Tag: daughter

Next Level

May 7, 2021

Next Level

Today my oldest daughter graduates. An actual in-person, cap-and-gown graduation for both high school and college. She officially graduated high school a few days ago. But since she was starting college classes, she has wanted to walk her cap-and-gown graduation at the college.

This level for her has been achieved!

AA degree as a dual-enrollment student was her goal. She had to choose just one stole though and liked the Phi Theta Kappa one better than the dual-enrollment one. When she was like, “I can only choose one tassel and one stole,” and was trying to find the best mix, I thought, “what an awesome problem to have.”

I love seeing my children achieve their goals! Step by step, day by day, level by level. Sometimes it is leap by leap!

Christina’s graduation ceremony will be the second I have attended (Anastasia’s kindergarten graduation ceremony was the first.). She is the first grandchild on either side to graduate college (yes, she plans to continue). Her next goal is to graduate Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, which she starts this fall. Long term goals include her Master’s degree from Embry.

I’m so grateful to Jesus for the amazing educational opportunities Christina had access to here. I’m grateful for encouraging family and friends. I’m thankful for us always finding a way to make goals happen despite whatever life puts in our way. I’m thankful that my determined young woman understands the power of tenacity and hard work. She’s done so much to pull this goal off!

I’m so happy to be in Florida! I’m so thankful for our American freedoms! This is huge step for Christina will set her up for further successes and the power to achieve any and every dream she puts her mind to.

I’m so proud of my young lady (my first baby) and pray she allows God to guide her steps and lead her forward into all He has for her!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

P.S. enjoy every second with your littles, they grow too quickly from one level to the next and soon are adulting right alongside you.

Choosing Gratitude

December 30, 2020

Choosing Gratitude

Ever feel just overwhelmingly grateful? That often happens to me as I’m contemplating life. It usually starts when I feel discouraged. Everything bad coming at me all at once or someone mentioning some past mistake that helped lead to some poor circumstance I’m in now that waterfalls into my brain assaulting me with every tumbler that went wrong or a misstep that I see instantly and try to recover from… in whatever fashion it starts, it is always a silent attack on my joy coming from my own accusing brain. No one knows I’m fighting this horrid battle inside. No one else can see the pain my heart feels. My own logical brain is my worst accuser. The devil uses the logic from my own brain to try to attack the joy God gives me as His daughter. I have to renew my own mind. I have one plan of attack that always beats the accusing voices down and tramples them into silence:

I start with thanking God for life…

my family members by name…

the time I had with those now gone…

friends He’s placed in my life… time I get to spend with them…

the awesome job He’s provided me…

my coworkers… my boss… my students…

the opportunities my children have… achievements I’ve seen each of them reach… dreams I watch them work so hard to make happen…

There is just so much to be grateful for!

I like to shift my thoughts when I’m feeling discouraged because I always know it is not real. The reality is not in my circumstances, but in the attitude I have during those circumstances. Life is not about what happens to you; it is about how you react to the circumstances presented to you.

Sometimes you own thoughts can focus on troubling things and make you feel discouraged, kick those thoughts out! Start with thanking God for something… the sky, sunrise, oxygen, a rainbow, your sweet doggie, a memory that makes you smile… start there and just see how having an attitude of gratitude will help you see life in a positive light!

Hope this helps!

Type at you next time!

~Nancy Tart

And… It Happened!

Look out world! Here comes a full confident young woman who continually amazes her family! #ProudParent #WeLoveYou

And… IT Happened!

January 9, 2020

I am at work, minding my own business, trying to focus solely on work.

*BLING* No noise, though, because my phone is on silent like it should be.

I glance at it laying on the desk.

WHAT!

“Mom, which day is good for University tour? I need it for my scholarship application next year.”

I reread that with bugged out eyes.

Yes, next year. Like, application to be delivered in the beginning of fall 2020. Where did time run?

Fast forward to the day before said university tour date (I’ve already asked for the day off months ago & am really excited about visiting this place!).

*BLING*

Um… Really? It’s lunch, though (oddly she seems to understand the no-phones-during-work concept already), so I look.

I get a picture… it’s an outline of our entire day, which not only includes the long drive, university tour, campus discussion, and such, but also squeezes in “appointment at DMV.”

Wait. What appointment? It’s Jaquline’s 10th birthday – my mind instantly pops to Kimberly and Jaquline’s open request for their FL IDs. Nope. Three dots (means she’s typing another text) pop up…

“Oh, that’s because 01/07 is when I can get my real driver’s license & I already booked the appointment so we will just make it if there’s traffic.”

