Tag: encouragement

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

November 18, 2020

Rejoice 2020 – Becky

Towards the end of the year, I always begin to reflect on the changes that have occurred in the year. Overall, they end up being positive – and those are my highlights. As it is close to Thanksgiving, I thought I’d brag a bit as I ponder on the changes I’ve seen in Becky this year.

Becky started 2020 discovering that she enjoyed the sport of gymnastics! I loved that because since I work at WGV Gymnastics, we get to drive together and she is the default DJ in our car because she picks up on the moods and knows how to use music to make everyone dance. I love spending extra time with my children!

She overcame a lot of obstacles that this unusual (if I hear the other word again – and you know which one – I will shriek!) year has thrown at her. Like our family has done, she pulled herself up, found either another way or something else, and managed to rise out with a smile!

Smile! Oh yes, one of Becky’s highlights of the year were her braces! She finally overcame a bad habit that kept her from getting braces (power of determination) and can now accurately be called “metal-mouth” until near the end of next year. She’s doing a great job of keeping them maintained and cleaned. She has been dreaming of braces and straight, beautiful teeth forever… but then, she still wants to major in orthodontics or some branch of dentistry.

Becky also managed to embark on two new ventures right as she turned fifteen:

First, she started a job. I never would have guessed that between “afternoon two shifts” and “morning three shifts” she would take “Preschool Program Coach” in the mornings. Becky is totally my night owl, so this did surprise me. She does this well.

Second – watch out world – she got her learner’s permit for driving.

And a phone. She pays for her own phone now.

I’m totally amazed and very proud of my little lady (okay, tall young lady who has been taller than me for a while) and her accomplishments this year. Becky has been working on herself. She is learning to understand herself and others around her. I see more empathy from her.

I pray for her daily as she begins to try her young adult wings in the world of “adulting” – as my teenagers call working, classes, activities, volunteering, and paying bills.

She dreams of building an aviary for her little feathered loves (parakeets now) that will allow her to add finches, lovebirds, and even more avian pets. I see that being accomplished soon because she is smashing through everything and accomplishing what she wants. Her determination is a very strong thing. Her ability to work through challenges and keep her word makes me proud. I know God has wonderful plans for her now and in her future.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing me to have your beautiful daughter to raise! She is learning to lean on You and trust You in everything. She is loved so much by her family and even more by You – I pray You protect her, guard her heart, build her self-esteem, show her Your love and bring those You want guiding her into her life.

I hope this total Mom-blog piece today encourages you to find the positives and look at the accomplishments of your little blessings through this tough year. What did you see that made you smile? What challenge did your child find a creative solution too? Rejoice in the positives!

Thank you for reading!

~Nancy Tart

Worthy of Love

You are worthy of love!

September 7, 2020

Worthy of Love

Did you know that even when you have blown everything, Jesus still loves you? The Bible says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Translate that into real life:

Even while we were still doing evil stuff that makes God sad, He held out the eternal salvation to us. This gift cost Him the blood of his only son, and He was okay with giving that to us as we were still doing things to make Him sad.

Often in our life we get told by our own mind, “you aren’t good enough.”

It goes something like this:

“See what mistake you just made, they won’t love you anymore because you did that.”

Then you get sad. You feel discouraged. You try to win their love. You know what is really sad? Most of the time, those inner voice thoughts are lying to you! The person you thought you “wronged” because you forgot something or didn’t remember to text this or called while they were at work or accidentally said that – um, they laughed it off or *SHOCK* didn’t even notice! They certainly don’t hate you for that slight.

Or like this:

“God can’t love you, you aren’t good enough – look what you just did!”

When we sin, God does feel sad. Like a parent whose child knows what they shouldn’t do but they do it anyway. Life choices have consequences. God doesn’t save us from all of the consequences of our choices just like a wise parent lets the child walk through the consequences they can handle. This is so we learn from our mistakes. But guess what. God still loves us! Just like we still love our children!

You know what the Bible says about inner thoughts that do not align with God’s Word? We are to think on good things (whatever is noble, just, of good report…) to retrain our mind to see things in God’s perspective. This is hard to practice sometimes.

