather shy and if someone had suggested leadership, she would have laughed.

A First: Christina in her AF Blues

Now?  This young woman exudes confidence (even though she may still be privately terrified), she gives presentations in front of her fellow CAP members (while her mind keeps track of every “uh,” “um,” or “so” to make sure it’s a lower tally than last time), and she served as a Flight Sergeant until she just ranked out.  A lieutenant can’t be a flight sergeant.  I know maturity and general life experiences help to build self-confidence, leadership, and other such traits, but I credit Christina’s Civil Air Patrol as a major factor in her character formation. 

Major Milton presenting Christina with the Mitchell Award. (promoted to C/2ndLt)

I’m actually sitting in the side seat, typing a blog, while my lieutenant is flying the family van – driving, the wheels were on the ground last time I checked – up to CAP. 

For over two weeks, little sisters and brother have been constantly saluting or saying “ma’am” to try to ruffle her feathers.  (She keeps saying, “I’m not in uniform and y’all aren’t in CAP!”)  She got to fly the cessna again…

One of the Civil Air Patrol cessnas she has flown

I’m smiling because I love watching her grab life by the horns and hold on tight!

We went to Vystar to do some banking chore that she needed my signature for – and the woman didn’t believe she was underage until she actually loaded her account details.  I thought, and she isn’t in uniform, you should see her in her AF Blues.

This semester brings newness again: Christina’s got a full load of classes but managed to have them all on two days, she’s got a regular, steady job, she’s participating in Cyber Patriot again, and she’s a cadet lieutenant. 

Next semester will bring new changes, but for now, I’m enjoying watching this video of life play out as my independent young woman blossoms.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Fighting Failure

July 12, 2019

Fighting Failure

It’s when your mind tells you stuff that isn’t what God wants you to hear, but the logical part of you says, “yes, that’s right,” so you agree and allow the spirit of failure to permeate your day.

I know in my heart that anything discouraging that doesn’t come with a motivation for how to fix it isn’t from God.  Yet, my logical brain doesn’t always catch these.

Fighting with the spirit of failure has been tough for me lately, especially the last couple of weeks.  One of the girls says “you are always busy,” and I hear “you are never home” to which my logical brain reminds me that I leave before most  are awake and I come home straight to dinner, cleaning, and bedtime or arrive just as bedtime starts.  My brain reiterates: “you are a failure” (at being a good mom.)

Louis says, “obviously, that’s wrong” when I ask for his help and my brain says, “you can’t even put a couch cushion cover on right!” This makes me irritated so I leave because I am now mad at Louis – to which my brain shouts, “see, you’re a horrible wife,” and I believe that because I couldn’t even get dinner ready within an hour the night before but Louis can throw a gourmet meal together in twenty minutes (why do I even agree with that failure, I know I’m not a fast cook?).  My brain reminds me of strings of “wife fails” in reverse order like comic book pages on fast-forward speed laughing, “you are a failure” (at being a wife.)

I’m working so much and have little time (when they need me) lately to spend helping my family with our recent losses.  One of my friends says “you’ll make time,” and since I haven’t stopped my job or altered my schedule too much, my brain laughs, “you are a failure” (at being a good sister, daughter.)

One of my friends is going through a very trying time and I want to be there for her more, but I’m busy when she’s free or I turn into a pumpkin at nine-thirty (to get to bed by ten & therefore up by five to get ready for work) but she is usually home and free in the evenings.  My brain tells me, “see, you are such a failure” (at being a friend.)

BUT… (positive one!)

I have to remind my mind (remind = renew my mind, if you will) that we are all failures.  All have sinned and come short of perfection.  So, yes, of course I fail over and over!  God gives me peace, hope, and joy.  I do my best with what life has given me and pray for God to give me the joy (translates into strength for me) to handle what I’m lacking.

So even though physically and humanly, I am not matching up to my image of perfection (another trap for us perfectionists, we actually think somehow that we can be perfect on our own), when I remind my mind who I am, I remember this: I am saved by undeserved favor (meaning I did NOTHING to deserve it, rather I deserved to die).  Jesus knew my failures ahead of time yet chose to say, “I want her.”