I laugh out loud.

I could say impressed, but I’m not really. I know my young woman very well. She knows that if she wants something, she has to set it all up and make it happen. Expecially since I’ve been working full-time now, all of the girls have become far more independent. Before it was my policy that if they wanted something (plan an outing, attend an event, join a club/group, get a job, etc.) that wasn’t a family thing, I would help research and direct, but they had to do the paperwork, calling, or whatever else that had to be done. Now, though, my free time at home is taken up with the younglings doing really basic stuff like verifying schoolwork, going over new concepts again, attempting to train basic manners and such in two of three hours without feeling like a joy-leech (more on that to come later), and other such. Sometimes I feel like I never get to talk to my teens & preteen.

Driving them places was my only dedicated time to talk with them… I’m not sure I want her to have her license…

Nothing is going to slow her down.

I love that she’s so independent and self-reliant. I love that she has goals and makes things happen to reach them.

…I’ve been in thought too long, the three dots come back…

“It shouldn’t take too long. I made an appointment.”

So I send a smiley face. (I didn’t even realize the DMV was open that late)

*Pause for the tour… and the sweet story of this picture!*

The above picture was her grabbing a “quick selfie” with me as Dad stopped for his breakfast after the tour – “we have to have one picture from the tour with both of us!” (My heart almost melted, I had several pictures of her, just none of me... she meant she wanted a picture with me.)

Fast forward to January 7th, and I’m typing on a blog after driving Christina to her appointment. I’m waiting for my sixteen year old to get back from her test. She’s about to step into a new level of independence.

I’m not really scared – though most people say I should be.

I trust that she’s learned well. I trust that she will make safe, wise decisions. Mostly, this peace I’m carrying is because I know regardless of what I want, I can only hold her hand for so long – I have to let her grow. I let her go into God’s hands… back into God’s hands, actually. Not that she ever left His care, just that he entrusted Louis & I with her for a while. A few short years in the span of life… we get to hold, love on, teach, and enjoy our younglings as they learn in a safe, protected environment.

The ultimate test is what they do once they leave.

I see her trying to hide her excitement – CAP has taught her that – as she comes back in. She needs me to come to the agent’s window. I smile as I mentally ask myself, “is this the last time I’ll need to sign something for her to give permission?” (She’s not 18, so silly question, but that’s what my mind says to me.)

She passed (no, I’m not surprised) and we drive home. I tease her that I could take a nap in the backseat now.

Someone asked me, “aren’t you worried about her driving the interstate after…?” They didn’t complete it but my head did, “…you just lost Mary there.”

No. “Why not?”

I asked myself the same thing as Kimberly and Christina loaded up in “Old Blue” (her name for her car) in their ABUs and my oldest and preteen drove out on their first solo drive. “Why aren’t you worried?” – and I give myself the same answer I gave that person, “Jesus is in charge of my heart and hers.”

I’m secretly thrilled beyond measure of the whole university experience she will launch into next year. I’m excited for her getting to drive at 16 (I was 19 when I got my first driver’s license). I’m so proud of her I sometimes feel my heart might bust. And this is just the beginning… New stage, for me and for Christina.

This year, 2020, has already seen my first university tour (Christina), first fully licensed driver (Christina), and Kimberly’s first long trip away from home. 2020 will include: oldest trio’s first summer camp together, Christina’s first solo flight, Lucas’ starting kindergarten, Becky’s learner’s permit, and Kimberly’s Vyteen account. By their plans; Kimberly wants to take the PERT, Jaquline & Kimberly plan to be team gymnasts, Kimberly wants to be C/Sgt before summer… and those are just the ones I currently know about… I’m blessed to be their mom. I’m super excited for them.

Jesus is in charge of my heart and theirs. I have a peace as they grow that some people just don’t understand… but my joy in their achievements is something everyone can relate to!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Memes to Voices

November 10, 2019

Memes to Voices

A friend was showing us her flower arrangements: she said, “expectation versus reality.” To me, both arrangements looked amazing – her husband had given her a few bunches of flowers which she artistically set in two gorgeous table arrangements.  She thought one was excellent and the other so-so.

Instantly my heart dipped backward in time.  In the time it took to blink, my brain chattered.