I often judge myself too harshly. I can’t seem to find the right reset button. I end up digging myself further into sorrow by trying to reset. I need to learn to just abandon ship; jump off and give the whole ship and my rescue to God. Then the reset day would actually be better!

From simple such as “the day not going well” to life-changing such as “rejection letter from college.” All of those things in between – don’t allow failures to drag you down. Read and study – in history, most people fail before they rise. Those who give up on life never achieve what they want to achieve. You have to stand, look at the failure and let God move.

I try to fix it. How can I redo this so it isn’t a failure? That isn’t always the answer because sometimes that whatever-it-is just isn’t meant to work. God can redirect us and show us what we need to let go and what needs to move forward – and He’ll lead you toward the right path in order for you to apply yourself into something He wants you in!

I’ve learned it’s always best to let go and let God do it. But my mind always wants to fix everything. I can say “I know this” but it’s really hard to put the knowledge into practice sometimes. It gets harder when you feel there is no safe place for you. There is. God has given you places and people to be around that are working in His love – it may be a best friend or a family member or a co-worker.

Someone needs to tell you this: You are worthy of love! You are so worthy of love! The Creator of the Universe loves you! That is your building block. From that, all things grow and prosper. You are worthy.

Read this slowly with your name in the blank (and tell your mind to be quiet, no negative “buts” added on!): “__________ am loved by God. I am worthy of unconditional love just as I am.”

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Rubik’s Cube

Is life like a Rubik’s Cube?

August 15, 2020

Rubik’s Cube

Jillian’s friend gave her a Rubik’s Cube to solve. After a full day off and on of spending probably two or three hours attempting it, Jillian gave it to Jaquline and said, “this puzzle is too complicated!”

Jaquline has been trying her hand at it since. She’s one of those kids who stick to the problem until it gets solved so I’m sure eventually she will figure it out. On the way to work this morning Christina and I hear, “oh really!” and a wail.

“What?” we both ask.

“I was sooooo close!” and she passes the cube to Christina in the front seat with one side one square from being all one color. Christina, who has solved a few Rubik’s Cubes in her time, suggests, “start with the corners and try to match the colors two blocks at a time.”

Another wail a few seconds later and the furious almost silent swish, tap, tap, swish of the plastic blocks being moved around. Another wail. Swish, tap, tap, tap… “Yes!” Tap, tap, swish, swish. Dramatic groan, “this is too complicated.”

Encouragement from the front seat, “you can get it,” and “keep trying!”

“Roll On” by Alabama comes through my head.

Life sometimes seems like a Rubik’s Cube.

You get everything lined up the way you think it should be and turn the corner to discover… bam! It isn’t lined up! Fix that problem and solve that issue, turn another corner and nothing looks in order. Changes happen. I think of watching a younger friend when I was younger. He could solve the cube in whatever mess it was within what appeared to be a few twists.

All of us in life have been given Rubik’s Cubes aka “Life” to solve and various levels of frustration mount as we try to solve the puzzle by ourselves. Sometimes everything looks like it is lining up, but we turn a corner and look at a mess. Sometimes we created it, sometimes we didn’t have any control over it, sometimes it was messed up by someone we love or trusted. It isn’t lining up the way we wanted.

The first normal reaction is irritation and frustration – that stage where we try to fix it ourselves by pulling us up by our own bootstraps. In my experience those bootstraps generally tangle us up instead of help us regain our footing. I imagine we are pulling our footing right out from under ourselves – funny, right?

Or we could play the blame game – doesn’t solve anything and only makes us feel bad and alienate us from whomever we consider “the problem.”

Or we could hand our Rubik’s Cube of life to God and let Him direct our puzzle. This is like watching a master puzzle solver. Swish. tap. tap. swish. That looks worse… Tap. tap. swish. swish. Wow. How is that possible? Now all sides are each a solid color.

It looks like magic in the master’s hands.

Next time I feel like wailing because something just isn’t lining up, I hope I remember that image of the Rubik’s Cube in a master puzzle solver’s hands and think of how my life is like a Rubik’s Cube and I need to hand it to God and let Him solve my crazy mess – lead me the way He wants my life to go and then I can see the beauty of order only He can see in my chaos.

