Tag: mother

Thankfulness 2022

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things. #Thankful #Gratitude #PensacolaChristianCollege #EmbryRiddleAeronauticalUniversity #LifeJourney #Children #GoodNewsChurch #WGVGymnastics #Education #Thankfulness

Thankfulness 2022

September 27, 2022

Each year I try to reflect on what God has done in our lives this past year. 

This year it may be a little premature, but I’m super excited about the amazing things.  I love to brag on what God has done!

I’ve been working for WGV Gymnastics (dream job I wanted my whole life but didn’t know it).  Louis is coming up on two years of working for Heritage Funeral Home.  I am super thankful for our Christian work environments and Christian bosses. 

Christina is happily pursuing her dream with passion, determination, and enthusiasm.  She is still at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University full time, working at WGV Gymnastics part-time, and babysitting, dogsitting, and housesitting on the side.  She is an amazing big sister!  Her little gymnasts love her!  She serves in the nursery at Good News Church at least three times a month and loves “her babies” – yes, they become hers for an hour or so.  I am so thankful for Christina!

Becky has thrown some shocking curveballs at us and is away at Pensacola Christian College.  Same state, yes, but an hour earlier in time than we are.  (Different time zone, as she’s under Alabama on the panhandle – Lucas and Thea point out on the big map on the wall at church every morning when we get their lemon tea “there’s Becky!”) I am so proud of her!  She’s exploring and learning and growing – such an amazing young lady I am so blessed to be her mom!  Thank you, Jesus, for Becky!

Kimberly can legally drive… (REALLY???  I can’t believe she’s 15!)  She’s learning so much in schoolwork academically, in gymnastics physically, and in life with maturity as she grows and takes on so much responsibility!  Kimberly’s plans are impressive.  Her determination is a trait so many people comment on to me – as a youngling, it was labeled stubbornness, but now that she knows how to focus, it’s determination.  Kimberly is a competitive gymnast at WGV Gymnastics, a gymnastics coach part-time at WGV Gymnastics, serves in kid’s ministry at Good News Church at least twice a month, and dogsits occasionally.  (She is working toward her claimed goals of saving for a computer for college this spring and a car next fall.)  I am so thankful for Kimberly!

Jaquline is Christina’s twin.  Sometimes Christina’s gymnasts see Jaquline and give her hugs saying “hi! Coach!” which makes Jaquline smile proudly and Christina jealous.  “You’re stealing my hugs!” Christina has been known to say later.  Jaquline has grown in her relationship with Jesus so much in the last year.  She serves in the church nursery at least twice a month.  She occasionally volunteers at WGV – or works cleaning to “get Christina out faster.”  Jaquline continues to work toward her goal of team gymnast someday – she loves Beam and said she wished there was a Beam only competition.  Thank you, Jesus, for Jaquline!

Jillian is facing the challenges that come with entering double digits.  The want of being treated as an adult yet the want of continuing childish foolishness.  She’s maneuvering that with the cornerstone of knowing that Jesus can lead her through anything.  She loves her kid’s ministry leaders at Good News Church.  She loves her coaches at WGV Gymnastics (she’s a competitive gymnast).  She loves her friends and I see her making some lifelong friendships, if she can hold them.  She is leaping forward in academics!  I am so thankful for Jillian!

Lucas is an unstoppable force of limitless energy!  He is always running a one-man football game where he is the quarterback, receiver, kicker, lineman, and fullback all at the same time.  When he catches his own forward pass, I’ll have seen everything.  He begs me for a brother almost every day.  He is super thankful for his “gym brothers” and his “best friends.”  I am super thankful for these young boys and young men God has set around Lucas to help him enjoy being a little boy and slowly teach him how to be a young man.  Lucas gives 110% to everything he touches.  His passion and enthusiasm will help fuel his discovery stages as he grows.  He loves gymnastics.  He loves being strong.  He loves mud and football and big trucks and being like dad.  Thank you, Jesus, for Lucas!

Theadora is no longer the baby.  She is a “big girl” or a “young lady” all the time.  Though she loves snuggling (I’m so glad she hasn’t grown out of that yet), she is quick to say “I’ll do it myself!” and proceed to do just that.  Theadora has a bold confidence that comes from running the gym at the age of two.  She doesn’t care to keep up pretences, what you see is what you get – at times like that I think of her as “Becky junior.”  This confidence and determination will carry her far.  She “signs her name” as TTT and says, “see, I’m triple T,” they are left all over Coach Heather’s desk as “swips” for Coach Heather along with who-knows-what-it-should be doodles.  I am so thankful for Theadora!

I love the stage God has us in!  I’m so thankful to be here and alive and enjoying every minute of our time together and apart.  I love our family.  I’m so grateful to see our younglings grow and become young women (and eventually, a young man)!  Thank you, Jesus, for the honor of giving life and raising children!  I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude to you, Jesus, for my totally amazing family!