Now I can fight this feeling of failure by choosing to fix where I can improve and trust God with the rest.  I’m not going to be working from home again anytime soon – I will trust God with that.  I can try to prioritize time spent at home.  (I think I’m doing good until I literally take a step wrong my first day off & bruise my neck & shoulders so I spend almost two whole days recovering and doing nothing… and those were supposed to be quality family days!)  I remind my mind, “in all things, trust God.”

The joy of the Lord is my strength.  My mind plays Rebecca St. James “Be The Voice,” and Mandisa’s “Born For This” as I tell myself to “Lay it All Down” and trust.  “This Song is Alive” and “My Heart’s Already There!” (Point of Grace, NewSong, respectively)

Music is my key to joy!  Music is how I fight failure!  Thank you, Jesus, for music!  Thank you for always helping me to fight the spirit of failure in me.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Me Without You

June 15, 2019

Me Without You

Yesterday I entered a bit of nostalgia.  My facebook timeline mentioned a memory of Father’s Day a few years ago.

Father’s Day.

This is the first Father’s Day when my Daddy is in heaven.

The first thoughts were sad.  Theadora, who was laying on her tummy in the office talking to Faux, one of the office dogs, has never seen her Granddaddy.  I haven’t written anything in any of my books since he’s passed – more likely because I’ve been working two jobs but it feels like there’s no one to discuss book ideas with.  I wonder if I’ve made the right decisions; Daddy would listen and he’s been in this position before.  On the ride home the radio show host asked “what does your Father want for Father’s Day?” and I remembered all Daddy ever wanted all the time was just to spend time with us.

Then I realized, as I do every time I’m sad about Daddy being gone, that I’m being selfish.  Daddy had spent more than two-thirds of his life without his Father.  None of us ever met our Grandfather Pearson – whom Thea was named after.  This is the first Father’s Day that my Daddy gets to hang out with his father – and with Jesus!  How cool is that?

Daddy isn’t in pain anymore.  He’s running, tending trees, worshiping Jesus, dancing with his Mom, you know… silly things we Earth-bound think about as being fun.  I wonder how many questions he’s asked God – he had a long long list of them we used to discuss.

I realized reading my last few posts leading up to his death that I’d been writing about eternity, “Finals Week” was published one week before he passed.  Odd, in retrospect, it’s like God was letting us know in Daddy’s way – with a bit of humor, as this cartoon was his idea! – that He was about to take Daddy home.

Home (Heaven) is where we belong.  On Earth, we love and learn.  We miss those gone, but we look forward to meeting our heavenly Father (God) one day!

Our love is forever.  I will love my Daddy forever.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

House Hunting 101 – Lesson 1 – Location

June 10, 2019

House Hunting 101 – Lesson 1 – Location

We’ve been planning toward our next step – home ownership.  We are grateful for the place we are currently renting, but because of the black mold infestation (it’s under control, but we don’t own the house, so can’t remove it) we are actively looking for a place to own.  Somewhere that hopefully, we are smarter about and keep (I still miss my grapefruit trees that had just started fruiting after 7 long years!) forever.

Right now, we are still in the “finish paying off debt” stage, but with end-of-business debt down from over $14K to $800, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after a little over 2 years.  (Yippee!!!!)  Next step is to have 6 months of expenses in the bank.  Then we start saving for a home.

We’re being really picky this time so it will be a while, but it is fun to discuss, think, and plan!

We have learned that the primary item isn’t size or neighborhood, but location.  Driving isn’t pleasant for Louis (I don’t like the “wasted time” either, but I use it to dream up stories, interview fake people in my head, and pray.) so we thought about what type of location did we want.  We wanted to minimize driving.  But what are the constants in our life?

Not work… (Although I hope I keep these jobs until I retire – my plan as Operations Manager is to eventually shift to a few hours in the early mornings or two or three days a week and be available the rest of the time remotely.)  Remote is awesome.  I get more done in the mornings (like now, at 5am) and I really can’t stand being gone from my family this long (9.5 hours for my 8 hour day – 1.5 driving).

Not hobbies… because we love beach, tennis, walking, bicycling, surfing, swimming, watching nature, growing things… anything active and we usually make those things happen depending on what is around us or in our own yard.

Not even church… seriously, that’s once a week and most of our lives we spent driving an hour or so one way to the church we were called to.

School was it.