Crazy writer’s brain thoughts, I know, but hopefully it makes you smile.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Wonder and Amazement

August 8, 2020

Wonder and Amazement

“Mom,” this was in a very contemplative tone like Pooh Bear thinking, “do you think God ever gets sad because people don’t like themselves?”

I’m pretty sure he does. Her pause wasn’t enough to answer.

“God worked so hard on each of us to make us special. Why does the devil make us think we aren’t beautiful?”

Wow.

Unpack that one as a Mom. …as a woman…

We are each fearfully and wonderfully made. God knit each of us together while we were in our mother’s womb. Jesus died for each of us.

We know these things, yet why does our inner voice always seem to tell us we are not special, not important, not valuable? Often it is our own inner voice that says this to us. Honestly, our culture of appearing perfect and surface relationships may contribute to this; who are we kidding? It does. Yet this type of self-loathing has been around since the beginning. The Bible constantly reminds us that we are made in God’s image, that He loves us, that he set ways for each of our unique paths…

Imagine you create a labor of love – maybe a crocheted blanket, handmade dress, birdhouse, special card, meal, it could be anything – and the person you give it to throws it away in your face. “It’s ugly.”

Imagine you child looks at you with a tear-stained face and says, “I’m ugly.” Your heart breaks.

That is what God sees.

Why does the devil want us to not like ourselves? Easy answer. He wants to destroy. If we see ourselves as less, incapable, and unimportant we will not try to accomplish what God wants for us. That is what the devil wants. That is why he whispers to our hearts lies about us. You are ugly, unimportant, unloved, weak, incapable…

If you hear this… Shut it down! You are loved! Jesus died for you! He created your special character and loves every part of you! Anything telling you that you are unwanted is a lie.

Yes, daughter, you are loved always.

People may fail you.

Jobs, scholarships, schools may not want you; may choose against you.

Circumstances may try to swallow you.

But. You. Are. Always. Loved.

You have been created with an amazing purpose and a wonderful set of amazing unique qualities that fit perfect for what you were made for. This is the truth.

Encourage others! Encourage yourself!

Type at you later!

~Nancy Tart

Learn Your Children

July 25, 2020

Learn Your Children

Yes, you read that right. It says “learn your children” and I mean that. It’s a vital part of any relationship, right? You study your friends, your teachers, your co-workers and boss, and your spouse. You do xyz because Jerry is nice and all. Don’t get into discussing botany or you’ll never leave grandpa’s house. Aunt Jane has this amazing baking knowledge so you like to soak it up in the hope a bit will stick in your long term memory. You know your husband needs time away from familiar surroundings where you can be a couple and chat like when you were dating. You study and learn people – even if you don’t realize you are doing it.

Children.

When it comes to children, my goal is to learn who they are. To learn them. Each little one is fearfully and wonderfully made with a special unique purpose. My goal in raising them is to train them; develop a thirst for Jesus in them and discover what their individual gifts and desires are in order to suggest the correct path for their life.

For starters, if someone says “you’ve got this down pat, the next one should be easy.” Watch out! No, raising children is not simple like making a box cake or even complicated like sending a rocket to the moon; it is complex. Multiple steps with varying parameters and environments that are altered each time. What worked with one child in one week probably won’t work with another child two years later or even the first child next week!

Complex.

You have to become a student of your child and learn what special set of gifts and inclinations they each possess. This enables you to help them navigate toward success in life and helps you to teach them about themselves.

Complex means parameters within and beyond your control could be changing between executions and therefore the solutions, techniques, or tricks you used to get to the result you wanted one time will likely not work the same way ever again. Read that slowly again. Yes, I said “will not likely… EVER AGAIN.” Understanding that little part of “complex” when it comes to child training makes tremendous sense and makes this Momma sigh with relief.

Understanding that your child is a complex human (small version of your own self) certainly helps you to see things in a different light. Sometimes I think the world around us sees children as programs (showing my age) or apps. They think, they should just do the same stuff. No changes. Life is full of change. This understanding has also helped me to nip the failure assault from my own brain – when I feel like I’m “failing” at parenting, usually it has more to do with something that doesn’t even concern that moment than with a lack of something I’m doing or not doing!

Learn your child.