Thank you for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

“Plans” Turn Into Stages

#LearningToMother #GoodNewsChurch #MakeResilientDisciples #ChooseGratitude #Ephesians6 #Thankful #Gratitude #HomeschoolFamily #EnjoyEachStage #WorkInProgress #Journey #LifeIsAJourney #WGVGymnastics #Dreams #Plans

“Plans” Turn Into Stages

September 24, 2022

Once upon a time, a girl sat curled up in her father’s big gray armchair in his study in her favorite house.  She was reading her favorite of the six or seven of Dr. James Dobson’s parenting books her father had on the shelf underneath all the amazing Lawhead and Brooks books with enticing names like “In the Hall of the Dragon King” and “Taliesin.” 

“Children at Risk” was her favorite because it focused on the parent improving their lives through Jesus’ help in order to pass their faith on to their children.  It was her favorite because for three years, she had been rereading it to help her understand how to pray for and lead her siblings.  One song when she was ten and her father’s comment of, “God made you their big sister just like I’m your father,” led her on this journey. 

Her dream was to be an author whose stories made people reach for Jesus.  Her purpose has been to pour into children. 

From as early as she could volunteer, she chose to be a volunteer Sunday School or VBS teacher.  She loved teaching and started with tutoring her siblings, friends, and eventually other children.  She tried to end up being a school teacher; life led her a different way.  Every twist led to the next turn.  It was the journey…

It’s true; no one ever returns from a journey. They continue into a new part of the journey. Trips you return from. Life isn’t a trip; it is a journey of mind, heart, soul, and spirit.

This stage of her journey is year twenty of being a wife, year nineteen or being a mother, year fourteen of being a homeschooling family, year four as a gymnastics coach – currently preschool, and year two of kids’ ministry small group leader. 

In each stage and with each passing year, she chooses to be thankful. 

Of course, “she” is me. 

I’ve learned to enjoy each stage as it happens.  This isn’t just with my children as they grow but with my “stages” as well.  I am allowing Jesus to continually work on me; I’m a constant work in progress.  My Daddy used to say if he ever stopped learning, his brain would go stagnant and he’d laugh.  I love that thought.  We are forever a work in progress!

Thank you for reading,

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Stretching Her Eagles’ Wings

Enjoy each moment! We know our children are “on loan” from God for a little while & then they take flight! Enjoy this adventure, Becky!

Stretching Her Eagles’ Wings

August 28, 2022

Part of our educational philosophy is never to hold anyone back.  That is sometimes the hardest part of being a homeschool mom, at least for me. 

Friday, Christina, Louis, Thea, and I drove Becky to Pensacola Christian College for the start of her next level.

The car trip was fun.  Louis and Christina kept playing songs Becky likes and saying, “oops, that’s not classical or hymns” which made everyone laugh and several discussions of songs and lyrics and morality erupt.  We didn’t stop as often for potty or snack breaks as Louis thought we’d have to (Thea was too entertained with her big sisters and Christina, Thea, and I packed a bunch of snacks). 

The campus was huge and iconic.  Beautiful brick and magnificent stately trees reflected tradition and integration.  I’m a bit nerdy; I loved the architecture and old fashioned style.  Everything was electronic though!  I had received an email asking for a physical copy of a specific document – and being leery of electronic access as I am, I brought the actual paper.  Didn’t need it.  The electronic version of the printed paper in my purse “transferred” perfectly from St Johns River without a thing from me.  As Becky’s “authorized parent,” I was able to load into a portal on my phone that allowed me access to maps, her mailbox information, orientation information, even schedules and everything as if I were the student – Becky said it was creepy, I thought it was cool!

After crossing off the seven things (five on the “welcome” list, but with Becky under eighteen there were two paperwork drop offs and as she’s in the work program, she had a task for that as well) Becky had to do and being as much help (okay, Becky would call it hindrance) as possible, we decided (not precisely accurate, Louis decided) to go have a late lunch together just off campus. 

Someone likes Becky’s new spot!

Mellow Mushroom.  In Pensacola?  I thought the one on Anastasia Island was the only…  oops.

Finally, I ended up with a picture of my college girls.  They thought it cool because both are Eagles and blue & gold & white.  (Kimberly got in on that because she took her SAT at Pedro Menendez High School so she considers herself a “Falcon” and even has a Pedro Menendez Vystar card!  She pulled it out and showed them the blue & yellow colors – “A falcon is a type of eagle” Kimberly claims.)  Becky laughed because she and Kimberly plan on being Gators when they head for their Masters & Doctorate.  (“trading the gold for orange” they claim) Remember that mustard yellow skirt?  Becky’s pairing it with her beautiful navy blue blouse turns her outfit into her college colors!

I’ve been listening a lot to college plans since we encourage studying the path to what they want to do and finding various ways to access that final goal.  There was a lot of path and plan discussion on that road trip. 