Don’t laugh!  Yes, we homeschool.  I mean St Johns County.  The kids will be going to college at St. Johns River State – Christina and Becky are active now, but based on normal college-bound years, we will be driving to and from that campus for 20 years (if we aren’t blessed by any further editions of Tarts).  We love St Johns County (yes, it’s extremely pricy and super hard to rent or buy land here, but it has been awesome home-schooling here and we love the people!).  St Johns County has a fascinating, amazing array of trade school and college opportunities for our children – I mean, seriously, our teenagers are college-course-takers.  Christina’s credit hours mean she’s entering her sophomore year of college as she enters her junior year of high school!  Several young friends I know have graduated FCTC and entered directly into the job force at 17 & 18 years old.  Two make more than me!  So, educational opportunities are our standard constant that won’t change for quite some time.  Plus St Johns County puts us equidistant from Embry-Riddle in Daytona and University of Florida in Gainesville (the goal schools of the first three).

This means, proximity and ease of driving to and from the campuses of St Johns River College and First Coast Technical College is the “location” part of our choice.  SR 207 out to Hastings, up behind Masters just along the city boundary, over 16 and north along US1 to the old trash road east of Palencia: any open-rural or agricultural property in that range is fair territory.

Both of Louis’ grandmother’s houses are in this range (Wouldn’t one of those be so awesome?  To live in your grandparent’s house!) and the house we currently live in is just off that perfect spot, but close enough that yes, we’d buy this land if we could (build a cozy house in the other corner of the land and knock this rotting thing down, but we love the land!) and I like Wildwood Drive.  While driving Christina to CAP one day, we saw a “for sale” sign in the yard of a beautiful concrete block house off of Lewis Speedway & Woodlawn on a bit of land.  Nice location.  Louis pointed out that one was near CAP, which three more plan on joining.

Anyway, location, location, location: OR or AG in easy driving range of St Johns River & FCTC.

The realization that we will be driving students back and forth from one of two college campuses for 20 years… wow, just wow.  That’s pretty cool.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Watching & Analyzing

Watching & Analyzing

April 27, 2019

I’ve always been a watcher.  I watch the world around me and (most of the time) analyze it.  I look at a beautiful blue sky and my mind says “wow, how pretty,” and quickly follows with “it won’t rain for the next few hours.”  (Yes, hours, we live in Florida – if you walk outside and don’t like the weather, go brush your teeth and check again.)

Honestly, I analyze too much.

I shouldn’t catch a glimpse of something and try to analyze it.

In relationships, that is nosy.  See someone and instantly turn on your inner Sherlock Holmes… (Four different cat hairs on her skirt, four cats – her house must be smelly… unless she uses that whatever-name-it-is-I-saw-on-tv multi-cat litter.  Is her purr-fume laced with tuna?)

That just isn’t nice.

In normal life, it can suck out the joy.

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I catch this glance of my angel sleeping.  Instant thought: “My Mom will love this.” Second thought: “She was two months old on Easter Sunday.”  Third thought as I’m sending my mom the picture: “Daddy never saw her.”  Followed quickly by a flood: Daddy didn’t get to hear about Christina flying, Lucas will not remember his Grandfather, they won’t get to learn how amazing Daddy’s brain was – like talking to an educated encyclopedia with an open mind.  He was always listening, always talking, always making connections where we couldn’t see them; always the analyst.

Within two minutes (from the time I took the picture until Mom texted back), my mind had sent my mood from joyful to sorrowful.  From excited about young life to regretting the passing of my Daddy.  I had just rode an emotional roller coaster at work and nothing had changed on my face.

I forced myself to refocus.

Daddy always expected Christina to achieve her dreams – he once told me to “look out, she has your determination and a friendlier world; just you watch what she does!”

Lucas loves watching family videos and listening to stories of his “Santa Boompa” told by his big sisters.

I inherited Daddy’s knack for soaking up knowledge (probably why I can make myself learn any new job rather quickly) and if you want to start me talking… (yes, the girls call it lecturing) enter at your own risk because I’ll make strange connections, see beyond what is easily seen, and read into situations for what “could be.”

I remind myself that we can always shift our focus to the positive, and that’s what Daddy would have wanted.  He didn’t want anyone sad when he left us.  He always wanted the joy, smiles, and laughter that he tried to cultivate.  So, now I’m back to joyful.

Then music runs through my head: “I Choose Joy!” (For King & Country – I love that song!)

Yes, I choose joy.  Everyday.  I pray you do too.

 

Type at you Later…

~Nancy Tart

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