Emotions are complicated. (You think?) You are in the car on a date and your husband asks you a normal question… but you start trying not to show him you are crying because the song on the radio was your late baby sister’s favorite. He thinks something is wrong or you are “in a mood” and this isn’t a good time. You start crying because you now feel like he doesn’t understand you. Apply that logic to your child.

Communication is key. “It’s just this song, please skip it.”

“So-and-so said I looked ugly today and I feel sad.” (why she’s out of sorts today) Help her process that.

Understand by listening. Ask questions that take more than a yes/no answer. Prod into feelings. Ask questions of the heart. Know their favorite color (yes, it may change periodically), their favorite song, movie, do they like their noodles with sauce on the side, etc. All these things are part of learning who they are.

Learn how NOT to provoke them to anger. Help them process emotion in ways that are safe. Learn how to redirect them when you know grandma sees xyz as wrong but you know that’s just the way they are and you choose not to make a mountain out of it. “Save” them from situations that would erupt – and teach them how to navigate those emotions and learn about people too so they can navigate adult life.

Find friends and mentors for them who understand their personality and struggles and whom will be a positive influence in guiding them. This is part of raising. You are teaching them to search for help from experienced people you trust – this will help them feel comfortable seeking help with things society says “you shouldn’t” ask help for later. (Think new to parenting… did social pressure try to prevent you from asking about your feelings, emotions, and struggles then?) Society and our own heads tell us that’s something “we should just know” but we don’t! Help them understand that they can always come to trusted mentors (including you) to ask for guidance in delicate matters.

Learn. Teach. Listen. Guide. Direct.

These are your best parenting tools. Learn your children. Teach them to communicate. Listen like they are the most important conversation you are having. Guide them so they learn to discover themselves. Direct them with a gentle firm hand.

Do you know your child’s favorites? Do you know what songs or movies make them cry, and why? Do you know what they do to release stress? What tells you they are upset? Sad? Frustrated?

These are the things we need to learn about our children. We need to know them, understand them, and encourage them. Our goal is to teach them to lean on Jesus, but first we allow them to lean on us.

Challenge yourself to learn one new thing about your child every meal together! Ask questions and listen fully to the answers! This parenting thing is fun, challenging, exasperating, and glorious all rolled together.

Thank you for reading!

Type at you later,

~Nancy Tart

Failing to Compare

July 23, 2020

Failing to Compare

Do you know what I hope I fail in? 

Seriously.  I’m super competitive by nature.  I had to teach myself that trying to “be my best” is a different thing than being better than someone else. 

I had to fail at comparing. 

What are we at, 8 billion people on the planet?  Each one of us has a unique set of circumstances, challenges, goals, cultures, and opportunities.  How can we possibly compare ourselves to each other?

Simplify: we do it in our own heads even if people don’t for us. So we have to learn not to compare in our own heads too!

Your child is acting out. 

From people who may or may not know you comes the onslaught: “that’s because you work,” “that’s because you stay home all day,” “that’s because you are too busy,” “that’s because you never go on playdates,” “that’s because you have him around too many children,” “that’s because you have him in vpk,” “that’s because you home school,” “that’s because your mom ate Wendy’s Frosties with French fries while carrying you…”

And it goes on and on!  They give you reasons to blame yourself or your situation for the child crying in the grocery cart.

You know, mentally, it’s been a long day or he just woke up and the bright lights hurt his eyes or he’s teething or maybe he flat out doesn’t want to be in the store today but you let the judging start in you.  Now you blame yourself. 

One child is independent at 6: he wakes up before the rooster crows, does schoolwork without prodding, makes healthy food if there isn’t a ready meal, dresses himself and three younger siblings and feeds the dog before you have your coffee.  Another is 13 and you can’t trust him with the dog for three seconds, he never does anything without you doing it for him, you bought him sliders and gave up on shoelaces decades ago, and it scares you that the government thinks this kid can climb into a 2-ton vehicle in less than three years and turn himself into a human projectile at 70mph+.  (Exaggerated, I know, but still!)

You find yourself blaming you and your circumstances for how your kids are. 

Stop it!

Mommy, your kids are fine!