I’m so proud of Becky for taking flight!  I pray she has a wonderful experience and learns a lot.  I pray she makes friends and connections that will last a lifetime!  I pray she does her best.  Her best right now is amazing me.  I’m truly excited for her entering this stage. 

Thank you, Jesus, for making it possible for us to help our children pursue their dreams!  Thank you that each of them wants to help the other.  Thank you that each wants to invest in their own education by working for it both financially and mentally.  I’m so thankful for the blessing of Becky in my life!  Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me the honor of being her mother! 

As I’m driving back home, chatting with Christina as Thea and Louis sleep in the back, I think on how parents only really get to father or mother their children for a few years – they are on loan from God anyway as all of them are God’s children entrusted to us.   “21 years” by TobyMac came on the radio followed by “Cinderella” by Stephen Curtis Chapman… God knows how music touches me.  One bit in the “21 years” song that makes me smile is “21 years, what a beautiful loan,” (I thank you Jesus, for trusting us and “loaning” Becky – and the others, but this thought was really about Becky – to us) and in “Cinderella” the bit is “but I know something the prince never knew,” [meaning they grow up and go] and yes, girls become young women, make their own decisions, and I pray mine know they can still talk to me about anything. 

Enjoy your “loans” with your littles!  Enjoy every bit you can.  God has trusted us with training and raising His beautiful children!  Just like I love watching “my little gymnasts” (those I’ve coached, usually as preschoolers) as they rise, I love watching my girls become young ladies. 

I love you, Becky!  Let your light shine!  Enjoy this adventure called life!  Every day is a gift from God; that’s why it’s called the present!

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Doubly Blessed

A tiny story about how my prayers being answered became my children being doubly blessed!

January 15, 2022

Doubly Blessed

Note: (wrote this December 5, 2021 when whomever decided my computer operating system is too old to connect to wordpress anymore!)

One day I was cleaning bathrooms at a church work day and met a wonderful woman.  She was cheerful and spoke about Jesus like a best friend.  She was encouraging.  I thought “I’d like to learn about life from her!”  I saw her a few times over the next year or so at that church.  My brother liked the youth pastor and he needed a chaperone – thus being, when the youth group was participating in clean-up days or work days or whatever, I was there with him.  We started attending that church. 

About fourteen months later on a warm July afternoon, I went to meet the parents of the young man I had started dating that Friday.  Although I knew God was telling me I had the green light to marry this one, my logical brain was fighting that suggestion.  The woman I wanted to learn from?  I was dating her middle son!

I have an amazing mother whom I love.  God gifted her to me when I was born.  I never thought I would love another woman in a similar way.

But God’s ways are awesome! 

I tell people I have two moms.  One I was born with and one I got when I married Louis.  I love how Joanne is so accepting, loving, supporting, and helpful.  She and my mother, Tina, are quite similar.   Someone mentioned today that the normal “mother-in-law” is someone you fight with and tolerate or even don’t like.  I’m so grateful for the blessing of my mother-in-law.

I pray that God gives me the same grace to my children’s spouses.

This is because the blessing of loving in-laws passes through generations.  Loving interaction and respect between the parents and newlyweds turns into future strong grandchild-grandparent ties.  When a mother-in-law or father-in-law is a friend and mentor, the grandchildren see their parents show respect and love to their parents; visibly strengthening the children’s understanding of “honoring fathers and mothers” and set the stage for generational connections that are hard to sever.  My children have many fond memories of their grandparents on both sides!  I’m so thankful for that.  

That I’m a friendly, welcoming person who looks at the girls’ future husbands and Lucas’ future wife not as competition for their attention but as blessings God has planted in my life as well as theirs.  I pray to be like Joanne.  She is such a wonderful model of mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and friend.  I have known and loved her for twenty years – related to her for a little over nineteen. 

I smile; I never considered how sweet God’s answer to my heart’s desire to “learn about life” from the bubbly, serious, hardworking woman whose company I enjoyed one Saturday while cleaning bathrooms at our “new” church – I would really get to do life with her!  She would be my mom. 

Thank you Jesus for amazing blessings!

Thank you for reading,

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

God! Help!

January 5, 2021

God! Help!

This blog is for those moms, big sisters, teachers, coaches, etc. who have ever raised their hands up in the sky and demanded with tears streaming down their eyes, “God! Help!”

If you’ve never done that, please leave the rest of us in our private knowledge of complete crazy… nothing to see or read here… Thank you.

Now that I’m addressing those of you, who like me, know that they only get through life with God’s routine and very often injections of aid: understand that you are really, really not alone!

There are way more of us out here than you know.

But people don’t always see that. Still. That doesn’t mean we don’t completely loose it and at least internally… SCREAM for HELP!

Ever had a friend compliment you by saying, “wow, you were so calm.”