Expectation: University of Missouri Rolla’s aerospace engineering degree PHD

Reality: a two-year college plus a scam university for a BA in Business Administration with Healthcare Management that I’ve actually never used.

Expectation: 14-y-o dreams of my perfect 1996 jeep wrangler softtop with big black rollbars, a bike rack, removable doors, and my Lady (German Shepherd) hanging out in the passenger’s seat.

Reality: any paid off vehicle with enough capacity for everyone’s booties and our doggos works.

Expectation: an old fixer-upper, huge farmhouse style two or three story house sitting on at least 5 acres with established trees and room for animals and farming that my children could grow up in for their whole lives.

Reality: several homes we’ve bumped in and out of through all of Christina’s 16 years, each seems to be smaller and in worse condition than the last. This last one sent me to the hospital and messes with everyone’s breathing.  I can’t wait to leave.

This all flashes in my mind before my eyelids shut in the blink – isn’t that how fast the enemy attacks us?

I complement her beautiful arrangements, which are bright and absolutely lovely, I can’t see how she sees one as “not very good,” but then I’m not a flower arranger just a woman with a true appreciation of all growing things (maybe I’m secretly a hobbit).

Before I step back into the office though, the mental assault continues…

(Someone mentioned that this year was tough for them and I couldn’t possibly understand)

This year?  I lost my father, my Daddy, the professor who was always ready to delve into deep philosophical discussions and my Mary, my baby sister I was always supposed to protect.  It’s this year I find myself crying over clouds, sunrises, songs, scenes in movies, even lines in sermons.

BUT!

I stop it there.  I am a daughter of the King of Kings, I have been bought by my Savior’s blood, loved from when He knit me together in my mother’s womb, I have the power to renew my mind through God’s word!

I remind my mind: ever heard of Joseph, Moses, David, Paul?  They didn’t get exactly what they wanted in life – their expectation didn’t match their reality, but God gave them better!

I combat those “expectation” teases with:

Reality: I came to Saint Augustine because I missed UMR’s 80% scholarship by 10 SAT points! God directed me to my amazing life!

Reality: who cares what vehicle you drive as long as it gets from point A to point B?

Reality: we have always had a roof over our heads.

Reality: I am thankful!  I love my life – all the crazy, wild facets of it!  I am super thankful that I followed God’s nudges in pivotal points in my life that led me to this wonderful time I am now at.  I pray that He continually places me where I can touch others, reach more people for Him, impress on my children’s hearts, and be used of Him as He wills.  I have totally surrendered to Jesus.  I trust God’s will in my life.

You know why?  He knows me way better than I know myself.  I can’t imagine life without Louis – in two years, I will have spent half of my life knowing Louis. He is my best friend, confidante, cheerleader, and life partner.  I love being connected to my “soul mate!” I can’t imagine life without any of my children, nieces, nephews, or gym girls!  I am so thankful that God sees me fit to witness to them, encourage them, and build into them.

I’m human.  My own voice is the worst danger to my mind.  But I have the power to renew my mind by reminding myself of the good things God has given us and of the promises in His Word – He will never leave us.  All things work together for good.  Thank you Jesus for leading my life journey and please keep my eyes always on You despite what my mind tries to say.

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Jaquline the Confident

September 4, 2019

Jaquline the Confident

I watched my little girl exude confidence for the first time in public.  At our gymnastics show on Mother’s Day, my Jaquline performed her practiced routine with a cloud of confidence I’ve never seen in her before.  She LOVES gymnastics.  She feels beautiful and strong doing her routines.  She stood up on the mat and told everyone she wants to be an Olympic Gymnast. 

Wow. 

So much for “maybe they’ll have fun” – my thoughts when I was blessed to get them into classes. 

For my family, discovering the sport of gymnastics has improved and amazed us.  In brief, I answered an ad which I thought was part-time clerk help at a gymnastics facility; nope, was a coaching job and I am so totally in amazement that I get to work a dream job in a sport I always wanted to do but my family was unable to afford.  From there, my girls (less Christina, who laughed and said “CAP is enough for me.” – oh, but  she’s now a coach) joined classes.  Kimberly came with strength and pushes to work her way up to the amazing skills she watches the team girls do.  Becky and Jaquline had no interest in fitness before gymnastics but now are working out with determination.  Jillian and Lucas have fun.