They have their own unique personalities and the unique way God set in them from when they were knit together in your womb!  Your job is to help them find their way.  It’s a really cool study to really research the Hebrew on that passage you know, “Train up a child…” the word way there means “the traits that are his” we might say his personality, likes, and dreams.  Dig into that one more when you have time – awesome study. 

ANYWAY!  Back to your mind yelling at you and beating you up because your children are different.  Different than you, different than your spouse, different than their siblings, friends, teammates, schoolmates – YES! They were all made different.  Each a beautiful masterpiece God is still carefully crafting with His own hands.

That independent child?  We lead and guide and pray they choose to ask for help when they face something that looks difficult – we’d rather them not make the same mistakes we did.  (Waving my hand, I was that independent child and humility was/is a challenge for me!)

The 13 year old that seems lazy and unproductive?  Watch what falling in love with a sport, subject, or animal will do for him.  You turn around and that one is buying books on said subject, devoting hours, days, whole weeks lost in it, suddenly you blink and he’s that subject’s walking encyclopedia – then if you listen you’ll discover that was always there, he studies one thing at a time and shoelaces, school deadlines, and things that didn’t interest him just didn’t get any attention.   

When you feel like your brain is beating you up because of your parenting, your situation, and your children not being “perfect,” remind your brain that no one is perfect.  There are no perfect children.  (Okay, be honest, you aren’t living in a Jewish village 2000 years ago watching Joseph and Mary parent Jesus – my brain wouldn’t have shut up watching a real perfect kid!)

You can’t say to yourself, “I did xyz” regarding a child’s personality unless you are using that as a tool to ask yourself, “how do I help him overcome this?”  Because yes, I know, going through financial instability, parents going to work or coming home, changing schools, changing neighborhoods, losing family members, that all does contribute to the development of personality and psyche in a child (or in an adult, am I right?) so understanding is good to help more forward – but the best way to help is to LISTEN.

Sit with them when you can – vehicles are normally good because they are trapped and can’t go anywhere.  And ditch the devices.  Unless you are parenting long distance, look in their eyes and listen with your whole self.  It doesn’t have to look like two adults over coffee at a Barnes & Noble, either.  Think like them.  You can be playing a video game with your kid and have deep conversation.  You can be building duplo blocks and get the scoop on everything in his little heart.

Listen to them.  Ask them prodding questions about their thoughts, their dreams, their goals, and what things have impacted them.  You will learn a lot.  Let them speak as much as you can.  You lecturing the same stuff becomes listening to a broken record.  You need to hear them as much as they need to talk to you.  Learn their hearts.  If you forget stuff sometimes like I do, WRITE DOWN important stuff and file it away somewhere.  That way when you want to know your daughter’s favorite color you don’t have to text her sister.

Fail to compare.  ALWAYS choose not to compare.  If you hear them saying “at least I’m better than so-and-so…” ask why they feel that way and then tell them how each person is unique.  If they want to be better at something, encourage it!  But don’t compare with others.  They don’t know “so-and-so’s” full heart story.  (Side note on that is let them read “To Kill A Mockingbird” or watch the Gregory Peck film version.) Don’t compare.  Especially don’t compare siblings!

Choose to change what you can (only yourself and the environment you create) and accept what you can’t (the personality of others and situations you have no control over).

Do your best in the environment you have.  That is all we can do.  Mothers for millennia have been doing just that – wars, famines, massive global flood, cultural and political changes, pestilences, and economic booms and busts notwithstanding, Mothers continue to do their best for their children.  

Fail to compare.

Instead of tearing each other down, we should build each other up.  We should provide safe environments for each other to come, talk deeply, and gather advice.  We live helping each other because we know the power is not in comparing ourselves with another but with helping each other up.  We need that type of love.  We need to build each other up instead of compare and break down.  Our children see how we treat others when they are near and when we are alone – character is what we say and do when no one is watching.  Build up.  Encourage.  Instead of judging someone else, rejoice with them or encourage them.

This is for our own children too.  Build them up, encourage them, rejoice with them, pray for them, and lead them in their own unique and special way.

If you catch yourself comparing yourself to another or your children to each other or another’s child… Stop.  Instead, choose to encourage or rejoice.  Your heart will smile more and that will show on your face and in your attitude – this causes joy in your heart!

Thank you for reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Being Lifted Up

April 4, 2020

Being Lifted Up

See Lucas? See Louis? Yes. Louis is lifting Lucas up to get ice cream out of the freezer so they can use that milk on the counter because Lucas wanted to make cookies and cream milkshakes.

Sometimes you can’t reach what you want without being lifted up.

This made me think of how everyone where I live is helping each other. It’s like when a hurricane comes and everyone seems to band together and help each other. Those who cut trees up so people can get out of their driveways, those who give water or make lemonade for linemen, someone who shares their firepit or grilled food with the neighbors.

The same thing is happening now. Only instead of being shut down for a couple of days max, we are currently on the third week of shutdown. The end doesn’t seem to be in sight; especially for the young as my daughter’s senior friends are afraid they won’t get to walk for high school graduation.

Look for the helpers.

Look for the need and fill it.

This is how we pull together and make our world better.

This is how we will rise again stronger than before.

Help won’t be a pork barrel stimulus package passed because it included raises for those who passed it.

Help will be from the local community – friends, neighbors, family, churches, local businesses. We will stand up together and help each other as we haven’t before. I see it already in bits.

So instead of feeling helpless alone in your home wasting time worrying about what you can’t control (like the stimulus bill, a virus with long incubation, or the fact that your household just lost 3 of 4 jobs) do something!

  • Call your friends and give them an encouraging voice.
  • Call a church or community organization and offer to help in whatever capacity exists.
  • If you are one of the few with extra, support your local businesses right now by utilizing their services or buying gift certificates for later so they can pay their bills and open up when this is all over.
  • Brighten someone’s day (yes, especially if they live in your own home!).
  • Pray for wisdom in leadership.
  • Text and say “hi! hope you are having a lovely day!” just to do it… and expect a call or text conversation because they realize you care.

We can do these things to keep our sanity and help encourage others. Remember what a great man said after beating polio firsthand, living through the Spanish flu epidemic, and leading our country through the Great Depression… “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” (Franklin Roosevelt)

Instead of just looking for the helpers… BE a helper! BE an encourager!

Thank you for Reading!

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Sixteen Sweet Years

October 3, 2019

Sixteen Sweet Years

The one who first called me mother is sixteen years old.  Thank you, Jesus.  I am so grateful for being blessed with Christina!  I can’t imagine life without her. 

I truly understand that God entrusts us with raising his children.  There is such a wonderful humbling feeling in being able to watch my little baby grow into a young woman of God. 

For nine months I felt this tiny life growing inside of me.  We prayed over her (not knowing who she would be yet) and loved her from the time we imagined she would come.  She was born the eldest grandchild to both sets of grandparents – imagine such a crazy double blessing! 

Fast forward to today: she’s driving and we’re on the way to her job and Kimberly’s classes with Thea and I riding along (so I can take the car back home and Thea was just up with us so got to serenade us – she sings to music now).

I thank God daily for each of my children.  I know we aren’t promised tomorrow.  I treasure every day.  Every time I get to hear Thea sing notes (no words yet, just “aaaahh-ooooh-aaah”) to music, every time Lucas builds a train track that snakes all over the front room, every time Jillian is jumping like a pogo stick because she learned a new skill or mastered a math concept, every time Jaquline makes something new, every time I get to see Kimberly march (in Civil Air Patrol) or practice some new flip (gymnastics), every time I see Becky snuggle with Lucas, Thea, and Jillian on my bed reading “Angel and the Ring” (Lucas’ favorite), every time Christina ranks up or encourages someone else… every time I get to spend life with my children. 

They don’t have to come to me when they need to talk about something or ask personal of difficult questions – I thank God that they do.  They could bury themselves in isolation from “the parents” but I’m super thankful that they choose to be around us when we are home.  In this precious time while they are close, I want to talk, snuggle, read, play games, cook together, watch them build, invent and grow, and see them climb closer to Jesus.  I am so thankful for the time we’ve been given together.

I became a mom on December 24, 2002.  My little life began inside me and I excitedly whispered it to my mother on Christmas Day because I knew she wouldn’t think it odd that I “felt” my angel start inside me. My first pregnancy journey ended with my beautiful young woman who is driving beside me now.  There is something humbling and awe-inspiring when you hold that first tiny human and realize that God has gifted you with one of His children to raise up.  Once through that, I felt the same huge responsibility and humbling gratitude each time I felt the little life start. 

Life is a vapor; you look at your tiny child in your arms and when you open your eyes again, she’s been flying a plane and driving a vehicle, doing college classes and working a job.  Though she is nearing the time she can choose to leave your home you carefully built for her, you continue to enjoy each day, each opportunity to be around her.  You pray thankful for the time you’ve had and for her safety and future. 

Those years speed by.  The love you carry never leaves.  No matter if your youngling is plucked early to fill heaven with joy, your love remains as strong as the day you discovered them growing inside you – a mother’s love never stops.

Type at you next time,

~Nancy Tart

Fatherhood

June 17, 2019

Fatherhood

So, you know this huge thing called “Fatherhood?”

What comes to mind?  A parenting book I read when I was twelve (yes, oldest sibling perks!) said something like “the child’s view of God as a Father is directly impacted by their experience with their Earthly Father.”

Yes. So true.

I went into parenthood knowing this. (Songs like “He Wants to be Like Me” reaffirmed this giant responsibility.)

A Father is often the humor of the family too – in the photo, Louis had climbed to the top of the stump and challenged “Come Get Me!” … notice all the kids following!

Despite the failures that I’ve made as a Mom and that I felt repercussions of from my parents (they were AWESOME parents, but they weren’t perfect) – I understand the crux of all parenting: we are human.  We (Parents) are not Jesus and are not perfect.

Bingo.

That awesome thing called grace collaborates with the huge responsibility of parenting to create a vulnerable, praying, God-dependant parent capable of teaching the amazing love and grace of Jesus through their own transparency.

Let’s face it: most of the American culture makes fun of fathers.  (Ever seen the Goofy Salute to Fatherhood?) Even as early as the 1950s when there was still a bit of a patriarchal society present, cartoons and movies started to depict fathers as lazy, goofy, clueless bunglers who often caused more problems than they solved.

Although I laughed along with my Daddy at a lot of these early shots at the masculine father, I understood the bulk of media still left you understanding that the love and bond of a father to child was the glue of a family.  The unsung hero always was the silent sure strength of the God-following Father.

As time inched forward, the media continued to turn the American Father into a non-essential entity.

The opposite is true!

I consider myself a strong, independent woman when it comes to my life.  I am a Christian woman, but one of my strongest battles with myself is submission – first to my father, then to Jesus, and later to my husband.  I know this though…  I CANNOT be the mother I am without the encouragement and support from my husband.

If I had to do motherhood without my husband being my ultimate cheerleader and sounding board, I would have realized how unfit I am about three months into the first child.  I have the ultimate respect for people whose life circumstances have forced them to navigate parenthood alone.  I try to be an encourager to them and help those single parents in any way I can because I cannot imagine myself having that strength.

I am excited to be around my husband!  I was on a softball team (church, yes, I’m an athletic maniac but wasn’t on an actual team until I was in my late 20s and it was just for one season with my church family).  Louis was working sometimes 100+ hours a week for our family at the time.  The company I had just closed.  He’d never made it to any of our games (I took all the kids with me; they loved it and hung out with their friends & some of the church ladies who came to encourage us bounced my baby around).  One day he showed up and I was so excited!  (I was told I squealed like a little girl; don’t remember exactly.)  I love walking with him.  I am excited when we do something as a family – or when he’s going somewhere and says, “hey want to go with me?”  Because I know he likes his alone time.  I get way too much alone time at my office – I relish gym coaching because of the other encouraging women I work for and with and the chattering children I love.  I will chatter way too much sometimes.

Our church sermon was on how Fathers aren’t perfect (only Jesus is) and how their honesty and relationship is their connection with their children.  It’s the way to disciple.  We aren’t perfect, our children aren’t perfect – bingo!  Common ground.

I know how important real, honest, God-fearing Fathers are to the fabric of our family.  I know how hard it is to buck the media’s garbage portrayal of our roles and follow God’s plan instead.  I am so thankful that I have a husband who is pursuing God’s heart.  His passion for Jesus makes him a better husband, a better father, and a better friend.  He helps encourage me to pursue God’s heart.  (Told you I’m competitive.)  He isn’t perfect, but he is constantly improving.  A challenge arises and he rises above it.  He’s always leading in love and with a determined drive that is totally contagious.  His passion for Jesus, life, and family (okay, and sports) is encouraging.

And he doesn’t think he’s “so much” – he compliments and lifts me up consistently.  He makes me feel like I’m doing well despite whatever challenge I feel I’m failing.

At church, we pulled in on Father’s Day (neither of our fathers went to church as adults) and he comments, “wow, church is crowded on Father’s Day.”  Yes, at our church, the culture of encouraging each person to follow God individually, corporately, and in their family is persistent.  (I was afraid we lost that when our previous church folded.)  I am so encouraged that Louis has found a church with a culture of lifting up men as fathers; the vital leaders in their homes, encouraging and holding each other accountable.

Thank you, Jesus, for fathers who choose to take the hard road and follow you; they are raising up the next generation of world-changers.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you next later…

~Nancy Tart

Behind the Picture: Bitten Heart

What kind of “deep thoughts” about life and love come from a bitten cookie?

February 28, 2019

Behind the Picture! Bitten Heart

It was Valentine’s Day.

I was at work (Playroom not coaching this evening).  Christina and Kimberly had come with me because my workplace is about 12 minutes from my sister’s house versus my house being about 35 minutes distant and Christina wasa going over to babysit her cousins.  (Kimberly is a year older than Livy, her closest cousin, and they LOVE to do anything together, so she jumped at the chance to spend time with her.)

Louis and I never really do anything special on Valentine’s Day as we are usually working it!  Christina considers Valentine’s Day a married-adult-only holiday and the chocolate on sale the 15th as the holiday for her.

We celebrate our love daily.  At least, I feel like we do.  At this time, I was dealing with a pretty bad allergic reaction to the inhaler medication and trying to keep normalcy while managing that and figuring out a new method to help when the black mold in our house messed with my breathing.  Louis was home (supposed to be resting his back) keeping everything in line there.  He’s an amazing chef and always had an awesome lunch /dinner when I came home between jobs.  There’d be a fresh hot dinner, usually just for him and me, when I got home from gym (between 8:30 and 9:30pm so the kids had already eaten).

When my sweet sister picked Christina and Kimberly up, she gave me a yummy, organic, cookie she and her youngest daughter had made.  (It looked so beautiful I almost didn’t want to eat it!)  She is a fitness instructor, nutritionist, and thoughtful, loving sister!

I was at that moment, a very hungry pregnant lady.

While watching the youngest in the playroom, I was studying and working on my journal for Christina (More about that in a later post), and I don’t like to eat around those who don’t have something to eat.  So the heart sat there, calling me, until the boys brought in their own candy and the baby went home.

When I took a bite, instantly my mind thought of how when we give true love (our world uses a heart to symbolize love), it is without expecting anything back.  We expect the recipient of our love to consume that love and we are thrilled if they enjoyed our offering.  My sister and niece happily created a labor of love (the cookies) to selflessly, happily give away without expectation of anything in return.

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Of course, in true loving relationships, both parties give love continually to each other.  In the varying seasons of life, one may seem to be giving more than the other, but true love gives without considering reward.  We expect our “hearts” to be “eaten” by those we give them to.  If we truly love, we are happy, even excited, that our love accepted and enjoyed our labor of love.

Jesus gave his love (no greater love has a man than when he gives his life for another) to us knowing that many would not even accept his gift.  They would live their lives, partake of all the gifts Jesus gave (air to breathe, beauty of creation, life itself, etc…), consuming His labors of love one by one, yet never returning anything.  Some would come to enjoy relationship with Jesus, but He knew some wouldn’t and yet He still poured out His love.

All this ran through my mind at the sight of one bite taken from a cookie.  (So, yes, I took a food picture.) A little deep, maybe, but that’s my writer’s brain.

I plan to continually shower those around me with as much love as I can give, and this picture will remind me to not think of getting anything back – to rejoice always when they accept and consume the love I give.

Thanks for reading!

Type at you later…

~Nancy Tart

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