Your mind goes, “um.. what????” And you realize that only God saw your frantic desperate prayers as you grabbed napkins, wiped up your child’s blood trying not to freak out at her big sister’s just-started party while on your way to meet said child in the bathroom with unknown injury as you realize another daughter is already cleaning more blood (MORE BLOOD?? God, let me not scare her, make me calm.) on a gym mat. You realize that the frantic prayers were interpreted as deep breaths – thank you Jesus for oxygen and working lungs! Said child cries and you are thinking, “God, this injury is serious, help me!” but when you clean it and she whines, “I don’t want to go home! I want to play with my friends!”

Then there’s the serious prayer as you fight the urge of laughter-that-borders-on-insanity, “God, give me patience with this child!”

Bloody head wound clean. Check.

Bleeding stopped. Crisis averted. Check.

10,000+ frantic “God, you better help me” prayers in the span of 45 seconds while dealing with said child who doesn’t see that this is an INJURY and wants to GET BACK UP AND START FLIPPING! Double check.

Super glue, band-aid, and the older kids are like, “do we need to go?” Decision time. (This was supposed to be a food party & dinner & home is 45 minutes away plus party will be over & have to pick up actual party-goer in about 2 hours.) Stay.

Instant heart attack what feels like 5 seconds later when said injured child is about to show off her routine on bars – “DO YOU WANT TO LIVE TO ADULTHOOD??” (No, I didn’t scream that.)

But. I WANTED TO!! Instead it was “GOD HELP ME!” in my frantic brain while I think I may have jumped the knee wall to grab said child and firmly direct her back to my table in a solid seat (DID YOU REALLY JUST LEAN THAT FOLDING CHAIR ON TWO LEGS!!!???) beside me to watch her. Calm. Breathe. “GOD! HELP ME!” (Of course, that was a mental scream again.)

End the frantic night. (Thank you, Jesus!)

I’m laying in bed, praying that her head heals well and there’s no infection. Reading Proverbs for whatever chapter the day was (you know, when you can’t think of anything but Proverbs has a chapter for every day in the month?), I came across timeless wisdom that basically said (my brain translated the words to the following, it is NOT a direct quote:), “give everything to God and know that you aren’t perfect without Him.”

Truth.

Give over my worries. Give over my fears. In. Real. Time.

If I just write it on paper (or type it in a blog), that’s just words. What shows that I do trust God is in real time. When my toddlers decides to tilt her head back and scream bloody murder with a huge smirk because I’m on the phone. (PATIENCE, PLEASE!) When my boy is annoying his sisters for the bazillionth time in one minute. (Please, God, don’t let them kill him.) When an attack comes and it feels like the life-breath from my lungs is being sucked out by a giant vacuum. (Calm. Breathe. God. Help. Me.)

This is trusting in real time.

This is choosing to know that I cannot do anything without Jesus.

This is knowing that with Jesus I ca do all things. I can breathe. I can parent. I can mother. I can coach. I can love. Without Him, I can’t do any of those things.

So, yes, I know I’m imperfect. (I’m FAR from perfect!)

But…

I trust in the perfect one. I ask Him for help daily (um… thousands of times a day, in every situation I get stuck in!) and He answers with comfort, ideas, calm, and love.

Take a breath. Breathe in Jesus, breathe out, breathe in love, breathe out; now face your challenge! (As I hear a squeal from the kitchen followed by a crash… doesn’t sound like anything broke… “MOM!”) God, they are your children; HELP ME! I need to parent them to lead them to You, show me how.

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

P.S.: Those who were there, yes, I was freaking out inside. Yes, she is okay and nothing left to point at proudly and say “look what happened to me!”

Learn Your Children

July 25, 2020

Learn Your Children

Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.

Children.

When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.

For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!

Complex.

You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.

Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.

Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!

Learn your child.

Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.

Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”

“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.

Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.

Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.

Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.

Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.

These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.

Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?

These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.

Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Failing to Compare

July 23, 2020

Failing to Compare

Do you know what I hope I fail in? 

Seriously.  I’m super competitive by nature.  I had to teach myself that trying to “be my best” is a different thing than being better than someone else. 

I had to fail at comparing. 

What are we at, 8 billion people on the planet?  Each one of us has a unique set of circumstances, challenges, goals, cultures, and opportunities.  How can we possibly compare ourselves to each other?

Simplify: we do it in our own heads even if people don’t for us. So we have to learn not to compare in our own heads too!

Your child is acting out. 

From people who may or may not know you comes the onslaught: “that’s because you work,” “that’s because you stay home all day,” “that’s because you are too busy,” “that’s because you never go on playdates,” “that’s because you have him around too many children,” “that’s because you have him in vpk,” “that’s because you home school,” “that’s because your mom ate Wendy’s Frosties with French fries while carrying you…”

And it goes on and on!  They give you reasons to blame yourself or your situation for the child crying in the grocery cart.