Jaquline’s new semester includes her gymnastics classes, reading everything she loves (She graduated up from the Magic Treehouse books to A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, and The Princess and the Swans the last couple of months!), practicing gymnastics outside (no jumps or flips – that’s mom’s rule, but I watch her do her floor routine from the show over and over and over…), learning nutrition (what builds muscle?  I need x grams of protein before workout), and playing word games with her super increasing vocabulary!  Louis says he’ll glance at the table after breakfast and everyone is sitting around doing work except Jaquline.  He’ll go looking and she’s curled up in her bed with some fat book in front of her so he leaves her until she comes out.  She’s sometimes not wanting to do regular schoolwork (it seems every child goes through at least one “I don’t want to do school” phase), but we aren’t worried because right now is a nutrition, fitness, grammar, literature, and vocabulary focus semester.  A few more books in that level and she’ll either be scanning the library for more like them or moving up a notch! (And she thinks she’s “not doing schoolwork” by reading unabridged classics!)

Sometimes we all need a “break” from the ordinary (yes, mom and dad still ask, “did you finish your math, history, and science?”) and our focus shifts to what we find fun.  Jaquline is doing math she doesn’t realize while planning her savings goals.  She’s stepping into real history and culture with “Little Women” and “A Little Princess” (1860 – 1880 United States and 1800s English Empire, respectively).  She’s learning science by watching Becky and Kimberly’s experiments, reading her nutrition books.  She’s doing practical learning by watching how Dad prepares food and analyzing the nutrition in her meals (plus, math and science here too). 

Although her semester finds her trying to be stubborn and “skip regular lessons” this time around, we know she’s still learning.  God is working on her heart now too – “Heidi” is a story of forgiveness, redemption, and return to reliance on God. (Just one example… I LOVE the unabridged versions of classics.)

Don’t be discouraged, parents!  Even if they are “refusing” to learn, they are learning anyway!  Find something they love that is natural learning and encourage that!  They’ve got plenty more years to get “lessons” on track… build relationship and understanding. 

This doesn’t mean we as parents aren’t constantly reminding her to “finish her math” or whatever lessons, it’s just that we don’t fight over it!  Life has taught us that she will come back to “formal lessons” soon.  We had a teen freak and slam forward in her algebra once her sister below her was “catching up” – Jaquline did the same last year when Jillian “graduated” into the same math book Jaquline was using.  Our philosophy is never to alter one person’s progress because of another’s lack; instead we encourage self-growth.  Thankfully, human nature among our children includes a fierce competitive spirit!  They will learn.  They will grow.  Sometimes, though, a sidetrack on a different path is needed.  (Don’t you ever feel that way as an adult? – I do!)

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

August 30, 2019

Kimberly and her Birthday Twin

Louis & I decided to join the church we have been attending.  After attending a newcomers class, we brought home our study books and Kimberly looked over it.  (Our purpose was to let Christina and Becky look over it.  I wasn’t expecting Kimberly just yet.)  Kimberly has been using the month-long study guides our church publishes for about four months as Bible study & cursive writing practice. 

“I want to be baptized.” Kimberly announces. 

That began some serious Socratic questioning to find out what she really understood and believed.  I mentioned that it wasn’t required just because we were joining.  Kimberly was adamant.  She said she’d been considering it a long time and wanted to show everyone she was really a Christian. 

So, my little third daughter decided to get baptized.  Our Pastor met with her, went through the same questions (He likes to make sure the young person understands what they are doing), and allowed she could be baptized.  I was so buried that I didn’t realize she’d been able to meet up and get the okay until Saturday! 

My word, though, the emotions that flooded my heart, realizing this was real to Kimberly.  She’s been delving into a lot of deep questions over the last few months with me.  Then to hear your child explain to you what Jesus means to them – I love to hear their words straight from their heart.  Kimberly is a young woman.  I call them “women-in-training” at this point. 

If you are a mom, imagine the moment you look into your newborn’s eyes for the first time.  That adrenaline rush and flood of emotions is what courses through me when I see my child publicly announce their faith.  I can’t help but feel like I’m soaring, looking at a future where she is connected to God through her own personal faith; I pray Kimberly allows herself to listen and trust the voice of God.  I pray for strength to grow in the one relationship that will never fail her.  I try, but it’s hard to put those maternal feelings into words because I can say I am excited, proud, blessed, etc., but that doesn’t capture the rapture of my soul at that moment. 

My little girl chose Jesus.  My young woman is choosing to begin a life-long relationship with Jesus based on her own journey of discovery. 

That is my longstanding prayer for each of my children and those I love; that they come to know a true relationship with the one who created them and loved them since before I knew they existed. 

We get home, have our “technology-free” family day, and I open my Facebook to see if my mom or sisters sent a message – to find that my oldest niece got baptized on the same day! 

“Guys,” (no shame, I’m so happy I’m crying again – all three teen/preteens look at me like I’m odd) “guess who got baptized today too!”

Christina – “if you say Livy…”

Kimberly – “Seriously?  Who do I share a birthday with!”

“Yes, Livy!” And I show them their uncle’s post.  Kimberly is jumping with excitement now.  “We are sisters in blood and sisters in faith!  We are birthday twins!” (They don’t call each other “cousins” but instead “sister-cousins” or “brother-cousins” and sometimes just “sister” or “brother.”  Lucas always calls Liam, Isaac, and JJ his “brothers.”)

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Spring Blessings

March 24, 2019

Spring Blessings

March 20th was the official first day of spring.

I live in Florida, so “Spring” as we see it means beach weather – at least for those of us who don’t consider 70 degrees too cold for sand, surf, and sun.

The flower bulbs are coming back.  The songbirds are singing and making nests.  The woodpeckers in the Maple tree are arguing about who gets the best insect hole.  My baby Thea is a month old (on the first day of spring & two of her aunts’ birthdays).  I’m shifting from part time to full time at my office job.

This job is a God-sent blessing anyway (read that story here); increase of hours = increase of income and that is super sweet!

Anyone seen White Christmas?  Bing Crosby sings “Counting My Blessings” and that became a theme song in my head.  Songs will pop into my head when I think certain things… I’m just musically wired… auto-correct tried to put in “weird;” maybe weird is the right word!

So, I’m “counting my blessings” this spring:

Job with a growing company where I get to take my Baby Thea to work with me! (Thank you, Jesus!)

Dream job where I get to teach and encourage young athletes while working out and having fun.  (Thank you, Jesus!)

Health, (finally!) as I’ve found a technique that works to keep my black mold allergy from turning to throat-constricting asthma. (I can keep it at just a post-nasal drip, which is irritating, but not debilitating.)

Family.  I live for family.  (Why I haven’t been writing for a bit… busy with jobs, helping sisters, and spending time investing in family.)

Finding a church we hope to be able to call “home” as our church closed.  (Louis’ cousin and several friends attend there.)  We’ve been three times and most of the kids like it so far.

Spiritual growth in my girls.  Watching that bloom is the best!

Provision.  We have a house to rent, food to eat, and gas to get us to and from work.  Paying back debt and then shifting focus to our long-term goal of saving for our own house.

Thank you, Jesus, for the blessings in my life!  Thank you for healing, love, family, and life!

I’m enjoying a jolt of energy from counting my blessings, what about you?

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Behind the Picture: Bitten Heart

What kind of “deep thoughts” about life and love come from a bitten cookie?

February 28, 2019

Behind the Picture! Bitten Heart

It was Valentine’s Day.

I was at work (Playroom not coaching this evening).  Christina and Kimberly had come with me because my workplace is about 12 minutes from my sister’s house versus my house being about 35 minutes distant and Christina wasa going over to babysit her cousins.  (Kimberly is a year older than Livy, her closest cousin, and they LOVE to do anything together, so she jumped at the chance to spend time with her.)

Louis and I never really do anything special on Valentine’s Day as we are usually working it!  Christina considers Valentine’s Day a married-adult-only holiday and the chocolate on sale the 15th as the holiday for her.

We celebrate our love daily.  At least, I feel like we do.  At this time, I was dealing with a pretty bad allergic reaction to the inhaler medication and trying to keep normalcy while managing that and figuring out a new method to help when the black mold in our house messed with my breathing.  Louis was home (supposed to be resting his back) keeping everything in line there.  He’s an amazing chef and always had an awesome lunch /dinner when I came home between jobs.  There’d be a fresh hot dinner, usually just for him and me, when I got home from gym (between 8:30 and 9:30pm so the kids had already eaten).

When my sweet sister picked Christina and Kimberly up, she gave me a yummy, organic, cookie she and her youngest daughter had made.  (It looked so beautiful I almost didn’t want to eat it!)  She is a fitness instructor, nutritionist, and thoughtful, loving sister!

I was at that moment, a very hungry pregnant lady.

While watching the youngest in the playroom, I was studying and working on my journal for Christina (More about that in a later post), and I don’t like to eat around those who don’t have something to eat.  So the heart sat there, calling me, until the boys brought in their own candy and the baby went home.

When I took a bite, instantly my mind thought of how when we give true love (our world uses a heart to symbolize love), it is without expecting anything back.  We expect the recipient of our love to consume that love and we are thrilled if they enjoyed our offering.  My sister and niece happily created a labor of love (the cookies) to selflessly, happily give away without expectation of anything in return.

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Of course, in true loving relationships, both parties give love continually to each other.  In the varying seasons of life, one may seem to be giving more than the other, but true love gives without considering reward.  We expect our “hearts” to be “eaten” by those we give them to.  If we truly love, we are happy, even excited, that our love accepted and enjoyed our labor of love.

Jesus gave his love (no greater love has a man than when he gives his life for another) to us knowing that many would not even accept his gift.  They would live their lives, partake of all the gifts Jesus gave (air to breathe, beauty of creation, life itself, etc…), consuming His labors of love one by one, yet never returning anything.  Some would come to enjoy relationship with Jesus, but He knew some wouldn’t and yet He still poured out His love.

All this ran through my mind at the sight of one bite taken from a cookie.  (So, yes, I took a food picture.) A little deep, maybe, but that’s my writer’s brain.

I plan to continually shower those around me with as much love as I can give, and this picture will remind me to not think of getting anything back – to rejoice always when they accept and consume the love I give.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

Wimpy Atlas

Ever feel like everything in the world is raining down on your shoulders and you can’t keep anything up? That was today…

December 20, 2018

Wimpy Atlas

Am I the only one who feels like Atlas with wimpy shoulders sometimes?

Yesterday was a good example:

I got up at 5:30am to work, the guy cancels as I’m just on the road.  Bummer.

Get back home, waste of a half-hour prep and 20 minutes gas and time, but I try to stay positive.  My breathing flared up; can’t lay down to go back to sleep.  Grrrrr… hot tea and honey while I work on my character cards for the 6th in The Devonians – 26 characters in this one because it is set during a community planting season.

I write a program for translating ages – this will make future work easier.   I had my tea.  I hoped I would avoid having to take the allergy pill (discovered a natural antihistamine as I’m allergic to both Benadryl and the emergency inhaler I was supposed to be taking 4 times a day, but I still prefer not to take anything).   I pick up the second ride.  I’ve now made $20.

I chose not to dwell on sad things pinging around the back of my brain.

But when I got home about 11, I was starved.  I made my Shakeology because Louis wasn’t hungry (the kids had already eaten, and I wasn’t going to make a whole breakfast just for me).  Louis took the next call so I could finish eating.  I gathered all my stuff into neat little piles so I could use my tools to guide my story.  Christina needed help on an Algebra problem so I set my Shakeology cup down.

But… (that word NOT in the positive this time!)

As I finished with Christina’s problem *BAM* I turned and knocked the full Shakeology cup over ($3.50 meal – I hate waste)!   *SPLASH* the broken blinds, the window, the lamp, the wall, EVERY ONE of my 26 cards, my hand-written “cheat sheet” I’d created almost a year ago for the Devonians families, and the floor are covered in goo.  Imagine slightly soupy pudding – that’s the consistency of Shakeology + coffee.

Immediately, as quickly as the drops of fluid, everything negative that I was trying to hold back rained down on my brain.

The evening before, Mom got Daddy’s ashes… all that’s left of his body is in two boxes on her table.

Didn’t get to stop by Mom’s on the way home (*thoughts* you are a horrible daughter.)

Didn’t get to snuggle on the couch with Lucas because I was cleaning while he fell asleep (horrible mom.)

Didn’t get to fix my pie or anything to take to the party (horrible guest.)

I had to drive in the morning but only had two calls & the would-be big one canceled (horrible provider.)

Lucas wanted me to play trains… I was busy teaching (again, you never play with him!)

…and on and on and on… my brain just rained down things I wished I could have done differently, things I wanted to do but hadn’t, and things I should have done.

I felt like the world was falling on my shoulders and squishing me flat.

Now I was hungry, it was noon, and the very next call was “make some rice for lunch” because we had one pound of beef in the freezer and “stir-fry would be good.”  All I wanted was to type my frustrations out and make another Shakeology to actually eat.  I wanted to get to my vitamin shake before I went to work at 2. (I was leaving early to stop by my mom’s today!)

I read somewhere that a mother is the Chief Mood Officer in her home.  When I start getting lost in emotion, I remind myself of that.  I turned on Christmas music, started cleaning so I could start rice, and prayed I’d be able to pull my own mood up (and keep the house from growing dark).  My siblings’ party is tomorrow.  I can choose to shift my focus on the positive.  Hopefully it works!

*By the way* I didn’t get my shake until I was on the way to work, my mom wasn’t home when I got to her house, and on… BUT I was working playroom so had brought my Devonians folder and was able to use the 40 “lost” minutes to recreate some of the destroyed cards.  I forced myself to focus on the positive again… this week has been a constant challenge for me.  God.  God is totally in control. (I just need to lean on Him – His shoulders are not weak.)

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

Dress Shopping

Dress Shopping for my eldest girl’s first dance. “I’m Losing My Mind!”

September 30, 2018

Dress Shopping

The alternate title to today’s blog could be: AHHHHHHH!!  I have a teenage girl going to a dance!  I’m losing my mind!  (Yelled like the Dad in “Signs” as they are chasing the “Wolfington Brothers” out of the yard.)

Granted, she will be fifteen when she’s going.  (YIKES!)

And, yes, that picture of her is my favorite.  She dresses up and wins “best dressed,” but she’s way more at home in jeans, t-shirt, clean face, and some weapon strapped to her (jacket in the picture because it was literally freezing).  So “I’m going to a homecoming dance” seems really foreign.  (This is the same kid who built all of the Lord of the Rings weapons from wood 4 years ago… Gimli’s ax, Gandolf’s staff, Legolas’ bow, Aragon’s sword, etc.)

I’m a bit irritated that we allowed her to go thinking she could have an adult chaperone and the school doesn’t allow a parent or uncle to attend.  (They will have to deal with Mom & 5 younger siblings watching every episode of “Torchlighters” and “The Greatest Adventure Stories” in the parking lot in the van – and likely having their own dance party like we do when waiting for her at CAP.)

You know, I’m just an overprotective parent who doesn’t like the idea of dropping a non-driving teen off at an unknown school 45 minutes from her house in an area that has no local cabs.  I always had an “exit strategy” when I went somewhere by myself and unknown.  Granted, I never had to use it, but always had it preplanned.

Since I can’t rent an apache helicopter for the night, my kiddie-loaded van will have to do.

Back to the shopping.

I’m not much into shopping – or thought I wasn’t.  I go in with a list and nothing else touches my buggy.  It better be on the list next time.  Today, the list includes three burning words “Christina’s green dress.”  (I should write to Professor VonDrake: Dear Doctor, HHHEEEEELLLLPPPP!)

Six thrift stores, lots of very helpful ladies, and almost three hours later, we find it – of course, at the place we originally thought would be most likely to have it.  (Thank you, Betty Griffin Thrift!)  Not only did we find the perfect dress, but also found the perfect shoes to go with it and a pair of sneakers for two who needed sneakers… and dresses & shoes were half off.  (Thank you, Jesus!)  Becky even found a “snake light” with gator-colored lamps and it was also half-off! (I instantly thought Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark and some snake-headed apparatus, but it seems “snake light” means the lamps are attached to the stand with bendable metal.)  We have been looking for a lamp for the dining room for a little over a year and a half.  I’m very happy leaving decorating up to Becky because she always finds stuff that Louis approves of.  (My attempts at interior decoration resemble the outcome of Doris Day’s frustration when redecorating “Rex Stetson’s” apartment in “Pillow Talk.”)

Total damage at all 6 shops combined: 20 pencils, 2 expo markers, a sharpie, some crayons, 5 red pens, a school box, four pairs of shoes (three sneakers, one dress), five shirts, two skirts, one pair of shorts, formal dress, standing snake lamp, 5 extra bulbs, and one extra bowl (matched our current set).  This ran us $38.  I love thrift store shopping!

The girls used their own money to buy things like: a Barbie doll, two birthday gifts for Christina, four baby stuffed animals, a wallet, toys for the “Treasure box” at Sunday School, and some assorted other items.

Lucas was happy, showing everyone his “new shoes” through the last three stores.

I’ve discovered I do enjoy shopping, when I’m hunting something specific and spending time with my children.  I certainly enjoy family time – even if the other girls are all constantly teasing Christina and a wee voice in my brain is screaming, “I’m not ready for a going-out teenager!”

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next time…

~Nancy Tart

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