You know, mentally, it’s been a long day or he just woke up and the bright lights hurt his eyes or he’s teething or maybe he flat out doesn’t want to be in the store today but you let the judging start in you.  Now you blame yourself. 

One child is independent at 6: he wakes up before the rooster crows, does schoolwork without prodding, makes healthy food if there isn’t a ready meal, dresses himself and three younger siblings and feeds the dog before you have your coffee.  Another is 13 and you can’t trust him with the dog for three seconds, he never does anything without you doing it for him, you bought him sliders and gave up on shoelaces decades ago, and it scares you that the government thinks this kid can climb into a 2-ton vehicle in less than three years and turn himself into a human projectile at 70mph+.  (Exaggerated, I know, but still!)

You find yourself blaming you and your circumstances for how your kids are. 

Stop it!

Mommy, your kids are fine!

They have their own unique personalities and the unique way God set in them from when they were knit together in your womb!  Your job is to help them find their way.  It’s a really cool study to really research the Hebrew on that passage you know, “Train up a child…” the word way there means “the traits that are his” we might say his personality, likes, and dreams.  Dig into that one more when you have time – awesome study. 

ANYWAY!  Back to your mind yelling at you and beating you up because your children are different.  Different than you, different than your spouse, different than their siblings, friends, teammates, schoolmates – YES! They were all made different.  Each a beautiful masterpiece God is still carefully crafting with His own hands.

That independent child?  We lead and guide and pray they choose to ask for help when they face something that looks difficult – we’d rather them not make the same mistakes we did.  (Waving my hand, I was that independent child and humility was/is a challenge for me!)

The 13 year old that seems lazy and unproductive?  Watch what falling in love with a sport, subject, or animal will do for him.  You turn around and that one is buying books on said subject, devoting hours, days, whole weeks lost in it, suddenly you blink and he’s that subject’s walking encyclopedia – then if you listen you’ll discover that was always there, he studies one thing at a time and shoelaces, school deadlines, and things that didn’t interest him just didn’t get any attention.   

When you feel like your brain is beating you up because of your parenting, your situation, and your children not being “perfect,” remind your brain that no one is perfect.  There are no perfect children.  (Okay, be honest, you aren’t living in a Jewish village 2000 years ago watching Joseph and Mary parent Jesus – my brain wouldn’t have shut up watching a real perfect kid!)

You can’t say to yourself, “I did xyz” regarding a child’s personality unless you are using that as a tool to ask yourself, “how do I help him overcome this?”  Because yes, I know, going through financial instability, parents going to work or coming home, changing schools, changing neighborhoods, losing family members, that all does contribute to the development of personality and psyche in a child (or in an adult, am I right?) so understanding is good to help more forward – but the best way to help is to LISTEN.

Sit with them when you can – vehicles are normally good because they are trapped and can’t go anywhere.  And ditch the devices.  Unless you are parenting long distance, look in their eyes and listen with your whole self.  It doesn’t have to look like two adults over coffee at a Barnes & Noble, either.  Think like them.  You can be playing a video game with your kid and have deep conversation.  You can be building duplo blocks and get the scoop on everything in his little heart.

Listen to them.  Ask them prodding questions about their thoughts, their dreams, their goals, and what things have impacted them.  You will learn a lot.  Let them speak as much as you can.  You lecturing the same stuff becomes listening to a broken record.  You need to hear them as much as they need to talk to you.  Learn their hearts.  If you forget stuff sometimes like I do, WRITE DOWN important stuff and file it away somewhere.  That way when you want to know your daughter’s favorite color you don’t have to text her sister.

Fail to compare.  ALWAYS choose not to compare.  If you hear them saying “at least I’m better than so-and-so…” ask why they feel that way and then tell them how each person is unique.  If they want to be better at something, encourage it!  But don’t compare with others.  They don’t know “so-and-so’s” full heart story.  (Side note on that is let them read “To Kill A Mockingbird” or watch the Gregory Peck film version.) Don’t compare.  Especially don’t compare siblings!

Choose to change what you can (only yourself and the environment you create) and accept what you can’t (the personality of others and situations you have no control over).

Do your best in the environment you have.  That is all we can do.  Mothers for millennia have been doing just that – wars, famines, massive global flood, cultural and political changes, pestilences, and economic booms and busts notwithstanding, Mothers continue to do their best for their children.  

Fail to compare.

Instead of tearing each other down, we should build each other up.  We should provide safe environments for each other to come, talk deeply, and gather advice.  We live helping each other because we know the power is not in comparing ourselves with another but with helping each other up.  We need that type of love.  We need to build each other up instead of compare and break down.  Our children see how we treat others when they are near and when we are alone – character is what we say and do when no one is watching.  Build up.  Encourage.  Instead of judging someone else, rejoice with them or encourage them.

This is for our own children too.  Build them up, encourage them, rejoice with them, pray for them, and lead them in their own unique and special way.

If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another or your children to each other or another’s child… Stop.  Instead, choose to encourage or rejoice.  Your heart will smile more and that will show on your face and in your attitude – this causes joy in your heart!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Culture: The Importance of Family

May 10, 2020

Culture: The Importance of Family

Imagine you are raised a young woman, married a few years with two children. Your family is part of a group sojourning in a land with people hostile to you. In your family’s culture, women are to obey their fathers and later husbands. You and your husband love God. You honor His law. Then you hear at the well that the midwives are commanded by the king to destroy all male babies of your people as the baby is being born. But you hear how two of your midwife friends fear God over the king and so being, do not obey him. Yet you are scared for your people.

You find yourself encouraging and helping; but the fear is everywhere. Women are praying their children are girls so they are not required to kill them.

You find yourself pregnant. Part of your heart wrestles the fear – should you pray this child is a girl? Your husband smiles and whispers, “we fear God, the child is a gift.” But you hope that stays true even after the child is born. Your daughter and son see the fear in the people and look to you for comfort. They look for assurance that you live by the faith you speak of; do you fear for your baby or trust in God? You smile and tell them, “God has given us this child, God will keep the child safe.”

But you wonder. Death and affliction are around you. The rulers hate your people. Many of your friends have faced death and the shroud of death for defying the king expands to all in their household – or so the stories say. At least twice you have known it was truth. Would you risk the lives of your husband, son, and daughter for the baby if it is a boy? Which is safer? But the rumblings of the little person growing inside you remind you as you wrap your arms around your swelling belly that this child is worth the risk. God’s gifts are always worth the risk.

When the day comes and you labour with your own instead of calling the midwives, you birth the beautiful child whose lovely eyes catch away your breath as you stare and study him. Him. Yes, your daughter says “I have a baby brother!” and your husband hugs you and the newborn tight. Your son glances up at you to look in your eyes. You are not afraid. You will risk everything for this love. “We will keep him hidden.” Your husband smiles. Your son and daughter relax in their trust of you as they see you trust in God.

But you know there will come a time when your tiny illegal child will be too loud. Someone will know, someone will tell, and there must be a way.

You are learned as your family teaches even your daughters to read and think; you know that your afflictors bow before idols. One is the god of the river, Hapi, and you know that women wishing to be fertile yet cursed with barren wombs go and bathe at one place. Also, the wealthy do not nurse their own offspring, instead they hire a nurse for the child. You begin to watch. Daily you go with your daughter in tow under the guise of fetching water and food yet along the way you see the women who come to the water. They all wish for children; the longing in their hearts and souls are deep. Their sorrow causes tears to rise in your eyes. It also waters the plan you have devised.

Your husband does not agree quickly, for him it is a horrid idea to turn his child, his beautiful gift from God, over to some heathen woman regardless of whether it may save the child’s life. How can you think of killing our son’s soul in this way? But it is your daughter who says, “but Father, what if they chose Mother as his nurse?” and this you both continue to discuss and pray about.

The time comes when he is too big to hide anymore. His tender hunger cries have turned into the periodic wails of teething, striking without warning and so loud you fear his voice will call soldiers from every corner of the globe. Now, you set him adrift in the basket of woven reeds and pitch you have carefully crafted, and carefully place it among the reeds to drift into the part of the river where the barren women come to bathe. Your daughter stays as a guard. You leave to pray.

This is the sorrow, trust, and faith of Jocebed, wife of Amram and mother to Aaron, Miriam, and Moses. She placed her trust in God and brought an illegal child into the world, hiding him from those who would kill him. She watched, waited, and used the heathen culture of her people’s enemies against them.

We know the rest; the pharaoh’s daughter comes to bathe and finds Moses. He cries and she takes pity on him, knowing he was a Hebrew! A girl appears and says, “may I fetch you a nurse to suck your baby?” and this educated woman of Egypt says, “yes.” Do you think she didn’t know this nurse would be the child’s mother? Wow. Just to imagine these three women and the things they chose to do… Jocebed in faith and love, Miriam in obedience, faith, and love, and Pharaoh’s daughter in love and pity of a child who she took into her home in defiance of her father’s order.

Just some thoughts.

I know that most of us spend today thinking about our mothers. Not to say I don’t! But I love to step into the shoes of those before. I love to try to see their struggles – how powerful Jocabed’s faith! Not only to give birth and refuse to destroy her boy, but to give that little gift in faith to another believing that God will allow her rather devious plan to work trusting her family can pass their faith on to this child in the short amount of time they will have him (while she nurses him).

Wow.

Think about the various challenges we mothers face at different points in history, through various cultures, and in various strata of existence. All of our stories are different, but the theme of faith, love, and hope permeate them all. We all want the best for our gifts and pray to effectively train them up in the little time we have them.

Give thanks for the mothers and grandmothers and motherly influences in your life.

Thank you, God, for mothers!

Thank you for Reading,

~Nancy Tart

What is Praiseworthy?

April 26, 2020

What is Praiseworthy?

I heard a bit from a youtube radio (do you call them radio guys if they have a channel?) that matched quite nicely with the Bible reading I had today and the actual radio show I listened to on the way to work this morning.

He was discussing how a woman, identified as “Brooke,” a “mother of four,” put a beautiful online post on social media about how she loves her family and puts them first and serves them sacrificially (she said she makes sure lunches and packed, home is clean, and gets up to make her husband breakfast and sometimes goes to bed at 9 and sometimes goes to bed at midnight). I was smiling as I listened. I love my family that way.

But he went on about how some tv show (I don’t watch tv) mocked her post and belittled her husband as a lazy bum without even knowing either of them! They attacked her for being a slave. They said she was betraying all those who had fought for equality…

That made me sad.

Then that made me mad.

You see, I love my family. I serve them sacrificially. Yes, I know I have to take care of my health and body so I can serve them. In this phase our family is in, I happen to be working outside of the home. I serve them because I love them. I go to work because I want to help support them and I love them.

I want Louis to rest his back, let it fully heal so he doesn’t continue to live in constant pain. Since the guy rear-ended him, he’s been in constant pain, I can’t imagine that. He loves us and wants to serve us so he works at anything possible right now – he has always been the primary provider. This past year it was me; different seasons, one goal. One family.

When I do something out of love, I am doing it completely! I’m serving the best I can! Christina’s dish day but she’s busy with school? Yes, I’ll do “her day” so she can study or take her test – I love her and want the best for her. Becky feels lonely and frustrated and overwhelmed and doesn’t see any reason for keeping grades or college or a career? I suggest she go “hang out” with her special friend who will help encourage her and teach her about life and give excellent advice while playing some crazy video game. I love her. I want the best for her and sometimes advice has to come from someone other than Mom and Dad. Yes, I used to not go to bed until it was clean – now I’m up early, but some of my girls like to stay up late and Louis comes in very late sometimes, so the dynamic is the house is clean at 7 or 8 but they will reclean well afterward. We serve each other.

Louis wakes at 3:30am to make doughnuts for breakfast because I had to leave at 6:30 that day. When I come in and make lunch at 10am (2 hours 4 days a week + long Friday right now), I ask everyone else if they want some too and I’ll cook for more than just me. Christina, Becky, Kimberly, or Jaquline sometimes decide to make dinner or supper and they cook for everyone. We all serve with love.

Do all things as if you are serving Jesus. That motto I paraphrased from a Bible verse sometime in my preteen years and it has become something I remind myself of all the time. When there’s anything that needs to be cleaned or fixed or folded or washed I remind myself of that – I’m working to serve Jesus. I serve always out of love for those I serve. When I make food or visit a friend or help someone by cleaning or tutoring or fixing their fence, I’m serving you because I love you.

In today’s society, I guess I was “betraying females” when I would start second breakfast for Louis at almost lunch time, make sure his white uniform shirts were washed and spotless, starched and ironed, and waiting for him. On cold mornings (that house didn’t have heat) I’d time the drying of towels so he could have a warm one and I’d take it to him. I’d even make sure his shoes were polished. I served because I loved him.

I also understood that his working was his service to us. Our family serves each other because we love each other.

Tables shifted, turned, flipped, and rotated over the years, but we’re still serving each other and loving each other. We both take turns doing different things to serve the other. I don’t see anything wrong with that!

The youtube radio guy said he remembered his mother serving his sisters, his father, and him out of love. She was always doing special things, teaching them, and spending time with them. He said what could be better than having four adoring souls who return your love and esteem you as the best human on the planet? Does the hand that rocks the cradle rule the world? (I think he was trying to be funny) He said he praises this Brooke and is sure that her husband and children feel extremely blessed to be the objects of her service and affection. So do I!

Some people are like us. Some people love to serve. Some women are happiest being good wives and mothers. Some women could care less about a job as anything more than a vehicle to bring sustenance to their family; they don’t want to be the CEO or Mega Manager. They want to raise their children. They want to serve their family. They want to serve others around them.

Want to know a secret? These serving women are usually extremely loyal to a job they have because they see their work as a service to Jesus as well – they believe that they are serving their boss and coworkers through their job. Yes, corny, I know, but (also yes!) that is how I feel. I have to view my job as something I am doing for Jesus otherwise I would be super depressed about being away from my family.

Anyway… long long blog. If you got this far, cool!

Why does our commercially driven world think it’s okay to mock and bully a woman who chooses to serve others in lieu of climbing a corporate ladder striving for power and wealth? Fourth and fifth words. Commercially driven. Everything is about power and wealth. The world can’t control people who are driven by love and service. The world can’t understand the pure joy and fulfillment we get when we watch someone we love accomplish something. When the world is falling down around their shoulders and they open their brown lunch bag to find a little smiley note or that their sandwich is cut into triangles like they prefer it, they see love. They know someone loves them. The world doesn’t understand this because there is no price tag.

He ended by telling “Brooke” to keep it up! I say to all the Brookes out there, keep serving, keep loving. Don’t let the world’s judgement stop you from doing what you know you should be doing. If that’s running the 2nd largest corporation on the planet or packing your kids’ lunches, if you are serving a congregation of 500 or you are cleaning cherrios and duplos off the floor, if you are taxiing people around to make ends meet or you are the “soccer bus” mom stopping at four houses on your way to practice; whatever way you serve, keep honoring those you love.

My Bible reading was all about service with love rather than service as a duty. Don’t serve for others’ approval, that leads to disappointment. But serving out of love leads to fulfillment. This I know. God created us different, men are told to love their wives and women to serve their husbands – in reality, don’t two people who love each other serve each other all the time? God knows that men and women are wired differently hence the different words being used. He is warning men not to stop showing love to their wives and women not to stop serving their husbands. A woman who feels loved will be more willing to serve and a man being served is more willing to love. Like different love languages; you have to discover yours and that of those you love. Because we are different our style of service will be different, but we still hear the other saying “I love you” with their service to us.

In what way do you serve? Check your heart. Serve out of love without concern for any accolades. This will be our witness; our love!

Thanks for reading.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Movie Review: Onward

April 12, 2020

Movie Review: Onward

As a family, we got to watch a new movie called “Onward” (Disney/Pixar) recently.  Curled up on our couch, eating tangerines instead of popcorn, we also got to discuss this movie during the end credits.

I was pleasantly surprised at this movie. 

(Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t seen the movie and want to watch it without knowing the end, don’t read any further!)

In this technologically advanced world that mirrors our own, mythical creatures have lost their magic and settled for the easier way of doing almost everything.  Fairies don’t fly. Centaurs don’t run fast. Elves don’t go on quests.  Wizards don’t exist. 

The only relics of magic are mirrored in a game that young adults play like our Dungeons and Dragons.

The protagonist is a 16-year-old elf named Ian whose older brother, Bailey, is lost to this “gaming” world and set a little in the past with his audio cassette tapes and 70s roadie van he built himself like a hot-rod.  Ian never knew his father.  His mother’s centaur policeman boyfriend is a far cry from the father figure he is looking for. 

After a bummer of a birthday, Ian and Bailey are given a special present from their late father – a staff and crystal and a spell that supposedly will let him come back for 24 hours to see who his boys grew up to be.

So the spell doesn’t work.  Mom leaves.  Bailey enters as Ian is actually making the spell work – and enters half-dad.  Yes, Ian brought back a walking pair of pants with purple socks and leather shoes.  Bailey knows it’s his dad because of a tap-tap on shoes game they used to play. 

The boys go on a quest (based on Bailey’s game knowledge) to find another crystal and bring their father all the way back.

They end up finding the crystal but releasing a curse (huge dragon made of weird stones pulled from their school and a construction site) as the sun is going down (when dad will disappear). 

Ian has realized that his real father figure is Bailey and that Bailey is the one who must speak with dad because he blames himself for being scared of the hospital and missed his chance to say goodbye to his dad in real life.  Ian starts the spell to bring dad back and leaves him with Bailey so he can fight the dragon.  Mom and a manticore bring in a magic sword to kill the dragon (she was on her own side quest).  Through teamwork, the curse is destroyed, Ian uses magic to repair all of the dragon damage, Bailey gets to say goodbye to his dad, and magic reenters the lives of some of the people; the biker fairies are now flying, policeman centaur boyfriend is now running, and Ian now is a wizard.

The theme is love: Mom’s love for her sons and the brother’s love for each other.  The lesson of enjoying what you have instead of wishing for what you don’t is also there.  Ian wishes for the father he’s never known and wants to be like him while ignoring or disregarding his elder brother until he realizes that all the love he was searching for in a father figure has been coming from his brother all of his life. 

We discussed how it is very easy to focus on what we want but don’t have yet miss what God has given us.  In every situation, our character shines with how we choose to handle said situation.  I choose to focus on what is with me now.  Right now, I’m thankful to still have a job when so many I know are suddenly unemployed.  I’m thankful to be able to play more board and outside games with Christina and Becky – all the girls, but they had started to get heavily involved in extracurricular activities and with Christina driving, I had seen less and less of her.  Forced online college courses and the closing of CAP and the gym mean I get to hang out with her more.  I’m enjoying what I have.

Live your life enjoying what you are given and love your family with a sacrificial love: that’s our take from “Onward,” a very entertaining, slightly funny, kid safe movie with real truths embedded in it.

Thank you for reading.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Follow me!

Get my latest posts delivered to your email: